A/N: I apologize to my readers, I had something personal come up with a friend and I've just recently been able to feel like writing again.
Chapter 34 - Nebraska and Home
Penny, Leonard and Meryl weren't able to get out of California until Monday afternoon, Penny having a one week post surgery doctor's checkup that morning before she left. It was a required checkup and a precaution to make sure Penny was okay to travel, plus it allowed them to get a reference to a clinic in Omaha where Penny could get her two week checkup. Consequently with all that happening that morning, Penny was extremely tired when she finally got settled in her seat on the airplane that afternoon, leaning on Leonard almost immediately upon him getting settled in his seat. Even so, the flight turned out great for the three of them because, do to the late hour of departure, the plane was not full, which allowed them to move around. Meryl, seeing how tired her daughter was, moved to an empty seat across the aisle from Leonard to allow Penny to sleep stretched across the three seats with her head on a pillow in Leonard's lap. The stewardess giving Leonard a blanket to put over Penny as she dozed most of the flight as Leonard gently rubbed her back.
The late afternoon departure also meant that the flight didn't arrive in Omaha till almost midnight and even though Penny spent over the half of the trip sleeping on Leonard, the long day took a toll on her. So again she cuddled up against Leonard, in the backseat of her parent's car, to ride half asleep all the way to her parent's home. It was an extremely quiet trip, Leonard saying nothing as again he gently rubbed Penny's back as she slept, and Wyatt and Meryl not saying nothing if fear of waking Penny. They arrived at Penny's parents home close to 2 AM in the morning, so Penny and Leonard's first day in Nebraska started with putting Penny to bed, Leonard holding her close to him while they slept, he was comforting her and if he had to admit it to himself, comforting himself as well.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxWRONG BABYxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
The first week home, Penny never got out of her pajamas except to put clean pajamas on and she never left the house. She slept and rested a lot, obeying the instructions the doctor told her, but not for that reason, she was still depressed and just had trouble getting up each morning. If it wasn't for Leonard being there with her, she may have never gotten out of bed, but he was able to get her up each day and got her eat regular meals with him. There was another thing that Erin told him to have her do, not pushing her, but getting her in a place where she would talk to people. So after a day or two, they actually got into a little routine, she got up, ate, then spent the late morning watching TV, eating lunch, and again watching TV till she fell asleep for an afternoon nap, either her head or feet on Leonard, her need to be touching him overpowering to her. Leonard would work on his laptop the couple hours while she slept, then after she woke, they would watch TV again, until her father came in for dinner, spending the rest of the evening with her parents, talking some during that time, until it was time to go back to bed again.
It was ten days after she arrived home that she went in for her second post-surgery checkup and was told she could get out more. It was also the first day she saw a therapist and the longest time she had been away from Leonard since that night in the hospital. It was one the hardest things she had to do since the miscarriage and the hardest thing she had to do since she got home, it actually upset her because she thought of home as her refuge from the pain, but now in seemed this stranger wanted her to relive it again. So as she sat alone in her chair, Penny just stared at the woman, trying to put up her walls between this person, and her, who she thought only wanted to cause her pain.
"How are you today, Penny." the therapist tried to open the conversation.
Penny already hated that Leonard told the therapist that her name was 'Penny' she wanted to not become personal with this woman, she wanted stay formal with her and her formal name was 'Penelope'. "Okay" she curtly answered.
Jane Woodward just looked at her, based on over 15 years of treating people she could already see that Penny didn't want to talk or even be there. "Penny, I'm just here to help you, I am not your enemy." Jane saw a strength in this young woman and she thought maybe just be straight forward with her was the best tactic with her.
Penny looked at her for a moment. "I don't want to talk to you, doctor."
Jane gave her a small smile, "Please call me Jane." she knew she needed to get to Penny to consider her as a confidant if she was going to talk.
"I don't want to talk to you, JANE." Penny almost spit back.
