"Lilitu" by Blueneck

XI. Venomous Fang

Quickened beating in my chest woke me up after what felt like seconds. Absolute heat radiated from my skin through the cotton of my clothes. I stared up at the ceiling in the sweltering night. Something didn't feel right… I couldn't pinpoint what it was. My head still spun a little from the alcohol earlier. If I was completely sober, I would have known right away what was wrong with me. Turning over to look at Fang helped me to forget about that. She faced me, sleeping so peacefully. I moved closer to her, shifting her fringes from her face. I wondered why I didn't see any sweat over her face in the faint moonlight. The thought quickly left me for another: how absolutely beautiful she was. I knew that already—I'd known it for years. But for how long we'd known one another, I'd never allowed myself to really look at her before. There had always been some other distraction, as if something could have possibly made me not see Fang for what she was.

The truth was that I hadn't taken this time before. I'd neglected it. I'd failed at it. I'd held it all back. Fang was here with me… I'd wasted so much time not being completely present with her. I finally understood what Lumina had said about my hidden passions—they were there, beneath the surface, but I'd unknowingly prioritized other things. Thinking and stressing out about how to keep Fang safe and happy through this war wasn't the same as actually doing it. Making her smile was more valuable than whatever military orders I could have been given. Loving her should have been my world…nothing else.

And then, just like that, my whole perspective shifted, and my heart followed along with it.

Listening to her breathe through the silence of the room, and feeling her breaths against my face turned into an experience in itself. Far-off sounds of the ocean brushing against the shore were almost in-sync with her. I ran my fingertips over the thin braids above her ear. I couldn't keep my hand still. Combing through to the back of her head and holding her there kept my hand from trembling. I eased into her and breathed in the soft thickness of her lips, slowly heated all over again. The faint lightness in my head changed to the heavy haze only Fang could make me feel. Her soft surprise hummed between us; she moved into me, over me, letting me pull her in past all of that. Deep in my chest I felt her—felt everything she was, in all of her beauty, beyond even the physical.

Fang held my face in her hand, pulling away a little at a time. "Well that's one way to wake me up," she whispered, smiling. She looked worried as she sat up on top of me. "Light, babe, you're burnin' up… How are you this warm? It's the perfect temperature in here."

"I'm all right," I told her. "Must be an aftereffect from drinking earlier. You know I'm not used to it."

"Hmm." She didn't look convinced. "I'll take your word for it. You sure you don't want me to turn the air conditioner on?" I nodded. Fang decided to leave the issue alone. She held my hands in between us, playing with them a little. "What are you doin' awake at this hour, hm? It's gotta be past two in the morning." She tilted her head to one side, smiling gently. "There's somethin' different about you… I can't quite put my finger on it."

I didn't know how to answer her with words. I pulled at her wrists and brought her lips to mine. Fang let go of my hands, pressing down over my shoulders; smoothing up to my neck and back down again. The way she sounded was just as smooth—it triggered something in me I couldn't control. I kissed her harder, pushing that through her and making her taste it, so she would feel it from me. I dug my nails through the tight fabric of her top to tell her I wanted it off. She bucked her hips against my stomach in shock, muffling her sharp breaths against my mouth. When she wouldn't pull away from me to take her top off, I raked my nails down her back. She arched away from me and cried out. Her shivering centered in each place I had my hands, traveling down with my touch. One hand I kept over her waist; the other I moved to the strap over her shoulder, waiting.

"Fang," I said. She shivered again. "Tell me one thing you need from me. Something you haven't said in case it might have chased me off. You don't have to worry about that. I'm not going anywhere."

Fang stared down at me. Shallow breathing. Pupils dilated. "If you'd told me that earlier today, I wouldn't have believed you," she replied. "You were caught up in your head, stressed out… I didn't mind. I figured you'd come around eventually. I didn't expect it so soon… I'm real happy that you're here with me now." She folded her arms, just about to take off her shirt—stopping there to answer me: "All those years I spent watchin' you serve Etro put too many ideas in my head. Every time you'd go to her throne and kneel there, it made me jealous. Whenever she asked you to do somethin', and you did it, it was even worse. I liked havin' a taste of it when you brought me home, and the whole world watched you bow your head to me. That general idea excites me, you know?"

