Chapter 6 - Confessions
Bernadette just stared at Amy, the story her friend just told her too incredible to even take seriously, but Bernadette knew it was true. They had been sitting in the restaurant for an hour now and neither of them had barely touched their food as they both now looked at each other, one in shock and the other sad in regret. Bernadette didn't know what to say, she couldn't believe Penny would do that and she felt sorry for Amy, who she knew would never had done that without Penny's influence. The other thought that came to Bernadette's mind, was that this may be the end of all the other long term relationships in their little group and it made her feel sorry for her friends.
"So what has happened between Penny and Leonard?" Bernadette finally asked, as she found her voice again.
Amy just blankly looked at her. "I don't know. I haven't talked to anyone since Sheldon told me to leave."
"Howard told me Leonard is going to England this Friday. That doesn't sound like something someone does if they are having problems they want to fix with their girlfriend." Bernadette explained.
Amy nodded. "You're right, but I really don't know what is happening."
Bernadette nodded then looked at Amy, "I tried calling Penny last night and just like you I got voice mail. I really think we need to check up on her, this afternoon."
Amy just nodded, "I have some time coming, I just need to go back to the university and check out, then we can go."
The two friends left the restaurant hardly touching their food at all, both lost in their own thoughts as both wondered what would happen next. Bernadette was now worried about Penny, she seemed to always hide her feelings from everyone and Bernadette had no idea how she was taking this all. Amy was now worried about Penny too, but Amy also couldn't help thinking they were going to a place just across the hall from her boyfriends apartment and that scared her, because she didn't know what she would do if she ran into him.
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Penny had felt numb the whole drive home, everything seemed so real to her now, Leonard was going away and she wouldn't see him, it made her just want to scream. She felt like a patient who had a fatal disease and now just had to accept their fate, he was leaving and she couldn't do a thing about it. It would be a long time before she saw him again, if ever, and that thought made her wonder how she was going to make it past the rest of the day, much less the rest of her life. The only thing she wanted to do was crawl back into her bed, but even then, the thought of going to her lonely apartment, knowing Leonard would never be back there, was almost too much for her to bare.
She had been back a while now, but Penny still sat it her car in the apartment parking lot, her head just resting on the steering wheel while she tried to figure out what she was suppose to do next. She couldn't think of a thing that would motivate her to move, absolutely nothing and a stray thought crossed her mind about if there was any reason to leave her car ever again. So Penny was startled when the she head the knocks on her car window and surprised to see the worried face of Bernadette looking at her through the glass.
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Amy and Bernadette got Penny up to her apartment and for the next couple hours Bernadette got Penny to talk about what had happened. Bernadette's worse fears had come true, Penny and Leonard were over and Amy didn't seem to have much hope with her relationship with Sheldon. Both her friends were devastated and Bernadette didn't know exactly what to do to help them, except just be with them. Bernadette knew she was staying at Penny's that night, she had to take care of them both because she loved them as friends and they needed her help. She also had to keep them well, so when she found out that both of them hadn't eaten anything since the day before, Bernadette took charge. Bernadette had Howard bring her some stuff and some take out food, after work, then she spent the rest of evening trying to comfort her friends, getting them to eat something and finally, that night, to sleep, as their tortured souls still suffered in agony.
The next day, Bernadette took off and convinced Amy to take off too, staying all day with the two of them, getting them to talk some more, but still finding it impossible to really cheer them up at all. Penny had gone from going to marry her soul mate to being alone again, in terms of a relationship, and was really taking it extremely hard, the woman who seemed to have the most life in their group now just a shadow of her former self. Amy wasn't much better, Sheldon was her first love and the love of her life, Amy felt like the happiness that had been given her the last few years had just all been snatched from her in some cruel trick and she seemed to be regressing to her past sad self.
So by Wednesday evening Bernadette was at a loss at what to do, both her friends were making the motions of the living while both seemed to have retreated into their grief. Bernadette barely had gotten Amy to take off that day, so tomorrow she knew she would just return to work, and at least at work there would be people around her. Penny was a different matter, she had no such diversion, she wasn't working now and it seemed her whole life right now was dedicated to missing Leonard. So it was with a great deal of misgiving that Bernadette left her friends that night, even though she had made them give her their spare apartment keys and promise to answer all her calls to them.
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Thursday things had worked out, both girls answered Bernadette's calls, even though they didn't have much to say and that evening Bernadette spent time with them both. Bernadette felt bad as she kept most of what happened a secret to her husband, only telling her Leonard and Penny broke up and Sheldon was upset about Leonard leaving, making things strained between him and Amy. She didn't want her husband asking Sheldon about that night, especially about how it was to sleep with Penny, because she knew Howard couldn't help himself when it came to putting Sheldon on the spot. So she just told him enough that he would understand what she was doing with the girls the next week.
