(AN: Hey guys, it's been awhile huh? Sorry, not sorry. It's summer break and I'm visiting my sister. I forget sometimes. Happy belated fourth, and happy birthday to anyone out there reading this because why not? Read, and enjoy. If you really enjoy leave a review, follow, and favorite.)
Chapter 7
He blinked. Dean had been right. He had fallen in love with her. And, he had just admitted it to himself.
"Sam? Sam!" Alyssa smacked the side of his head and he looked at her, startled, as if he had forgotten she was there. She sighed. "Are you even listening to me?"
He nodded, but she could tell from his expression that he hadn't been. Of course not. Few ever did. But she had thought... She had thought he was at least a little bit different.
"Guess mot." She muttered, both to him and to herself.
He looked down at her, his expression filled with pain. "Ali... Please... I can't tell you..."
"Why not?" She demanded. "You never used to keep anything from me."
He winced. "I know, I just can't this time. You'd hate me if I told you."
"Really? What could be so bad that it would make me hate you?"
"Okay, so it wouldn't make you hate me... It would make things... Awkward. You'd avoid me and it would ruin our friendship..."
"What friendship?" She asked coldly. "We're not friends. We're just hunters who needed each other's help."
Sam felt as if he had been punched in the stomach, but his pain turned to anger quickly.
"Just hunters who needed each other's help?" He shook his head. "Because every hunter I've ever worked with has gotten pissed at my brother and run off and let me hold them in my arms to get them to calm down and come back with me. They has so carefully bandaged and rebandanged every wound, brushing their fingers against my skin in a way that drove me crazy. Every hunter I've worked with has fed me strawberries in the middle of a store, and then faked an engagement so that I wouldn't have to deal with a flirty cashier. Or have kissed me just to prove that point. Then go and almost die because my brother's an ass, making me feel a dread so intense it hurt and worn my clothes to stay warm so that when I get them back and put them on, the smell of that other hunter made my chest feel like it was going to implode because it seemed so right." He clenched his jaw and turned away as he saw the Impala. He pulled his bag out of the trunk and nodded. "So yeah, all of that is just stuff that all hunters I've worked with do. You're right. We're just hunters who needed each other's help." He said calmly and coldly before he turned and walked towards the Impala.
She stared after him. "What?"
"Nothing." He shouted over his shoulder. "We're just hunters parting ways after a case."
"Wait! Sam! Samuel Winchester you get your ass back here and explain yourself!"
He ignored her and got in the Impala. After a moment, they were gone and she was alone with nothing but anger and confusion for company. What had he said? Key phrases stuck out.
Brushed their fingers across my skin in a way that drove me crazy.
Making me feel a dread so intense it hurt.
Made my chest feel like it was going to implode because it felt so right.
He didn't... He couldn't... Could he?
She sighed in frustrated defeat. Honestly, she should've seen it coming. They always left, sooner or later. Anyone she ever became remotely close to, or attached to, left.
She should've seen it coming.
Stupid.
She went to the still open trunk of her car and grabbed the mini-cooler that lived there, tossing the lid aside and grabbing one of her yogurts. After producing a spoon, she took a bite and froze.
Strawberry.
Sam.
Before she could register what she had done, the yogurt had been flung away from her, glopping on the ground in wet splashes of rainwater and strawberry-flavored chunks.
So... She couldn't eat strawberries without thinking about him. Great.
She slammed the trunk shut and got in. Great... They had left without filling up her tank. She'd have to either call them back, or try to at least make it to the next town... But she had slept on the way out here, She had no idea how far away that could be. She sighed. Walking was better than having to see Sam again. There was no need to cause herself anymore pain. She started her car and glanced at the gas gage. The needle hovered just above the big, red 'E'. Hopefully that was enough to get her close enough to town so that she could walk the rest of the way there.
She pulled out on to the dirt road that she assumed lead to the highway. She got a call and answered it before checking the number.
"What do you want?" She snapped.
"Dean kicked me out of the Impala." Sam's voice said from the other side of the line.
"What does that have to do with me?" She asked as she rolled her eyes.
"Dean waited for a spot where he knew you would be to kick me out... Thing is, he made me take the gas can. "
"So he expects me to give you a ride because you have the gas? Very funny."
"Yeah, but I know you're going to run out of gas soon, and since I see your car coming onto the highway now, you might as well stop and fill up. You don't have to do anything for me."