That response surprised Jane, there was even more strength in this woman than Jane first thought. "Okay, but if you don't want to talk to me, you need to talk to someone, so I can give you some other therapists that can see you."
Penny shook her head, she really didn't mean to be mean to this woman as a person, she was just angry that she wanted her spill her pain into the open. "Its not you…..I don't want to talk to anyone." Penny told her with less venom in her voice.
Jane nodded, "Penny, I actually understand that, but you need to talk to someone, you can't just hold this all in."
"Why." Penny exploded, "Why do I have to talk to anyone, this is my pain, I lost my baby, not you. Why do I have to talk about it, it is my problem, it is my pain and I don't want to talk about it." Penny now had tears in her eyes.
Jane swallowed, she decided to try something with this woman, it would be harsh, but she felt this woman had the strength to deal with it. "So, you are just going to put your life on hold until you find a way to get over this, if you ever do find a way. What are you going to do stop living, for a day, a week, month, year or several years? How about all the people who love you, are you going to just ignore them for years until you determine you are ready, that is very selfish of you Penny." Jane now watched for Penny's response, hoping she didn't go too far with this woman.
Penny just stared at the therapist, breathing hard, thinking about what she said. 'Life on hold', 'several years' and 'people who love you' kept screaming in her mind, making her think of her friends and parents, and especially Leonard. Penny didn't know how to respond, she suddenly felt defeated, "I'm sorry." she mumbled back.
"Why Penny, you have nothing to be sorry about, you haven't done anything yet. It is up to you now if you want to try and get better or if you want to follow at path that you could be very sorry about in the future." Jane said this softly and with compassion.
"I love him." Penny softly said.
That response surprised Jane, she thought quickly about the man who came with her and was sitting in the waiting room now, she had noticed the sad scared expression on his face. "Do you mean the man sitting outside?" she thought quickly, he introduced himself to her, "Leonard?"
Penny just nodded, tears still on her cheeks as she repeated. "I love him."
This was actually really good Jane thought, she still had someone she loved, she still had someone to live for, someone to plan a future with. Hope was a powerful emotion and having someone you love, gave you hope and that could be a very strong force to bring a person out of depression. But Jane needed to find out more, and although Penny didn't seem to want to talk about the baby, she was talking and that was good. "What does Leonard think." Jane thought she could keep her talking about this man, because it wasn't about herself.
"I don't know…He says he loves me." Penny then looked down at her hand, touching the ring on her finger.
Jane cursed herself for not noticing the engagement ring till just then. "Penny are you engaged?"
"I don't know." Penny almost started to cry, barely holding it in, but more tears did drip down her cheeks.
"Are you and Leonard still getting married?" Penny's uncertainty of still being engaged worried Jane and made her wonder if it was also part of Penny's problem.
"I don't know." Penny again responded
"Penny what do you mean 'you don't know'?" Jane said softly, trying not to upset Penny.
"I don't know." again Penny just said.
Jane now wondered if maybe the man had only agreed to marry Penny because of the baby, "Penny did he ask you to marry him because of the baby?"
Penny shook her head, she was barely keeping the tears from flowing uncontrollably. "He asked me to marry him before the baby, then after the baby he still wanted to marry me, after I cheated on him, he still wanted me." Penny was having trouble keeping it together now, "He found this really nice apartment for us and we were going to be a family….it was perfect, really perfect….AND I RUINED EVERYTHING." Penny now started to sob.
Jane usually didn't do this, but this woman really seemed to need someone to hold her, so she went quickly to the door, opened it and motioned the man in. She watched as he came through the door and saw Penny crying, going immediately to her and taking her into his arms. Jane then watched Penny turn into him, putting her head on his shoulder as she melted into him while she cried. He then gently rubbing her back as she clung to him for comfort, showing Jane everything she had been wondering about, these two people loved each other.
