IX. Water, Lightning

Two months passed to the very end of summer. Jihl had advised Fang to stay in Bodhum for the more intensive testing she had to do. We'd found plenty of her catalysts around town in the meantime. Luxerion had been quiet this whole time. Too quiet. The Gestalt suspected they were up to something. Keeping tabs on the city day in and day out landed them with no new information. Vespair hadn't paid me any visits since I last saw her in Nautilus, either. I knew that she had to have her hand in whatever Luxerion's plans were. I tried to be grateful that nothing bad had happened. I still couldn't help but worry about Fang…

Somehow, not even my last battle against God compared to this. I had no control. I couldn't help her—not directly, not yet. All I could do was sit around and wait for Jihl to give me an order. Ignoring this helplessness was all I could do.

As the days passed, I felt it mounting inside of me. I needed to let it out.

That night, I was with Fang on the airship. We were in her room, going over a few grammar rules before she took the written exam for her driver's permit. I was in a sleeveless white T-shirt and shorts, lying on my side. Fang sat against my back with the book in her lap. The heat in Bodhum was worst at this time of the year. I felt her sweating against me. She had the air conditioner off to save power. I'd said earlier that I didn't mind, but now I started to feel like a dog in heat. I stared at the crimson wall through the soaked falls of my hair, listening to her.

"I'm gonna test you," she announced. I could hear the smile in her voice. "Remember how you said you hate run-on sentences? Use the proper terms to tell me when one usually pops up. Give me an example and how to correct it."

"Usually…when the second independent clause gives an order based on the first clause. You have the money, spend it on something nice is a common one. You have the money, so spend it on something nice is the right way to word the sentence. Or you could write each clause as separate sentences."

"How 'bout this—when's the best time to use which instead of that?"

"That is only used with restrictive clauses. Which is used when the clause has additional information."

"All right, smarty pants," said Fang, sitting up all of a sudden. "Since you're so sharp, I'm gonna up the stakes." I listened to her pull something metallic from underneath the bed. Then she blindfolded me. "Sit up and kneel over the bed." I didn't stop to question her. Fang spread my arms to either corner of the bed. She cuffed my wrists, chaining them to the bedposts. I automatically jerked my arms—the tension from the bondage kept me in place. I held my breath while she knelt in front of me. I smelled the sweat over her skin that much more. "This is much better. I've got you under my control now."

I yanked at the chains again. "What is this?!"

"It's nothin' fancy, babe," she answered, nonchalant. "I want you to be my bitch for a little while, that's all. You got a problem with that?" I heard her flip through the pages of the book again. I didn't have a problem with it… I was just surprised. "Good. Get this next one right and I'll take off the blindfold. Should be easy enough for you, right?"

"If that's what you want, I'll play along," I told her.

"Sorry to say—you don't got much of a choice," she said.

"You like that, don't you?" I asked.

Fang pressed her smile against my jaw. "You know I do," she whispered. "Here's a good one. I know it bugs you when you read somethin' in the passive voice. From a grammatical point of view, why is it annoying?"

"Because sometimes people use it to avoid responsibility. Mistakes were made instead of I made mistakes sounds like such a cop-out. It's fine to use it if no one knows whose responsibility it was."

Black fabric pulled back from over my eyes. "You weren't jokin' when you said linguistics was your favorite class in school," said Fang. My eyes went wide when I saw she'd taken her top off…except she held it close to cover her chest from my view. Vigor shot through me; I rattled my chains, trying to move closer to her. "No, none of that," she scolded, easing me back. "You stay right where you are. You're not allowed to move." She stared into my eyes, transfixed by the lust in me. "When's the right time to use an apostrophe with a word that ends in S?"

I felt my frustration that much more from her teasing me like this. "That isn't fair," I protested. "There is no set rule for it. How am I supposed to answer this?"

Fang lowered her top just enough to ignite me again. "Pick your favorite rule," she suggested.

My thoughts were hazy from what I wanted to do to her. I forced myself not to move. She knew how difficult this was for me. She did it on purpose. Going over grammar of all things was only a drop in the background. Fang hadn't let me anywhere near her, sexually, this whole time. She loved teasing me. I couldn't help falling for it every time. I tried to steady myself to answer her question. If I let this get to me, she'd find some way to use it against me. Even though I liked that for some reason…I wanted to see where this would lead.