She was silent for a moment. "Fine, but I'm not going to talk to you once I stop."
"I don't care. We're just a couple of hunters helping each other out remember?" Something in his voice made the point just behind her stomach twist.
"Sam..."
"Ali, no. I have legs. I can walk."
"You're wounded."
"Someone bandaged the wounds for me. I'll be fine."
She hung up as she saw him on the side of the road. She stomped down on the gas and pulled over in front of him. She got out and crossed her arms.
"Samuel Winchester, you are not walking all the way to town."
He rolled his eyes. "Why do you even care?"
"Because I promised I would take care of you. That's why."
"Bullshit, Ali. Taking care of me would have ended after the hellhound was dead. Anyone else would have let Dean piece me back together and then left."
"Well any other hunter wouldn't have just let me sleep with my fingers tangled in their hair, my head on their hip, and my other hand on their thigh."
"A lot of men would let you sleep like that. Especially when you look like you do."
"And how do I look exactly?"
Sam shook his head and looked away. "It's not important. Just forget I ever said anything."
"How do I look, Sam?"
He shook his head and looked away.
"Sam. Tell me."
"Beautiful, okay?" He snapped." Are you happy now? You're beautiful, and smart, and funny, and strong, and don't even get me started on how ridiculously good you smell. I didn't even know it was possible for someone who had been dragged down into a lake to still smell so good. My shirt still smells like you and I hate how much I love it. There there's the fact that you have done absolutely everything for me. If I went away unhappy from one of your visits it was my own fault." He shook his head. "But I guess none of that really mattered. Not a single minute of it because we're just a couple of hunters who needed help."
He had been rambling so he stopped himself, but his tone was not as forceful as he had hoped. It had petered off into a sad whisper instead of the defiant tone he had hoped for.
The sadness in his voice twisted her stomach again and she hated him for It. She grabbed the gas can to keep herself from smacking him. She opened the gas cap and started to fill her car. When she was almost done she glanced at him.
"You're an ass."
"What?"
"You're an ass, now get in before I change my mind and leave you here."
Sam walked over to the passenger side door. He hesitated and turned towards her. "See, this is why I didn't want to tell you. I knew I didn't have a chance. Not with the most amazing woman on the planet." He said as he got in and slammed the door behind him.
Ali swallowed hard and closed the gas cap. She trew the empty gas can in the trunk. She bit her lip then threw open her mini-cooler and grabbed a yogurt. She slammed the trunk closed and took a deep breath. Sam thought she was a beautiful. He thought she was funny, and smart, and strong.
The most amazing woman on the planet.
No. She couldn't get attached. He would leave again. They always left her. Sam was no different. She had to hold onto that fact. She opened the door and got in. Sam didn't look at her, he just stared at his hands. He looked so disappointed. She couldn't just act like she had never cared. She had.
"Look, Sam... You always had a chance... but... You just left me back there."
He looked up from his hands, a hopeful smile played across his lips. "Really?..." He stopped and looked away. "But I left you there and I blew it... Didn't I?"
"Kinda... But give it a while... I'm sure you'll do something to make up for it... But Sam?"
"Yeah, Ali?"
"I'm not the most amazing women on the planet... And I don't smell that good."
Sam smiled weakly. "Yes you are... And yes... You do." On an impulse, he leaned over and kissed her on the cheek.
Ali's eyes went wide. "Woah, woah, woah, down boy."
Sam smiled wide and pushed his hair out of his face. "Sorry. I just had to. Especially since I get the feeling I won't get that chance again." He said as he grabbed her yogurt and opened it.
"Hey!" She protested.
Sam grinned. "I'll buy you some more, but I'm hungry... and wounded, remember?"
"Oh don't play that card, Samuel Winchester, or I will kick you out and make you walk."
He sighed. "Fine, but I will buy you more yogurt. I promise."
"Good." She muttered, forcing herself not to smile.
Sam looked around until he found a spoon. He went to take the first bite but paused. "Dean's waiting in the first town. A little motel called the Starfire I think."
She nodded and sped up. "Before we go we're stopping at a store for yogurt."
"Fine, Dean says he'll have pie waiting for us when we get back."
Ali frowned. "When did he take the time to say all that."
"After he kicked me out he texted me." He shrugged and started eating.
Ali stopped outside a small store and glanced at Sam. "Go fetch my yogurt."
