A/N – Thanks for the comments! chicki'62 – Neither one of them have a good excuses for their behavior and both have done really stupid things for love. * Guest – It was worse than a drug addict if you count Ric who was around Cam too. I went back and forth….still am. * kikimoo – There were many reasons which they've discussed. There wasn't just one. His response to Pat was very abbreviated compared to his responses to Liz. Jason always felt trapped in the mob life and didn't think he could have a normal life. Both Liz and Jason took people back they shouldn't have. * Guest –re: puking lol. No it's not hard writing it because it's not like she's a villain on the show 24/7. She's nice to people I just don't care for her or her personality. But I'm trying to be true to the writing on the show. That's what's hard.

Chapter 29 – Forging Ahead

The next few days went quickly, Jake was doing much better and Georgie would pretend to race him down the hallway. AJ stayed mostly to himself. His mood changes and anger surges made him nervous and he wasn't sure what he was going to do about it.

Jason was a little concerned, so he sought him out, finding him in an empty testing lab. "AJ."

AJ turned away from the window. "Yeah."

"What's going on? You seem like you're avoiding everyone."

"Just trying to get my head on straight. It's a lot to digest."

He sat down so Jason followed his lead.

"AJ, there's something bothering me."

"What?"

"You hated me. I mean with a passion. I don't understand where that all went."

AJ sighed. This really wasn't the time to have this kind of discussion, not when his head was all screwed up. "I don't know how to explain it. I was a mess after I shot Alan. Monica basically had me committed. I started working through my issues. I can't say that I'm okay with your part about Michael. I just can't live in the hate."

"Would it help if you yelled at me?"

AJ smirked. "Leave it to you to ask something like that. What can I say that hasn't already been said before?"

"Try it."

AJ thought for a long moment. "I understand I was mean to you and I took away your life as you knew it. I know you lashed out afterwards and were having a hard time coping. But it's hard for me to understand how you thought Carly was a better option than me. She's just as bad in a different way. She might as well have run Tony into a tree. Tell me how you thought that train wreck would be a good mother?"

"I processed things differently. Sometimes I think people forget I have brain damage. I had to learn the meaning of things you take for granted. It was like I was a little kid in ways. I had no reference."

"She cheated on you with Sonny of all people. God Jason, you were shot and didn't even want to live after seeing them together."

"Maybe I couldn't believe the people I chose to trust me had betrayed me so deeply after I had turned everyone else away. It changed something in me. I thought that maybe I deserved it because I wasn't a good person; that maybe they were it for me. It was like I was trapped and because they were already a part of that world, I sucked it up. I took care of Michael because at that time, he was the only one that made me feel human; like I could be normal. He depended on me, didn't lie to me, and I needed him just as much. When she ripped him away, I thought I was being punished."

"But yet you stayed and took it. You were so fucked up."

"You don't think I know that? Where was I supposed to go? I was damaged. I had killed people. I gave up AJ. I broke and felt like nothing for a long time. Unless I was with Elizabeth, I just closed myself off."

"You had family."

"I didn't even know what that meant. They were a bunch of people who wanted me to be someone I wasn't. I hated them for that. Hell, I hated the world. Edward called me names like I didn't have feelings. When everything went down with you, I felt nothing for you. I know that's cold but I didn't remember you AJ. You were the enemy. It was black and white. I needed to protect Michael and that was my focus."

"God Jason. You were like a machine, not a man."

"I know. It's hard to explain but I had to learn to appropriate ways to respond to things. Sometimes my brain gets stuck on things and I can't shake the thought. It was never the same after that between me and Carly. I was always guarded. Our friendship became more like a job. When people have hurt me over the years, a lot of the times I tried not to show it. And for people that had the power to hurt me deeply, I shoved down my emotions entirely. I didn't want to think about it or dwell on it because I didn't want to hate them, especially since I've done so many bad things myself."

"We both had our demons that were eating away at his; both wanting something we couldn't have."

"I'm not the same man I was before."

"I know. Elizabeth told me what happened."

"I want no part of Sonny and that life. I have a family now."

AJ nodded. "I guess one of us got what they wanted.

"Oh don't pull that shit. You had Michael and Monica. Tracy's a bitch on a good day so I won't even go there. You threw it all away for that stupid company. That was on you."

