A/N: Sorry this chapter took so long to post, I was out of town four days and I had a lot of difficulty writing this chapter. I'm still not completely happy with it but I'm not sure how long it would have taken to make it something I was confident about. So anyway here it is.

Chapter 31 - Intense Pain

Leonard was sitting at his desk when his cell phone rang and thought about not answering it as soon as he saw it was an unknown caller, taking a few precious moments trying to decide whether to answer it or not. However, it only took a few seconds listening to the person who was the caller to validate that Leonard had did the right thing. He sat there stunned and just listened, having a hard time believing what, first the nurse, then doctor were telling him, it all seemed surreal and impossible.

"Mr. Hofstadter as Penelope's next of kin we need immediate permission to take her to surgery, she is hemorrhaging way too much and is not very coherent, so she cannot give her permission. Mr. Hofstadter basically she is loosing blood too quickly, if you don't let us go in we might not be able to keep her from bleeding out." The Doctor told Leonard

Leonard was in shock, the nurse told him, before the doctor got on, that the call was being recorded for legal purposes, to record his permission verbally, instead of a signature, because of the seriousness of Penny's condition. Leonard could never imagine loosing Penny, so it only took him a second to decide. "You have my authorization to do whatever you need to help her." He said seriously, then quietly. "Please help her, don't let her die."

"Thank you Mr. Hofstadter, I promise I will do my best." the doctor then gave the phone back to the nurse who had Leonard repeat that he had given his permission for Penny to have surgery.

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Leonard raced to the hospital, breaking more traffic laws in less than an hour than he ever had in his life, Penny's condition making him scared to death about what was wrong with the woman he loved more than his own life. The trip seemed to take forever and he prayed to every deity he knew to let her live and if someone had to die, to take him instead. He was barely able to maintain his patience to find a parking spot, running from his car to the hospital doors, finally getting to the reception desk barely able to breathe.

"I'm …I'm….I'm" Leonard barely got out, his mind trying to hard to find out where Penny was, while his lungs screamed for air.

"Sir please calm down." the receptionist said, a little panicked, as Leonard bet over to get air. Finally pushing a button at her desk to notify the emergency room she had an emergency in front of her.

It was only a moment later, a nurse and orderly ran up to Leonard. "Sir are you alright?" the orderly quickly asked.

"Sir are you having trouble breathing?" the nurse added.

Leonard didn't care what was wrong with himself, he needed to find Penny, so he just looked at the nurse, "Penny, I have to find Penny." he mumbled, while at the same time feeling in his pockets for his inhaler.

Luckily it was there where Penny had put it that morning, so as soon as he found it, he brought it to his mouth, giving it two pumps while breathing deeply. The next minute everyone stood around him, while his breathing improved, Leonard just waiting till he could talk again. Finally when he could speak, "My fiancée was brought her bleeding, the doctor said they had to perform surgery or …..I need to find her."

The nurse remembered the young woman that came in by ambulance and was rushed to surgery. "Blonde woman?"

"Penelope…" Leonard just got out before the nurse said to follow her.

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Leonard sat in the chair of the surgery waiting area for family, he could barely think straight, Penny was still in surgery and they told him he would have to wait. He was dying inside, thinking about how he couldn't go on without her, and wondering if he told her how much he loved her that morning, going around and around in his mind. He was so scared and so lost in his thoughts, that he didn't even see the nurse in surgery scrubs sit down next to him.

The nurse didn't have much trouble identifying Leonard in the waiting room, the receptionist for surgery, telling her just to look for the man who was on the edge of falling apart. She figured he was the father of the baby, the young woman just lost and she was happy she was only there to tell him that the doctor would talk to him in a minute. However, this mans hands were shaking, so the nurse decided to give him at least some good news. "Are you here for Penelope?"

Leonard's head shot around, "Is she okay, please tell me she is okay."

"She is out of surgery and in recovery right now, in stable condition." She decided to tell him that much before he saw the doctor.

"Oh thank God." Leonard said in partial relief. "She is going to be okay, isn't she?" he was still scared.

"The doctor will be out in a few minutes to tell you about her condition." the nurse delivered her message.

"She is okay though, right?" Leonard was desperate for an answer.

The nurse just gave him a sympathetic smile, "The doctor will be out soon and tell you everything. She then took him to a small side room to talk to the doctor in privacy when he arrived.