There had to be more to this. She wouldn't have kept it from me otherwise. "Is that the dynamic you want with me?" I asked. "You like it when I'm obedient. I like being that for you. But you honestly can't tell me that that's all there is to it… I know you better than that."

"Mmm, so it would seem!" she mused, smirking wide. Fang leaned over me as she took off her top. "It's not that I'm up myself and I want you to kiss my ass all the time. Trust me—I used to be that way ages ago. I'm gonna show you the rest. For now, let's just say I know you've got a fetish for pleasin' me…"

Something broke free in me when I felt her bare breasts against my shirt. I latched my arms around her back, holding her fully. I tasted her neck beneath the cascading falls of Fang's hair; how it curled in twisted in her amusement. My mouth watered in anticipation, and my mind blanked from an overload of want, need—I felt her pull her shorts off, tossing them aside. Fang kept my head cradled in her arm. She used her free hand to grab the top of the headboard, pulling her body up a little at a time. I kissed all of her that I could reach. Over her breasts, softly at first—I licked and sucked harder to get a reaction, and she moaned at that right cadence, sending me spinning on the inside. I marked my breath there, feeling her harden in my mouth, and again when I looked up at her.

Full intensity in my stare, and in the way I pulled at her thighs, upward, for her to be above me. Fang moved all the way to kneel over my head. She didn't wait. I didn't want her to. I took her in my mouth, drinking the soaking smoothness from her skin. The same feeling of free-flying through the air with the wind blowing against me, I tasted fully through her. She trembled again, starting from her hips and resonating out, overwhelmed by the way she sounded.

I needed more of her reactions—way more. Keeping my eyes to hers quickened her breathing even when I didn't move my tongue that much. From there I could sense her; feel what she needed most.

Hooking my hands around her thighs made her open more for me. I learned to breathe against her through my mouth, sucking hardest on her clit when I needed more air. I drank all of her, refusing to let a drop slip away from me. When her breaths and moans deepened, they cut me off from thinking too much. Listening to her say my name pulled me right through to her emotions. Fang brushed her nails through my hair along my scalp, keeping me right where she needed. Vulnerability coursed through her in a way I'd never known before. I felt it through her hands in the way she couldn't hold still—she wanted me inside of her, and more than just my tongue. Curling it in her wasn't the same. Years' worth of pride was in my way, as if she'd saved herself for me before we'd even met each other.

I was so close to having her completely. The spinning sensation in my head picked up, making me dizzy with want. It filled my entire body and I poured it all up to her, for Fang to feel me the way I felt her. She shut her eyes and canted her head up to the ceiling, crying out my name louder. Just before she did, I knew I saw that sheen through her thick lashes. She held back from letting me see it fully. I still noticed the two trails running down her face, down her neck, drying there. I gave her my understanding instead of frustration; she trembled harder from her hips. Out her breaths came in bursts; out and into my mouth she came, dripping thickly over my tongue. Softer I drank, to not overwhelm her while she was sensitive here. I kept her raised on that high for as long as I could. I was on a high on my own from listening to her and having her like this.

When she came back down, Fang shifted to lie next to me on her back. She pulled me over her and held me tightly around my shoulders. She kept my head along her the warmth of breasts, letting me listen to the quickness of her beating heart. Mine beat slower, taking the time to feel her out. I wanted to give her a minute to breathe before I said anything. I licked my mouth clean, wondering about how things led to this. From how much she teased me about sex, I knew she'd been all talk about it. I made her more emotional than usual, especially here, with this… She must not have expected to have this reaction.

"Lightning," she breathed, holding me a little tighter, "You're so damn intense, you know that…? I thought you would've looked away. You barely even blinked."

