Chapter 9 - A New Hope

Leonard's Friday started like any other Friday since he got there, he was actually happy Thanksgiving wasn't celebrated in the United Kingdom, the thought of having to spend Thursday through Sunday on holiday, not something he would look forward to, entirely because of his situation concerning Penny. He had actually gotten to the university early and had been catching up on his official email, especially some of the emails he had gotten from Cal Tech wondering about his return. So it was natural for him, once he answered all his official email, to open his personal email that Friday morning, and he actually looked through his email twice before it registered to him that her email was second in the queue. He found for a few seconds he couldn't open it, the feelings he been fighting within him the last few weeks, seemed come back with new intensity as he stared at his inbox. There was also a little fear he felt, because it was very possible this email was about her telling him she was finally moving on, telling him good-bye or telling him she moved from 2311 Los Robles, it could be actually the email that confirmed they were over. It would actually serve him right if she did move on, and again thoughts about how pathetic he was being, made him finally decide to position his cursor over the read icon to open it.

Leonard

I just wanted to tell you I hope you had a Happy Thanksgiving, because I know it is not celebrated there, but I would hope you did something special or went out with friends. I actually went home to Nebraska myself, to be with my family, mostly my mom, it was something I just needed to do. Leonard, I won't bring up the past, but there is one thing I would like you to consider, no matter what you decide, is there anyway we could stay some kind of friends in the future? Even if you don't want to see me for a while, maybe we could just to let each other know how we are doing in our lives, maybe just send each other cards on holidays and stuff like that. You have been an important part of my life for over 7 years and we were friends before we dated, I really don't want to loose that. I hope you feel the same way, but if you don't I will understand. Anyway, like I said before, take care of yourself and be very careful.

Love, Penny

Leonard read it several times then just sat at his desk staring at the computer screen for almost an hour, trying to control the emotions that threatened to take over him as he looked at her words. Suddenly, four weeks seemed so long ago, he missed her and he hadn't been able to stop thinking about her, since he arrived there. Her words struck him hard 'Even if you don't want to see me for a while', did he really want to not see her for whatever "a while" meant? The last few weeks had taught him a few things, he missed her tremendously, and not because he just missed female companionship, he had already been hit on by two girls already, that he recognized, since he got there. No, he missed her, her voice, her wit, her smile and he missed being able to hold her, he knew it was only her that he wanted to be with.

He looked at the screen one more time before he hit reply and started typing, trying to compose his thoughts into words that would let her know he still hadn't forgot her and that she would understand that he still cared about her. It was harder than he thought, making him go back to his reply and rewrite it several times that day, only to reread it and change it again. It eventually took him 24 hours before he had typed something he felt he could actually reply with and even then it took all his courage to finally hit send.

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Penny had mopped all day Friday, worried that she had screwed back up again, he had not responded and she questioned why she ever sent him that email. She should have left him alone, given him time like her mother suggested, not send him something that would maybe force a decision out of him. She remembered about how she forced him to see her again, that day in the lab, it didn't do any good and it only seemed to reinforce his need to go, she actually thought she lost him that day. But this seemed worse, at the moment to her, it wasn't even something her mother could help with, she had sent the email and she now had to live with the ramifications, what was wrong with her, she thought?

Penny's worrying resulted in her having a fitful night sleep that Friday night, she felt in limbo, not knowing how much damage she had done or what was going to happen next. She slept for short periods that night, tossing and turning the rest of the time, her mind running on fear, her worry so great. It was when the room started to lighten, from the dawn, that she couldn't stand it any longer, so she quickly got up, to retrieve her laptop, and powered it up. Time now seemed to drag on as the operating system took its own sweet time bringing her computer to a fully awake state, something she had obtained much sooner than the screen she now looked at. When it was finally ready she hurriedly logged into her email, but when the screen came up, she found she couldn't breathe, because there on top of her queue of emails was his. She stared at it for only a second, but then her lack of patience took over as she moved her cursor on top of it, to open it, then taking another breath, she started to read.

Penny

Thank you for your kind wishes in your email, I actually was taken out on Thanksgiving by a couple of professors, to have a turkey sandwich and a pint (beer). I then received a lecture about how America single handedly destroyed the English language and then how if I didn't invite them to California to see all the pretty blonde girls they would never forgive me. So yes I had an interesting day.

