Narcissus Narcosis

by Yoshiyuki Ly

All these fragments of memories, keeping locked away who we are, how we think, and what we need. If you looked into them—into me—and saw all of my sick truths, would you still be there for me? : Lightning/Fang, post-game AU. Discontinued.

17. Fuck Me Boots

"Nature of Inviting" by IAMX

XVII. Fuck Me Boots

Washed-out, distant sounds of the bass thrumming from downstairs in Snow's palace barely reached the topmost floor where I was. I walked through the dark marble hallway decorated by crimson draping, on my way back to the bedroom that Fang and I shared. I still had on the all-black outfit that Fang had dressed me in at the mall earlier. She'd asked for a few hours to take a nap until the sun went down. I wasn't tired, so I'd gone to one of the shops nearby in the Augur's Quarter to get her something for the party. Growing chatter from everyone setting up the party actually made me smile—they'd all see what I'd bought for Fang soon enough. Snow had promised there wouldn't be any embarrassing renditions of "Happy Birthday" for me. Just a normal party in Yusnaan for a not-so-normal crowd. I'd never been to one of these things before, let alone been excited for one.

I had a really good feeling about tonight.

When I made it to our room, I had to suppress a groan. I inhaled the heated, thick smell of her hormones in the air. Such a specific, breezy scent—I'd recognize it anywhere. Fang was fast asleep on the queen-sized bed in the center of the spacious, black-and-red room. She lay on her side top of the crimson, velvety duvet, facing the night sky creeping through the windows. All she had on was her long sleeveless shirt. The red fabric tightly hugged her thighs. She had her hand in between her legs, like she'd fallen asleep with it there. Next to her was my journal, open to a specific page. She'd marked a few other pages with sticky notes.

I went over to the bed to get a closer look. I didn't read the page she'd left it on—not yet. Instead, I flipped to a random page she'd marked. This one was from a long time ago. Judging from the year, I must've been sixteen years old when I'd written this. It was an entry about how I used to be a prankster when my parents had still been around. I'd especially teased any girls I happened to like back then instead of telling them how I felt. Playing jokes on them to make them laugh had been my only real option. Sometimes I'd gone the extra mile with more sadistic pranks—anonymously—all while watching them squirm from the sidelines, reveling in how they hadn't been able to figure out that I'd been the one to blame. I'd written a few love letters to one of my crushes, disguising my handwriting to tell her all the ways I wanted to fuck her. I'd made sure she'd gotten the first one in front of all her friends. I'd watched from afar as she blushed terribly, trying to figure out who the "hot, confident, sexy guy" was that wanted her. Over time, the letters had gotten progressively more perverted: eating her out in front of the whole school, getting my guy friends to jack off to her and come over her face, and then letting every nerdy boy in the school form a line, taking turns to fuck her as a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for them to be inside of a hot, slutty girl.

I'd managed to keep a poker face the whole time, despite how surprised I'd been that she enjoyed every single one of my letters. She'd been so hot and bothered over them that she'd refused to date anyone else. I had no idea what happened to her after we'd graduated.

In response, Fang had written her own thoughts over a green sticky note:

If Lumina's got your cruelty for safekeeping, it's time to get it back. I never understood why she was such a joker if she was supposed to be like your younger self. Now I get it. I haven't seen that part of you. I miss it somehow. I'd kill to be that girl. I want you to let your sickness out on me one of these days.

I stared at Fang, flipping back to the page she'd had open had no idea about the lengths I could go to. I'd kept it all in-check because I knew how bad I used to be. Things had started to crop up again after watching BDSM porn—Black Velvet especially, since she and Fang looked so much alike. Scenes played through my head as I watched her sleep. There were so many possibilities. I didn't want to risk turning her off. But she wanted that risk. I wasn't sure if she wanted my cruelty or my sadism. I saw them as two different things. Cruelty being that I went all-out and didn't intend to soothe the sting afterward; sadism being that I worked from Fang's limits and found personal pressure points to push, and to make it all better later. Maybe it was a cultural difference. She'd mentioned to me once that there was no real difference between the two words in Pulsian script. Then again, she'd been in love with me for so long…I didn't know if she'd found a way to enjoy the emotional masochism before we started dating. I couldn't see Fang as any sort of masochist—emotional or physical. Yet her note suggested otherwise. That was something I'd have to find out more about. I tucked the thought away for the time being.

On this page, Fang hadn't left me any notes. This one was more recent—from just a few days ago. Vague traces of her arousal I smelled over the paper. She must have read this and gotten off to it:

We've had this unspoken agreement for a while now about the way things are between us. I'm naturally more dominant. So is she. Both to the point where we're each other's firsts in a lot of ways. I didn't let anyone touch me before. Fang's had a lot of girlfriends. None of them fucked her. She didn't let them. We don't fight for dominance. Switching fits us. Almost too well. I don't know if I'll get over the way I feel when she's on top of me. She gets off to it. It's the same way I can't hold back whenever I smell her fear. She's a capable huntress. She's always had control in her relationships before me. Nothing seems to faze her most days. Tearing her image apart and making her scream for me is irresistible. I haven't gotten a chance to do it in the way I want. She's making me wait until my birthday before I can have her.

Waiting patiently. Not even waiting. I let the days pass as they will. I have to keep part of myself sealed until then. Not on purpose. Not really. If I let myself think about all the ways I want her on that night, I'll end up frustrated. Sometimes I can't help it. If I'm alone, I'll think about it. When I eat her out, I think about it even more. Hearing her and feeling her get off to me always makes me high. Her usual calmness is almost like mine. Not much can get to her. The things that do get under her skin will really, really affect her. I know her well enough to guess at some of them. It would take the fun out of it if I asked her. She wouldn't tell me much. I don't need her to.

