A/N: I don't own this. We all know who does. What I do own is the regret of not being braver as a teenager. So many things I wish I could have done differently. :)

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By the time I came to my senses, he was gone. Melted into the darkness and just gone. I quickly found Rose and Mary Jane and pulled them away from Emmett and Jamie, insisting I needed to get home soon. We promised the boys we'd be back the next day, and then I dragged my girls to the car.

"Rose, I think Tony is here," I said as we started down the road that led back to Forks.

"What? Really?" she asked. I nodded, my hands shaking as I tried to calm myself down. "Wait, Tony... Who's Tony, again?"

"Rose. Focus. The guy... from four years ago. You remember that night? We were out smokin' with Jasper and his friends and those guys from out of town showed up?" I could tell she was trying to piece it together in her mind, but we were all still a little hazy from the weed we'd smoked earlier.

"I remember," Mary Jane said. "I was there with Mary Ellen and Sara Marie."

Sara Marie Swan. One of the other town jokes, the only other Marie, and my cousin. We had the same great-grandma, had both been named after her. Her dad – my uncle – was the town dentist. She had great teeth. She lived on the other side of Forks now, with her husband and three kids. Well, three kids so far. She was only two years older than I was, and the thought that I could be living her life soon was chilling. Freaky. It scared the shit out of me.

"Oh yeah, I do remember that. Hey, who was that guy I made out with? He was cute. And big," Rose said.

"Mac. I remember him. He really was big, and loud. And those dimples he had... I liked him," Mary Jane said from the backseat.

"Oh come on. Tony! I think I saw Tony at the rodeo grounds. But it couldn't have been him. This guy, he was different. Mary Jane, are you sure your daddy didn't lace that reefer with somethin'?"

She hummed to herself for a few moments. "Well, he could have. He's been experimenting with different blends. But he usually tries them out on Jasper." She bolted up in her seat, grabbing on to the back of mine. "Don't tell your dad! He doesn't know Jasper smokes!"

I laughed at how serious she was. "Oh Mary Jane, everyone knows Jasper smokes. I think he and my dad have a deal. Jasper keeps my dad's dessert addiction a secret from my mom, and my dad doesn't arrest Jasper for being high all the time."

"Oh good," she said as she smiled and laid back down on the seat. "I'd miss mounting my little soldier boy if your daddy threw him in the slammer."

Driving back toward my house I thought I saw Mike's car parked on a street about a block from mine. I worried that maybe he'd gone back to my house after leaving, but when we got home he wasn't there. The pot we'd smoked was definitely freaking me out and I needed to sleep. Soon.

The next morning we were up bright and early. My mother was in the hall bathroom showing Rose all the new colors in Mary Kay's Fabulous Fall make-up line. Mary Jane, who'd clearly spent the night in Jasper's room based on the serious case of bedhead she was sporting, was in with them ranting and raving about the Perfect Plum blush and the Perky Pumpkin eye shadow. Quietly I hurried past them, getting into the kitchen just in time to see my father sneaking out the back door, wearing a pair of sweat pants and a white t-shirt from the 80's that said "Can't Touch This" in huge bold letters. I was pretty certain no one wanted to "touch this" but I had to laugh. He was so embarrassing sometimes, but he was my dad and I loved him.

I watched him creep his way across our yard, then through the two neighbor yards until he reached his destination. Seriously, a 300 pound man could not hide behind a tree, much less a big wheel, but he sure did try. Mary Sue was standing in her backyard wearing a short little apron, and not much else, from what I could tell. Any other person would think my father was attracted to her long, bare legs, or her big rack that was hardly able to be contained by the tube top she was wearing. But I knew my father better than that. All his eyes saw were the apple fritters that I could smell all the way across the two yards between us. No wonder my father was such a junkie. And she was totally feeding his addiction.

Walking back into the house I left my father alone to indulge himself in his doughy, fried, apple heaven. I thought more about Tony, about the night I'd met him, got to know him, fell head over heels for him.

Rose and I were hanging out, doing nothing. We were 15 and bored. We'd always been bored in Forks. Jasper showed up at the ice cream shop, asking if we wanted to party with him and his friends. Of course we said yes. He may have been my brother, but he was kinda cool, and older. It was only a year, but he had older friends and older friends were the key to fun when you lived in a small town.

We lay on the high school football field in the dark, smoking up and drinking and laughing for hours. The carnival had been in Forks, but had closed down the day before. Everything was disassembled and ready to move on to the next town. It was kind of a sad day for us, but it happened every year. They always came. They always left. That's just how it worked. As we lay there on the grass, giggling and talking, Jasper's friend Peter showed up with a couple of new guys. Guys we didn't know. Cute guys.

