Chapter 43 - The Adult Conversation

The car trip to the dress shop both fun and frightening, the fun coming from the three California friends sitting in the back seat chatting and laughing. while Meryl sat in the passengers seat, which left Lindsey to drive, since she knew the best way to get to the store. But that is where the fun ended because while Lindsey drove she wanted to, at the same time, be involved in the conversation coming from the back. That was truly the frightening part, Lindsey had several times devoted more attention to the conversation in the back than her driving, resulting in several occurrences of other cars blowing their horns and one near miss, everybody saved by an attentive Meryl. So when they did finally did arrive at the store it was Meryl at the wheel, to guarantee that her daughter would be at her wedding Saturday instead of in a hospital, with her friends.

It was less than a half hour later that Penny sat quietly in a chair with her mother along side, waiting for the girls to come out and model the dresses Penny picked out and get any last minute alterations. Penny had become more subdued since the girls left and the expression on her face, told Meryl that her daughter was thinking about something really hard. "A Penny for your thoughts." Meryl said with a smile.

Penny looked at her mother and couldn't help smiling, her mother using that same expression with her when she was younger still living at home. However when she was younger she would usually say there was nothing going on, when now she was actually wanting to talk to someone. "Mom, I think Leonard is acting a little strange. It is not a big thing, but he is not acting like he normally would before…" Penny let out a small sigh, "before we came here."

Meryl's smile dropped, "What makes you say that, Sweetie? I've seen only pure love for you by that boy since you have been here."

"I know Mom, I know Leonard loves me and I love him, but…." Penny didn't like talking about sex with her mom, but she really wanted to get her opinion. "Leonard and I decided to wait for our Honeymoon after the doctor said I was….you know, good to go."

Meryl nodded, "That is actually sweet." but Meryl noticed Penny was not happy, "Does he now want to do it before, is that the problem?"

Penny shook her head, "The opposite." she now took in a big breath, this was harder than she thought, but she remembered how it helped to talk about her problems with someone, so she pressed on. "Mom, I'm the one who has been trying to cheat." Penny then looked down at her hands. "I can't help myself, he has been so good since we got back together, I just love him so much and I just want to be intimate with him. But he keeps putting me off."

"Oh." Meryl sat there thinking. "Maybe he is just trying to keep your deal."

Penny's voice cracked a little, she also slowly shook her hear, "Mom, Leonard has never turned down having sex with me, even when he didn't seem to want it or even when he shouldn't have wanted it, except maybe once, but even then I'm not sure he understood I was offering it." She took a second to compose herself, while Meryl said noting knowing she had more to say. "Mom, what if he doesn't want to have sex with me anymore and that is why he is putting me off. So much has happened, what if he loves me, but…but doesn't want to be intimate with me in that way. I…I had another mans…..baby in me." Penny then took another second to keep herself from crying, "Mom, I have never done anything first with Leonard, I had a lot more sex than him and before him, he will not be the first man I married and now, if we have children his baby will not be my first."

Penny now stopped talking before she started crying and just looked at her hands.

Meryl was a little shocked. "Sweetie you have been married before?"

Penny hadn't meant to tell her parents her secret, for a very long time, maybe even after she gave them grandchildren, but it seemed like she was now confessing to her mother, so she just nodded, the next words coming out her mouth easier than she would imagined. "I dated this guy Zack for a few months, I was lonely, he was safe….and I missed Leonard. I knew it would never turn into something serious, Leonard sort of ruined me for the guys I had dated before." Penny shook her head a sad smile on her face, "That is a little crazy isn't it, I couldn't stand to be around dumb shallow people anymore, when I was one of them."

Meryl gave her a small smile. "Baby, you were never dumb and you always had a kind heart, so that is not crazy at all."

Penny gave her mom another little smile, "I love you Mom."

It was now Meryl's turn not to cry. "I love you too Baby."

There was a few moments of silence with Penny and Meryl just looking at each other before Meryl nodded for Penny to go on. "Anyway, I would just go out with Zack and get drunk and….you know."

"Oh Sweetie." Meryl felt sorry for he daughter.

Penny nodded, "I've really done some stupid things in my life." Penny then thought she might as well tell her mom everything. "The first time I got drunk with Zack, I was at a party and everybody seemed so stupid which made me drink more and made me think of Leonard. By the time we left the party all I could think of was Leonard, so when Zack dropped me off the apartment, I told him goodbye and went to Leonard's."