"You looked away," I reminded her. Fang closed off from me again. "Why did you?" She didn't have an answer for me. I shifted to get a better look at her. "What's wrong? You're shaking…"

Fang smoothed away the sweat from my forehead, buying some time. "I had to stop myself from tellin' you somethin'," she replied. With a deep breath, she controlled herself, enough to keep still. "It's somethin' important. It's dear to me… I can't say it because you're not there yet. I know you're close, so don't lie to me and say that you're where I am."

That heavy dizziness found me again… "I wish you'd tell me anyway."

"I will."

She kissed away the rest of her want from my mouth. All of her control brimmed along her lips, threatening to burst if I moved too close. Fang wanted to do this at her own pace. Even though I wanted her to fall into me all the way, I had to respect her wishes. It did hurt…more than I thought it would. Her silence scratched at my chest, making me think that I had to hold something back, too. I didn't want to. I didn't need to. When we pulled away, I bowed my head enough, letting her know that I would do as she wanted.

Fang smiled. "You've exhausted me," she said. "I'd try to keep goin' anyway, but we've got visitors." She gestured to the door. I finally heard the hurried footsteps from the hallway. "Whoever it is thinks we couldn't hear them. I knew they were there this whole time."

"You want to stop because of them?" I asked.

"Sort of," she answered, looking me over. "You're not well, Light. I know you're not. Believe me, I want you…but I'm worried. You need some water and rest. Let's go back to sleep after you get a cold glass."

"I told you I'm fine," I said, getting out of bed. "Why do you think something's wrong?"

Fang held my hand, pressing her lips over my wrist. "Because I know how you are," she whispered. "You're one of those people who hates goin' to the doctor. Even with you sweating this much, you're convinced nothing's wrong."

"That may be true, but going to the doctor won't solve anything," I explained. "Hope told me that my body's gone through too many changes. After staying in Valhalla for five centuries, and then becoming the Savior, current science won't really help me if I get sick. The most they could ever do is put a band-aid over whatever's bothering me."

Fang grumbled. "Fine, but if you're not better by the morning, I'm takin' you to get checked out," she insisted. "Whether they can do anything or not, I wanna know what's goin' on with you. That's final."

I bent down to kiss her hand. "All right. We'll do that if nothing changes by then."

"Good," she said, getting back under the sheets. She sighed in disappointment. "Your tongue is to die for, really… I'm just gonna have to be patient. You go get some water to cool off."

"I will," I answered, leaving the room. Fang was slow to let go of my hand, fingertips clutching.

"Come back soon…"

I stopped in the doorway, turning back to glance at her. Fang looked so worried about me. Trying to reassure her didn't work. She had to see for herself that I was perfectly fine.

As I walked down the dark hallway, I heard those hurried footsteps again. It sounded like two people. One kept shushing the other to stay quiet. I turned a corner leading to the game room where Lebreau kept NORA's cold drinks. Then I picked up on who it was—Snow and Vanille, talking to each other in the hall at this hour. I stayed put, listening. If they'd been spying on us, then I wanted to spy right back.

"That was too close," whispered Snow. "You think she heard us?"

Vanille sighed quietly. "I don't think so," she said. "I'm sure she would have told us off if she had… This is why I said I wanted to go to bed! What if she catches us up on her way back?"

"Ahh, it's fine, it's fine…don't worry. We were talking anyway. Just got a little distracted by what went on in their room, you know? Heh…"

"Snow!" scolded Vanille. He chuckled. "Lightning would kill you if she knew! How can you laugh?"

"Hey, lighten up!" he tried. "I still have my head, don't I? Besides, we were talking before… Can we go back to that now?" Another sigh Vanille let out. She must have nodded, letting Snow continue on: "So I was saying…she really isn't the same, you know? I made all those promises without thinking ahead. We were young and in love. I thought I knew her. I don't recognize who she is anymore, the same way that Light doesn't know her these days. Stupid me thought nothing would change…"

Vanille hummed, worried. "But, you did make a promise," she pointed out. "You said you were hers forever. That isn't something you can just take back, no matter what's changed."

"I would have agreed with you a few months ago," replied Snow. "Serah's not answering my calls. She won't let me see her alone. She's with some meathead military guy now…she doesn't need me. I could have waited if I thought she only needed time. We've grown apart. I swear to you—that was the last thing I wanted."