I want to warp her perceptions in a scene. Mentally, emotionally. Whatever fears she possesses, I'll have to pick one and hold it close. She hasn't let anyone pull her pressures apart and stitch them back together. I want to be Fang's first in that way—her one and only. Making her wet with words alone. Making her mind work her up. Making her heart spill with anxiety, uncertainty and weakness. All of it within the safe, safe sanctuary of my control.

I set my journal aside, crawling closer to Fang's side of the bed. I leaned over her, watching her sleep for a little while longer. Temptation overwhelmed me—to see if she was all talk about these things, or if she actually wanted them with me. I tasted her soft lips, kneading; stirring her awake. Fang sighed into my mouth, arching into me. Softer and warmer she felt and sounded as she reached up to hold me around my shoulders. I smiled with all of my thoughts. Intuitively, she let out a gasp of mixed surprise and want.

I whispered through her parted lips, "It's time to wake up."

Fang pulled me closer. "Rest here a while," she said. I lay my head over her chest, listening to her quickened heartbeats. "Snow said most people won't start showin' up 'til around ten or so. What time is it now?"

"It's exactly six," I told her. She chuckled. "What is it?"

"You're always so damn punctual," she answered. "How can you do that without a watch—?" Fang stopped herself, like she'd said something she wasn't supposed to. "Oh, fuck!"

"I take it I wasn't supposed to hear that," I guessed. She grumbled. "I'll pretend I didn't hear anything… I still want you to get ready earlier. I have something for you to wear." Fang laughed. "What? You dressed me for tonight. I should get to do the same for you."

"Oh yeah?" she asked, smirking. "What is it? Somethin' only some little old lady'd wear?"

I pressed my hand to her heart. "No, not that," I said, transferring the garb to her crystal. "It'll definitely wipe that smirk off your face." Of course, Fang laughed again, overconfident. Once she sensed what I'd put in her crystal, her smirk vanished. She stared at me in shock. "Put it on. You'll look even sexier than you already are." She sat up, facing away from me; wrapping her arms around her torso, obviously uncomfortable. I moved her hair aside and kissed her neck. "It's my birthday. I want you to do this."

"Your birthday's tomorrow," she corrected, shivering.

"That's right. By the time midnight hits, you'll still be wearing this. I'll fuck you all night and day. It won't happen the way I have in mind unless you wear the outfit I gave you. If you don't want to do it, I guess I can't force you…"

Fang stood up suddenly, going over to the dresser. "Fine!" she relented. I stared at her legs beneath her shirt. "Get over here. I've got somethin' for your silver tongue!" I did as I was told. She held my hands in hers one at a time, putting on black leather wristbands for me. "You've gotta accessorize. Since you never let me put that Mog adornment over your clothes, I'll settle for these." She slipped a few silver bands over my fingers. My heart skipped a beat over the suggestion. Fang didn't seem to know what the big deal was. Cultural differences again… "And this last thing…I got it made for you when I went to the mall with Vanille and Serah. Your sister told me I should get you somethin' you can use. Then Vanille said it should be somethin' sentimental. Then I figured, well, why not both…? I wasn't so sure, but I got it anyway…"

"It's not like you to ramble," I said, smiling. "I'm sure I'll like whatever you picked out. What is it?"

"Nothin' all that special," she mumbled, looking uncertain. "I hope you don't think it's cliché. This had a different meanin' back in Oerba…" Fang hesitated before pulling out a silver necklace. The pendant was the same shape that glowed over my chest whenever I used my crystal. I smiled wider as she put it on over my neck. "Yeah, so, normally if I gave my girl a necklace, that meant I wanted to marry her. But that's kinda…too soon for us… Then that'd mean that I wanted to eventually…I ain't sayin' more about it. Again, let's just pretend like I didn't say nothin'…"

Her face was bright red for once. Mine hurt from smiling so much. She actually had no idea that some people in Cocoon did the same thing with necklaces instead of rings—like Snow and Serah way back when. I kissed her so she wouldn't have to say anything else if she didn't want to. Even though she didn't want to talk about what she'd said, it was something I'd keep in the back of my mind.

"Thank you, Fang," I told her. "I really like it. How did you remember the shape?"

Fang smiled at my pendant. "It's from one of the pictures Vanille took of us on Snow's yacht," she said, smoothing her hands over my shoulders. "When you're real happy, sometimes your crystal glows through your clothes. Like a puppy waggin' her tail." She made her way to the bathroom. "All right, babe. It's time for you to head out. If you want me to wear these clothes, I need to prepare myself…"

"Prepare for what?" I asked, following after her.

"No!" she yelled, shutting the door in my face. This felt like déjà vu. "Go downstairs and help set up the party! I'll find you when I'm ready!" I watched the doorknob turn. Her muffled annoyance sounded through the door. "Damnit, there's no lock on this thing… Lightning, stay outside! Don't come in here!"

I couldn't help grinning. This was nothing like her and I loved it. "Why are you so embarrassed?"

"Because you want me to wear this…this thing!" she shouted back. "I need to move around in the clothes I wear! I know you picked this out 'cause of how restrictive it is. Don't lie to me!"

I leaned against the wall next to the door. "No," I lied. "I picked it out because it's sexy."

"Yeah? Well I don't buy it! It'd look sexy on someone else instead of me!"

"I never thought I'd hear you make a self-conscious comment about yourself, that's for sure. You've lost your bite tonight, Fang. Are you sure it's just because of the outfit? Or is there something else?"

Fang didn't respond. She turned on the faucet. I pressed my ear to the door, listening to the running water. I barely heard her groaning, muttering words I couldn't make out. The groans turned into moans—then she stopped, sighing instead. I heard some kind of surface hit the porcelain of the toilet. I kept listening, wondering if Fang would say something a little louder for me to hear. I assumed that she was busy thinking about my journal entries. She'd said that she wanted to see my sickness. But with this outfit, I had to wonder if she had second thoughts. I liked to think that Fang had a rather wide comfort zone. Stepping out of it was quite a feat in and of itself.