They stayed like that for almost 20 minutes, Penny only sobbed for about 5 minutes, but wouldn't let him go for another 15 minutes and he held her as long as she needed. Their session was for an hour, which was really actually only 50 minutes, so since they were almost out of time and Jane thought Penny had been through a lot already, she decided they were done for the day. She told them both the session was over then looked at Leonard, noticing his pleading eyes wanting to know what just happened, he was obviously worried. Jane just gave him a small smile and a nod to let him know what happened was really a good thing and then she watched as his face took on an expression of relief.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxWRONG BABYxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
It was four work days later, when Penny had her second session with Jane, Penny again not really wanting to be there, but at least it was not a complete stranger she would be seeing this time. Jane was actually pleasantly surprised that Penny was more civil with her, and she decided to get Penny talking again by having her talk about Leonard first. Jane also wanted to get a better feel for where they both were in their relationship, she knew they loved each other, but didn't know too much more.
"Penny can we talk about Leonard?" Jane asked, watching Penny's eyes widen in surprise.
"I guess." Penny responded with uncertainty.
"Okay. How long have you known him?" Jane started with general questions.
"Almost 8 years." Penny responded
The 8 years surprised Jane, "You have been together for 8 years? Is there a reason why you were getting married now?"
Penny shook her head, "We knew each other over two years before we got together as boyfriend and girlfriend." Penny then took a breath, "I broke up with him before we were together for a year." Penny then got quiet for a second lost in thought, before she continued. "We got back together about two years later and have been together now going on 3 years since we got back together. We decided to get married over six months ago." Penny now looked back at Jane.
A question came to Jane's mind she had to ask based on Penny's demeanor on telling her what she just did. "So how long have you loved him?"
Penny looked down at her ring, turning it on her finger, before she took a deep breath, still not looking a Jane, "Almost 8 years."
Jane actually had a plan, she thought there was something very strong between Penny and Leonard, a chemistry of sort, and she wanted Penny to understand that and realize she still had him, even though she had lost the baby. If she could just make Penny understand that although she had lost her baby she still had the love of her life, there was a good chance she would recover from this, so she needed to know more. "If you loved him for 8 years, why did you wait so long to get together and then break up." Jane didn't feel bad about asking these questions, since Penny seemed to be able to talk about this.
"I was scared." Penny confessed. "He was so much smarter than me, he is a PHD in Physics at Cal Tech and I could barely understand half the things he said….Then there was the other thing."
"What other thing." Jane coaxed.
Penny swallowed, this was hard on her, but she really didn't mind talking to someone about it. "You know when you are a teenager, you have this idea of the guy you want to marry and it might change a little as you get older but not really by much." Jane nodded to her and Penny continued, "Well my ideal guy was handsome, really built, taller than me and maybe financially well off." Penny took another breath, "Leonard wasn't like that, he is cute, sweet, smart as hell, weak and wears glasses, and I'm a tiny bit taller than him."
"But you fell in love with him anyway?" Jane added after Penny stopped talking for a few moments.
Penny nodded. "I dated the first two years and even got serious with a guy 'Mike', who I told myself was my perfect guy. But that fell through and I didn't really care that much, it even surprised me, because I still had Leonard, it actually lead to our first real date." A tiny smile formed on Penny's face for a second, which Jane did not miss.
"Okay, but why the breakup and why did it last so long?" Jane coaxed her on.
"He told me he loved me and I didn't know what to do. It is easy to understand that I loved him too, now, but then I couldn't say it back. I got scared, and someone told me that it was better to just break up then keep dating him when I wasn't sure."
"That is really bad advice, especially when you were unsure, it almost sounds like that person was trying to break you two up." Jane told her.
Penny nodded, thinking that Wil Wheaton was probably as evil as Sheldon described him. "It was almost two years because another girl took him from me. I mean, he wasn't mine then, but she began a relationship with him." Penny got quiet for a couple seconds. "I drove him into her arms." she said quietly.
Jane looked up from the pad she was writing on, since Penny hadn't been looking at her she hadn't been looking at her and just writing what she said in her notes. "Why do you say that?"