Bernadette thought after Thursday that maybe things would slowly get better, however that all fell apart on Friday, as Penny barely said anything when she answered her phone that day, making Bernadette get off work early that day to rush over to her friend's apartment. The scene Bernadette found broke her heart, Penny curled around a pillow in a fetal position, a physical wreck from crying all day, the only words, Bernadette could get from her being 'He's gone'. It was then Bernadette remembered Howard telling her Leonard was leaving that day, he would half way across the world, and she knew Penny now thought he was gone forever.
There was something else that happened that Friday, in another part of town, that was not related to anything that happened with Amy and Penny, but would have an impact on Penny's life. After almost a half season of working without a contract, the main character in a TV sitcom, told the network to either pay her what she wanted or she was gone. The network refused, however they couldn't replace her, so the show was effectively over and there was still a half season to fill. The network was desperate and it turned out Penny's sitcom was the answer, so after looking at preliminary cut of the show, the network decided to take a chance. That Friday they contacted the shows producers and the wheels were set in motion for the production of 10 more shows to finish the season in place of the other show.
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Saturday morning found the three friends all in Penny's apartment again, Bernadette the first up, hoping her friends at least slept a little longer. Friday had been depressing, Penny was a mess, unable to deal with Leonard leaving the country and Amy was still depressed, making Bernadette have to get mad at her to make her come over with food and to spend the night before. Bernadette was also a little overwhelmed, they were both so bad and sometimes Bernadette wondered if they were feeding off each others grief. However, she was not going to desert them, they were her friends and she would do anything for them, so she just settled herself into being with them the whole weekend or as long as it took.
It was just over an hour later, after Amy woke up, that Bernadette convinced her to go the local bakery to get some pastries for breakfast before Penny awoke. Bernadette figured both girls would eat pastries before they would eat a real breakfast in their current mental condition, it was sort of ice cream therapy for breakfast. Having Amy get food also gave her something to do, so it was like killing two birds with one stone, food for them and Amy keeping busy, instead of her worrying about Sheldon.
Amy left the apartment and took the few steps towards the stairs when she heard the lock move and the door of apartment 4A open, she froze as her boyfriend walked out the door, pure terror running through her veins. Walking out the door, Sheldon had been deep in thought until he turned towards the stairs to see his wide-eyed girlfriend staring at him, her face even more pale than usual. Sheldon wanted to mention it to her, but he found it difficult to say anything, as the events of last weekend still hung between them and it gave him mixed emotions right now. To add to all that, Sheldon had spent the week alone, completely alone, no Leonard, no friends and no Amy and it made him discover something about himself, even with all his blustering to the contrary, he missed having people around. So even though he was still disappointed in Amy for what she had done, he missed her and those emotions were hard for him to deal with, especially now, with her in front of him.
Amy was waiting for Sheldon to come up with a hurtful remark, a dismissive statement or even maybe yell at her, but the longer they stood there, the longer the silence continued. The silence went quickly from noticeably long to awkward, so Amy screwed up all the courage she could and spoke, "Good morning Sheldon."
Sheldon was so deep in thought on what he should say to her, her simple greeting caught him off guard, so he just responded in kind, "Good morning Amy." he then looked at Penny's door and asked, "Were you visiting Penny?"
It was a simple question, but it made Amy cringe, Penny was the center of the problem between them and Amy didn't know how Sheldon would react to anything about her. Again, she reached down deep inside of her for courage. "Bernadette and I spent the night with Penny." she didn't want to elaborate that Penny was heartbroken over Leonard, pretty sure Sheldon wouldn't care.
Sheldon nodded, he couldn't be bothered about Penny, he was still too concerned about his girlfriend in front of him and what to say to her. He actually didn't like the situation between them right now, but he didn't know how they could move on, he wasn't good at this kind of stuff. "So you are leaving now?"
Amy shook her head, "I was just going out to get something from the bakery for breakfast."
Sheldon wanted to tell her that things from the bakery for breakfast were not healthy, but the words wouldn't leave his mouth so instead, "I was going out too….to the comic book store."
Amy didn't notice before, but as she looked at him she noticed he was wearing bus pants over his other pants. It made her immediately felt sorry for him, that he had no one to take him there and had to go by bus, so she blurted out without thinking, "If you want I could drop you off then go to the bakery. It is not really a significant detour."
Sheldon thought for a moment, he was suppose to be mad at Amy, but really she wasn't the one who had sex with him, also he missed her and riding with her would be not be un-pleasant. "Okay, I would appreciate that." Sheldon then followed Amy down the stairs, neither of them talking or touching, but both of them a little happier at what they were now doing.
