Chapter 4

Derek parked his car and walked up to the hospital entrance. He stood there for a few minutes thinking about the months he spent at this hospital. He knew his life would change forever the moment he stepped in the hospital.

"Derek Shepherd," called Alex Karev.

"Hi Alex,"

"I'm glad to see you. It's great you came."

Derek look puzzled. In all his time at Seattle Grace, Alex had never seemed happy to see him. "It's nice to see you, too, Alex."

"Well, you better come in Derek. I think you have some miracle work to do."

Derek looked at him with another puzzled look.

"Everyone knows why you're here Derek. You're here to save our baby Grace." Alex smiled. He made sure to say baby Grace. He felt obligated to keep the secret although he knew the secret wouldn't last long.

"Is that her name, Grace?"

"Derek, her name is confidential. We call her baby Grace for the hospital, Seattle Grace." Alex frowned.

"You know her, don't you?"

Alex smiled. "Of course, Derek, everyone here knows her. She's a really sweet kid. She calls me Uncle Alex. But we all agreed to maintain her anonymity. But you know, if everything goes okay, sometimes donors get to meet their recipients."

Alex and Derek walked into the hospital, side by side. As Derek walked in, he saw the receptionists and nurses waving at him. He went to the elevator with Alex. He wanted to ask about her, but thought it made sense to stay quiet. "How have you been Alex?"

"Fine. What about you?"

"Well, I got divorced a year ago. I gave my marriage a good try in New York, but I couldn't make It work." He wanted to be sure Alex knew he was divorced.

"But you didn't come back here."

Derek frowned. Knowing what he knows now, he wish he'd come back the moment he filed for divorce. He missed so much with the daughter he still hasn't met. And who knows how much time he'll have with her. "I'm back now."

"Just for a few days."

"We'll have to see about that." Derek smiled. "Maybe I'll fall in love with your baby Grace. I hear she's a real sweetheart."

"Yes, she is." Alex smiled, but frowned inside. Derek clearly knew Grace was his daughter. It's a good thing that Bailey had warned them all that Derek probably knew. He wondered how Meredith was going to handle this.

Derek finally arrived on the surgical floor and spotted his contact. He used his McDreamy smile and said, "Hi Bailey."

"Hi Derek. It's great to see you."

"I have an appointment in oncology at 2:00 p.m., but I want to meet my daughter today."

"What makes you think you have a daughter?"

"Bailey, I'm not as brainless as you think. Relatives are the best matches. I know how you love your suck-ups. You wanted me tested, and I was a match. The only three year old girl I could possibly be related to here is Meredith Grey's baby girl, if she had a baby girl. So I'm guessing that your patient is Meredith Grey's daughter and my daughter as well. I'm here to save her life, and I'd like to meet her. Do you have a problem with that?"

"I'm guessing that Addison figured it out, not you. As an ob-gyn, she knows what happens from having unprotected sex at the prom. Callie told me about her call. You can meet Chrissy today at 4 p.m. I'm going to make sure that you don't meet up with Meredith today. She's a complete wreck. She knows you're here, and she appreciates what you're doing. But all she can think about is Chrissy."

"That's fine with me. I'm hoping there will be plenty of time for us to talk after our baby recovers." Derek smiled. He noted her name, Chrissy. Was that for Cristina, her person or for Christopher, his dad?

"And Derek, she's very sick. And she looks very sick. She's been on chemo for five weeks. She has lost her hair. You should prepare yourself. I know you've seen sick kids, but I'm sure it will be especially tough to see her now you know she's your daughter."

"I know she's sick, but I need to see her today. I don't want to wait."

"Okay. Just know that we all try to focus on making her happy, so don't break into tears when you see her. We need to keep her spirits up. We keep the tears for after we leave." Bailey spoke softly.

Derek looked met her eyes, and he realized that even Bailey had shed tears for the daughter he still has not met.

Derek nervously waited until the clock turned 4. He walked up to Bailey, and she brought him to the door of a hospital room on the oncology ward. He stared at the door for a few minutes, and he smiled. He knew he had to go in smiling and stay smiling, no matter what he saw.

Derek opened the door and stared at the child lying in the hospital bed. She was sleeping.

"Hi Derek," Izzie greeted him with a smile. He hadn't even noticed the blonde sitting beside the girl. She didn't look like her perky self despite her smile. She got up and went to leave the room. "Derek, please page me before you leave. We never leave Chrissy alone. There's always someone with her, usually Meredith, but when Meredith has to leave, then me or one of our other friends stays with Chrissy."

"Bailey gave me an hour, so why don't you come back then?"

Izzie smiled, "That's a good plan."

Derek walked over to the bed, sat in the chair beside the bed that Izzie had just deserted, and watched his daughter. She was pale white, and she had lost all her hair, even her eyebrows, from chemotherapy, and she was sleeping. He wondered if her hair was dirty blond like her mother's or dark curls like his. His heart was breaking for her struggle with cancer.

She must have heard them chatting; she was stirring. She opened her eyes, and her piercing blue eyes looked into his.

"Hello, young lady," he said, "My name is Dr. Derek Shepherd."

"Shepherd? My name is Shepherd, too." She said, staring into his eyes.

Derek smiled. He never would have thought that Meredith gave her daughter his name. "Really?"

"Yes, Christine Grey Shepherd. Are you my daddy?"

Derek looked at her closely. "Why do you think I might be your daddy?"

"Mommy said my daddy was going to come and give me his marrow. She said he would be here today and that his name was Shepherd, like mine. And she showed me your picture."

Derek smiled a big smile. "Yes, I'm your daddy, and I love you very much."