He smirked and got out. "As you wish. I'll be right back."
He got out and jogged inside as Ali drove across the street to fill her tank completely. By the time she was done, Sam came out of the store, carrying three bags of single serve yogurt cups.
Ali shook her head. "You didn't have to get that much."
"Of course I did." He chuckled. "It's the least I could do after I was such an ass."
"Just throw it in the cooler so that we can get going." She said, forcing down a laugh. She turned away and a frown flashed across her face as she scolded herself. He was going to leave just like everybody else. She couldn't get attached . He would be gone as soon as he found a new case. She made her face go blank as she got back into the car. Sam finished putting the yogurt away and closed the trunk. He got in and looked over at Ali.
"All ready." He said with a smile as he held a yogurt cup out to her.
She nodded and started driving without a word, completely ignoring the yogurt. She drove them to the motel in a matter of minutes. She got out and glanced at Sam.
"What room?"
Sam shrugged. "Room 114. Dean didn't say anything about getting you a room, but we can straighten that out after pie."
She nodded and knocked on the door of room 114. When Dean opened the door she brushed past him.
"I want pie. Give me pie. Now." She muttered.
He raised an eyebrow as she flopped down on the couch. "Big piece?"
She nodded. "Please."
He nodded. "Coming right up, sweetheart."
She sighed. "Not in the mood right now."
He glanced at her and went quiet as he got her pie. He handed her a plate with almost a third of a pie on it. He held a fork out to her. She grabbed it and took a bite. Strawberry. Why the hell did it have to be a strawberry pie?
Dean looked at her. "You alright?"
She nodded and took another bite. She would have to eat all of this. With each bite making her think more and more of Sam. She frowned and looked around the room.
"Dean, where's Sam?"
Dean shrugged. "I thought you left him on the side of the road."
"No... I brought him back, but he didn't follow me in."
"What happened between the two of you anyway?"
"Nothing happened. And nothing ever will happen, Dean. That's not something that a hunter gets to enjoy."
"What's not?"
"Relaxation... Happiness." She shrugged and took another bite of pie. She chewed slowly and shook her head. "Fuckin' strawberries." She muttered and dropped her fork onto her plate. She set the plate down and got up.
Dean frowned. "Where are you going?"
"I need a room." She muttered and walked towards the door.
Just as she went to open the door, the door swung open and she ended up walking straight into Sam.
She looked down at the carpet. "Where were you?"
He held up a room key. "Getting you a room 127 was the only room with a single king left."
She took the key and nodded. "Thanks, Sam." They stood there awkwardly until Ali looked up. "Sam, I need to get by... You know, so I can get to my room."
He nodded and stepped to the side. "Yeah, sorry."
She brushed past him and went to her car. She grabbed her cooler before she went to her room. She unloaded her yogurt into the fridge and made sure to store every cup of strawberry in the door so that she wouldn't grab one by accident.
She grabbed a few different flavors and a spoon before sitting down on the couch. She curled her knees up to her chest and ate spoonful after spoonful. Why did she care so much? She had promised to protect them, sure, but Sam had been right. If it had simply been that she would have been done with another case by now. Maybe it was better that Sam had shown that he would leave her. These silly emotions had slowed her down anyway. In the morning she could leave, but Sam's words still floated through her mind.
Brushed their fingers across my skin in a way that drove me crazy...
Made my chest feel like it was going to implode because it felt so right...
Beautiful, and smart, and funny, and strong...
The most amazing woman on the planet...
No. She couldn't let a few words get to her. They were just... Such amazing words.
Stop it. She scolded herself mentally. You can't do this. She had to leave in the morning.
She looked down at her empty yogurt cup, set it on the table next to her, and grabbed another cup. She tore the foil off the top and started eating again.
She stared at the wall and let her mind go blank while she ate what was left of the flavors she had taken from the fridge. She, she got up to get more when there was a knock on the door. Ignoring the knock, she grabbed another cup. There was another knock and she sighed.
"Do not disturb!" She called.
There was another knock.
She rolled her eyes and answered the door. "No, I do not need any housekeeping, or towels, or anything." She said before the door even opened all the way.
Sam looked up from the ground. He had been rubbing the back of his neck before she had opened the door.
He smiled slightly. "Good, because I didn't bring any cleaning supplies or towels."
She shook her head. "What do you want, Sam?"
He shrugged. "Dean found a new case."