That made me want to push her more. She loved doing it to me. I wanted to even the score for once.

I quietly opened the door. Fang's hormones overwhelmed my sense of smell again. I saw her sitting on the toilet. She had her face buried in her hands, shaking her head. I went over to her, keeping my steps light over the crimson rugs. The running water helped to mask my footsteps. When I was close enough, I saw the thin hairs over her arms standing up on-end. So, she was nervous, but she enjoyed it.

I leaned down, pressing my hands over her bare knees. Fang's whole body shook, startled. Her face was red again. She stared at me incredulously. I bore my eyes into hers. Just enough fear crept through her gaze, bringing back a memory from a few months ago. When she'd been stuck in Elysium, Vanille had told me a few things about her ex-girlfriends. I remembered that one of the girls had had a urination fetish, and that ended up freaking Fang out. I wasn't into that, either. Anything to do with human waste repulsed me. Since Fang and I didn't see the need to discuss our limits in detail, she didn't know how I felt about that particular fetish. We'd agreed that if something came up that was an absolute limit, then either of us would use our safe words and stop right away. For all she knew, I was really into these things, leaving her trapped between her disgust and her desire to prove that she could handle anything I threw at her. She'd boasted a few days ago about never wanting to use our safe words during a scene. My Fang had so much pride. I needed to find some way to exploit that later on tonight.

I held out one of my hands and said, "I want some of your black velvet."

Relief washed over her face. Fang reached inside of her crystal. "Here you go…"

"Thank you," I said, taking it from her. "Do you want to meet Lightning tonight?"

Fang narrowed her eyes, confused. "What are you on about?" she asked. "You're standin' right in front of me. Here of all places… Don't tell me you like talkin' about yourself in the third person."

"That's not what I mean," I replied. "I know you've read about the persona I created. Lightning. You also know that I didn't necessarily make her after my parents died. Every part of me that I can't show to other people…that's her." Fang's breathing slowed down. She knew what I meant. "All this time, you've actually been getting to know Claire. She's quiet, considerate; sometimes nice. Keeps to herself. Doesn't make a scene. Lightning doesn't hold back for anything."

"Yeah, and she's more of a mind fuck… I got a nice crash course today while I read your journal."

"Instead of talking about it, why don't I just show you instead?" I suggested. She averted her eyes and nodded—reluctantly so. "I'm glad you're up for it. I'll see you downstairs whenever you're ready." Fang's relief reddened back to embarrassment when I kissed her. "I love you."

"I love you too, Lightning…" My heart soared every time she said that to me.

I left the room, making my way back downstairs. I bumped into Vanille in the hallway. When she stopped, she quickly wiped her face and smiled. She gave me a quick hug before hurrying ahead to the room. Judging by how upset she was, she needed to talk to Fang about something. Probably my sister. Then I realized I'd been putting off my talk with Serah for too long. I wanted to stay out of it. I really did. But she needed to know that I was concerned, and I needed to know why she was acting like this.

.

About two hours went by. Fang still hadn't come downstairs. More and more people had started to show up. The ballroom floor of Snow's palace turned into a nightclub: leather booths and a few bars, different dancefloors scattered throughout the huge space, and a hookah bar somewhere near the DJ's booth. On the upper floor right above, Snow's throne was there, unattended, overlooking the whole party. The chandelier overhead shone down crystal black lights, giving the illusion that we were all outside in the dark beneath a starless sky. I had a vague view of Hope testing his equipment at the DJ's booth. He had a nice set of songs going on so far. I couldn't believe that he was the DJ, but everyone on the dancefloor seemed to enjoy his taste in alternative rock, dark cabaret and synthpop. I still hadn't seen my sister, let alone Fang and Vanille. I figured I'd go over and talk to him for a bit.

Hope didn't look as out of it as he had on the plane. He gave a weak smile when he saw me. "Hello, Light," he said, pulling his headphones down. "Enjoying the party so far?"

"It's picking up," I answered, nodding to the people grinding on each other nearby. "I didn't know music was your thing… Did Snow ask you to do this or did you volunteer?"

"Both, actually. He said something about giving me a job to do. It was either this or working the bar."

Small talk wasn't my strong suit. I glanced at the nearest bar, trying to think of what else I could say. "Is there something wrong with the bar?" I tried. I really just wanted to ask why he was so down. I had a feeling he wasn't going to tell me. "There are plenty of people buying drinks. They don't look like they're giving the bartender a hard time, either."

Hope cringed. "No, I know," he replied. "It's just that…well, I'm not really a people person if you know what I mean. Kind of ironic… One of my colleagues in the lab—she noticed that I'm kind of hopeless about these things. She thinks it's sweet. We started talking more and things are looking up."

"Oh," I said, in that way where I obviously didn't know what else to say. Hope smiled anyway. "…that sounds great. Are you two dating, or…?"

"Yeah, we are. I'm really happy with her…" he trailed off.

Hope busied himself with changing the song. It felt like there wasn't any music playing at all. Just the sounds of us standing around in an awkward silence. I didn't know him well enough to tell if he'd just lied to me or not. If he was happy with his girlfriend, then why did he seem so miserable? Right on time, I saw my sister dancing by herself in the middle of the dancefloor. Something told me she'd been avoiding me. I had to talk to her now before she noticed me and ran off again.

"Serah's here," I pointed out. "I've been meaning to talk to her. I'm gonna head over there."

"See you," said Hope, waving goodbye.