"If the word isn't a proper noun, I'll write it as a plural, and then add the stand-alone apostrophe at the end…"

Fang smiled in satisfaction. "Well, that wasn't too hard, now was it?" she asked. After she set the book aside, she smoothed her hand over my lap. It took everything in me to not struggle against my chains from the hidden meaning in her touch. "Lightning, I don't even have to look at you to know how hot you are…" She smoothed up to my arm coated in sweat, looking me over. "I meant the pun, too. You never wanna take off your shirt or nothin'. What do you got against showin' some skin, hm?"

"I'd rather not," I muttered.

"Yeah, but why?"

"I'm not used to it."

Fang lay down on her side, curling her legs close—so feline. "We're hittin' the beach tomorrow for Snow's end-of-summer bash thing," she reminded me. "Picture it: you and me, in bathin' suits, havin' a good old time with all our friends. We're gonna get there in style, play around, then head on Snow's private yacht around nighttime. It'll be fun! You get to show me off and everything."

"You have an appointment at Draklor tomorrow," I said, trying to stay calm.

"Nope! I'm playin' hooky with Hope," she said. I frowned at her. "Oh, c'mon! If Dr. Estheim's comin' with us, it's all good. It's the last day of summer! In case you forgot, it only happens once a year."

My pulse pounded through my head. I didn't give a damn about tomorrow—not with Fang in front of me like this. I breathed in, and out, remembering her rule. I did my best to control myself. Fang's smirk showed me how amused she was. She moved closer to me. Her lips against mine distracted me; she dropped her shirt between us. On purpose, Fang kept her chest away from mine, agonizing. White-hot want burned through me. I couldn't think anymore. All I wanted was her. She knew it. She wouldn't unchain me. Fang laughed softly into my mouth. I poured my want through her—as best as I could without moving into her.

Fang moved to breathe in my ear, "I've been thinkin' about that little rule I made. The one about no sex until we're in love." My heart picked up, hopeful. She held me around my shoulders, first, clawing her nails up to my scalp; breathing in my anticipation the whole time. "Whenever you're not here, the sheets you're sittin' on are soaked from how much I want you. I could make you fuck me right now—I know I can. But vanilla sex…it can get boring after a while. I don't wanna risk that happening."

"What are you saying…?" I asked.

"I'm sayin' I'll give it up earlier if you surprise me."

Vespair's so-called advice flashed through my mind. She was right…

"Obviously," she went on, "You ain't gonna catch me off guard tonight. I'm lettin' you know now…" Fang made me lean my head back, forcing me to stare up at the ceiling. She turned her back to me. She spread her legs so that her thighs were on either side of mine. When she sat against my lap, I sucked my breath in. "Time it right. Scare me. Push me to that edge. Make me feel somethin' I've never felt before." Slowly, she moved, grinding her hips against mine. I tensed my whole body to keep from moving. She sighed, reaching behind to hold my head in her arms. "You get to have all the power, Lightning." I couldn't stop myself from imagining her underneath me. "Every little thing you've held back from me over the years—you can take it out on me." Every wet dream I'd had of her pooled into my thoughts—tension rising, rising from her moving over me. "I'll let you fuck me until the bed breaks—"

I snapped. I pulled at my chains with everything I had, fully set on breaking loose. I wanted to push her down over her back and make her stop teasing. At the last second, I remembered myself. I broke her rule. I nearly broke her bed, too. Fang circled behind me. To my surprise, she unlocked my handcuffs. Then she pushed me face-first down over her bed. She straddled my waist, taking my wrists in her hands. I winced at the bruises there. She kissed them, laughing softly at me.

"Someone's horny," she said, amused. "That's gonna leave a mark. Didn't I tell you not to move?"

"I'm sorry," was all I could say.

Fang smoothed her hands up and down my back. "I've been teasin' you for weeks, haven't I?" she asked. "There's only so much you can take… I like that. I like knowin' I've got this effect on you. When we go to the beach tomorrow, I expect you to be on your best behavior! Wouldn't want people askin' too many questions…"

.

The next day, Fang and I met all of our friends near Seventh Heaven. NORA, the Monoculus gang, Snow, Hope, Sazh, Serah and Vanille drove to Mission Beach with us. Snow insisted that I used one of his motorcycles, with Fang seated behind me. He and Gadot rode their motorcycles in front of us, leading the way down the crowded streets. It seemed like all of Bodhum was outside, partying in every other house, cars blasting music, and people playing team sports in the parks we passed by. Because of how hot it was, Fang insisted on me wearing one of her silk sleeveless tanks, and a pair of board shorts and sandals. I couldn't pull off the black two-piece she had on. We had on matching silver aviators, at least. I felt Fang's smirk against my neck as she held me from behind. I noticed myself smiling, too. Listening to the sounds of the motorcycle engines and having Fang with me like this—it was too good to pass up.