She looked down. "Oh, so you'll be leaving soon, right?"
He frowned. "No... Well yes... But I thought maybe that you would want to come and hunt with us."
She looked up in surprise. "What?"
He shrugged. "I was just wondering if you wanted to go hunting with us."
She shook her head and opened her mouth to say something but Sam cut her off.
"Look, I know that I screwed everything up. I left you before, but I don't want to do that again." He shrugged. "Plus, you're one of my only friends. My best friend, and I really don't want our friendship to be gone because I'm an idiot."
"Sam, you're not an idiot... Well you are... But so am I. We both said things that were stupid. We're definitely friends. I hate that I said we weren't." She shook her head. "And it bothered... Still does bother me, that I got that cryptic speech down at the lake and never got an explanation, and then, I got another speech on the side of the highway and I never got an explanation for that one either."
Sam sighed. "You really need me to explain? I was trying to be so obvious. I thought what I meant was pretty clear."
"Well it wasn't."
He sighed. "What did you think it meant?"
"I don't know what I think it meant. All I know is I've been yelling at myself. Telling myself that you're just like the others even though I know you're not."
"I'm not like the other what?"
"The other guys with their sweet words and little smirks. My brain tells me you're just like the others... But my heart screams that you're not... You asked me what I thought those speeches meant, Sam. To be honest? I don't know, but I know what I hoped they meant. I hoped they meant that you feel the same thing that I feel for you... And I just... I just don't know." Her voice trailed away as she looked down at her feet.
She heard Sam laugh before she felt him pull her into a hug. He held her close and laughed.
"You're cute when you ramble."
She pushed him away. "That's not an explanation, Sam."
He sighed, giving her a pleading look. "Are you really going to make me say it?"
"It shouldn't be that hard to say." She responded. She hoped... God she hoped. Hoped he would tell her what she hoped he felt for her. Hoped she wasn't just a stupid little girl with a schoolyard crush on a colleague.
He bit his lip. "It's more difficult than you think. I can hardly say it to myself."
"Why?" She asked quietly, trying to keep her voice from cracking. Why couldn't he just spit it out? If he really cared it would be easy... No it wasn't. She couldn't make herself say it, not until he said something... She didn't know what, but something that explained how he felt.
"Just tell me, Sam." She said. She was pleading with him now, desperately hoping.
"I can't." He said softly, and it broke her heart. Something very close to despair flooded through her, but she forced it away.
She kept her chin up and looked him square in the eye. She took a deep breath. "I respectfully decline."
"What?" Sam asked. He was confused now.
"I'm leaving. Just another case that needs to be taken care of. Even friends have to part ways. Especially if they're hunters."
"Ali-"
"My name is Alyssa!" She snapped.
This seemed to surprise him so much that he actually took a small step back.
She pushed past him, leaving her cooler and completely forgetting about the yogurt, and slammed the door behind her. She got into her car and took off, only the tiniest bit disappointed that Sam didn't follow her and mostly glad that she hadn't taken her suitcase in.
She drove and drove until she was two states over and completely exhausted.
Sam, meanwhile, stared after her. He went to follow her, but stopped himself. Obviously, she didn't care about him. She hadn't even let him explain.
"I can't tell you I love you." He whispered aloud to the empty parking space that Ali's car had occupied. "Because every woman I love ends up burned on the ceiling."
Dean had seen Ali's car speeding away and went outside. "Where's she going?"
Sam sighed. "Probably as far away from me as she can get."
"What did you do?"
"I broke her heart... but it's better that way..." His voice was filled will regret and he still hadn't looked away from the road as if hoping to see Ali's car come screaming back down the road.
But it didn't, like he knew it wouldn't.
Dean rolled his eyes. "You're an idiot. Why didn't you tell her?"
"Every woman I tell dies, Dean. What was I supposed to do?"
"Tell her and then work your ass off to keep her safe so that you both can be happy."
"Dean, I- I screwed this up. Big time. She's probably long gone and we might not every seen her again."
"So call her."
Sam tore his eyes away from the road, opened to door to Ali's old room, then gestured towards the table to where a cell phone sat. Ali's cell phone.
"She knows Garth right?"
"Yeah, why?" "She'll contact him. We can ask him to call us when he hears from her."
Sam nodded. "It's a good a plan as anything, I guess."
They called Garth. He promised to tell them if she called, but he never called them afterwards about it.