Also Penny I have been thinking a lot since I got here. I will be finished here, the week of Christmas and I would like to come back to California. If you still want to, I would like to talk to you about the future and where we both want to go next. Penny I do love you, but I know now we need discuss things before there is any chance of us moving on.

Love, Leonard

Penny swallowed, she was in a form of happy shock, he wanted to talk about the future with her, for the first time since he left she felt they really still had a chance. Penny quickly wrote him a reply, telling him she definitely wanted to talk to him and to let her know when he was coming back so she could pick him up when he got back. The next thirty minutes, Penny just sat with a small smile on her face, a sense of euphoria filling her soul, the email was like giving her a life jacket to her drowning soul. She hit print on her laptop then went over to her wireless printer, grabbing the paper with his email and ran out of her bedroom, taking the stairs two at a time to find her mother.

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Penny went to the airport on Sunday for her trip back to Pasadena, she was glad she went home, sharing her grief with her mother helped and just having her mother around her for that week relaxed her some. Saturday, she actually went shopping with her mom, the first time she felt like doing that, since she read Leonard's note so many weeks ago in Sheldon's apartment. Leonard's email that morning doing so much to make her feel human again, along with his response to her response, later, telling her he would let her know the return details soon and accepted her offer to pick him up. Even though she knew her parents were disappointed about what she told them, when she got there, they never said a discouraging word, they were non judgmental and gave her all the comfort she needed, and she loved them so much for that.

As she sat at the gate, she scrolled through her phone, finally opening her email account to see if she had anything from her friends, Penny then almost dropped her phone when she saw the another email from Leonard, quickly opening it to see what it was. Her heart soared as she read the short couple sentences, then opened the attachment that was his airline itinerary for his trip home. December 22, she would see him in just over three weeks, it was almost too hard to believe, they still had a lot to work over, but at least now there was hope. Penny couldn't help the small smile that formed on her lips, that stayed there the whole way back to California.

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Monday morning, Penny showed up early to the studio for her first day of work, she had never been a regular cast member in anything on TV, having only a little experience with doing a small part in the NCIS episode that never aired and the one time part in 'Game of Thrones'. However, she wasn't the only one, so she just joined the other actors she knew at the Craft Services table and got a pastry and coffee as she listened to find out what she was suppose to do next. She didn't have to wait too long and less than an hour later she was sitting at some set up tables with the other actors, going over the first regular script of their new show. It turned out to be a long day, partly because over half of the main cast being new to the world of TV shows, like her, and it was almost 8 PM that night when Penny finally got home. Spending an hour sitting on her couch and rereading her script then getting ready and going to bed, being happily tired from the stress of her first day. With her knowing things were not over with Leonard and its implications, now bringing excitement over her new career, she slept the best she had in weeks and woke up refreshed the next day.

The rest of the week went the same way as all Penny's fellow cast members and the crew slowly got use to putting together the show. Each day that week was long and they all worked hard, no one complaining as they all wanted their new show to make it and they were all willing to make the effort to see that it happened. Penny especially, she welcomed the hard work because it made her concentrate on her job, memorizing her lines, taking direction on how to make her character better and working to make the scenes as good as she could help them be. She would come home late each night complete a few things around her apartment, then go to sleep, just to do the same thing again the next day, without complaint. They finished the first regular episode late Friday, the cast and crew proud they had finished their first one and all of the cast decided to go out and celebrate, except Penny, she went home and went to bed early. She had made a promise herself, she would not risk what she and Leonard had anymore and she never wanted to go out drinking again without Leonard at her side.

Saturday Penny woke up early and went jogging, then grabbed a bear claw on the way home, to eat with her morning coffee, and she noticed somehow the day seemed brighter as she made the short walk back to her apartment. She then spent the next couple hours going over the next weeks script that they were all given before they left Friday. Penny played a girl named Susan, who was friends with the other female lead, Penny actually liked acting as Susan, because Susan was the one everyone went to for their problems and she always had some way to help them all. Susan had a good head on her shoulders and didn't screw up things, at least not big things, and she didn't make big mistakes, not like Penny who screwed up all the time. Susan was the woman Penny wanted to be and she felt if she could be somewhat like Susan around Leonard, then maybe her life would turn out okay after all.