"I fucked up. I get it. Sometimes I just don't know why I do it; why I go back to who I was. Maybe it's habit; that in my mind I feel like good things never last. Michael went to bat for me and fought for me; Elizabeth did to. I spit in both of their faces." AJ stood up and walked back to the window. "Just go Jason. I'm not your responsibility—never was."

Jason wasn't sure what to say. "You know AJ, I'm not the enemy any more. When we get back, you will sink or swim again on your own merit. I will not have toxic people around me again so you're always welcome to my home if you keep your head on straight. If not, I'm sorry but I can't have my kids exposed to that. They've been through enough."

AJ didn't say anything so Jason left the room.

Jason still thought something wasn't quite right with AJ and really hoped that it was because of him being frozen and that Helena didn't mess with his mind.

IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiI

Jake walked up to his mom, and with her help, he crawled up into her lap and cuddled against her.

"You okay?"

"Feel yucky."

"How?"

"I hurt."

She ran her fingers through his hair. "Where?"

"Everywhere."

She touched his forehead and he felt normal. Letting out a sigh, she wished Jake could communicate with her better. Georgie walked in and Jake smiled.

"Hey Jake. You tired?"

He nodded.

"He said he hurts everywhere."

Georgie sat down. "When I woke up, I hurt everywhere too."

"You hurt GG?"

She grinned. He wasn't big on saying her name but she didn't mind the nickname. "Sometimes."

"Don't like it."

"Aww Jakey. It will go away soon. I promise."

"Okay."

"Jason just made some calls and got us a private plane," Georgie said.

"Good. It will be more comfortable."

"How is the decorating come along?"

Liz smiled. "They are almost done. Diane is finishing up on Danny's room. I had her talk to Sam so we could avoid the awkwardness. They finished Cameron's yesterday. He wants to surprise me so I have no idea what they've settled on. The cottage is decorated and stocked with Johnny's favorite beer. Jason's pool table is being moved in today. "

"He's going to be so surprised about the man cave."

"I was thankful that Johnny was there to help with that. I have therapy this afternoon with Kevin. You think you could keep an eye on Jake if Jason is busy?"

"Of course. He's my new buddy."

Jake grinned. "GG play with me."

"Come on," she said standing up.

Jake looked up at his mom and waited for a kiss and then slide off her lap and took Georgie's hand.

IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiI

Kevin smiled and said hello Elizabeth. "How's Jake?"

"He's doing really well. It's my other son I'm worried about."

"Cameron?"

"Yes."

Liz grabbed a tissue because she knew she was going to need it. "He called my lawyer because he wanted to reverse his adoption and/or change his name."

"Ah, that must have been hard for you."

"I just made so many mistakes. There were times when I really thought I was doing the right thing, but it was far from it. I hate that he paid for them."

"Where is Lucky?"

"Honestly, I have no idea. The last I heard he was still in Ireland but who knows. He doesn't call or write Cameron. I used to feel responsible because I felt like I broke him with the Nikolas affair but dammit, he didn't have to do that to Cam. I know I was messed up and thought I wanted him still when he didn't want me but, I was the one who held Cam and had to answer his questions. Lucky took the easy way out."

"Did you write him a letter yet?"

"I did. But after that phone conversation, I wanted to add a lot of curse words."

Kevin fought a smile.

"I think Lucky was the worst mistake I ever made; even worse than Ric because of the way it affected Cameron. I'm scarred from those years."

"You've spent a long time beating yourself up. Don't you think it's about time you gave yourself a break?"

"Maybe I don't think I deserve one. I earned those scars. I could have walked away but I let fear dictate my decisions."

"And now you're not. You don't have to pay for those scars your entire life. Only you can give yourself permission to move on Elizabeth. What will it take for you to realize you've punished yourself enough?"

She started to cry. "I don't know."

"If you don't let this go, it will sabotage your relationship with Jason. Do you want that?"

"No."

"You know everything you did wrong and you are taking steps to fix it. No more beating yourself up. For once, realize what you've been given and go for it. Don't think about what happened ten years ago. Be in the present. You have two wonderful sons and a man who loves you. You just need to love yourself now and see what he sees in you."

