Grief was all black. It was all white. It was gnashing of teeth, throwing of ashes, and six feet of earth.

Caroline just tried to avoid eating people.

A year later, and she might've made it.

Now what?

Caroline stared at her new phone.

The case was hot pink. She'd picked the color on a whim, needing something that wouldn't let her ignore it. Or lose it, really. Later, she might feel guilty about the compulsions that made it possible to make international calls. But not today.

It'd been twelve months since she'd spoke a word to someone who wasn't a stranger. She'd needed space; the more she'd put between her and Mystic Falls the more she'd hurt. Part of her regretted how'd she'd left. But only a small part.

She hadn't been able to bear the house. She spent two nights in her mom's room; breathing in that fading scent. Two days sorting through papers and documents, putting things into lock boxes and storage. Safe places. For later, when grief wasn't a stone fist in her chest, emotions so dangerously close to the edge.

God those two day days had been a nightmare. Bonnie had acted as a sort of mediator between the Originals and everyone else, but Caroline knew it'd been done begrudgingly. Her friend's face when she'd gotten out of the car with Klaus had been resigned.

Elena's had been betrayed.

Planning the funeral had been painfully easy, since Rebekah had knocked out most of the leg work. Elena had clearly been biting back a few choice comments, and everyone mostly behaved. Klaus had kept out of everyone's way, except at night. He'd show up just as she was throwing everyone out - too much pity, to many platitudes - and taken over her porch. They didn't talk, but she'd sat on the porch with him.

Caroline bit her lip, considering. Klaus had... been moody, a tightly restrained whip of emotion when he'd sit with her. The first night, she'd sat on the steps only because she'd been too exhausted to ignore him. The second night, she'd joined him because his silence, even his contained silence, allowed her to process without feeling guilty. He made no demands, just filled the silence with his presence and it let her breathe.

It taken months for her to come to terms with that. Klaus was a paranoid, selfish, murdering asshole who had spent lifetimes with no regard for anyone else. Who held her hand, who stalked her for two decades through her friends and his family; who picked her. She'd been so determined to ignore that, to avoid admitting she thought about him. Wondered. But there was only so long a person could live in deliberate denial.

Maybe... maybe it was time to admit that she'd tentatively started to trust him. Part of her wanted to drag it out, see how long he'd hold himself in check, but that was just pride. His arrogance in promising that she'd come to him was equaled by her previous disbelief that'd he'd wait.

He had.

And she'd left, leaving behind the burning ash of her childhood home. She'd been too erratic, too frantic for space to think to tell someone. God - if that was how people snapped, how rippers were born; she supposed she understood a little better. Her emotions had been a whip that drove her, and all she could think was that she needed out.

Elena was sympathetic and pitying. Bonnie was so damn sad for her. God, what was her life that the Originals were more restful than her oldest friends? Rebekah had swept in, organized the funeral and simply squeezed her hand, saying nothing. But for once, her eyes had shown her age. Old, old grief and a heavy weight.

Caroline remembered the moment she'd been overwhelmed. She'd been face down in her Mom's bed, trying to relax enough for the sleep that had eluded her since the plane. Klaus had finally left - she'd heard him move, didn't feel him lingering. But all she could think about, all that had twisted in her head had been Elena's off-hand comment as she'd left.

"When are you going to sell?"

Caroline froze, staring at Elena as she gathered her things. Bonnie had skipped dinner, and she knew Klaus was already leaning against the side of her house - Stefan had gone tense and uneasy; she just wanted everyone else gone.

"Sell?"

Elena had blinked. "Are you moving back?"

"No."

"Oh... I just thought, you'd sell. It's a good house and close enough to the school." She'd stepped back at Caroline's expression. "It's not a big deal. You've got time to decide."

"Yes." Caroline agreed.

Elena nodded and opened the door. "I'd wish you'd consider coming home. We miss you too."

Sell. To some family that might raise their kids. Maybe another girl would sleep in her room. Someone else would decorate, organize and make the walls of the house into a home.

Something had just snapped.

On autopilot, she'd slipped out of bed and studied the walls of the room. She'd helped her mom clean it out years before, had spent weeks digitalizing all the photos. She'd gone through the jewelry, all her personal files and documentation.

There'd be nothing else to keep.

By the time anyone has noticed the fire, she'd been outside the town's city limits. She'd avoided the airports, slipped away from technology and just... mourned.

Without anyone expectations.

But without comfort, either.

Her birthday. The holidays. The first anniversary. She avoided everyone who'd want answers, demand explanations and just existed for a while. She let herself be selfish.

But now she sat on a sunlit beach, the heat of Bali heating the sand between her toes. Her large, straw hat shadowed her face and the grief in her chest felt manageable. She hadn't thought it would. Not standing on the freshly turned earth, the sun bright against her sore eyes looking at her mom's grave.

She ran her thumb along the screen of her phone. She'd been running. From herself. From the end of all her plans, her useless timelines and the gut wrenching knowledge that the only thing holding her back now was herself. And when had she become a commitment-phobe? Taking a deep, balancing breath she hit the call button and waited.

"Hello?"

Caroline chewed on her lip. "So how mad at me are you?"

"Caroline," Bonnie breathed, her voice hushed.

"Is this a bad time?"

"No, no. It's fine." Bonnie said. "Are you alright? When I gave you that present years ago, I didn't intend for you to block me! It's been a year. I wouldn't have known if you died."

Caroline twisted the ring around her thumb. "I needed space, Bon."

There was a long silence. Caroline frowned. She heard nothing except her friends even breathing, and an occasional displacement of air. Like a hand moving too fast.

"Bonnie? If you have company I can call back?"

"It's fine. It's no one." She said firmly. "Where are you?"