"So you'd break your promise to her…?"

"Only because she's forcing my hand, Vanille. That and I can't help it. I've changed, too."

Vanille sounded uncertain. "…you know how this looks, don't you?" she asked. "You were in love with her for centuries, and that's all gone away because she doesn't need you anymore. I'm her best friend… Now you're asking me how I feel about you." Wait, what…? Did she just say what I thought she said? "I don't know how I feel about a man who breaks his promises, or falls out of love in such a short time."

"I'm not asking for anything more than that, Vanille. I know I still need time to get over her completely—"

"—yes, a lot more time. Why would you ask me this so soon?"

Snow sighed. "Because I'm trying to be honest with you," he said, sincere. "I felt her pulling away from me the second she broke off the engagement. It's left a void. Whenever I'm around you, I'm okay again. I'm not asking for a relationship or sex or anything like that. I only want us to talk more…if that's cool with you."

"I wasn't born yesterday, you know. You're trying to get a hold on me so that I'll consider you."

"…well, no… I-I mean I like…I like spending time with you."

"Only now that Serah is with someone else," added Vanille. "I don't want to be an afterthought, Snow."

"You're a hard woman to work with, Vanille…"

"Did you think that I'm simple just because I seem happy all the time…?"

Snow's heavy footsteps sounded, like he moved toward her. Vanille gasped. "I know better than that," he told her, lowering his pitch. "This isn't about me being a guy and you're the gorgeous girl who's actually paying attention to me. I told you the real reason why Serah broke things off. She got scared by the scenes I'm around. Fang exposed you to those things… You've said it's something you want from a man. Ever since you told me that, I haven't been able to stop thinking about you."

"…I know what I said, but we shouldn't talk about those things. I'm not comfortable with us speaking this way if you might still love her."

"Vanille, I can't… Serah rejected the part of me that I can't live without. I can't love her anymore."

I raised my clammy, shaking hands in front of my face. Listening to Snow say he couldn't love my sister anymore affected me too much. It wasn't about his reasons. It wasn't about them growing apart. It was the simple truth that he'd loved Serah for centuries, to the point of driving him to chaotic despair, and then…nothing. No more. He could rationalize his feelings away after she didn't need him anymore. His love for her had conditions. For as cold as I tended to be, I held back my emotions until I felt that it was safe for them to come out. Safe, and that they could last there, infinitely…in that sense, I was an all-or-nothing person like Fang. I either showed everything or nothing at all. Everything was this ugly desperation in my soul to know that if I loved her, that it would be forever—no matter what.

This tore at me because I imagined Fang doing the same thing to me one day. If something happened to me, and I changed beyond reason, she would have fallen out of love with me, too… Even if it lessened her pain, it was the principle behind it all. Declaring eternal, unconditional love, and living through it, only for it to all come to a sudden, explicable end, with logic being the killer.

What was the point in loving anyone at all if such powerful feelings could die like that?

Light-headedness slipped down to my throat, thinning my breaths. My sudden emotion constricted my throat. I refused to cry out. I refused to go back to the room and let Fang see me like this. I didn't know what else to do or who to turn to. I stumbled in the game room, holding back this sickness that had been brewing inside of me. Acidic, choking, venomous despair. I couldn't stop myself from falling for her now. It was too late. Too late. I could have loved her tomorrow, only for her to change her mind, leaving me with this bleeding vulnerability. I couldn't think straight anymore… Couldn't think. Couldn't see… Irrational thoughts all jumbling into one, exploding out. I grabbed the white hooded jacket from the coat rack nearby and put it on, trying to shield myself from all of those images in the air, swirling around me, surrounding me, laughing at me.