Penny at first shrugged, but then spoke again, "I tried dating, but really only dated one guy more than once, he fit the description of the guy I was suppose to be with, tall, built, handsome and had some money, but he seemed so stupid, being with Leonard really made me realize the difference in people's intelligence and sort of ruined me, I sort of had this thing now for smart guys. The only reason I went out with him twice was he was too dumb to trick me, he was actually stupidly honest, which I now found I liked guys who were honest with me, like Leonard."
"That drove Leonard to another girl." Jane again coaxed.
Penny shook her head, "One night I went on a date with Zack, drank too much and sort of got sick about how stupid he was acting, so…so when he dropped me off I went to Leonard's apartment." Penny swallowed, talking about it made her feel horrible about doing that to Leonard. "I knocked on Leonard's door, then took him to his bedroom and had my way with him for several hours."
"Oh." Jane wrote something down quickly on her pad, "How did you feel after that and how did Leonard feel?"
Penny went on to tell Jane about the next week, how she told Leonard it was a mistake and even the part about Leonard coming to her apartment drunk. Penny then told Jane about the night with Raj and how she was so upset about what she did to Leonard, she almost left California all together. Penny then got quiet again looking down at her ring, Jane could tell she was thinking about something, but also she looked like she was feeling guilt from everything she had told her.
"Penny, that is all in the past, you two did get back together." Jane tried to get her mind off the bad things of her past and back to the positive.
Penny nodded, "Yes we did, but then I almost broke up with him again."
"How so?" Jane just asked, a little surprised, but Penny seemed to want to talk and Jane wasn't going to say anything to stop her.
"We were dating it again, taking it slow, when everything suddenly seemed right again and we made love….. well almost." Penny now looked at Jane, "He asked me to marry him."
Jane just nodded, upon hearing that she had a feeling at that time Penny wasn't ready and Penny's next words confirmed it, "I got scared again and a couple months later I almost broke up with him again." Penny told Jane.
"What stopped you?"
"I looked at him and I knew I couldn't hurt him again, so I just decided to give it time." Penny confessed.
Jane nodded, "Your own decision was much better then the advice you took before and that worked didn't it. Was that the last time you wanted to break up with him?"
Penny nodded, "I went to his work to learn more about him." Penny now looked at Jane again, "He is so passionate and confident at his job and his job in amazing, it impressed me beyond belief. He is so smart and I found I wanted him even more."
"So when did you tell him you loved him?"
Penny looked down at her ring again, "We had a fight, he was so insecure about me and this guy was hanging around from school, so he did something stupid and I got mad. A few days later we met in the hall, between our apartments, and I started to give him hell because I was mad, I told him then that I loved him."
"You were mad at him and so you told him you loved him." Jane repeated, it was a strange time to tell someone you loved him for the first time.
Penny nodded, "I actually said it without thinking, but after I said it I knew it was the truth and he needed to know. He actually took it very well, much better than I thought he would."
Jane wasn't sure what Penny meant by Leonard taking it well but since she didn't elaborate Jane didn't push her, she was still talking freely and Jane didn't want her to stop. So Penny kept talking, about the time after she told Leonard she loved him, all they way up to the months he was gone on a ship. Penny talked about her all out effort to try and be an actress and then how she finally made it to get in a TV show. It was at that point her session was over and Jane felt Penny had probably talked as much as needed for the day, she didn't want to push her too far, so she suggested they stop for now until next time.
Penny walked to the door with Jane and then stopped to look at her. "We didn't talk about the baby."
"Did you want to talk about the baby?" Jane asked, it was actually a good sign that Penny brought the baby up.
Penny shook her head slowly, "But we talked about Leonard and me the whole time. How is this helping me with the baby?"
Again it was Penny talking about the baby, another good sign. "We can talk about the baby next time, if you would like."