I had no idea why I felt bad about leaving him. He was a grown man—he could take care of himself. For some reason, I felt responsible, as if I had to get to the bottom of whatever was wrong with him. But, Fang was right. Once I could say that I'd kept track of his signs, he couldn't deny it. Later, then…

I squeezed my way through the crowded dancefloor to get to my sister. The sheer heat of everyone sweating and dancing hit me hard. Someone nearly spilled their beer over my shirt. Someone else tried to dance against me, thinking I was interested in them for some reason. Another person loudly asked what my name was and if I was into cage fucking. I ignored all of them and made my way over to my sister. Serah was still in the center, dancing with her eyes closed and her arms over her head. Her long hair was down for once, her makeup was dark, and she had on an outfit that reminded me too much of Lumina's—all-black, with a thin, flowing cardigan, short skirt, heels and fishnet stockings. From the red tint over her face, she must have been tipsy again. Just as I neared her, she tried to run off. I grabbed her arm and pulled her back over to me. Serah threw her arms around my neck, switching her hips up and down to the beat of the music. I frowned at her, waiting for her to open her eyes and look at me. She never did.

"Serah!" I shouted over the music. She grabbed one of my hands and put it over her waist. "Damnit, I don't want to dance with you! We need to talk! Why are you acting like this?"

Serah threw her head back, still dancing. "Like what?" she asked.

"Like a manipulative bitch with Snow and Vanille," I growled. Serah widened her eyes, putting her hand over her mouth in pretend-shock. "Don't give me that. You know exactly what you're doing. I've tried my best to stay out of it. It's getting to the point where I have to do something. This is nothing like you!"

"If you let me show you how to dance," she whispered in my ear, "I'll tell you everything."

"What the hell is everything?"

"Noel. You. Fang. Vanille. Fragments of memories reminding me how you raised me. Everything."

I knew she wouldn't tell me anything unless I went along with this. If I didn't talk some sense into her, Vanille would end up hurt again. I held Serah around her waist and stood in place, waiting for her instructions. She swayed her hips close to mine. I got that I was supposed to imitate her doing that. I didn't expect her to hold my shoulders and move them. She mentioned something in my ear about the way snakes moved—sensual momentum, letting everything flow. I mimicked her just fine after that.

Serah beamed at me. "You're pretty good at this," she said. "Did Fang teach you already?"

"No, not exactly," I answered. "I've watched her dance enough times to get the idea behind it. Now what's going on with you? You mentioned Noel first."

"He's changed so much," she replied. "It feels like just yesterday…we were the best of friends. I trusted him with my life. I grew so much as a person during our journey together with Mog. I thought Noel and I would always be close, no matter what happened. And now he's the leader of Luxerion's Secutors. He probably wants you dead for getting in his way. The friendship we had must mean nothing to him."

"This is news to me since you don't really mention him," I said.

"What's the point?" asked Serah, jaded. "We are who we are. People don't change. All he was ever interested in from the start was finding Yeul again. Protecting her. He threw me away for her, just like you did to me with Fang. It's a constant cycle. I shouldn't care. Drinking and sex helps me to forget it all."

My heart dropped to my stomach from hearing that. "Why do you feel that way about what I did…?"

Serah danced closer—against me. "Claire, we both know how it happened," she said. "I told you I didn't like your girlfriend. Instead of talking it over with me, you showed me the door. In my own house."

"You seemed like you'd already made up your mind…"

"Maybe I just wanted you to talk to me instead of shutting me out like you always do."

This wasn't the time to argue about it. "I'm sorry, Serah," I replied. "I shouldn't have done that to you."

Serah smiled. "I'm sorry, too," she said. "I was convinced that Fang was all these things when she really wasn't. I should have gotten to know her better. I'm glad I did. She's an amazing person. It was nice talking to her about how I grew up with you. She pointed out how sheltered I used to be. Then she helped me see that it was the real reason why I broke up with Snow. After finding more fragments of memories, I started wondering if I should go back to him since I'm not afraid of that lifestyle anymore…"

"But what about Vanille?" I asked. "Is she just an experiment for you?"

"No…I don't know," she muttered against my shoulder. "That's what scares me the most. I thought I was only into guys. Girls never interested me that way. Then I started getting to know her more. She's opened my eyes in so many ways. I feel like I can't tell her. I've changed so much. I'm not good for her."

"I think you would be if you stopped stringing her and Snow along."

"You say that, but you don't know everything… I promise I'll leave Snow alone. I can stop hurting them that way. Beyond that, it's way more complicated. I'm not ready to talk about it yet."

I stopped dancing once the song changed. "As long as you're not hurting anyone," I said. "That's fine with me. I'll be here whenever you want to talk." I noticed a bunch of Serah's friends crowding around us. Some of the girls waved shyly at me, looking me up and down and whispering to their friends next to them. "…guess that's my cue to leave. I'll be around if you need me. I'm waiting for Fang to get down here."

Serah giggled. "You might be waiting a while," she replied. "She sent me a text an hour ago asking how to walk in those heels. There was a picture of her in the outfit you gave her. I love you for making her wear it!" I wanted to see this picture. She knew I did. Instead of showing me the picture, she reached in her crystal and pulled out a masculine-looking silver watch. Serah held my wrist, putting the watch on for me. "This is your gift from me. Fang and I had a joke argument over both of us getting you jewelry. It was a funny coincidence. Silver looks good on you."

So this was why Fang made that comment about me not having a watch. "Thank you, Serah," I said, smiling. "I'm surprised it fits me. It looked bigger before you put it on." Then I noticed something strange about it. "The hands show the normal time. But what's with the longer blue hand over thirteen?"

"Oh! I don't really know, actually," she answered. "The lady at the store mentioned something about thirteen hours and chaos. Like, if you put the watch on, and the long hand goes to that hour, then it's supposed to be some kind of good luck charm? I figured maybe you might know more about it. Or you'd at least be curious enough to find out." Serah gave me a chaste kiss over my cheek. "Fang should be down here soon! You'll love what she has on. I'll see you later, okay?"

I watched her skip off to the hookah bar with her friends. I was tempted to follow her, just to look out for her. But, again, she was an adult. My sister could look out for herself. I trusted that she'd have a better handle on things from here on out.