Meryl was now really confused, they had started talking about her first wedding and now they were talking about seeing Leonard, but she knew not stop Penny from talking, she could see it was helping her. "Did you find him?"

Penny nodded, her face getting sad and reflective again, "I hurt him again, I told him some stuff then I had sex with him all night, quite loudly, and the next morning I told him it had all had been a mistake." Penny sighed again, "You should have seen his face, Mom, I don't think I will ever forget it, he thought we were getting back together and I took it all away again." Penny stopped again, to keep from crying.

It was actually hard to listen to her daughter tell her of cruel things she did to Leonard, after she had already seen how good to her he was, but what made it bearable was Meryl had seen how they were together now. It was obvious they loved each other, needed each other, and most importantly wanted to be together. Whatever happened in the past they had gotten over it and still wanted to be together for the rest of their lives and that is what was important. "Sweetie, I don't really think Leonard cares about that anymore."

Penny looked at her mother, then quietly asked, "Do you think he cares that I married Zack by accident during a drunk night in Las Vegas….after I couldn't even tell Leonard I loved him."

Meryl didn't know how to answer, "Does Leonard know?"

Penny nodded, "He helped me get the annulment."

"Where you two still just friends, then?" Meryl carefully asked, not sure what was safe ground anymore.

Penny shook her head, "We were boyfriend and girlfriend then, for almost 2 years."

Meryl just nodded, "So what happened, I assume he got mad but what happened next?"

Penny looked at her hands, "He helped me get the annulment."

Meryl just looked at her daughter while she tried to process what she said, "So there was no screaming, threats of breakup or him storming off and leaving you?"

Penny just shook her head no, so Meryl continued, "Sweetie then he put it past already, if he didn't make a scene about it or threatened to break up, he understood it was a mistake and accepted it. Baby, that man loves you."

Penny nodded, then looked at her mom, "Then why won't he make love to me?" Penny was looking at her mother with pleading eyes, eyes Meryl knew from her being a child meant she wanted to mother to fix her problem.

"Honey like I said, that boy loves you. Your father and I see it every time he looks at you and we are so happy you found someone like him who will be good to you and be a great husband." Meryl then reached over and patted her daughter on the shoulder. "Baby did you ever think he may be scared."

Penny's eyes got wide, "Scared? Why would he be scared?"

Meryl smiled, "Let me tell you a story about your father."

The story was short but five minutes later, Penny was looking at her mother in surprise, "Daddy really was afraid to have sex?"

Meryl nodded, "When your sister came your dad went from this cocky, very self assured young man, to a basket case. You know, your father was the coolest most handsome guy in school, but when it came to your sister, he was scared to hold her as a baby, thinking he would drop her and after he had been there to see her come out, he thought he damaged me forever. The first thing he told me, when I was put in my hospital room, was that he was sorry he did this to me and Sweetie, he was serious."

Penny sat there a minute thinking, "So you married the cool guy in school?" Penny had a confused look on her face, she had never heard her mother talk about her father like this before.

Meryl gave her a small smile, "Honey, I had to marry your father, I was pregnant and I think my father would have killed your father if he didn't marry me. Did I want to marry him, yes he was handsome and so cool, plus I was scared being pregnant. But would I have married him if I wasn't pregnant, I might not have, I still had plans then for my life."

"I'm sorry mom."

Meryl smiled, "Please Sweetie, there is no reason to be sorry. I had plans but they turned out not to be the plans that would have made me happy. I have never regretted my life or spending it with your father and having you kids."

A little smile formed on Penny's face, "Thanks mom."

"Well back to the story, about your dad." Meryl continued, "Your dad was useless when we came home with the baby. My family helped me and probably saved our marriage."

"Wait." Penny interrupted, "You said you were happy marrying dad."

Meryl chuckled. "Honey I am, but at that time I was ready to leave him. Like I said he was scared of the baby, sorry he hurt me and just plain useless. He would stay away from our apartment as much as possible, I actually thought he had someone else on the side, until I found out he was putting in overtime at his job all the time he was gone."

Penny looked wide eyed at her mother, "Wow."

Meryl nodded, "If your father had stayed the cool cocky handsome guy from high school, well honesty you would have never been born. But Sweetie, your dad is just like Leonard inside, your dad just seems different because he was raised different and he was blessed with the being good looking genes, but why I stayed with him was because he is like your Leonard."

Penny just stared at her mother, emotions bubbling up in her about everything that was just said, "I'm in love with someone who is like my dad?"