Penny slowly nodded, then softly said, "Okay." Penny then left the office when Jane opened the door. Jane watched as Penny walked directly up to Leonard and just wrapped her arms around him as he took her into a hug she seemed to need. Jane just smiled and closed the door, knowing her patient was in good hands until the next time she saw her, any man that who could go through all that Penny told her and still love her, would never let anything happen to her.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxWRONG BABYxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Penny's third session was a week later, it started with Penny discussing what happened that night with Sheldon, which actually surprised Jane, then lead to the baby when Penny told her about finding out she was pregnant. Penny kept talking until she got up to the present day, Jane not having to push her, she seemed to want to talk now on her own. Jane knew Penny was done talking when she looked down at her ring again and got quiet, the ring Jane now knew was very important to her, it was obviously a symbol that grounded her. Jane believed the ring reminded her of the man sitting outside, the man she loved, it was a symbol that she was loved and even though she was hurting for the baby she lost, it represented that she still loved that man.
"Penny." Jane softly said.
Penny looked up at the woman she had told her life story to, it felt strange but somehow she felt a sort of relief. "Yes."
"You're stronger than you think." Jane told her, seeing a look of surprise in her eyes, which Jane just responded to by a small smile and a nod. "I mean it. Part of the reason you are strong is because you have friends and family around you that support you, but probably mostly because you have someone who loves you and you love."
"Leonard?" was all Penny said, and Jane nodded.
"Penny was the baby all your cared for in the world, your only love, the only person you lived for?" Jane watched as Penny thought about her words.
"No." Penny softly said. "That makes me a bad mother doesn't it?"
"No, it makes you a very lucky human being. You had two people you deeply loved, the baby inside of you and Leonard." Jane watched Penny nod before she continued. "Penny I know it hurts, but please remember you only lost one of those loves, the second one is still there and he is right outside that door. Jane watched as Penny looked at the longingly at the door and nodded, Jane now knew Penny was on the way to recovery.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxWRONG BABYxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
The last two weeks Penny had gotten dressed every morning, with Leonard, and they both went out to join her father, to work, after their late breakfast each morning. Penny still hadn't been allowed to lift anything so what they would do was ask her father and he would tell her what needed to get done, her supervising Leonard on how to do it. It usually took a lot longer for Leonard to get the work done, than her father, mostly because Leonard and Penny would get sidetracked by talking or hugging each other, but each job they did accomplish was one Wyatt didn't have to do, so their help was appreciated. It had make Meryl smile to see the three of them come in for lunch and dinner, especially her daughter, who was never as dirty as the men, but seemed to be returning to her old self, talking a lot more at each meal.
So after that third session with the therapist, Penny was actually feeling better, she was still a ways from being able to move on completely, but it didn't hurt as much, and Penny had found herself thinking more and more about herself and Leonard. So it was that evening, them sitting on the couch after a long afternoon helping her father, that Penny suddenly felt she wanted to be alone with her fiancé and it had nothing to do with seeking comfort. It was a feeling she had not felt since she lost the baby, and she didn't know if she should feel bad because of it, but she wanted to be with Leonard alone, just in his arms, being loved by him and she wanted him to know she loved him.
Penny got off the couch and left the living room, only to return 5 minutes later dressed in her coat, hat and boots, holding Leonard's coat and having a big sleeping bag with her. Leonard was confused, but still wordlessly got off the couch when she grabbed his hand to follow her, Meryl actually knowing what Penny was doing as soon as she saw the sleeping bag. So it was only 15 minutes later when she told Wyatt she was going to check on them and went to the window to see Penny and Leonard on the porch swing, both in the oversized sleeping bag, cuddled together as they gently swung while looking at the stars. Meryl had seen Penny do something like this several times in her life, when she wanted to think, the cold seeming to help her think clearer.
Leonard held Penny tight, it wasn't really that cold with their coats and hats on, them both being in the big sleeping bag and their bodies so close. It actually felt nice in a way, especially since Penny was pressed as close as possible to him, so it actually surprised him when she spoke. "Leonard, I don't want to put my life on hold anymore."