I left the dancefloor and went to stand against a wall. Nearly three hours had passed since I last saw Fang, and I had no idea what to do once she showed up. I had to come up with an idea for a scene with her. I'd talked a lot of game back in our room. If I didn't deliver, I'd end up annoyed with myself. I got out the black velvet Fang had given me, smoking for a few minutes. I actually wanted Fang to keep taking her sweet time upstairs. I knew she was busy talking with Vanille about my sister. That was fine with me. I needed some more time to think of something… I kept looking back and forth between my new watch and the other people around me. I thought that smoking this would help to relax me. It ended up doing the opposite. My hand holding the black velvet started shaking from my nerves. I couldn't think of any good ideas. That conversation we had in the bathroom stayed with me, but I couldn't pick out a solid scene from that. Maybe I needed to have a look around the party.

I went over to one of the regular bars. I found Sazh and Snow there having a conversation with the bartender. That was normal. What wasn't normal was seeing them with some kind of dildos in their hands. They sucked on them, scrunching their faces up like they'd tasted something sour. The bartender frowned sadly as Snow and Sazh both shook their heads in disapproval.

"God, what the hell is this?!" blurted Snow. "The cocktail's not supposed to be this warm! Why isn't it cold? I get that there's vodka in it; you can drink that stuff at room temperature, but not like this!"

The bartender hung his head. "I-I don't know!" he cried. "Someone must have left the drinks out…"

"As a joke?" wondered Sazh. He took another sip—or suck, whatever—and made a disgusted noise. "No way are these things gonna sell! Looks like this entrepreneurial venture of yours is a no-go."

Snow slammed the dildo down over the bar. "What a waste!" he complained. He seemed angrier than he normally would have been. I guessed he was still annoyed over Serah teasing him earlier. "I spent a lot of money on these things! I thought they'd be a hit! If they were cold, maybe they'd sell! Tastes like we're drinking piss straight out of a rubber dick! It'd be worse if the alcohol was yellow. Thank God it looks like water from the vodka."

"…what's going on?" I asked them.

Sazh sighed. "Mr. Inventor over here lost his whole investment," he said, pointing at Snow. "Thought he could make a killing tonight sellin' cocktails in, well, cocks." He showed me how the dildos were hollow, holding alcohol in them like bottles. "Would've been a great idea if the alcohol inside wasn't warm. Makes my mouth feel like a urinal just lookin' at these things."

I couldn't help saying, "That sucks."

"This is disgusting!" raged Snow. "I should've had Hope watch over the bar. Maybe he could've listened to instructions and kept these things in the cooler! You're fucking useless, dude. You're fired! Get out of here!" The bartender left in shame. Snow grumbled. "Man, I don't know what's gotten into me today…"

"I could take a guess," said Sazh. "Could be a certain little lady related to this one right here."

Snow scowled. "Yeah, I guess," he muttered. "Hey, sis. Do you want some free cocks?"

"No," I told him. "What would I do with them?"

"I don't know!" he said, pulling a few from behind a bar. "Look, this is my sales pitch! They're a lot like limp dicks when they're empty. When they're full, they get hard, but the outside's soft enough to feel like a circumcised cock. They have a ball sack, see? You can put a stick in between the opening to hold them all at once. The idea was to go around holding the stick up and for people to take the cocks off, you know, like a waiter carrying around a silver platter with glasses of champagne."

"Yeah, I definitely see the inspiration behind it," I mocked. Sazh laughed and walked off. "Seriously, Snow? This was your bright idea?"

"It was either these or vaginas," said Snow, shrugging. I honestly couldn't picture how that would've worked. "There are more straight women and gay guys here than anything. I thought I'd be catering to the majority! They would've gotten a kick out of dancing around with dicks in their mouths."

I rolled my eyes and said, "I think you need to go back to the drawing board."

Snow waited until Sazh was a ways away. "So, Jihl Nabaat told me about that thing," he whispered. "You know, at the ball in a few weeks… I gotta tell you—I don't have a good feeling about it. You're supposed to let that power-hungry prick shoot at you?! And I'm supposed to tell my security to ignore the guy hauling around a sniper rifle in the halls? That's such a bad idea. It's even worse than these things!"

"She'll handle it," I assured him. He didn't look convinced. "It's too complicated for me to explain here. I'm sure Jihl told you everything. If he's caught red-handed, he can't talk his way out of it. Once he's taken care of, we won't have to worry about anyone hauling Fang off to Luxerion."

"I can't help it if I'm overprotective of you," he mumbled. "After what happened at the restaurant…"

"I'll be fine, Snow," I said. "Try not to worry about it. I see it as just another mission I have to do. You should do the same."

I heard a few people wolf-whistling and cat-calling at someone behind us. I ignored them at first, thinking there was nothing all that special going on. The cheering didn't stop. Then I saw Snow staring at the commotion with lust in his eyes. I turned around to see what the big deal was. I saw Vanille first, wearing an outfit that matched Serah's, with her hair down and everything. She had her arm linked with Fang's. My eyes widened when I saw her. My pulse picked up; I had to stop my jaw from dropping. Neither of them had on much makeup—just dark mascara that made their emerald eyes stand out even more. And Fang…she actually had on the outfit I gave her: a solid, tight black corset, a garter belt with thin stockings, and thigh-high stretch leather fuck me boots with stiletto heels on them. I kept my eyes on her boots in between the crowd of people gathering around her and Vanille. Both of them seemed oblivious to all the people around them, engrossed in conversation with each other instead. Fang's walk wasn't as confident as I remembered it. I almost couldn't tell from how well the leather wrapped around her legs. I seriously couldn't believe she found the courage to wear this in front of everyone for me.

