Chapter Three

"Great and good are seldom the same man." — Winston Churchill

The Red Room — 1992-1993

After the dissolution of the U.S.S.R. in December of 1991, the KGB was said to have fallen. It had already been a year and yet they were as active as they could ever be. They operated in secret, under unofficial orders from those who still held even a fraction of their former Soviet power. Through that alone, the plans of the Red Room continued.

Of course, none of the girls had ever expected anything different. They had been told not to worry, that they were protected as long as they were strong. The Red Room only operated more efficiently now; there was a cause to be upheld, no matter the circumstances that had befallen them.

As the girls got older, they only became more dangerous. It meant nothing that Russia was changing around them. Within the walls of the Red Room, Soviet Russia was still very much alive. One day, the former glory of the U.S.S.R. would be restored, they said, and then Russia would only have the KGB and the children of the Red Room to thank for it. But eventually the news died down and the strange thrill of a new era became nothing but a distant memory.

When Natalia entered the cafeteria one morning, however, there was a buzz that she had not witnessed since that day one year ago, when the world had broken the news of the end of the final Cold War. She sat across from Marta, as she had for years now, and looked between her friend and Alexandra, another girl that Marta had charmed over. If Marta were not so genuinely kind-hearted from the start, Natalia would have commended her for her skills. But it wasn't skill — it was simply Marta. And that made her weak, just as she had always been. Nothing would ever change that.

"They're bringing in a new instructor," Alexandra explained with a hint of excitement in her hushed whisper.

Natalia raised an eyebrow. They got new instructors all the time, especially for combat training as it was said to better prepare them for the real world where no two people truly fought alike. This was hardly any sort of surprise, so Natalia went back to her breakfast, disinterested.

"It's a man this time," Marta added and Natalia looked up again.

That was certainly different. The only men in the Red Room were the doctors. The girls each saw them once a week now that the procedures had begun. Natalia didn't quite understand what these procedures were really for but they often involved vials of unknown 'medicines' or odd memory 'tests' that left Natalia feeling funny afterward. She didn't mind the injections but the way that they played with her head always made her feel strange. All Natalia knew was that, so far, one girl had gone to her weekly 'check up', as they were called, and she had never come back.

But to hear of a male instructor was unexpected. Even their combat instructors were women who had been secretly trained by the KGB during the war. They were good and looked upon with the highest respect, but the goals of the Red Room were of a different sort, they were told. Natalia did not know how different.

"Who is he?" Natalia asked, even though she had been planning to keep silent.

She didn't like to gossip, even though the other girls did. Dynamics were changing amongst the girls now and it seemed as if the strict order that had been imposed when they were younger was becoming more lenient. But Natalia knew that there had to be a purpose for this. The older girls were forming rivalries. They still knew their routines and their manners, and acting out was never tolerated, but things changed a little more by the day and Natalia kept track of it all. Soon it would be unavoidable but, for now, she kept her head down.

"A man in a mask," Alexandra replied with a shrug. "I caught a glimpse of him earlier but that's all I saw. And he has a metal arm."

Natalia tilted her head. A metal arm? She was curious but she wasn't going to ask any questions. It was unlikely either of the girls across from her knew any of the answers anyway. But she did have one question that perhaps they could answer.

"What is his name?"

"The Winter Soldier," Marta replied.

Natalia tried to sneak glimpses at every chance she could. During her morning ballet lesson, she saw him outside the observation window. Olga Ivanovna and another unfamiliar man were leading him around, clearly showing him the facility. Every so often, she snuck a peek at him while doing her barre work. It was as if he could sense the presence of two hazel eyes watching him and he looked up, staring directly at Natalia. She barely stifled a gasp and quickly looked away, focusing on her exercises intently for the next few minutes.

When she turned around again, he was gone.

Their first training session with the Winter Soldier had been an intimidating one. Even the oldest girls seemed to shrink in his presence. When they did, they were immediately reprimanded. Natalia, however, stood tall. After their brief moment of earlier eye contact, she was determined not to shy away again. So when he looked at her a second time, Natalia did not flinch or look away.

Ever so slightly, he nodded in approval.

First was sparring. Today, all twenty-eight girls were present in the training room. There would be sixteen matches and, for the first time, Natalia was up first. Her opponent? Yelena.

Yelena was older, bigger, and stronger. And worse, Natalia had never fought against her. But she was not about to lose. She might have been younger and much smaller but one thing that Natalia had learned was that she was fast and she was flexible. Yelena had recently gone through a growth spurt and, like many young girls were as they grew, she was suddenly gangly and awkward. It would not last for long — they all adapted quickly — but Natalia could use it to her advantage. As she and Yelena took their places across from one another, Natalia couldn't help but smile.

"Don't get cocky, дитя́," Yelena jeered.

