Attempts at Humor: A series of drabbles that have little connection to anything

Gwen finds out Merlin's a wizard

Gwen was coming back from the field with the herbs Gauis sent her to get and as she was at the threshold, she was caught unaware by a scene completely astonishing.

It stopped her dead at her tracks.

There was Merlin hovering over Gauis, whispering word she could not make out nor understand.

A moment later, Gauis was well, no longer at death's door.

At Merlin's command.

Gwen did not know a lot of things but what she just saw had to be one thing: Magic. Merlin can do magic.

She gasped and it was heard. Merlin and now well Gauis turned and saw her.

"Gwen!" Merlin exclaimed.

Gwen had more cause, so with a moment to compose, she said with a stern tone,"Is there something you want to tell me?"

Merlin had one thing, "Please don't tell Arthur."

"I won't tell a soul," Gwen said reassuringly, "I would never do that, but when..."

"We will explain later," Gauis said.

A lot of things now make sense.

A Lovely Smile

Gawain, all smiles and charm, walked into the chamber.

"Good morning Sire," he greeted the young royal. He then noticed that Arthur did not reply back and that he looked unwell. Like he was filled with boiling water and wanted to hurt someone badly.

"Sire..." Gawain about to queried.

"Gawain ," Arthur finally greeted back, neutral but somewhat strained.

Then Merlin came in, well it could have been him. He holding a pile of armor that reached his head. The head then poked out, assuring that it was Merlin.

Merlin's face went white once he saw Arthur and dropped the armor.

"Gawain, let's go somewhere else," Merlin said as he ran over to bewildered young man, ignoring the clashing and clanging metal. Arthur meanwhile looked more murderous.

"Merlin. What are you doing?!" Gawain finally demanded once out of the chamber.

He wondered if the manservant went just a bit mad as was dragged out.

"Saving your head. Which is quite noble considering of all the trouble you get me into," Merlin quipped back.

"If I recalled, you wanted to... What do you mean saving me? I have done nothing illegal. At least nothing I am aware of."

"Just let it go and avoid Arthur today. Maybe tomorrow as well. Let's make it a week to be safe."

"Merlin," Gawain now frustrated, which was not easy to accomplish, "I like to think we are friends and confidants. Tell me what is the crime I have done that actually made the Prince looked as if he wants to hunt something down."

"You in particular," Merlin finished off.

"Merlin."

"Arthur saw you earlier today." Merlin released as if he revealed a traitorous secret.

"I have done nothing today. I got up, had breakfast, went around the grounds..."

"Flirted with Gwen."

"Gwen?" Gawain, quick memory search, "The pretty girl with the flowers? Why would the prince care if..."

Gawain prided himself in reading other people, knowing their secrets and desires. It was a ability that had enabled him to go through life with little hassle and great fortune (which had yet to come in lifetime quantities). So to just now realized his misjudgment, and to think that the girl with the lovely smile and kind words was available-

And he thought he no longer made those mistakes. He always made sure...

"Those two?" He ended up saying, "She's his mistress?"

"What?!" Merlin yelped, "No! Arthur would never...I mean, its not like that."

That was new. Gawain was accustomed to seeing pretty servant girls being mistresses to noblemen (sometimes learning the hard way).

"Then what is...?"

"He's in love with her," Merlin said, as if spelling out "cat" to a child.

"In love?" Gawain was now thoroughly confused.

Merlin ignored it, "They can't say anything. Too risky. But as you are now aware, Arthur's the jealous type."

"So why not claim her?" Gawain asked, "Put her up somewhere and care for her?"

My father did so for my mother, Gawain thought, too bad he died.

"Because Arthur is not like other men. And Gwen is not like other girls."

"Obviously."

Gawain tried not to think of what might have happen if his father simply married his mother.

Dangerously Soft

It's not like Guinevere never gets angry, only that its a rare occurrence. Even rarer for people to be around to witness it. Sort of like a man who saw a unicorn.

Anyway, there she was, still as a tree, a tree that birds stayed away from, with her eyes sparking like a mother brown bear crossed with her cubs and her mouth a thin line, as if restraining the sword that may come out.

"Arthur," She started to say gently and so dangerously soft, "We are going to have a discussion later."

Arthur made no attempt to disagree. He then stepped back so Gawaine and Merlin would be more in her line of vision. The other two were frozen in their places and paid little attention to him, so they did not scowl at his betrayal.

"Gawaine, a whole day's worth of clean laundry and polished armor is in ruins because of your little adventure. Hilda and Gregory are coming to clean it up. You will help them."

Gawaine, who never really worked honest work before, started to open his mouth. Then Gwen narrowed her eyes, and he closed it, the words dead and rotting on his tongue, and lowered his head.

"And Merlin," Gwen turned to the thinnest youth of the trio, now wishing he was invisible, "For Albion's sake, speak up next time!"

"Right," Merlin nodded his head so rapidly it wouldn't be surprising if jumped off, "You are absolutely right. It will never happen again. I will so..."

"Shut up Merlin," Arthur growled.

Gawaine, who liked Merlin and did not want to see his new friend killed, and was very adept of making escapes, turned and left.

"Let's go see Gregory about that armor," the rogue said. The manservant took the hint and followed. They left Arthur with Gwen.

Arthur, feeling put off at being abandoned, took a cautious look at the woman he so greatly loved. He knew that discussion will begin now.

Whose Fault First?

It was on sale, that Gwen took pride in. It was of a lovely smooth silk with tasteful and delicate lace embroidered on the bodice and the skirt flared out. It was appealing and it looked beautiful on her.

Not anymore.

The dress' lily white coloring was now unclean gray, pathetic strands were all that was left from the lace and it was ripped everywhere.

Gwen held the ruined tattered gown in her hands, eyeing it.

"What I want to know is that after the first rip and the second stain, why didn't you just put it back?"

Arthur manned up and explained, "Merlin thought we could fix it, so it was his fault."

(wrote most of these originally in a space of five minutes, unbeta'ed. Edited.)