Snow let out a low whistle. "If I wasn't jealous of your love life before, I sure am now," he told me. "And it looks like Vanille's here to seduce Serah. Guess I lost them both… Your Pulsian Queen's pretty damn hot, too." I snapped out of my thoughts, turning back to him. "What? Am I not allowed to say it?"

"Uh…yeah, I guess you can if you want to…"

"This is the first time I've seen you speechless," he pointed out, smiling. "I'd better take advantage of it! Here, Lightning." He handed me the cocks. "I want these gone! You can give them to Fang. You know her—she'll have a field day with them. It'll be something to entertain her at least?" I stared at him, feeling at a loss. "C'mon, sis! Will you take them off my hands? I've gotta run this bar by myself now."

"A bunch of dicks on a stick," I deadpanned, staring at them. "Just what I always wanted…" I turned back to look at Fang and Vanille. It looked like they were still talking. They spotted Serah over at the hookah bar with her college friends. Vanille seemed to ask Fang a question; Fang smiled a little, encouraging her to go over to my sister. "Actually, keep these here…" As I watched their exchange, an idea for a scene slowly trickled through to me. Fang stood along the wall with her arms folded around her waist. Oddly self-conscious… "I'll come back for them later—I promise. Put them away somewhere for me."

"Oh, yeah, sure!" called Snow as I walked away. "They'll just be here getting even warmer for you!"

I left the bar right on time. Some metrosexual-looking guy was in Fang's face, asking to buy her a drink. I hurried up when I saw her annoyed scowl. I already knew this wouldn't end well.

"What's your poison, baby?" he asked. "Something that'll make you take me over your knee and spank me? I'll be a bad boy for you. That turn you on?"

Fang leered at him. "You've gotta be jokin' me," she bit back.

He danced a little to the music. "I can get down with you!" he boasted. "You're one of those Dominatrix babes, right? I don't want you to fuck me up the ass. How about I eat yours instead?"

Fang didn't seem to care about the conversation anymore. "…I ain't interested," she droned.

"What?!" he cried. "You're turning me down? Don't you know who I am? Are you not from here?!"

I grabbed him by the shoulder, pulling him out of Fang's face. "Get lost," I said to him. "She's mine and she doesn't want you. Don't make me tell you again."

He narrowed his eyes, looking back and forth between us. "Oh, I get it!" he shouted. He held his hands up, mocking me. "You're a pair of dykes! I almost couldn't tell! You're both hot. Were you drunk when you fingered her the first time? Two best friends hooking up?" Fang pursed her smirking lips together. I knew she wanted to laugh at this guy for thinking he could talk to me like this. I counted backward from ten. I hoped that he had enough sense to walk away. Sadly, he didn't. When I didn't react, he smirked at me before opening his mouth for the last time that night: "You know, stud, I gotta tell you something—it's too bad you get to eat her pussy. We men lost a good pair of bitches to slap around—"

I grabbed his collar this time. "First you disrespect my girlfriend, and now you act like you're entitled to slap women?!" I yelled over his screaming. He sputtered broken apologies. "It's too late!"

I punched his glass jaw. He screamed again and fell to the ground, bleeding. Fang laughed and stepped over him. Security guards hurried over to survey the mess. Once they saw it was me, they let Fang and me walk away without incident. She held my hand, still laughing as she guided me to the upper floor overlooking the party.

"He had it comin'," she said. "I was gonna do it myself 'til I saw you outta the corner of my eye."

"So you let me do it for you?" I asked.

Fang smiled. "For once in my life, I wanted to let you be my hero," she teased. "You're like my knight in shinin' black armor with silver accessories. You wanna protect me, don't you? Well, you had a taste of it just now. It's a hard job, ain't it?"

"You were hardly in any danger…"

"Didn't you hear? Chauvinistic pigs are pretty deadly! They carry diseases and everything."

Once the joke passed, I noticed her self-esteem withdrawing again. As we walked up the winding stairwell, Fang lightly dug her nails into my knuckles—what was left of her nails, anyway. They felt jagged, like she'd bitten them down in her anxiety. I wrapped my arm around her waist, keeping her steady as she went up the stairs with me. Fang was too proud to hold onto the railing. When we made it to the top of the stairs, she let out the breath she'd been holding in. I really wanted to compliment the way she looked. I had a feeling she didn't want me to say anything. Just to be sure…

"Fang—"

"—not a word," she warned. "I know you wanna charm me and say somethin' nice. There's only one thing that'll make me feel better." She led me to Snow's throne overlooking the party. Fang stood in front of me while I sat down. "Before that, first things first—I wanna know exactly why you picked this out. You knew I'd have to learn how to walk in these boots."

"It's different for you," I replied. "It's sexy because it's so different from your usual style…" Fang bent her leg, nestling it between both of mine. I blanked out as I stared at her boot. "And…I have a fascination with…with this contradiction." She used the tips of her fingers to lift my chin. I felt my heavy breath building in the palm of her hand. Her heady perfume dulled my senses. "Do you know what I mean…?" Fang raised her eyebrow and shook her head. She reached into her crystal and gave me another piece of her black velvet to smoke. "You look like a Domme but I want to fuck you."

Fang leaned over me, lighting up the black velvet. "Oh I bet you do," she said, relaxed. "When I pictured this moment, I thought I'd be wearin' a lot less up here." She pressed her hands along my shoulders, moving her hips to the dark beat of the music. "I wanna meet Lightning tonight. I'm more than happy to give you a lap dance if it'll bring her out." She toyed with my belt buckle and licked her lips. The way she danced was snake-like—hypnotizing. Heat steamed through my pores; sweat rolled down my temples. "Seein' you react like this to me is a new experience."