It was early afternoon when Penny finally put her script down and just sat on her couch and looked around, the real world now surrounding her again, it was the first time she wasn't tired from work and wanted to sleep when she had nothing to do. But she was lonely again, more than lonely she started missing Leonard again, she didn't know what she was suppose to do the rest of the day and suddenly the two weeks she still had to go to see him felt like forever. It still hurt to be away from him and now with nothing to control her thoughts she became worried again, what if they talked when he came back and he still wanted to break up, she thought. Her fear built again and she didn't know how long she sat there before she headed back to her bedroom again and flopped down on the bed, curling up with a pillow and eventually falling asleep.

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It was early evening when Penny was woken up by the knocks on her door and she welcomed the distraction of her friends as soon as she saw them, after she opened the door. "Hey Guys."

"Did you just get up?" Bernadette looked at her a small scowl on her face.

"Yeah, I guess I fell asleep." Penny said then shrugged.

The three of them just stood there a second with not a word spoken, until Bernadette said what her and Amy both wanted to know. "Penny are doing okay?"

Penny nodded, "Yeah, I think so." her friends being there was actually something she needed right now. "I'm glad you guys came by, actually."

"Really?" Bernadette seemed a little confused.

Penny nodded again, "Yeah, I guess I was a little lonely and I have been thinking about Leonard some again. It is hard to take that I have to wait two more weeks for him to come home, I really miss him."

"Wait. You said Leonard is coming home in two weeks? Have you two been talking." Bernadette asked in happy surprise.

A small smile formed on Penny's face, Bernadette's expression of happy surprise making Penny feel better than she did before. "By email, yes."

"Penny that is great." Amy blurted out. Bernadette nodded and smiled.

Penny smiled a little more. "Yeah it is, isn't it." Penny was feeling a lot better about what was happening between her and Leonard, her friends happiness for her was now starting to take root in her, again, and the feeling of how she felt when she first got his emails was returning, hope.

"Tell us what happened." Bernadette asked as her and Amy now moved into the apartment to sit down with Penny.

"Well…." Penny spent the next 30 minutes telling the girls about her trip home and her emails with Leonard, making sure to omit the part about Christie, not knowing how much Howard told Bernadette about the 'Whore of Omaha'.

"Penny you know Leonard loves you, him wanting to come back and talk to you has to mean he wants to work things out between you both." Bernadette told her after Penny finished catching them up.

"I really think Bernadette is right, Bestie. Leonard loves you too much to just break up with you, without trying to work things out." Amy added.

Penny nodded, her friends confidence made her feel good, that maybe her and Leonard would work through all this and be together again like before. The reassurance her friends offered, made all the fears she built up earlier go away, and again she ran the words of Leonard's email through her mind, he still loved her. The thought of him holding her again gave her goose bumps and she suddenly knew if he took her back she wanted him to move in with her, she didn't want him living anywhere but with her anymore. "Thanks guys."

They all sat there in comfortable silence for a moment before Penny spoke again, the feeling of maybe everything was actually going to be alright making her feel extremely normal again. "You know I'm starved, you want to go out and eat….my treat?"

Both girls nodded and smiled, Bernadette first to speak, "You're buying, I'm in."

Penny gave her a fake glare then a smile, as she hurried to the bedroom to get ready, a spring in her step she hadn't had in a while. She quickly got ready and then the three of them went to dinner, talking the whole night away later at a bar, Penny making herself the designated driver as she chuckled at her friends antics as the night wore on. The night ended with them all camping out in Penny's apartment, after Penny found out the girls had overnight bags in their cars, just in case. Penny actually had fun, the most fun she had in weeks and as she hugged her pillow that night she drifted off thinking that maybe soon she would be hugging Leonard instead of a pillow.

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The next week was easier, the cast and crew, now with a episode under their belt, repeating many of the same actions they performed the week before and all of them started to relax as things went faster. They worked long days still but now were always done by 6 PM each day, each of them becoming more efficient on what was expected of them. They actually finished the taping early that Friday, allowing Penny to get home before rush hour, the first time since she started working on the show. She actually felt good when she got home, grabbing some ice cream from the fridge, she was craving, and watching some TV while she ate, laying on her couch. She ended up spending the whole night comfortably alone, knowing she now had less than 10 days before Leonard came home, the excitement of that exceeding any sadness that occupied her mind before.