A glare from their new instructor silenced the older girl and the match began. Both girls were experts beyond their years. In only two short years, Natalia had gone from being the weak child that had barely started her combat training to one of the best in the Red Room. There had been some chatter amongst their instructors that Natalia had overheard — she had made the most improvement of all the girls there and it had come as nothing short of a shock. Now she was holding her own against Yelena, blocking the most vicious of punches and delivering several harsh blows of her own. Yelena hadn't counted on Natalia's ability to dodge as quickly as she could. Yelena snarled and Natalia ignored her, countering yet another attack. At one point, Natalia's hair tie had slipped loose and now her red curls whipped around her each time she moved to avoid a blow. But the distraction had cost her and suddenly Yelena had her arm around Natalia's throat.

Natalia struggled and Yelena strengthened her grip. They were allowed to use as much force as necessary but it was up to their instructors to intervene should they decide to once the match had clearly been won. Natalia could feel the air being blocked from her lungs and she thrashed, trying to get Yelena to let her go. There were black spots forming in her vision and Natalia looked over towards their instructor.

The Winter Soldier showed no sign of stepping in. Natalia immediately knew that he would allow this fight to continue to the death should he so choose. Natalia knew exactly why he had been brought in as their new instructor — their training was only going to get harder from now on. And Natalia was going to die if she was not the best. So she thought quickly and she did something that any eight-year-old girl would do, training to be a killer or not. She forced her head to the side and found Yelena's hand. And then she bit down – hard.

Yelena practically screeched and yanked her hand away, cradling it against her chest as Natalia stumbled forward to her freedom. While Yelena was busy yelling at her, screaming about how it wasn't fair and that Natalia was fighting dirty, Natalia was already planning her next move. She couldn't stop to catch her breath or Yelena would finally come at her with everything she had. So Natalia moved first, running forward and spinning into a high kick that hit Yelena directly in the chest. The other girl stumbled and fell and Natalia was on top of her before Yelena could even push herself to her knees. Natalia grabbed her blonde ponytail, forcing her head back.

"Хватит."

Both girls stopped struggling, heads turning to face the Winter Soldier. It was the first word any of them had heard him say. Even when he had chosen Natalia and Yelena, he had simply gestured to each of them and they had immediately known exactly what he expected of them. Natalia still hadn't let go of Yelena's ponytail. The Winter Soldier simply stared at her.

"Хватит," he repeated firmly.

Natalia finally let go and rolled off of Yelena. She almost offered the other girl a hand up but decided otherwise. She stalked off, back to her place amongst the other girls. As she passed their new instructor, she heard him say something. It was low and faint but she knew it was for her.

"Good. But messy."

The training continued into the new year. By the spring, none of the girls shrank from the Winter Soldier's presence. By summer, his presence was considered to be the norm. He wasn't always there, of course. He came and he went. When he wasn't there, Natalia found herself missing his training sessions. She knew he had been keeping an eye on her and Natalia wondered why. But she didn't think that she would ever get her answer.

By late November, Natalia's birthday had passed. Birthdays were not celebrated in the Red Room. The only reason she knew what day of the year it was was because of her annual physical. She was nine years old now. For six years, she had lived in the Red Room. And now, she could not remember anything from before. Sometimes she wondered if the twenty-second of November was even her real birthday. She had no way of knowing for sure.

It was her turn for her weekly check up and one of the day matrons, the women who were in charge of the daily chores that were not performed by the instructors or the girls, led her through the halls. The girls were required to do many things for themselves but their training took precedence and someone else always had to do the rest. But the matrons also accompanied the girls everywhere they went — especially to and from check ups. Natalia had noticed that some of the girls tried to escape or hide when their turns came each week. One more girl had not come back. Natalia did not care.

This week, they started with the memory tests. The week prior, they had showed Natalia a series of photographs, too quick for her to even process. They had administered two more vials of unknown 'medicine' and sent Natalia on her way. Last week had seemed easy in comparison to before. Natalia wondered if she was simply no longer bothered by the tests that they were running.

She was wrong.

This time, they showed her the first photograph and the first one only. Natalia stared at it, as if experiencing some strange sensation of having been there before. Of course she had, she reminded herself. She had been sitting in this exact chair only a week ago. But then the images had been too quick. This time she saw every detail and she remembered each and every one of them. She didn't know how.

"Can you describe the rest of the images, Natalia?"

How? She had barely seen them. But before she could open her mouth to ask what they meant, she did remember. Staring at the first image, she saw all of the images. At first, it felt like she was seeing them all at once. All the details, jumbled together. Her head started to hurt. She clawed at her temples, trying to un-see each image as it reappeared over and over in her memory. How could she remember things she had barely seen? Natalia whimpered.

"Focus, Natalia. The medicines we have given you— they enhance your memories. What you think you have seen for only a fleeting moment, you can remember exactly. You must focus, remember them each in turn."

So Natalia did. As she described each image, the doctors showed them to her one by one, confirming her recollections. But when they came to the end of the slides, Natalia frowned. They had showed her only ten slides. She remembered eleven.

"One is missing."

Heads in the room turned to look at her. Natalia looked around, confused by the staring.