Even though Serah hadn't warmed up to her at all, I knew Fang still looked forward to having a good time today. When we all stopped at a traffic light, I glanced over at my sister driving her silver sedan not too far from me. Serah stared at me, tight-lipped, from behind her huge sunglasses. Vanille had made me promise not to tell Fang that it was her fault Serah was like this. There must have been something else I could do to fix things.

"Now this is how you make an entrance!" said Fang, as we neared the beach. "There's a mini-Nautilus here too?! That rollercoaster is huge!"

Snow turned to grin at us. "Just wait 'till you see the beach! We're gonna get some surfing in later!"

"Surfing? The hell is that?"

"You'll see," answered Snow. "I swear you'll love it! Trust me!"

Fang held me tighter around my wait. "What's he on about, babe?" she asked. "And how does he know I'll like it?"

"You'll see," I repeated.

"Yeah, you'd better show me what it is."

"I don't know how to surf, Fang," I said, shaking my head. I didn't know how to swim, either… "Snow and Gadot can teach you. I know you'll pick up on it quickly."

When we made it to the amusement park, Fang was so excited about seeing everything. She smelled the warm cinnamon of the churro stand and asked to try one. I bought one for each of us. I held her hand while we walked around, telling her stories about how I used to come here with my family. Fang didn't want to ride any of the rides. She listened to me instead, mostly asking questions about what Serah liked to do there. She seemed subdued whenever she noticed my sister nearby. Because of that, she waved off Snow's challenge to race Go-Karts with the others. I had us go inside the arcade to cool off. Fang sat nearby, cheering up a little while she watched me play video games. I earned enough tickets to win a big Bahamut plushie for her. She held it close and put it in one of her crystals for safekeeping. I didn't even mind that everyone in the arcade stared at us when she kissed me.

About an hour later, everyone went across the boardwalk to the beach. NORA had a game of beach volleyball going against Fang's Monoculus gang already. Everyone else picked a spot in the sand to lounge around in. Snow brought over his surfboards to teach Fang the ropes. She accepted one of the boards, up for the challenge this time.

"You comin'?" she asked me.

"Go ahead," I replied. "I'll be right here."

Fang grinned. "What, you scared of the ocean?" she teased. "I know you're on-call for the Gestalt and all, Light. I really doubt Jihl's gonna call you to see where I am. You can chill out for a bit, can't you?"

I looked past her to the ocean. "Water conducts electricity."

"Ohh, I see," said Fang, pointing at me. "That's code for I can't swim! Why didn't you say so?"

I sighed and said, "It's not something I'm exactly proud of."

Fang ran her hand down my face. "We all gotta learn some time, sweet pea."

Snow waved to her from the shore. "Hey, Fang!" he called. "You ready to learn the ropes? High tide's coming in soon! Let's get a bet going. If you can handle the first big wave, I'll ditch my shorts and swim in the water. If you can't, you have to swim with no top on! Just like one of the guys, right?!"

Fang burst out laughing. "You're on!" she said, running after him.

I smiled, watching them go in the water together. I noticed Hope and Sazh resting over their towels not too far away. They waved me over. I went to lie down with them and talk for a while. Yuj eventually dragged them over to join the volleyball game going on. As soon as Hope and Sazh left, Vanille came over to sit next to me. We sat in silence for a few minutes. I kept my eyes to Fang getting the hang of the smaller waves with Snow's help.

"Has she asked you anything?" said Vanille. "About Serah…"

"No. I wish you'd tell her yourself."

Vanille held her knees close to her chest. "Fang would never speak to me again if she knew."

"You two barely talk as it is," I pointed out. Vanille sighed heavily. "I don't see what the big deal is. You told me yourself—nothing you told my sister was out of spite. Serah just asked one too many questions and formed an opinion about her. Why is that so terrible? Why are you running away from this?"

"Face it later," she recited. "I know you haven't really experienced this about her. Fang hates when people gossip about her. If she knew that this is all my fault, she'd only get angry with me."

"Yeah, and me for not telling her sooner."