It was amazing how just five to ten minutes could feel like a lifetime, but that is what it felt like until the doctor came up to Leonard. "Mr. Hofstadter, I'm Dr Anson, people just call me Dave." the doctor tried to be personal with people he had to tell bad news.

Leonard nodded, "Leonard", then took the doctors offered hand and shook it.

"Leonard let me start by saying Penelope, is resting peacefully, we stopped the bleeding and she is doing fine. We'll probably keep her through tomorrow, just for observation, but I would expect her to go home the day after that." That was the good news the doctor had to tell the short man in front of him.

Leonard sighed, the doctor telling him Penny would be okay seemed to take a huge weight off of him and he actually started to breathe easier. The thought now that Penny would be coming home and was not going to die, made his mind finally be able to think of something more than her safety, and the question that was buried in the back of his mind since he found out she was taken to the hospital, came quickly up in his conscious to the forefront of his mind. "What happened to her?"

The doctor blinked, it never crossed his mind that her next of kin may not know what happened. "I didn't realize no one told you." This concerned the doctor because it might make the next news he had more difficult. "Penelope, had a fall at the beach, causing injury to her hip and abdomen." the doctor stopped for a second to let that sink in before he told the short man the bad news. "The injury to her abdomen, caused her to miscarriage, but because it wasn't really a natural occurrence, she had what we call a partial miscarriage and began to hemorrhage." The short man just stared at the doctor his eyes wide and his mouth slightly agape. "Sir are you going to be okay?"

Leonard looked away from the doctor to his shoes, trying to take in all that the doctor was saying. Leonard knew a miscarriage meant the baby was gone, and several emotions when through him when he thought about that, the strongest being how Penny would take that news. Then he got a little scared again, quickly looking up at the doctor again, "But you said she was doing fine so you took care of the bleeding right?"

The doctor was relieved the man was worried about the young woman and had not fixated on loosing the baby, if there was on thing he learned about being a doctor it was that it is better to concentrate on the living and not the baby lost in something like this, so he nodded quickly. "Yes we stopped the bleeding, her recovery looks very good."

Leonard nodded, "Is she awake, does Penny know?" Leonard was now concerned again, he knew Penny had been doing better about being pregnant, she was becoming happy with it, he didn't know how this news would impact her.

"No she is still asleep in recovery, the blood loss will make her a little more tired for a little while, but we expect she will wake up soon." the doctor thought it was a very good sign the man was worrying about the mother first, this would help later after she found out. "Mr. Hofstadter, we have counselors for this thing, would you like to talk to one?"

Leonard thought for a second, "I don't think so, at least not now. But could you have one for Penny."

The doctor nodded, "I'll have one come by. Now if you don't have any more questions, I'll go check on my patient." the doctor gave Leonard a small smile to try and boost his confidence.

Leonard nodded, "Yes, please take good care of her."

The doctor stood up, "They will notify you when she is put in a room and then you can go to her, okay." Leonard nodded and the doctor left.

Leonard went back to the waiting area, his mind running at full speed about all the doctor told him and what he felt about the information. He was trilled Penny was going to be okay, but sad about her loosing the baby, however he remembered himself praying all the way to the hospital that he would do anything for Penny to be okay. It made him feel a bad and ashamed, that what it took for Penny to be okay was the loss of the baby, and that he would have made that trade any day of the week. However, he was concerned that Penny may have not thought that was a fair trade, and he was very concerned how she was going to feel after she found out.

There were other thoughts Leonard had about the baby, that he was very ashamed about, that now with it gone, all his recent thoughts about Sheldon were not a problem anymore. He hated himself for thinking that way, but he would be lying to himself if he didn't admit that he wasn't happy with the thoughts of Sheldon being in their lives forever. But just as strong, there was also a sense of loss, the family Penny and him had been talking about, the smaller room in the new apartment for a nursery and all the excitement of preparing for the baby now wouldn't happen. This loss would be difficult to deal with, he knew there would be a sense of the missing child, it would make the moving devoid of the happiness they felt before.

Leonard was thinking about all this when he felt the hand on his shoulder, looking up to see Bernadette looking down at him, Howard and Raj behind her. "Bernadette?" was all he could think to say.

"How is she Leonard." Bernadette quietly asked, she thought Leonard looked like he been dragged through a wringer. There could be only one reason for that, something happened to Penny.