Leonard looked at her, "What do you mean putting your life on hold?"
Penny sighed, "The therapist asked me the first session if I planned on putting my life on hold. She asked me what my plans were before I lost the baby and I told her about the apartment and our marriage. She then asked if I was still doing those and I told her I didn't know. She then asked why I didn't know and I told her I didn't know, again." Penny took in a deep breath, to keep herself from crying. "I know why now, I didn't know before, I sort of had my life on hold." Tears were now coming down her face and Leonard, who now could barely breathe, rubbed her back to try and comfort her as she put her head on his chest, while wondering if she really wanted to marry him anymore.
Penny took a couple minutes to compose herself, before she brought her head off of Leonard's chest and looked at him with red eyes. "Leonard I love you and I really want to marry you, I don't want my life on hold anymore."
Leonard nodded, his breath now coming back to him, "I love you too and want to marry you."
Penny nodded and snuggled against him harder, her head now back on his chest. "I know my mom and sister canceled the original wedding date, but I want to get the next date available, if that is okay with you."
A small smile formed on Leonard's lips, and he gave her a little squeeze, "Of course it is alright with me, the sooner the better." he felt Penny give him a squeeze after he said those words.
The sat there is comfortable silence as they held each other and would have stayed like that for a while longer, if Meryl hadn't walked outside with two hot chocolates, making sure Leonard got the one with the special milk for lactose intolerant people. Meryl didn't hardly say anything to them except, 'I though you guys would like this." then she disappeared back into the house. The hot liquid was appreciated by both of them, each gently sipping the sweet brew, but for Penny it was special, she was starting to feel content again, being next to Leonard, sharing his warmth, the soothing drink. It was these kind of feelings she wanted for the rest of her life, and it made her finally realize what the doctor meant, she couldn't just put her life on hold and take the chance on loosing what she already had, she needed to move on. It also wasn't that she was ready to just go immediately back to her life, she still needed the security of her parent's home and Leonard there with her, but she now knew things would get better, and she knew there would be a day she would be completely happy again.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxWRONG BABYxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
There was another good thing that happened during their time in Nebraska, Leonard was well liked by the administration at Cal Tech, it was one of the reasons Siebert wanted him to take over for Gablehauser. Siebert thought Leonard was the perfect person to lead the Physics department into the future, after Gablehauser left, so keeping Leonard as part of Cal Tech was important to him. Part of that reason was that Siebert could never forget Leonard's work to help the university get grants and Leonard's ability to work with even the most eccentric professors, like Dr Sheldon Cooper, also was not lost on Siebert. So it was without any reservation, that Siebert had the Personal Department investigate the maximum benefits that could be granted to Leonard to keep him on the payroll while he was gone. Leonard was then notified, a few days after his arrival at Penny's home, that he had another two weeks of sick leave to use to take care of Penny and then 4 weeks of still unused vacation time after that was gone. It was a blessing for Leonard since he still had to pay for the new apartment in Pasadena each month even though he was not using it.
However Leonard had not spent the last four weeks being idle either, he had been working on his theoretical paper when Penny didn't need him, concentrating on the mathematics for the initial proof that the concept around his theory was possible and was now actually ready to submit his preliminary work for peer review. He had actually finished paper a couple days ago but Leonard was scared to send his work back to Cal Tech, this was the first time he had ever accomplished something so significant, the work he had done before with Sheldon were minor efforts compared to what this current work proposed. He was also torn about sending the draft paper forward or waiting a while till he could be even more positive about his work, so he just sat there staring at the laptop screen unable to even move. He was finally taken from his thoughts when Penny came back to the couch with drinks for both of them, sitting close to him, the warmth of her and the discussion they had the night before, immediately making the paper in front of him seem meaningless compared to her, as he closed the laptop and put it aside.