Meryl chuckled, "Well not exactly, but think about it honey, they do share a lot of traits. And I have read the articles in Cosmo that say a girl raised in a nurturing home that has a close healthy bond with her father will search for a man like him, because she knows she will be happy with him."

"But dad use to try and make me a boy. He even sent me baseball stuff for one of my birthdays in California." Penny was trying to reason now what she had been told.

Meryl chuckled. "Honey, when you were little you use to beg for your father to play ball with you and what surprised me is he always did. Sweetie your dad tried to treat all you kids the same but as his wife I could see you where his favorite."

"I was his favorite." Penny looked at her mom wide eyed again.

Meryl nodded, "Honey you can never tell your brother or sister that, I have kept that secret for a long time and you need to promise this to me that this is all between just us. You can also never tell your father I told you." Meryl now glared at her daughter to make her point, to which Penny nodded, so Meryl's expression softened. "It is just honey, to be honest, you are the first of the three of you that has truly become an adult to me, your bother and sister still have some growing to do."

Penny again stared at her mother wide eyed, her mother words again creating new emotions in her, "You think I'm an adult." she responded quietly in disbelief.

Meryl chuckled and nodded, "Honey you are an adult, maybe it hasn't sunk in yet, but believe me it shows, you don't live here anymore, but if you checked with some of the girls you use to hang with, you would see the difference, believe me. Think about your sister, what would do if you were married to Todd?"

"Divorce him." Penny answered without a second thought.

Meryl nodded. "Your sister is still hung up on how handsome he is, well built and cool, so she doesn't want to lose that and she stays."

Penny suddenly thought about the Todd that was in the show she had been part of just over a month ago. He was handsome, built and extremely popular, but he did nothing for her, his flirting with her an annoyance not something she welcomed like she would have done before…..Because she was with Leonard, he was everything she needed or wanted, he was…perfect. She loved him so much, and a small smile formed on her face as she thought of him.

"You're thinking of Leonard, aren't you?" Meryl said interrupting Penny's thoughts.

Penny smiled at her mom, she somehow felt even closer to her now than ever before, "Yeah, he's great." she said, enthusiasm definitely in her voice. Penny suddenly found it hard to get the smile off her face when Leonard was in her mind.

Meryl smiled at her daughter, "Sweetie there is one thing you did first with Leonard before any other man."

Penny looked at her mom with a confused expression, "What is that?"

Meryl's smile got wider, "Leonard is the first man you truly loved, the first and only one, who is the one, your soul mate."

Penny blinked as her mother's words sunk in, leaving her speechless, her mother was right.

It was then the girls all came out in their dresses, each one twirling in place in front of Penny and Meryl after Lindsey started them off. "These are nice dresses Penny." Bernadette remarked after they all came to a stop.

"Although a little out of my comfort zone." Amy added.

Penny smiled at her friend, the dresses where a hair below the knee, but Penny knew Amy was not use to wearing them that short. "Amy Sweetie, I found some tights for you and Bernadette to wear, to tone you all down so only I look the best up there on the alter." Penny giggled.

Bernadette and Amy, who were both use to wearing tights under their dresses, smiled and giggled with Penny, while Lindsey frowned, not wanting to wear anything that was not flattering, even though the wedding was about her sister not her. However Penny knew he sister very well, "Except for you Lin, to separate the matron of honor from the bridesmaids, I want you to wear nylons." Penny watched as Lindsey's frown turn upside down, and Penny struggled to keep from laughing.

The next 30 minutes was spent with the seamstress from the dress shop, Lindsey's dress needed no additional alterations because she had been there before, but Amy and Bernadette's dresses needed a little. Bernadette because she was short and stacked and Amy because of her hips, but even then the alterations were minor, because of them giving Penny their measurements previously and the shop promised then the dresses would be done the next afternoon. So with that done, the girls went back in the dressing room to change while Meryl and Penny were left alone again.

Penny turned to her mother, she had barely been able to concentrate on the dresses when the girls came out, her mothers words making her think about Leonard the whole time, but now that they were alone again she wanted to continue the amazing conversation her and her mother were having. "Mom, you're right about Leonard, he is first man I have truly loved."

Meryl nodded and smiled. "That is very important you know and I believe you are Leonard's too."

Penny nodded, deep in thought, then she looked at her mother, "So you are saying that is just as or more important than those other things."

Meryl nodded, "Those other things are important, but you can do all of those with people who you don't love. Did you love any of the people you did those things with?"