"How can you love me when you never met me before?"

"Because you're my girl." He gathered her in his arms and gave her a big hug. He smiled, but inside his heart ached. As an uncle of fifteen, he had much experience in hugging three year old children; Chrissy was very thin and insubstantial. After he put her back in her bed, he took out a teddy bear from his bag and gave it to her. "Here's your dad's first gift for you."

"Thank you, Daddy." She smiled as she hugged the bear.

Derek took his phone out, and thought for a moment. "Chrissy, can I take a selfie with you?"

"You want my picture?"

"Yes, with me, father and daughter. I love you so much."

"Sure, daddy." Derek took the photo and showed it to Chrissy. She smiled, seeing the photo of her and her dad.

"I wish I had hair. I look pretty with hair."

"You're beautiful now," Derek said, with tears in his eyes. "You're going to get better, and your hair will grow again, and we're going to take many father and daughter pictures."

"Really? You're not going to leave?"

"I'll be with you as much as possible, sweetheart."

"Can you tell me some stories about you? I want to know about you."

"Sure, sweetie, " Derek smiled and started telling stories of his youth.

Derek stared as Chrissy fell asleep, and, when Izzie walked in, he left the room. His hour was up. He walked into the hallway and went straight to the nearest on-call room where he started sobbing. He was glad that Bailey told him to save his crying for after he left Chrissy. He had fallen deeply in love with his daughter, and he was so worried for her.

Once he stopped sobbing, he knew how to get some comfort. He dialed his phone. "Mom."

"Derek, what's wrong?" asked Carolyn. She could tell from his voice that something big was wrong.

"Mom, do you still go to mass every day?"

"Yes, Derek. Why do you ask?

"I need you to pray, Mom." He said.

"Why sweetie?"

"I'm sending you a photo right now. That will explain everything."

Carolyn looked at her email and opened the email from Derek. "Who is this girl?"

"My daughter."

"You're what?"

"My daughter. Christine Grey Shepherd."

"Derek, she looks about three or four, and you've never mentioned a daughter."

"She's three. I didn't know I had one really until today."

"What?"

"When I was in Seattle, I met a girl, Meredith, and I fell in love. I left to get my marriage back on track, but obviously she had a baby. She never told me, Mom."

"Oh, sweetie, you missed so much."

"Yes, and I got a call last week that they were looking for a bone marrow donor and they wanted everyone at Mount Sinai to be tested. But really it was just an effort to get me to be tested. And I'm a match. She has leukemia, Mom. She could die."

"She will be okay. She's going to get your marrow. I'll be praying for her. Can I come and meet her?"

"Not now. I haven't spoken to her mother yet. We have more testing tomorrow, and the next day is a treatment team meeting to let us know the plans"

"Can I skype with her? I want to meet her as soon as possible. I'm a nurse. I know what can happen, and I want to meet my granddaughter and let her know that I love her and I'm praying for her."

"I'll have to ask her mom, but she should agree to that. Tomorrow at 5 here would work, I think."

"I'll tell your sisters unless you want to tell them. We'll all pray for her. Remember to skype with me tomorrow. I want to tell my granddaughter that I love her."

"Okay, Mom. And it's fine if you tell the girls. They will be much nicer to you than they would be to me, that's for sure."

"And the whole parish will be praying for her. With all our prayers, and the best medical care, I'm sure she'll be fine."

"I hope so, Mom. It would be so great to bring my little girl to your house for Christmas, and give her Christmas presents with her cousins."

"I know, honey, but let's not get ahead of ourselves. Let's focus on today."

"Thanks, Mom."

Meredith sat in the hospital room watching her daughter sleep. She opened her eyes. "Hi sweetie, Mommy's here."

"Daddy came, mommy, just like you said he would."

"That's great."

"He said he loved me."

"I'm sure he does," Meredith said, smiling. "You're a lot like him, you know. Anyone who knows you loves you."

"I'm glad I met my daddy."

"Me, too." Meredith said, feeling sad that she hadn't called Derek earlier so they could have met in happier circumstances.

"Will his marrow make me feel better?"

"I hope so, sweetie, I hope so." She gave her daughter a big hug.

Derek found himself walking into the Emerald City Bar. He really needed a drink, and there was nowhere better than Joe's for a drink.

"Hey, doc," called Joe.

"You remember me?"

"How could I forget you? You saved my life with a standstill operation. I'm so happy you're here."

Derek met his eyes. "And why is that?"

"Because you're here to save Chrissy."

"So you know my daughter. Does she hang out in this bar?"

"Sometimes, when she was healthy, Meredith would bring her here for lunch, as a special treat once a week, starting when she was one. It was a mother and daughter date. And my kids have spent many hours playing with Chrissy at the park and at birthday parties. We all love Chrissy."

"Me, too."

"Don't worry, doc. She's going to be okay," said Joe with a smile.

"From your mouth to god's ears."

Derek opened the door to his trailer, expecting a musty smell, as he hadn't been there for more than four years. But he was surprised that it smelled fine, as if it had been used. And then he turned on the lights, and he was stunned to see toys and children's books everywhere. There were legos on the floor, and blocks on the kitchen table. There was a Barbie in the bed, and a stack of Dr. Seuss books next to the bed. Obviously, Meredith had brought Chrissy here often to play and read. He smiled. His daughter had his last name, and a version of his father's name (Christopher) for her first name, and she had spent time in his trailer. Maybe he wasn't as much of a stranger to his daughter as he thought he was. And maybe Meredith still loved him. He smiled. Certainly, Addison would think that spending time in the trailer willingly was a sign of love.