"I'm sorry I put you in the middle of this. Serah isn't the same person from before, either. The fragments of memories she's missing have affected her, too…"

I saw Serah up on the boardwalk, along the cement half-wall in front of the beach. There was some guy talking to her. He had military-cropped blond hair and a pair of black board shorts on. I could tell he worked out at the gym a lot. From the way he leaned toward Serah, I could tell he was interested in her. Out of curiosity, I turned back to look at Snow. He noticed them, too, and lost his concentration, falling off his surfboard into the water. Fang frowned and lay down over her board, asking him what was up. Snow faced away from the boardwalk, gesturing to Serah and the mystery man.

"I honestly don't recognize my sister anymore," I finally said. "Why are you hanging around her if you know she's changed? Why are you living with her for that matter?"

Vanille forced a smile. "She needs support," she replied. "I think she's jealous of your relationship. I'm happy for the two of you. Serah hasn't adjusted in the same way. She expected the two of you to go back to being as close as you were before. I shouldn't have said that Fang prefers to have things her way. Now Serah thinks you're in danger of losing yourself. I've no clue what a narcissist is…"

"There are different types," I answered. Vanille tilted her head to one side, interested in hearing more. "It's all about self-importance with them. They lack empathy especially when they choose to talk down on someone. If you get into an argument with one, they'll usually say something like, No, this is about me! They contradict themselves a lot, too. I used to run into them all the time in the military."

Vanille went too quiet for me to feel comfortable with. "Fang used to be that way," she whispered. "I would try to point it out to her. In the end, she only made me feel bad about myself. She used to say nasty and mean things about anyone who tried to compete against her back in our village, as if they should have known better. She worked so hard to succeed… There was something she used to say: If I'm not the best at one thing, then I'm the worst at everything. I like to think she grew out of that. Serah seems to think that it's something Fang is only hiding from you."

"How could she hide a personality disorder?" I asked. "I think I would have noticed it by now."

"Well, there are lots of ways to tell," replied Vanille. "Is she happiest when you do things for her, instead of the other way around?" My face burned from the truth. I couldn't answer. "If you two get into an argument, are you always the one that has to go to her and smooth things over?" Again… "If you try to tell her how you feel about something, does she override it with her own feelings instead of listening to you?" That was something she used to do a lot a long time ago. Not so much anymore, but still. "I see…"

High tide arrived. Snow and Fang made their way over to tackle the height together. It looked like Fang had it down without issues. Soon after, she fell off her board. Snow cheered while he rode the rest of the wave.

"Looks like Fang lost the bet," I said.

Vanille smiled as Fang laughed it off. "At least she's being a good sport about it." She checked her phone, then turned around to look at my sister. "Oh, Serah's asking me to meet her new friend. Is it just me, or does he kind of look like Snow? A more serious version of him…"

I didn't want to turn around and stare at him. "He did look like him, yeah. But, Vanille…promise me you'll talk to Serah about this. Fang isn't a bad person. I don't like being in this argument with my sister. I want the two of them to get along. You need to do something."

"I'll do what I can!" she said, skipping over to the boardwalk. "See you on the yacht later!"

I decided to do a search on the internet on my phone. Hearing that word again—narcissist—had piqued my interest. I did some more reading on the topic. If Fang really was like that, then it would explain why I used to get so pissed off at her. There was a certain selfishness I'd sensed from her before. I was so engrossed into my research—I barely noticed that Fang had taken off her top and went to swim in the water. I only looked up when I saw that Snow widened his eyes and blushed when he saw her get in. I scowled at him. Even I hadn't seen her chest like that, and she was my girlfriend. I brushed it off and went back to reading.

If this was some weird time warp and we were all l'Cie again, I would have agreed with all of this. Vanille did know her the best. If this was what Fang didn't want to show me about herself—not her sexual preferences—then I wouldn't have known how to handle it. So far, things between us had been fine. I say fine, but I really meant unbalanced. As long as I did things for her and treated her a certain way, we had no problems. Fang was never ungrateful or anything like that… I just got the distinct sense that she loved me fawning over her. I didn't want to believe that it had something to do with a personality disorder. I didn't want to think that she mainly wanted me for my obedience. I knew that was what Serah thought—she was afraid of that possibility, whether it was real or not.