I ran out of the café, barefoot and in nothing but this jacket and my shorts, needing to go somewhere, away, up and beyond this world. Out-of-body I felt, pulled, thrown into scenes of Fang leaving me for someone else; getting bored of how mechanical I was; not having any more reasons to smile at me…

I had no control. There was no logic to my state, and logic was the only thing that could murder my hold on her. It went about on its own, having left me, not wanting me to remember its strengths, so that I could keep Fang away from those. Illusions and mirages before me, heated like the sand beneath my feet…the way she lived her life with such burning passion—the kind I drank at moments ago; the kind that she could have pulled away from me at any given moment to torture me. She had that power now. She had the means now. If she wanted to hurt me, all she had to do was pull away from me.

Fang could have cut the cord and ended my love right as it was about to be born. Stillborn—death before birth—infanticide, right where I'd felt her. Right after I'd lost control and fallen into my lust with her. I couldn't get by, not by burning out like this. On overload, worrying about this, spinning, sweating…

I'd never given anyone this control over me. Never…

Cars going to where they had to go through the lightening sky. Dawn was just around the corner, waiting to see if it was safe to come out. Sweat kept pouring down my face—my body cried from all of these possibilities, haunting me now. I couldn't see anything in front of me. She was right. Something was wrong with me. Something beyond normal panic. Something…something… but I'd lost my hold on it now. Nothing except colors thrown into the blender of my scattered mind.

Vertigo seized me somewhere along the heated asphalt of the road. In an intersection, at a crossroads. I was tired of thinking. Tired of not having control. Tired of being a slave to my emotions, no matter how hard I tried not to be. It felt better to lie down here and not think about all of that. Morning would come soon. Morning would come…and I would be gone somewhere again. Vaguely I wondered how there were twenty-four hours in the days here. The same as on the first Cocoon. Chrysalis was the same distance away from the sun… the same distance to replicate the fal'Cie Phoenix and the way it had given us our hours, our days, our sustenance, our lives…

.

Chimes of charms along a bracelet next to my face, the soft smell of my sister's sweet pea body spray: all of it blocked out the burning hot smell of the street underneath me, and the endless people in their cars, shouting over the holdup I'd caused all down the roads. Serah's panicked voice sounded so far away, even though she was right here. The sun in the sky…it was darker than usual. A solar eclipse. Today of all days… I was picked up and carried into the chill of an air-conditioned car. I lay in the backseat with my head in my sister's lap. The college history textbooks in the pocket behind the passenger's seat… this was her car.

"…how…supposed to drive a stick-shift?!" shouted a shrill female voice from the front. I couldn't make out everything. It hurt too much to focus. "Can I get… if I'm going at full-speed…the hospital!?"

Serah sighed in exasperation. "Look at the clutch…the numbers!" she yelled. "Go in order! Just up until… Then back. You'll feel the transmission… shift it. Drive on the sidewalk, Angie! These cars aren't moving fast enough!" The car jerked as her friend drove off. My sister leaned over, holding my head in her arms. Jerking sensations I felt in my limbs, uncontrollable—stopping—starting again—onset of a seizure— "Please hold on, sis… Hold on. Listen to the sound of my voice, okay? You have to stay awake…" Her tears mixed in with the sweat over my head. "You smell like sex… What did Fang do to you? How did you end up out on the street?! And no one stopped to help you, thinking you were some crazy hooded bum. I can't stand this… I knew she was terrible for you—I knew it…"

I wanted to say something, to defend Fang's honor. I couldn't make my voice work. Then I felt something—someone—pulling me away from my body, forcing me to look in from an outsider's perspective. Suddenly, I was in the front seat next to Serah's friend. She couldn't perceive me at all. Serah screamed, panicking again when my body in the backseat fell unconscious.

Lumina floated down to sit in my lap, holding me around my neck. She frowned sadly, sniffling. "Don't look back there," she whispered. "No one can see us. I'm keeping you alive as best as I can with Etro's blessing. I can't do this alone… Our help is already at the hospital. She's waiting for us."

"Lumina…how did this happen? What's going on?"

She held back her emotions from her voice, trying to stay strong. "Someone poisoned your drink," she said. "I promise you this wasn't Vespair. Think back to when you were at the restaurant. You were drunk… You looked up at the ceiling, at all the lights, and Fang had her head resting over the table. There was barely a five second window. He came right in and took advantage of it."