Penny looked at him with curiosity, he had been working on the laptop, off and on, since they got there, but she had noticed he had never worked on it whenever she was around, especially during the first two weeks. She had slept a lot those two weeks and she had woken up several times with him sitting next to her in bed working on his laptop, but again he would always put it down when he noticed she was awake. However that sort of changed this last week, he had been working on it while they watched TV in the evening, she didn't mind, because he still never neglected her and would put it down whenever she wanted his attention. So his suddenly putting it aside right now seemed a little strange to her, it almost seemed like he didn't want it around him anymore.
"Sweetie, I don't mind if you work a little." She really didn't, he didn't neglect her, so his working didn't bother her, it actually had become a little relaxing for her, watching TV against him while the soft clicks of the keyboard were in the background.
"No, I'm done." he quickly responded.
Penny looked at him, his face looked concerned and his response seemed strange. "Done for tonight?" she asked, then "Honey what's wrong?"
"Nothing." he said softly.
Penny now knew something wasn't right, so she got in his lap and looked directly at him, there was no way he could not look at her now. But instead of questioning him she just took his face in her hands and kissed him, kissed him hard, running her fingers through his hair and pushing her body against his. Like that feeling last evening she felt the need to be more intimate with him, but she knew sex was still out of the question, he would never have it with her unless he was sure she was fully healed, he would never hurt her and she loved it because she knew it was true. So intense make out sessions and rubbing her body on him would be limit to their intimacy she knew, like she was doing now and several minutes went by before she spoke to him again.
"Leonard, tell me what is going on with you right now." she softly said, her arms around his neck and her head now resting on his shoulder.
"It's my paper, it is done, but….." he hesitated.
Penny lifted off his shoulder so she could look at him, but before she spoke she gave him a soft kiss on the lips, "But what Honey?"
"I'm just not sure." he confessed.
"Sure about what? That it is good?" she didn't really know enough about his work to understand why he would unsure about a paper he wrote.
Leonard shook his head and sadly chuckled. "No, it is just that it is different, something new and it could be important, it is just…." he trailed off.
"Just what Honey?" Penny pushed, she could tell he was bothered and she so wanted to help him.
"It is just what if I am wrong, what if I forgot something or made a stupid assumption." Leonard blurted out.
"So you think you forgot something or made a stupid assumption?" she countered.
"No…..I don't know." he sounded frustrated with himself, to Penny.
"Honey you are the smartest man I know, you probably didn't make those mistakes." Penny softly told him.
Leonard sadly chuckled again. "I appreciate that, but remember you know Sheldon and he is much smarter than me."
Penny gave him a small smile. "Sheldon is a Wack-a-doodle, I would trust anything you did before I trusted something from him."
Leonard looked at her, "You are speaking from your heart not from your mind."
"Maybe, but I am proud of you Sweetie, I will always be proud of you and will always support you." She said while looking in his eyes.
Leonard stared at her and just nodded, this was a side of Penny he hadn't seen since they got there, it felt strange because he knew she was supporting him right now. "Well with that kind of faith in me, I guess even if I'm wrong, it won't be so bad." He then put one arm around her waist to hold her while his other arm went to grab his laptop. He then opened it up on her lap until the paper came back up on the screen, then took a look at Penny and gave her a small smile before putting his fingers back on the keyboard to send out his paper to Dr Gablehauser.
Leonard sending that document, resulted in a warm good feeling filling Penny, she had helped her man with a problem he was having, and it was incredible how good that felt. Penny looked up from the laptop to Leonard and her heart filled with love for him, love that had been previously tempered by her grief, she seemed to now understand. He was the most important person in her life and would remain so until he had to share that honor with their children and the thought of having children with him, again warmed her soul. It was with those thoughts Penny brought her lips to Leonard's for a long tender kiss, her hands running through his thick curly hair as she tried to pull him even closer to her, the laptop sliding off her lap onto the couch, now of little interest to either of them.
.