She wiped her face. "I know you are right. It's been a long time since I've behaved in a healthy way. I don't want to screw this up."

"Can you get Jason please?"

Liz was surprised but nodded and went to find him. They came back and sat down.

"Hello Jason."

"Hi."

"I need a favor. You see, Elizabeth is having a hard time loving herself because of her mistakes. If she can't love herself, then she won't truly be able to accept the love you give her. I need you to tell her what you see in her; what makes you love her."

Jason nodded and took a deep breath and then he turned his chair towards Elizabeth and she did the same. He took her hands and then looked lovingly into her eyes. "When I first met you, I could tell there was something special about you. You had the most beautiful spirit and your whole face lit up when you smiled. When you took care of me that Christmas, I realized that I could so easily fall in love with you. When you rambled and talked so animatedly and passionately, I was sucked in. You loved so hard. It made me wish that you would love me like that. You are so talented and strong. You never let anything hold you down. And even when life beat you up, you held your head up and fought to start over. You are giving, loyal, nurturing, and compassionate. I loved watching you paint because it was your passion and you came even more alive when you were happy with what you were painting. I know it seems to you like you lost yourself, but you're still my Elizabeth. You still represent everything I ever a wanted. You're my future."

Liz was crying and Jason got up and kissed her.

"I love you Elizabeth. Let it go."

With that he walked away and Kevin waited a minute for her to compose herself. "Elizabeth, how did that make you feel?"

"Incredibly loved but…"

"You don't think you deserve it."

"Not really."

"He forgave you and he wants to marry you. I want you to forget about the word deserve. Banish it from your head."

Liz chuckled and wiped her face. She had managed frustrate Kevin.

"I take that back. You were raped, almost killed by your husband, emotionally abused by Lucky, you felt abandoned by Jason, and you thought you lost your son. Jesus Elizabeth, if anyone deserves happiness, it's you. You have fought for everyone else. I need you to fight for you. Screw what happened in the past and let it stay there. Fight for what you want and don't let anyone get in your way. Can you do that?"

Liz sat up straighter. "Yes." He was right. She had never really fought for her and Jason. She wanted everything with him and this time, she was going to get it. Lizzie was coming back.

Kevin smiled at the fiery look in her eyes. "That's it Elizabeth. I'm proud of you."

Liz grinned. "Watch out Port Charles."

IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiI

Jason watched Liz walk into the sleep room with a determination in her eyes he hadn't seen for a long time. "Well hello," he said smiling.

She grinned. "I'm back. No more cowering or wallowing. I'm fighting for us and if that bitch Carly gets in my face, she's going down."

"You're so hot when you're like this. Come here."

She walked towards him and Jason pulled her into him when she got closer. They kissed passionately.

"Welcome back," Jason smiling.

Liz grinned. "Oh crap, I left my cell phone. I'll be right back."

"Okay."

IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiI

Patrick watched Emma sit down. She was really quiet. "Emma, what's wrong?"

"I don't want you and Sam to break up."

Patrick sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. "I'm sorry."

"She's sorry Daddy. Why can't you forgive her?"

"Baby, it affects other people. It's not that simple."

Emma crossed her arms across her chest. "Then make it simple."

Liz stood in the doorway and sighed. Emma being hurt what the last thing that she wanted.

"I don't know how to explain it to you."

"Do you love her?"

Patrick's eyes filled with tears. "Yes."

"Then just forgive her daddy."

Sam stood in the doorway of the kitchen and wiped her tears away. This was brutal and she was just about to stop it when Elizabeth walked forward and spoke.

"Emma."

"Elizabeth," Emma yelled with a smile.

"Hi sweetie, you look really pretty."

Emma grinned. "Thank you. Sam got it for me."

"Well that was really nice of her."

"Daddy's mad at her because she did a bad thing and they broke up and I don't want them too."

"Emma, your daddy thinks he's protecting me because the bad thing that Sam did involved me."

"Did you forgive her?"

"Yes."

"Are you taking it back?"

Patrick almost groaned.

"Emma, this is really complicated."

Emma looked down like she was thinking. "What if she promises not to do it again?"

Sam walked into the room. "Emma, it's okay."

"It's not okay," she yelled before running upstairs.