"Safe." Caroline said honestly. "But I woke up this morning and... I missed you."

"I missed you too." Bonnie's voice wobbled. "Have you checked in with anyone else?"

"No," she murmured. "Everyone else who'd care change their numbers. Often. I just... wanted to say hi."

"Oh god, Caroline." Bonnie laughed into the phone. She sounded a little near tears. "Come home."

Caroline shook her head. "I don't know where I belong, Bon. But Mystic Falls isn't it. I'm sorry."

"I knew that," Bonnie admitted. "But I wanted to check. I've always got a room for you. You know that, right?"

She swallowed hard, fighting sudden tears. "Yes."

"Things have changed since you left." Bonnie said, changing the subject. "Matt became Sheriff. Stefan took off to only the spirits know where. Damon and Elena broke up."

"They broke up?" Caroline asked, surprise shocking her out of her grief. "They've been together years, what happened?"

"She's not talking about it, but Damon is refusing to reconsider. Have you ever seen a vampire lose weight? I'd swear, he's acting like a man hunted."

Caroline's brows bunched. "You don't think..."

"I've been told they currently have no reason to approach Damon." Bonnie sighed. "But who knows with that family."

"I've never mentioned any of what happened to Rebekah or Klaus." Caroline said quietly.

"I think we both know if that was out, Klaus wouldn't bother with whatever is happening to Damon." Bonnie said shortly. "It'd be worse."

Caroline thought of her recent epiphany. The look in his eyes when he'd offered her his home until she found her own. And swallowed.

"Yes."

"Look, I've got to go. I'm sure you can hear the banging on my porch. But can I call you back on this number? Is this a cell?"

"Yes. Love you."

"Love you too. Be safe."

Caroline looked at the beach and tried to find the guilt that Klaus had messed with Damon. Found none. She wished that bothered her.

Mom, would you have still loved the monster? Would you have been alright with me finding my place? Learning to accept?

The sudden vibration in her hand startled her. Answering the line, she frowned a little in confusion. "Hello?"

"What, you think you can just drop me for a year and I'd be okay with that?"

"Rebekah?"

"It's not like I'd worry or anything, but Nik practically moped. When he wasn't killing anything that annoyed him. We're lucky some places still exist." Rebekah continued, undaunted by her confusion. "He ate three of my boyfriends. It's getting ridiculous."

"Rebekah? How'd you get..."

"Then, after my unbelievable amount of patience, you called the witch first."

Caroline rubbed her temple. "You're with Bonnie?"

"So?"

"How much of the conversation did you eavesdrop on?"

"I'm an Original." Rebekah informed her. "I don't eavesdrop."

"So then you heard me tell her that everyone else changes their numbers." Caroline said in exasperation.

"I don't care." Rebekah informed her. "Where are you? I hear water? Greece? You liked the beeches there."

"No." Caroline shook her head. "Why are you with Bonnie?"

"Obviously not tracking you, since the witch gave you a way around that." Rebekah said haughtily. "Glad to see you've pulled your head out of your ass."

Caroline rolled her eyes. "Rebekah."

"Fine. Just tell me where you are so I can call my brother and let him know that you've emerged from exile. Maybe he'll stop eating my dates. Or better, you can call him."

Bonnie made a sound of protest that was cut off.

"Rebekah, do I need to express how angry I'll be if you hurt Bonnie?"

"Please - the witch is useful. There isn't a reason to hurt her. Yet. And people who drop off the planet and leave me to clean up their messes do not get to have an opinion!"

"Messes?"

A pause. "I might have broken Damon's jaw. Among other things. He's fine."

"He and Elena broke up, not long after you left." Caroline prompted. "What did you do?"

Rebekah snorted. "Breaking up with the doppelgänger is hardly odd. I've watched my brothers do it multiple times. I don't know how any of you deal with the sniveling."

Caroline rolled her eyes. "Elena isn't that bad."

"It must be nice, that time can dull your memory like that." Rebekah snapped. She finally sighed. "Tell me where you are."

"I'm fine." Caroline said gently. "Really."

"I already told you I don't care." Rebekah responded. "Nik is a different matter. You couldn't have dropped a note?"

"Klaus has never been someone I sent postcards too."

"This is ridiculous," Rebekah announced. "Are we meeting or not?"

Caroline chewed on her lip. She knew she'd hurt people with her disappearance. But she also knew they'd understand. The fact that Rebekah was even speaking to her spoke volumes.

"I'm getting a little tired of sand." She said slowly. "Italy?"

"I'll text you an address. Be there in a week." Rebekah demanded. "You better show Forbes, or I find you and drag you around by your hair until I'm happy again."

"Deal."

Caroline shook her head at the dial tone. Rebekah would be in a snit, but that was alright. Moments later, she opened a text message. There was the promised address along with a number. The words typed below it had her chewing her lip.

Call him.

Did she want this or not? Yes or no? Nothing said calling him meant she'd be committed. But maybe it was time to do more than crack that door.

She pressed the number and waited. There was an automated message on the phone, and she swallowed her nerves. In or out?

"Hey." She said quietly into the phone. "I just... I wanted to say hi. I'm better. I think I'll be okay now."

She hesitated for a moment and finally breathed out a long, careful breath. "I'm reachable at this number for a few more days."

Then she hung up.

For the first time she'd reached out. It was both a careful olive branch and a invitation. Part of her burned in anticipation - how would he respond? What would he say? What was going on in that crazy, thousand year old brain? She flopped back and rolled her eyes at herself.

Klaus would push, inch and storm his way into her life the same way he always had. He's take and take and take until she realized how much he was giving, too. The thing was...

The thing was... she was looking forward to it.

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