"She is out of surgery and in recovery. The doctor said she is doing fine and should go home day after next. I am waiting for them to tell me her room after they move her." Leonard looked at all three of his friends, "How…how did you find out?"

"We were coming to your office to talk to about how weird you were acting at lunch when you ran out of the building." Howard started to explain

"Yeah dude, we have never seen you run so fast in your life." Raj added getting a glare from Howard and Bernadette.

"Anyway, we asked the secretary where you went and she said something about the hospital calling, so long story short, I contacted Bernadette and tracked your phone to find out you were here." Howard finished explaining.

"Did something happen to the baby." Bernadette quietly asked.

Leonard nodded, "Doctor said she had miscarriage that caused hemorrhaging, so they stopped the bleeding, but the baby is gone." Leonard explained, he actually felt numb.

"I'm so sorry." Bernadette told him, trying to hold back the tears for her friend, she knew if she cried, Leonard would probably cry.

There was an awkward silence for a minute or two, until a hospital employee walked up to Leonard, "Mr. Hofstadter, Penelope has taken to room 325 on the third floor. The elevators are down that hall on the right."

"Thank you." Leonard said while standing up, Howard, Raj and Bernadette following him to the elevators.

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Penny was awake, but her mind wasn't in the room or even on the planet, it was with her baby, mentally telling it she was so sorry and how she knew she had been a bad mommy to let it die. Penny had woken up in recovery and after her mind began to focus, she reached for her abdomen, knowing as soon as she touched it that something was wrong. Her scream of grief, immediately got the attention of every medical provider in ear shot, including her doctor, who then gave her the news she dreaded in the most calming way he could.

Penny blamed herself for everything, she knew her walk on the beach, and fall, caused her to loose the baby and she knew she wouldn't have even been on that beach if she hadn't kept the secret about her job situation from Leonard. She knew if she had told Leonard in the beginning, she would have just run to him after it happened and right now she would be cuddled next to him, safe with her baby still alive. She did it again, she hurt people around her, but this time she was punished, punished for everything, her baby was taken away from her and with it a piece of herself.

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Leonard walked in the room and stopped just inside the door when he saw Penny's face, her distant stare made him know something was seriously wrong and this wasn't going to be just a lot of hugging and crying. Leonard tried to muster all the strength he had as he continued walking towards her, finally coming along side her bed and taking her hand, however to his surprise she didn't even notice and Leonard got scared. "Penny…..Penny, Honey please talk to me."

It was the word 'Honey' that brought her back to earth and the drab hospital room, the word and the voice that said it broke through her consciousness and pulled he completely back. She turned her head to look at him, as he stood next to her bed looking at her with obvious concern, but it seemed she didn't know how to talk to him, words just escaped her. How did she tell him it was her fault she lost the baby, how did she tell him it was because she didn't want to go to him with her problem, and how did she tell him she was keeping secrets from him again, after she promised. She had destroyed their family and she couldn't forgive herself for it, she wondered how would anyone ever be able to forgive her and did she really deserve to be forgiven.

She was staring right at him, he could tell that she saw him, it was in her eyes, but she still hadn't said a thing, and that scared Leonard down to his very bones. Leonard became desperate, something was really wrong, so he said the only thing that came to his mind, "Penny, I love you."

The words hammered in Penny's mind, how could he love her after he found out what happened, she didn't deserve love from anyone, she had killed her baby, she didn't deserve to be loved by anyone ever again. Tears formed in her eyes, as she turned her head away from Leonard as the sobs began. She was so ashamed, she hated herself, she had screwed everything up again and she lost he little life inside her, it was more then she could bare. Penny barely felt the arms come around her, barely heard the words of comfort coming from the head so close to hers. "Penny it will be okay, I promise you, we are all here for you."

Bernadette had noticed that something was seriously wrong, and as soon as Penny turned her head away from Leonard, her doing that so uncharacteristic of the Penny she knew, Bernadette rushed to the other side of the bed, to hold her dear friend. Now as Bernadette held Penny, she looked at a shocked, scared Leonard as he took a step away from the bed like he had done something horrible to the fragile woman Bernadette now held. Bernadette had experienced other women miscarrying and she knew how traumatic it could be on not just the woman but the man, it made her feel sadness for both of them. So she just hugged Penny as she cried, taking glances at Leonard as sadness seemed to consume his very being every second he couldn't comfort her.