When I put my phone away, the sun had nearly set all the way. Snow's yacht pulled into the pier across the way. I noticed Fang's bikini top was in the sand. She was still swimming around in the water with Snow. I went to pick up her top, taking it to the sinks along the boardwalk. I didn't want it to be covered in sand whenever she decided to put it back on. I felt Serah's eyes on the back of my head, too. She wasn't too far away, talking to that guy with Vanille. I didn't want her to introduce me to him. I had a feeling it would have been another repeat of when I met Snow the first time. I hadn't taken him seriously at all, and his stupidly optimistic attitude had pissed me off. He wasn't so bad anymore. Five hundred years of living with all that chaos in his heart had strangely made him more tolerable.

"Where's my top?!" yelled Fang from the shore. I made the mistake of turning around. She had her arms crossed over her bare chest. "Lightning! It was you!" Fang rushed straight at me. I had no idea why that made me take off running down the boardwalk. "You sneaky little bitch! Give it back to me!"

People we passed by cracked up laughing at us. I was so focused on staying ahead of her that I didn't realize what was so funny—not right away. Then I imagined what it must have looked like. Fang chased after me at full speed with her arms covering her breasts. Meanwhile, I had her bikini top in my hand, running away from her like this was all a prank. Fang laughed to the winds as she kept after me. Her laughing made me laugh. I had to slow down. I made a turn to the outdoor showers to catch my breath. She cornered me in one of the stalls, pressing my back against the cold tile, trying to wrestle her top from my hands.

"Damnit, Light!" she cursed between laughter. "Give me my top! You're such a fucking joker! Why did you steal this from me?"

I couldn't stop laughing. "I didn't steal it!"

Fang finally pried it from me. "Then why did you run away?!" she asked in good-humor. "God, I can't believe you! Now help me tie this back on." She turned around for me to tie the strings over her back. I smiled against her shoulder as I did it. "I bet everyone's pissed themselves laughing at us!"

"They probably won't let you live it down," I added.

"Oh, great! Just what I need," she said, grabbing my hand. "Let's head over to the yacht. If you weren't my favorite person in the world, I'd have taught you a lesson by now. You're lucky."

.

Snow's private yacht took us on a cruise not too far from the ocean's shore. Downtown's spires were in view, including PSICOM's headquarters towering over all of them. Fang lounged with me in a recliner in the shade, sharing a strawberry martini with me. I listened to everyone partying behind us. Music blasted from the dance room, people took turns jet skiing over the ocean, and others stood around talking over everyone else. There was some drama going on from Serah bringing that guy onboard with her. Snow hadn't made a scene over it. He sat in another chair not too far away, chatting with a bunch of women in skimpy bikinis. Gadot was nearby, asking one of them to hook-up with him downstairs.

"Boys will be boys," said Fang, shaking her head.

Gadot laughed. "Don't forget you're one of us now!" he told her. "After that display earlier…"

Fang flipped him off from over her shoulder. "Yeah, yeah—laugh it up!" she bit back. Gadot wandered off with one of the women, leaving us alone. "Anyway. What the hell is with that guy Serah brought? Snow's outta his damn mind, actin' like the perfect host instead of kickin' his ass."

"I don't know," I answered. "I get the feeling this wasn't part of their agreement."

"He looks like a right prick, too," she said, turning to get a better look at him. "Whatever. It's none of my business. If Snow's not gonna do anything about Board Shorts over there, then that's his loss." Fang rested her head over my shoulder. "I just wanna be here with you. It's sunset, there's music playin', and the wind feels nice. I could get lost here. I almost don't wanna go home later."

"I'm surprised you haven't asked me to dance."

Fang chuckled. "And why would I do that?" she asked. "You ain't the dancin' type. You're too cool for that, aren't you? Have you ever danced with anyone before?"

"I slow-danced with Serah once or twice," I replied. "I was her chaperone for her high school's prom. We danced there. That's about it."

"That don't count," said Fang. "Remember how I had my hips over you last night? Try that, but standin' up, and in the middle of a dance floor. Grinding—fucking with clothes on. That's what I mean. You've never done that, have you?" I shook my head. Fang hummed in amusement. "I kinda like the idea of givin' you a lap dance in public. We can do that the next time we go to a club."

Mog floated over to us. He had on too-big sunglasses, a bright pair of shorts, and a pint-sized cocktail in his hand. "Lightning, Fang!" he said. "I've been looking for you all over, kupo!"

Fang beamed at him. "Those are some nice shades you got on," she commented. "You here with your friends?"