She breathed in the smoke as she straddled my lap, swaying against me, so sensual. Lightly, Fang moved her touch up to my neck, holding my thundering pulse. Hearing her shallow breaths in my ear drowned out the sounds of everyone else below us. Feeling her corseted waist pressing against me made my mind race with all the ways I wanted to take her. But I had to remember—she wanted to meet my sadistic alter-ego tonight. Or at least she thought she did. I smoked more to keep my cool. Fang noticed the shift. She eased her body around, slowly grinding her hips into me. I held the curve of her waist in my free hand. I stared at the lines of her garter belt down her thighs. Her boots shined in the black light of the chandelier. I smoothed my hand down to touch them. From this angle, I saw half of the people downstairs staring up at us as they danced. I inched my hand up along the inside of her thighs.

Fang leaned back to whisper in my ear, "You can do whatever you want to me tonight, sexy." She pressed her hand over mine, kneading it over her thong. "It made me smile seein' you get protective of me back there. I know you wouldn't want no one fucking me before you got a chance to." Her hot arousal seeped through to my touch. A little deeper—she pushed the tips of my fingers into her just enough to let me know how tight she was. It took everything in me to not push into her. She sensed it, trembling in response. "I love you for challengin' me. I hate you for knowin' exactly how to push my buttons."

"I've barely started," I said, breathing along the bend of her neck. "Do you want to know what else I have for you? I'll make you regret giving me this much freedom."

"That a challenge?" she asked, eager. "I can't say no to one—not from you."

Just a precaution: "So we're clear…you remember our safe words?" I asked. "Right?"

Fang laughed, haughty. "Yeah, fuck off," she recited. "Why would I ever use those with you? I read your hard limits in your journal. Polygamy, any kind of orgies, forced bisexuality, cuckolding—basically any sharin'—and that medical play stuff and blood play. I ain't into none of that, either. You like to mind fuck me; I'm better at bein' more physical to overpower you. We're good!"

I left out a few things because they disgusted me so much that I couldn't write them down. I'm glad I did that. Fang didn't need to know yet. She'd find out soon enough.

"Yeah, we're good," I replied. "The scene starts now." I pulled out a pair of handcuffs from my crystal. Fang gasped when I cuffed her wrists behind her back. "You never realize when you're walking right into a trap. It's kind of cute, actually. I like that you're comfortable around me." I blindfolded her. Then I put on a full face mask over her head—just to make sure she couldn't see anything. I pulled the mask up enough to keep her mouth exposed. She squirmed over my lap, demanding to know what this was all about. "Relax. At least you don't have to worry about walking back downstairs in your boots."

I picked her up, carrying her back down to the party. Fang kicked her legs in the air and jerked her head around. She yelled at the top of her lungs for me to stop and put her down. The people we passed by were either too drunk or busy dancing to pay us any mind. I was impressed. All I did so far was cuff her and blindfold her, and she was already throwing a fit. She must have thought I wouldn't top making her feel uncomfortable in this outfit. Now that I'd made it clear that I was about to, Fang couldn't stand it. She was like a powerless child who could only scream and yell. I could practically hear her mind going crazy with scenarios I had in store for her, each more undesirable than the last. I bent down enough to smell between her thighs. Hot, fresh arousal crept through her thong, steadily slipping down through the fabric.

She loved this and hated it, too.

I made it back to Snow's bar. He smiled as he mixed a few drinks for his customers. I waited until he finished with them before walking up to him. When he was about to laugh at Fang and ask what her deal was, I shushed him. Fang didn't hear me in between her tantrum and the music playing. I couldn't find a way to subtly tell Snow this was part of a scene. Thankfully, I didn't need to—he got the hint right away.

"Bring them," I told him, loud enough for Fang to hear. "I want all of them with us." Snow pulled out dozens of his dick bottles with the vodka and soda cocktails in them. "I'm taking her to the men's bathroom. Follow us there and we can get started."

"What?!" shouted Fang. "What the hell are we goin' there for? Who's followin' us? Are they gonna watch me get humiliated by you? Goddamnit, Lightning, put me down!"

"If that's what you really want," I said, leading Snow to the bathroom, "Then use the safe words. If you don't, then this ends when I want it to." Fang went quiet. "That's what I thought. I know you're enjoying this. You talk a lot of shit, Fang. When it comes down to it, you're just as scared as anyone else would be. It's time to see if you can back up all that shit-talking."

When we got to the men's bathroom, Fang's fears picked up again. Every step I took over the black marble made her complain louder. There wasn't anyone else in here yet. I went over to a wall close to the lone stall in the room, away from the urinals. In case Fang thrashed around too much, I didn't want her to hit her head against anything. I set Fang down on the cold floor. She writhed around in agony. I still hadn't done anything yet. I scowled down at her. Her disobedience was starting to get on my nerves.

I turned around and pointed to the nearest corner. Snow set the bottles down there. Then I pointed at the door for him to get out. He clasped his hands, quietly begging me to let him stay and watch. I sighed beneath Fang's continued shouting, shaking my head. Snow frowned and wiped his eyes, pretending to cry. He gestured to a urinal instead, silently asking if he could at least use it before he left. I waved my hand and went back to my childish girlfriend. I didn't think it was possible for her to scream any louder. Once she heard the sounds of Snow pissing in the urinal, Fang nearly lost it. More guys came in, their heavy footsteps and hushed speculations echoing through the room. They had no idea what went on. Some of them tried to mind their business and went to a urinal. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw most of them staring at us through the mirror.

Fang slithered her body against the wall, begging me not to do this. I stood in place for a while, watching her work herself up. She must've been a handful when she was a toddler. She'd had to grow up the hard way back in Oerba's orphanage, looking after Vanille and protecting their village. Somewhere along the line, she had to hide this: the terrified child in her that couldn't face the unknown.

Seeing those fuck me boots on her made this so much sweeter. The irony was too good to pass up.