That blond guy in the black jumpsuit. I thought I'd recognized him. I'd been too out of it to notice…

"I'm sorry I wasn't there to stop him, Lightning. I don't have any excuses. I failed you…"

"Is it that serious? You said you're keeping me alive. Am I really dying…?"

Lumina couldn't reply to me. I felt a dry lump in my throat, knowing what the answer was. I didn't have the mental capacity to process anything more than that, or to think about the consequences—not in this state. All I could do was sit with this information, barely able to think about Fang and if she knew yet. We made it to the hospital soon after. I materialized outside of the car, watching the paramedics rush me through to the white halls to the emergency room. My body over the stretcher jerked constantly.

Serah couldn't stop crying. She cried harder when a few of the nurses asked her to wait outside my room. "She's my sister!" she kept saying, trying to push her way through. "Please—let me be with her!"

They refused to let her see me. Serah leaned against the wall of my room, convulsing as she sobbed; steadily sliding to the tile floor and curling up there. I couldn't do anything except stand next to her, staring down at her. In this false-state, I was still able to know how this affected her judgment. Even when she found out that Fang had nothing to do with this, she would never come around to trusting her. This had already scarred her too badly.

Lumina held my hand. "Here," she said, guiding me to the opposite wall. "This is our helper…"

Vespair was there, sitting on the floor. She had her face frowned in concentration while she used a screwdriver to tinker with a robotic doll. It looked just like me… "Just give me some time," she muttered beneath my sister's crying. "This obviously ain't what it looks like. Not exactly. When I bit you, your body adapted to the venom. You've got a natural antidote for this somewhere and I'm gonna find it."

"Why are you doing this for me…? And how are you looking through my body with a robotic doll of me?"

"I can't answer you right now," she replied, dismissive. "Ask me later when I'm not in the middle of theoretical surgery that could cost you your life."

Sazh rushed down the hall. "Serah? Serah!" he called. He went to her side, kneeling down with her. "What's going on? Is she okay?" My sister mumbled words to him that I couldn't hear, shaking her head. Sazh sighed heavily, putting his hand over her shoulder. "Damn… Sounds like all we can do now is pray. Lightning's gonna get through this. She will. Your sister's strong—you know that."

They spent a few minutes speaking in low voices. Sazh reassured her a few times that everything would be all right. Hope arrived not long after that, his hair and clothes unkempt, looking disheveled. Sazh filled him in on everything. They both took more time to keep my sister's spirits up. It seemed like Serah had calmed down as she listened to them. That all went to hell when she heard Fang's voice from the entrance. She stood up, watching Snow, Vanille and Fang hurry down the hallway toward us. I felt a pang in my chest when I saw how bloodshot Fang's eyes were. Dried trails of tears ran down her face, visible through the pale light of the hallway. She'd barely tied her sari on properly—it hung limp in places where it shouldn't have.

Sazh had no idea yet about the imminent danger—he stepped forward as they approached, about to explain the situation to them. Just before he could say anything, my sister went off.

"You did this to her!" she screamed at Fang, seeing red. "I told her you were a bad influence! What did you put in her drink last night?! Some date rape drug to make her have sex with you?"

Fang widened her eyes, affronted. "I didn't do nothin' to your sister!" she argued. "What the hell are you talkin' about?!"

Serah rushed at her. "Don't play stupid!" she yelled. Sazh barely put himself between them in time, holding my sister back. She struggled against him, still shouting. "I know you did this! You had to have done it! Who else would do this?! Who?!"

"Damnit, Serah, I wanna respect you, but you're really makin' that hard for me! You're a lunatic!"

"My big sister is on her death bed, and you're calling me a lunatic?!" cried Serah. All of the color left Fang's face. She stopped breathing, shaking instead. It took everything in her to not break down; to listen instead. "She's all I have, Fang! I shouldn't have walked away from her. I shouldn't have let you anywhere near her. If she dies, I swear I'll make you pay!"