"Yes, kupo!" said Mog, just as a dozen of his moogle friends came over. "We're here to party! But there's something else, kupo… Ever since that chaos vortex showed up in our village, strange things have happened. Strangers in weird armor have been showing up to spy on us, kupo. Everykupo got scared and ran back to Bodhum! We haven't been back in the village since then, kupo…"

"Armor?" I asked. "What kind of armor?"

"Hmm, they have pointy helmets, kupo. Their eyes glow yellow and the rest of their armor is really dark. It looks nothing like PSICOM or the Guardian Corps, kupo. They must be outsiders!"

"Outsiders, huh?" asked Fang. "Sounds like the Secutors are pokin' around your village. They're Luxerion's police force. The hell do they think they're doin'?"

Mog frowned. "I don't know, kupo," he said sadly. "We have to go back soon. Everykupo will run out of food if we stay here for too long! If it's not too much trouble, could you please help us, kupo? Maybe if they see you there, they'll leave us alone."

"Of course, Mog," I promised. "When are you heading back?"

"On Monday, kupo! We're staying at Lebreau's café until then. Could you pay us a visit after that?"

"Yeah, sure," said Fang. "That's next week. If they're still hangin' around there by then, that means they really are up to somethin'. We'll get 'em outta your village—don't you worry."

"Oh, thank you, kupo! We knew we could count on you! We'll see you then!"

Fang and I waved goodbye to Mog and his friends. They passed by a scene that had started somewhere behind us. Serah's new friend and Snow had gotten into it. Board Shorts laughed at Snow for letting him on the yacht. Snow rammed his shoulder into the guy's chest, taunting him right back. Both of them had clearly had a drink or two. Bad judgment mixed with alcohol would inevitably lead to a fist fight.

"For fuck's sake," complained Fang, standing up. "These damn meatheads… Your sister ain't doin' jack shit to stop it! C'mon, babe."

I followed behind her, asking, "Are you sure this is a good idea? Snow can take care of himself."

"Not when he's had too much to drink," she pointed out. Fang stepped in between both men. "Hey, cut it out! Some of us are tryin' to have a nice time without this dick-waggin' contest goin' on. Do you mind?"

Snow stumbled back against a window. "This is my problem!" he argued. "I don't need you in the middle of it!" Serah finally pulled her friend away, going downstairs with him. "You didn't say you wanted to date other people! Hey, Serah! Are you listening to me?! Did you forget you're still wearing the engagement necklace I gave you?! I've loved you for over five hundred years! And now you're going to fuck some guy you met five minutes ago!?"

"Snow," I said to him. His breath hitched; he forced himself not to cry in front of everyone. "You need to let it go. She's obviously changed—"

He stormed off in another direction, pushing his way through the crowd. I was about to go after him—until I noticed smoke out of the corner of my eye, coming from Bodhum. PSICOM's headquarters had lit up in flames. Fang grabbed me from behind and held me tight, both of us staring at what had happened. The people around us screamed, most pulling out their phones to call loved ones in town. I felt my helplessness overwhelm me all over again. If Fang had been in that building, then…

"Lightning!" called Hope. He found his way to me through everyone panicking around us. "I just got word that it's a terrorist attack! Luxerion's found a way to make l'Cie! They sent one of them on a kamikaze mission. Apparently this was only a warning…"

Fang groaned. "Fuck, did they know I was supposed to be there?!" she yelled.

"It would seem so, yes… They've also hacked our systems. They'd have your appointment schedule…"

"What the hell!?" I blurted, surprising myself. "How am I supposed to count on you to keep Fang safe if this happens!? You got hacked and you didn't even know? Is the government that incompetent?!"

Hope raised his hands in front of him. "I only got the call about this just now!" he insisted.

"You think that makes it any better?!" I shouted at him. Hope staggered back, away from me. "I'm already at my wit's end from not having any real power, Hope! Do you know how I feel every time I drop Fang off at that building, leaving her in your hands? Do you know how much sleep I've lost, not knowing what Luxerion is plotting, because no one's giving me any orders to find out!? And now the building she was supposed to be in right now is destroyed!"

Fang held me back. "Babe, you don't gotta chew him out for this," she said softly. "It's not his fault. You wanna be pissed at someone? Take it out on Luxerion. They're the ones who did this, not him."

I relaxed in her hold. "I know," I muttered. "I'm sorry, Hope."