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Monday morning Penny dragged herself out of bed about 9 AM, she had been in bed for 12 hours straight and was actually getting sore being there, since she had been in it about 30 of the last 48 hours. This was also the first time in the last three days she was alone without the girls around. The problem however now was she didn't know what to do, because honestly she didn't want to do anything, nothing in the world seemed interesting to her anymore.
She sat on her couch for a couple of hours, only drinking water while she sat, she had no ambition to even make herself something to eat, if she was even hungry. She finally got off her couch about noon and walked to the window to look out, the day was actually beautiful, but Penny couldn't get it out of her head it was just another day, like all the another days she saw in her future, days after days her life would go on and she would not be happy. Those thoughts were making her depressed again and she was about to go back to bed, until she saw the female jogger running past the apartment building. Penny had started jogging again, that past summer, to keep herself in shape for auditions and now the idea of jogging appealed to her, at least it would be doing something. Penny turned and went to her bedroom to get her jogging clothes on, for the first time since at the coffee shop, a week ago, Penny was actually was doing something.
Once on the jogging path in the park, not far from her apartment, Penny began running and her memories immediately started to betray her. She remembered just weeks ago being there, with Leonard, and as she jogged Leonard rode along side of her on a bike, he had bought just so he could be with her. She had laughed a lot that day, Leonard acting extremely funny all day, and the more she thought about it, tears started to fall down her cheeks. It was a good thing there was no one close as Penny yelled to herself, trying to stop herself from crying, "STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM YOU SLUT, YOU LOST THE BEST MAN IN THE WORLD, YOU CHEATING WHORE." Penny then wiped her eyes and tried to run harder so she didn't have to think.
Penny usually only ran 30 to 45 minutes when she ran, so after about an hour of hard running she was physically drained and it was then the pain shot up the front of her leg, finally making her stop and start limping. She knew she had a shin splint and it hurt like hell, but strangely Penny welcomed the pain, it was all she could think of as she limped home. Penny took aspirins, when she got back to the apartment, and looked on the internet on how to take care of her leg, finally doing a few things just before she heard the knocks on the door, meaning Bernadette was there, coming after she got off work again. Penny now realized she found a way to occupy her afternoons, it didn't make her happy, but at least the time went by.
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The next day Penny couldn't run, she could walk with a slight limp, but her leg still had to heal before she ran again, so Penny decided to go to the Gym. She spent the whole afternoon at the Gym, working on weights, doing a spinning class and then hitting the elliptical, each time working herself to exhaustion, resting a little while then hitting something else. It was working, she was hurting all over, but she was not done as she headed over to the rowing machine to abuse her body more. It was only after 5 minutes of rowing when it happened, a hunky guy walked up to her, a smile on his face, hoping maybe to hit something up with her.
"Wow you are really an animal when it comes to working out." the hunk said trying to flirt with her. Penny just looked at him as she kept rowing.
Her silence didn't deter him at all, "You know your body is sort of perfect you really don't have to hit it so hard." he then gave her his best ten-thousand watt smile.
The guy calling her perfect ripped Penny's emotions wide open. "FUCK OFF YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH!"
The guy jumped back in shock and the whole Gym went quiet as people just stood there and looked at her. The guy squeaked out a 'Sorry' and slowly walked away, as Penny looked around the Gym to see everyone looking at her. She suddenly found her heart beating hard and so she got up and then ran to the locker room, grabbing her clothes and going straight home, where she fell on the bed and cried. She felt like she was loosing it, when she was at the Gym, for a moment it seemed that Leonard was with her and that guy was just disrespecting him again by hitting on her, like every guy before and it made her explode inside. But then she realized Leonard wasn't there, he probably would never be there again, she was alone and she felt so cold and unhappy, just thinking about it made her start crying again. That is where Bernadette found her, when she came over that night, still in her gym clothes, again in the fetal position hugging a pillow, a blanket over her and staring at nothing.
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Penny laid in bed most of the next day, she was unbelievably sore, every part of her body ached and again it was a welcome distraction. Penny probably needed therapy, because she becoming to enjoy the pain, she felt it was punishment she deserved for the horrible things she did in her life. So it was late in the afternoon when she finally sat carefully on the couch, jumping slightly as her phone rang. Bernadette warned her to pick up if she called, so Penny just accepted the call without looking who it was from, getting a surprise when her agent said 'Hello'.
Penny's agent then told her an amazing story, something out of an actor's fairy tale, about a popular show that was dead because of contract disputes and how they wanted the show, that she was in the pilot, now to fill in for the rest of the season. It was a dream come true for any actor, she would be a regular cast member of a show for TV, but Penny's biggest attraction to the whole idea was that she would have something to do, in a few weeks, every day instead of sitting at home. The call ended with Penny agreeing to meet her agent down town, the next day, to get more information and sign some papers.