Sazh pushed Serah back at last. "Now wait just one minute!" he insisted. Fang backed away, leaning against the wall in a trance. She wasn't there anymore. She wasn't in that moment during the arguing, the screaming, the crying—she was too far gone, somewhere in between accepting reality and not knowing what to believe. "I've been outta the loop here, I know—but how could you think Fang would harm Lightning like this? You must have some reason—"

Snow interrupted him, "Does it matter?!" he shouted. Vanille winced, looking guilty. She stayed at Fang's side, latching onto her arm to support her. "Serah's upset and she wants to point fingers—let's leave it at that. This isn't the time to start drama! Light needs us to stay strong for her! We can't do that if we tear each other apart right outside her room!"

Hope sighed. "Everyone, Snow's right," he agreed, weary. "Let's get through this with Light. I'm going to see what type of facilities they have here… I'm assuming nothing they have will be able to help her."

"What…?" said Snow. "How is that possible? How can nothing help?"

"Science can't keep up with the Knight of Etro and the Savior… Her body has evolved centuries beyond all current medical advancements. I don't want to bring the mood down. Really, I don't… But the chances of her surviving without support are…slim-to-none—"

Snow grabbed his collar. "Then what the hell was that all about!?" he yelled. "Saying that I'm right, and that we should get through this with her! Now you're saying she's not gonna make it?!"

All of that continued…back and forth…back and forth between Snow, Hope and Sazh. None of them knew what else to do. They were powerless. Whenever one of them tried to calm things down, another came back up with an emotional retort—over and over again for hours. The whole time, Serah had gone back to curling up against the wall, rocking back and forth as she waited for an update. Vespair was still behind me, grumbling on occasion while she worked on my robotic mini-me. Lumina went to sit next to her, offering quiet suggestions for the operation. I stood in front of Fang, staring at the revelations through her eyes. I wanted so badly to reach through this dimension and let her know that I was here with her… She shifted through phases in a cycle like the four seasons. For a few minutes, she was as still as winter, convinced she couldn't react without more information. Then she sprung into sudden emotion—silently, to avoid attracting Serah's attention. Only Vanille felt it from her; only Vanille got to hold her, nursing it away again, again, and once again. And then sweat dotted her forehead; blood red boiled through her eyes, her face and neck, burning in the heat of her anger. And then the powerlessness overtook her, making her fall back to inaction; back to that cold, unreadable stillness.

Eventually, one of the doctors called Serah into my room. Hope, Sazh and Snow finally stopped bickering. As if she'd noticed sudden movement from a hidden target, Fang darted her eyes to the door. She walked over there, composed, mostly, despite everything. What strength she had on her shoulders had been carefully built from the whole time I watched her. Everyone else stayed put, turning into spectators with me.

Serah stopped in the doorway to look at up at her. "What do you want?" she asked, monotone.

Fang took a deep, shuddering breath and said, "I want to see my girlfriend."

"They said only family members are allowed to see her right now," she sniffed. The whites of Fang's eyes webbed with the beginnings of cracking glass. "You're not her family. You have to wait with the others. Can you do that, or are you going to threaten me to have your way?"

"Why do you think I'm like that…?" asked Fang, frowning sadly. "I've never done anything to harm you or your sister. You saw us at the beach the other day. Even with this war goin' on, I do all I can to keep her happy, and she does the same for me. I… I care about her more than I can say. I don't understand why you're treatin' me this way."

"I know what you are," said Serah, closing the door. "Nothing you say or do will ever change my mind about you."

My sister's pride finally took Fang down.

Fang slammed her fist against the door. "Serah! Let me in!" she cried. "Damnit, Serah! I need to see her! Open this door!" When no one answered, she shut her eyes, resting her face against the surface. Every ounce of the strength she'd built up—it broke down for the others to see, and she couldn't stop from crying. Depth of feeling roared through her—she couldn't hold it back: "Open the fucking door! Open it! LET ME IN!" Memories brought her down further: how she'd held back with me in bed…all the things she never got to say. And the one thing she didn't tell me. "Goddamnit, I love her, I love her—I love your sister to death, with everything I am! Whatever you think I am, I'm a fucking fool for burning in love for her while she's dying! I'll be damned if I let you play down what I have with her!"