Hope lowered his head. "I'm sorry, too, Light," he answered. "You're right—we should have known about this. We weren't prepared. We assumed that maybe they backed down when we hadn't heard anything more from them. That was a terrible mistake… Looks like we're headed back to shore now."

My phone went off in my pocket. "This is Jihl now," I said, picking up. "I saw what happened… Are you all right? You weren't in the building, were you?"

"I'm quite all right. Fortunately, I was in a strategy meeting with General Raines aboard the Lindblum. Ironically enough, this has become PSICOM's new headquarters in the midst of the attack. I wish I could say we were completely blindsided this evening. Perhaps then I would feel less…responsible."

"What do you mean?"

"Luxerion's engineers weren't the ones who hacked our system. During the cyberattack, we found traces of chaos. You mentioned Fang's chaos-counterpart a few weeks ago. Did you not say that this entity holds a certain grudge against her?"

"Something like that… You think this was her plan?"

"The first files that were stolen were all of Fang's Draklor appointments. The second files pertained to the higher-ups' meeting off-site. And then a l'Cie bombs the building—the empty, topmost floor—when Luxerion knows by now that our labs are underground. This was clearly a direct taunt, and a personal one at that. Luxerion had no intention of killing anyone. We were in the midst of coming up with a plan of attack when this happened."

"Jihl, why didn't you tell me about this?" I asked. "I'm about to pull my hair out. Luxerion's playing around with us, and now they might have an army of l'Cie! You knew who was responsible… You could have told me something."

"I apologize, Savior… Rosch has been most inflexible about allowing you to know these things. General Raines and I have finally drilled some sense into him. I'll have orders for you tomorrow. Try not to worry about this. After what happened, I know it is all the more difficult to trust me. Know that I'm doing all that I can."

"All right, thanks," I said, before hanging up. Slowly but surely, anger filled me all over again. This was all Vespair's doing…

I held Fang in my arms as we neared the shore. She didn't need to know about this. If her own demon wanted her dead, I couldn't tell her. If there was some part of her that enjoyed this destruction and chaos, and Vespair embodied it, then I didn't want to know. Knowing this much already brought me down. Knowing this much brought on these violent thoughts—of me finding Vespair through the darkness and cutting her down. I wanted to kill her if it would make all of this stop. I wanted to end her life if it would keep Fang safe. I wanted it just as much as I wanted, needed Fang by my side.

And then I saw her through the thin clouds of chaos in my mind. She sat over the crystal throne in The Ark of my thoughts, just as Lumina used to do. She crossed her legs and smirked at me. Vespair knew I couldn't do anything…

"Hurts, don't it?" she asked. "The harder you hold onto her, the harder it'll hurt when somethin' finally happens. She ends up hurt, or you get separated… Ain't that why you avoided gettin' close to people before? You didn't want to deal with the pain when you inevitably lost them."

"Damn you!" I yelled back. "Why are you doing this to her?! You could have killed her today, and you don't care! Leave her alone!"

"Why should I? Clingin' onto Fang won't stop life from happenin'. Screamin' and yellin' at people only shows how weak you are." She jumped down from the throne. I stopped myself from falling to my knees. She was right—I didn't want her to be right— "You're powerless, Lightning. Bein' Etro's Warrior Knight; bein' Bhunivelze's puppet, and a l'Cie before all of that: you were nothin' but a pawn, every time. Without someone to hold your strings, you're worthless."

In that mental space, I unsheathed my Masamune and cut through her. Again and again I sliced through air, through chaos and darkness, failing to faze her. Vespair laughed and faded to black. I blinked those thoughts away. Even with Fang by my side, she could have disappeared in the wake of my weakness. With part of the world out to get her like this, I knew Fang's doubts came up again. I watched them waver in her eyes burning in the sunset. I already promised her I wouldn't leave her because of Luxerion. After what Vespair said, I had to make another decision—one that was more personal for me.

I brought Fang home with me, thinking the whole way. If she and I stayed on this plane we were on, it would have been fine…in a normal world. If I wasn't afraid of waking up one day without her, then things could have progressed at this pace. There was the matter of this cliff…it overlooked everything I'd never allowed myself to have. True devotion and love. If I fell into this with her, there was no going back. If I didn't, I risked growing apart from her—but I would be safe from that inevitable pain.

If I jumped, I'd want to find some way to kill that inevitability, even if it was impossible. Making the impossible possible was our Focus years ago. I never thought I would see the day when it came up again—definitely not like this.