"There was one more. A farmhouse. It was red, with peeling paint. There were three chickens by the steps and a dog sitting on the stoop. The door was open but only by an inch. It was cloudy as if it were about to rain and someone was in one of the upstairs windows, closing it. There was a tractor in the background and it was starting to rust—"

One of the doctors stopped her there.

"Do you remember this, Natalia?"

"Yes." She was confused. Of course she remembered it, just like each of the other images. Why were they asking her such a silly question? "It was with all the other photographs."

"Good, Natalia, that's good. Now what do you remember after we showed you these images?"

Natalia frowned. She thought back. All they had done was give her another needle and then she had been escorted back to her training. She repeated this for them and there were a series of nods.

"Natalia, we will be right back."

Natalia turned in her chair, suddenly frightened. Had she said something wrong? She watched them all gather in the back of the room, speaking in hushed voices. Natalia squeezed her eyes shut and focused on the sounds. If she concentrated very carefully, she could make out their hurried Russian words. These days, they were only supposed to speak English.

"—she remembers perfectly—"

"—but she does not remember the time between the injection and leaving this room—"

"—the false memories worked just as we had hoped and she appears to feel no harmful side effects—"

"—and wiping her memories proved just as effective as replacing them—"

Natalia opened her eyes and watched as the conversation came to a satisfied lull and she quickly turned back around in her chair. What did that mean… 'false memories'? She knew she had seen the image of the farmhouse. They had just said that they had enhanced her memories so that she could recall more detail. Of course they would do that. She was training to be a spy and an assassin. Details were essential. She must have heard them wrong, Natalia decided. Perhaps they had been talking about someone else? Maybe one of the other girls who had failed the tests. Natalia could not have failed. They must have simply lost the last slide.

Finally, they moved on. There were two more injections, just as Natalia had expected. One of them made her feel strangely sleepy but as fast as the feeling overcame her, it vanished. Natalia blinked and the room righted itself. Her head hurt and she felt… fuzzy? But she had come to expect these sensations. One of the doctors nodded and she hopped out of her chair. When she was escorted out into the hallway, none of the matrons were there. She turned to see who had escorted her out but they had already left and closed the door behind her. Natalia wondered if she should wait but she knew her way back. She was supposed to be in an American history lesson right now. She could make it there by herself, she decided.

All of her thoughts felt muffled — more than usual. Walking down the hallway by herself, Natalia stumbled. She went to grip the wall for support but missed, her fingers grasping at nothing. Just as she thought that she was going to fall, something strong wrapped around her arm and pulled her upright. Natalia looked down, only to be greeted by the sight of metal. Not just regular metal but metal fingers.

She looked up to see the Winter Soldier hovering over her. She nodded, mumbling a small apology and then a thank you. The Winter Soldier frowned. He did not have his mask on, Natalia noticed. She had never seen him without it.

"Do not apologize for weakness."

There was a pause and Natalia did not respond, unsure of what to say.

"Use it instead," he explained.

Use her weakness? Natalia did not understand. Weakness was something she had to overcome not use. But she nodded, as if she had understood perfectly, and went to continue on her way back to her lesson. Even so, only a few steps forward and she could still feel eyes watching her. She turned around again. Did he want something?

"You have many weaknesses, Natalia." When he spoke, Natalia glared as deadly as glare as a nine-year-old could muster and she could have sworn she saw the ghost of a smile on the Winter Soldier's lips when she did. "And yet you are the best of everyone else here."

What did he mean now? He spoke in riddles and Natalia did not like it. Whatever he was trying to say to her, she did not understand. Maybe she was not supposed to or maybe she was. Natalia didn't care. Her head still felt strange and she wanted to go sit down and focus on something else. But when he did not turn to leave, Natalia felt compelled to ask something that she had always wondered and yet never dared speak aloud. Her disorientation must have made her bold.

"What is your name?"

If the Winter Soldier thought this out of line, he did not show it. In fact, his brow furrowed and he took a moment before he even answered. Natalia thought that to be curious. It was the same expression she had marred her own face when asked to recall the photographs during her test. Did he not remember?

"It's James," he finally responded.

Natalia could not quite tell if there was a hint of hesitance in his voice. It was almost as if no one had asked him this in a very long time. That was sad, she thought, to have no one ask your name. She knew it was sad, because no one had ever bothered to ask hers when she had first arrived here. But James… that was an English name, wasn't it? She had learned a little bit about English names. James came from the Hebrew Jacob, in the Bible. Here in Russia, they would have called him Yakov.

"Just James?" she asked.

The Winter Soldier nodded once and then turned away, as if to finally leave. Natalia couldn't help but feel a little bit disappointed. He was an interesting man, she decided. She wanted to know more but knew that asking questions could be dangerous. Some questions gave you important answers. Others could only bring about trouble. She looked down at the floor.

"You have classes, Natalia," he said, voice once again stern.

Natalia almost jumped and nodded fiercely. She would be late and she would get in more trouble if anyone found out that she had not been escorted. She hurried off in the other direction, mind full of questions. For the rest of the day, her head was filled with thoughts of the Winter Soldier and ten perfectly memorized images.

* дитя́ — child
* Хватит — enough