I knelt down and held her arm—not too loose, not too firm. "Fang," I growled. "You need to stop this. You're pissing me off. All this shouting isn't going to get you off the hook." She didn't listen to me. I gripped her arm harder. "This is your last chance. Shut the fuck up before I make you scream even louder." Of course, Fang still wouldn't do as I said. She knew that there were men in here watching us. I had no idea what else she'd thought up in that head of hers. "Since you're asking for it, I want you to do it clearly this time." I forced her to get on all fours and stay there. I stood and locked my knees around her torso to keep her steady. Fang tried to muffle her screams against my legs. I undid my belt buckle, loud enough for her to hear it. Slowly I pulled my belt off, caressing the leather as I stared down at her. "You're going to get humiliated. Beg for it. Tell me you want it. Tell me why."

To my surprise, Fang didn't hesitate, "Lightning, whatever it is, please give it to me—" I whipped her ass with my belt. She cried out in mixed pain and pleasure. "Baby, teach me a lesson. I want your sickness. I want you to humiliate me and show everyone I belong to you—" I whipped her again. Fang yelled louder, arching her back to lift her ass higher in the air. I kept going, harder and harder as she repeated, "Make me your bitch tonight. Make me let go. I love you, I love you, I love you; I hate you! I fucking hate you for doin' this to me but I fucking want it!" Harder, harder, harder; she moaned louder and louder, body trembling. "Fuck, Lightning, I want it! Please, please…"

I put my belt back on. I stepped around her, letting her collapse back to the floor. Fang curled up there while I went to the corner to get the cocktail bottles. She crossed her boots one over the other as she shifted around. She moved her head around, trying to follow me by listening to where I walked. A crowd had gathered in the doorway. I saw Serah and Vanille right at the front through the mirror. I saw my sister smirking. Vanille had her hands over her mouth, watching in horror. I didn't dare turn around to acknowledge them. Space to use the urinals was limited. The men who were already inside had to form a line, well away from the space I'd made for the scene. Listening to those footsteps put Fang right back on-edge. She had no idea how close they really were. I watched her slither back up against the wall.

That was the mind fuck right there. She thought I'd brought in all these men to humiliate her. When I went back over to her, I grabbed her by her hair beneath the mask. Fang squirmed around, trying to move away. She didn't know it was only me.

"Lightning…?" she asked, sitting up on her knees. "Is that you?" The chatter in the background helped to mask the sound of me pulling one of the dicks off of the stick. "I… I thought you said no sharin'? What's goin' on…? Who is this?" I held her jaw firmer than I normally would have, to make her think I was some random guy. Fang flinched. "What are you doin'? Who are you? What the fuck—?"

I used the cock to slap the exposed part of her face. She shouted and backed against the wall. Fang had no place else to go. I had to keep this believable. When I stood in front of her, I kept the dick around my navel, as if it was mine. I stayed there for a bit, reveling in her fear. When I squeezed the base of the cock, the vodka came pouring out over her mouth. Fang screamed and thrashed around against the wall. She couldn't move her head anywhere—not with me holding her jaw. I did this again and again. Each time I emptied one of the bottles over her front, I stepped away. I came back with a fresh cock, grabbing her over a different part of her body, all to make it seem like it was a different guy each time.

Some of the actual guys behind me got the picture. They let out low chuckles as they watched, adding to the scene. Every time someone let out a more audible laugh, Fang yelled that much louder. I hoped she wouldn't pick up on what this really was. There were only so many different places I could grab her without getting repetitive. Luckily, Fang was so humiliated that she couldn't reason her way out of it. I bent down to stroke her clit and see how wet she was. She jumped and clamped her thighs around my hand, shouting in rage. I wondered why that made her even wetter than she already was.

"Lightning, this is fucking disgusting!" she screamed. "Tell these fuckers to go piss in the fucking urinal! Damn you, you motherfucking bitch! Get back here! You're a nasty little sadist!"

"If it's so disgusting," I said, "Why are you getting off to it? You've been moaning in between all that screaming. I know you're wet, too." Fang breathed harder. She didn't know what to say to me. "Seems to me that you're a filthy slut that'll get off to anything." That made me a little more daring. For the next dick, I hooked my thumb over her lower lip, forcing her mouth to stay open. I shoved the cock in her mouth, squeezing the vodka down her throat. Fang choked on her own moans. "Fang…are you sure you're a lesbian?" I barely heard her let out a whimper. She did her best to keep it quiet. Her best wasn't good enough. "I'm gonna have to rethink our relationship since you secretly like these things… Well. It's not such a secret anymore, is it?"

Fang couldn't hear that I was right in front of her, saying these things. She couldn't taste the alcohol and realize it wasn't piss. It was so warm. Then again, if she really took the time to trust her senses, she'd figure it out. She was too far gone in her fear. I fucked her mouth as I emptied the alcohol into her. I did it with another dick, and another, and another after that, and yet another. Fang couldn't take much more. I sensed she was almost at her limit. For the last cock, I didn't put it in her mouth. I kept it in front of her, emptying half of it over her breasts and down to her boots. I watched her cough and shiver, still catching her breath from me fucking her mouth. She'd had enough.

I unlocked her handcuffs first. She grabbed me around my legs, like she wanted to hurt me. Then she realized it was just me. I knelt down with her and took off her mask. Fang stared down at herself. She expected to see yellow. I showed her the cock. I squeezed the last of the vodka out over the floor. Fang stared at me in shock. When she saw how far away everyone else was, and all of the empty dick bottles nearby, her beautiful eyes lit up in understanding.

"You motherfucking pervert!" she said, almost laughing. "I can't believe you!"

I was about to explain what the bottles were all about. Fang crushed her lips against mine before I could get a word out. It seemed like she'd forgotten all of her rage. She pressed her body against me, begging me to take her back upstairs. I was about to clean up the mess until she straddled me, grinding her soaking clit against my leg. I felt and smelled how wet she was. I forgot about the mess and took her in my arms. The people hanging around in the doorway dispersed; I barely saw Serah grinning at me through the crowd. I carried Fang away from the party, hurrying back up to our room.