A few moments passed in silence, with only the sounds of Fang crying in pain. Everything down the halls, down to the waiting room and reception area quieted to give her precedence. Serah opened the door. She stared at the floor while Fang calmed down, and then stepped aside to let her in. I was about to follow until I felt Lumina tugging on the hem of my shorts.

"Stay here," she said. "Vespair needs something from you first."

Vespair set the doll in front of her, hanging her head in shame. Bolts, screws, electric wires and all sorts were scattered nearby. "Ugh, this is a mess," she complained. "Lightning, you're a damn labyrinth. Why can't you be one thing like the rest of the people in this sorry world?"

"Maybe you'd be able to fix me if you gave me some answers."

Vespair waved her hand. "Fire away," she ordered.

"Why did you open my eyes about Fang?" I asked. "I would have gotten with her eventually. Why did it have to be on your terms? You didn't have to help me at all."

"I was impatient," replied Vespair, sighing. "There's certain things I'm able to do now that I've got my own body. It's like lettin' a kid run around in a candy store. She wants to get straight to the good stuff. I can't do any of this stuff without you settin' the benchmark for Fang's balance."

"What are you talking about?"

"You're a Libra. You're her scales. You're in charge of her mood, her hormones, her thoughts, her emotions… Without you, she's all over the place. You saw how she was just now. I can't know what I've gotta do to protect her if she's unstable like this all the time."

I scoffed. "And you think inciting a war between Luxerion and Cocoon is the same as protecting her?"

Vespair went back to tinkering with the robot. "Indignant and hard-headed," she said, as if checking things off of a list. "Not too surprising."

"Vespair!" I yelled. She winced. "I'm sick of this! You're a part of her—you claim that you're doing what she really wants, deep down, but I can't believe that. I don't care that you didn't poison my drink. You're the ventriloquist behind this entire conflict between nations. What if it escalates out of your control? What if Fang gets caught in the crossfire?"

"She won't," replied Vespair, calm as could be. "Unlike you, I've got complete control over what's goin' on. In time, you'll see why I'm doin' this. Once again, it'll be on my terms. Don't rush me, Lightning. There'll be hell to pay if you do. I've got my eye on your clock, too. It's all the way on thirteen."

"What…?"

"The Thirteenth Hour," she clarified. "It's not supposed to exist in this dimension. It used to. All those Lost Hours are stuck in chaos. You experienced some of 'em on your Savior escapades. You're a good subject to study—the way you can control the balance of light and chaos in you. Chaos cloudin' your mind, pure light in your spirit… It's the exact opposite of Fang. Fascinatin' stuff, really."

All this talking in circles. She obviously didn't want me to know something. "Am I going to make it?"

Vespair smiled. "You're fine now," she promised, piecing the spare parts back together. "Just gotta remind you to be Fang's knight. It'll be a few hours before you wake up in your body. When you do, things are gonna be a little different. Some change is good. It's all good…" I knew she could tell what my last question was. She finished her repairs, and handed the robot to Lumina. Afterward, Lumina skipped off with the toy. Vespair stood up and looked me in the eye, sounding…sincere, for once: "I'd never do anything to harm you. I know I seem like the evil bitch that's out to fuck everything up. That ain't the case. The way Serah sees Fang is the way you see me. As messed up as this seems, you've gotta trust me. No matter what I do, Fang's not gonna get hurt. I need you to believe me. Can you do that?"

The door to my room opened. Serah stepped out, smiling a little. The mood around Snow, Hope, Sazh and Vanille lightened right away. They all entered the room, looking and sounding happier than they had all morning. I barely had a view of Fang leaning over my bed, holding my head in her arms. I looked back to Vespair. Trusting her through all of this chaos…it didn't seem right because of how foreign it was. Still—for the time being—I accepted her truce.

She didn't have to save my life. Believing her was the only way I could let myself thank her after everything, after all the ambiguity.