It was dark, so I couldn't see them too well, but there was enough light for me to see decently. The new guys, Tony and Mac, smoked and drank and laughed with us. They fit right in. Pretty soon Mac was chatting up Rose, and his friend was sitting next to me. He had a smile that pretty much melted my panties right there. And this hair that seemed to be a copper color, though it could have just been the dim lights that lined the street next to the field. I wanted to kiss him, or for him to kiss me. But he was shy, kinda quiet. And the way he spoke was like no one I'd ever heard before.

"I was reading this poem the other day," he said as he ran his fingers through the grass next to him.

"You read poems?" I asked. I didn't know any guys who read poems. Well, other than Marcus, and he only read fluffy love poems. Or dark, twisted death poems. He was weird. I stayed away from that guy.

"Yeah. Um, it's by John Keats. You heard of him? Anyway, it had this part I was just thinking about. It said 'I have been astonished that men could die martyrs for their religion - I have shudder'd at it. I shudder no more. I could be martyr'd for my religion. Love is my religion.'"

"Wow," I whispered. "That's deep."

He nodded his head, then looked at me. "You ever been in love, Bella?"

"No," I said, shaking my head. "There's this guy, Mike, that flirts with me, but I don't love him. I don't think I could ever love him." I swallowed my nerves down and took a deep breath. "What about you? You ever been in love?"

He smiled. "No, but I'm thinkin' about it."

It was then that I noticed how alone we were. Jasper and Peter were passed out. Most of Jasper's other friends were either off hooking up with girls, or had left. Rose and Mac were walking around the field and I could barely make out their silhouettes.

The golden leaf we'd finished off earlier made me brave, and I leaned toward Tony and pressed my lips to his. When he didn't move, I froze. I'd kissed a few other boys before. Even made out once or twice, but that was it. I was pretty inexperienced, which was fine with me. I was only fifteen. I had loads of time. Plus, Forks was boring. Not much was expected from girls when it came to kissing and touching and sex.

Pulling back just a bit, I started to apologize. "Sorry. I didn't mean to-"

Tony shut me up when he pulled me back to him and kissed me again. "Be quiet. You just caught me off guard," he whispered before kissing me again. Soon enough we were lying in the grass, his body leaning over mine as he kissed me until I was nearly dizzy.

"You wanna go somewhere?" I managed to ask as I tried to catch my breath.

"Where? What do you wanna do?" he said. His lips were on my neck and he was making my whole body tingle even more than the pot from earlier had.

"Um, there's another field a little ways over. We could go there." I pushed my fingers through his hair as I held him tighter against me. "I really don't want Jasper to wake up and catch us doing stuff. That's gross."

He laughed. "Yeah. Plus he'd probably beat me up, and I really don't wanna get beat up the first time I'm feelin' up a girl."

"You haven't done this before?" I softly asked.

"No. Is that a problem?" He leaned away from me, his eyes looking at me in a worried way.

"Not for me. I haven't done it, either."

With that he stood up, took my hand, and we walked toward the practice field. It was on the other side of the locker room building, and it was a little darker, a little more secluded. Before long we were rolling around in the grass, his hands all over my body. I could feel how hard his dick was, and I carefully unbuttoned his pants so that I could touch him.

"Oh shit," he mumbled as he kissed my tits and pushed his fingers into me. "You sure you wanna do this here?" he asked.

"So sure. Please."

With that his pants were pushed down, my skirt was pushed up, and then I felt him sliding back and forth along my wet, sticky folds. His fingers held my underwear to the side as he lay on top of me and slowly began to push himself inside.

It hurt. Not a lot, but it was uncomfortable. He apologized a million times. I tried to bite my lip so that I wouldn't cry.

"I'm so sorry, my Little Beauty," he whispered into my ear. "We should stop."

He was half way in, and I didn't want to stop. I wanted him. He was everything I'd ever dreamed of and he was my way out of Forks. Somehow I just knew it. And I wanted it.

"No, keep going. Please," I begged, then kissed him. As his tongue slid into my mouth, the rest of his cock slid into my body, and it was perfect. It hurt like fuck, but it was perfect.

He didn't last long. I didn't expect him to. After he came in me, he pulled out and then used his fingers to rub me and touch me until I was shaking all over and cursing like a sailor. He held me in his arms afterward and whispered sweet things to me.

"'I shudder no more. I could be martyr'd for my religion. Love is my religion. And I could die for that. I could die for you,'" he said as he kissed me tenderly. The look in his eyes melted me and in that moment I fell. I fell for him. I fell for love. I fell for perfection. I fell for everything. And because I fell, I got my heart broken the next day when he never showed up to meet me. And I realized he was gone.

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