"The guys I had sex with, I thought I loved some of them…" Penny stopped and thought about it for a second, "No, I didn't love Zack and I didn't love Sheldon and I was really never truly in love with any guy I had sex with…..even Kurt…..especially Kurt."

Meryl gave her daughter a small smile, "Maybe that is why none of those lasted."

Penny stared at her mother, "But Leonard did, he has always been there and I always wanted him to be there."

Meryl nodded. "Because he was the one you truly loved."

Penny nodded, then she looked directly at her mother again, "That is why I can't loose him again, I just can't. Mom, what happened to change things between daddy and you after Lindsey."

"Well I'd like to say that I fixed things, but it was my mother who was really the one who came up with the solutions. First, she saw the good in your father, so she sat me down and told me I was losing my husband and if I did I would regret it." Meryl started to explain.

Penny looked at her stunned, "Grandma told you that?"

Meryl nodded, "Sweetie, I was just like your sister Lindsey, only I got lucky, my husband was more like Leonard, instead of Todd."

Penny was again stunned, "Wow." only coming from her mouth.

Meryl smiled then teased, "'Wow', because I was just like Lindsey or 'Wow' because Lindsey will probably be like me when she becomes an adult?"

"No, I didn't mean it that way, just you know 'Wow'." Penny said with embarrassment, then, "So I will probably be like you too?"

Meryl got serious and shook her head. "No, I expect you to be better."

Penny stared at her mother again, their conversation was overwhelming to her, her mother had never talked like this before to her. "But…..I'm just like you guys."

Again Meryl shook her head, "Maybe we all look sort of the same and yes you can thank me for the dominate 'Pretty Genes', but inside you are more like your father, while Lindsey and your brother are more like me."

"But…..why would that make me better?" Penny was confused.

Meryl got a wide grin on her face, "Sweetie you already are." Meryl watched her daughter's eyes get wide again. "Penny, you and Leonard already started your life together over a year ago, before you even got engaged."

Penny was trying to grasp her mother's words, "What do you mean."

"Honey, I know when you at first went completely after this acting dream, Leonard tried to talk you out of going in so completely, but tell me when you hit bumps in the road who was there for you?"

"Leonard" Penny quietly responded.

"Honey you were all into acting right then and Leonard was all into you and seeing you succeed. You two had already become a team then, is there any doubt you have in that?"

Penny lowered her head and just nodded, so Meryl continued. "And that engagement later, was Leonard just the safe choice or was he the one, were you fully invested in him then?"

A tear came down Penny's cheek, "I loved him and knew I didn't want to be without him anymore, I needed to have a commitment between us, things were starting to change and I didn't want that part of my life to change where I didn't have Leonard."

Meryl nodded, while getting a tissue from her purse which she gave to her daughter while she started talking again. "I know Sweetie, I could tell when you told us that story about how you both got engaged, it was all over your face that you loved him and wanted to be with him forever."

Penny looked back up at her mother, "You felt that way with daddy didn't you."

Meryl smiled and nodded, "But not till later after we were married, sometime between Lindsey and you. I didn't understand it like you already do, till later, I actually got married for all the wrong reasons where you are getting married for all the right reasons…..But honey, I am very happy and I love your father to death."

Penny nodded and smiled. "Mom so what did you do about daddy and Lindsey."

Meryl chuckled. "Well believe it or not, I wanted to correct the sex problem first, I could take care of the baby with my family's help, but they couldn't help me with my husband loving me. So this may sound crazy, and I thought it was when my mom suggested it, but I got a note from the doctor that we could have sex."

Penny stared at her mother again, what she said did sound crazy. "You got a note from the doctor and that solved everything."

Meryl chuckled again, "No, but it made us talk about it and it lead to us having sex which was a disaster the first time. That confident stud I married acted like he had never done it before and kept asking me if he was hurting me, while all I wanted was for him to do it deeper and harder."

Penny made a funny face, "Please mom, too much information."

Meryl's face got a little red in embarrassment, "Sorry honey, I forgot for a minute that kids don't want to hear about their parents sex escapades. I guess that is part of me seeing you as an adult now."

Penny nodded, "Okay, thank you for the adult status, but no thank you on the sex escapades."

Both Meryl and Penny laughed at Penny's remark. "Okay, lets just say the sex got better and with that we got closer. He worked less and because of that stayed around the house more and wanted to help me. I didn't seem to get mad at him anymore after that and we grew stronger as a married couple and after a while I started to feel like you, I needed him in my life, he completed me and with him I knew I would be happy, no matter what."

Penny nodded, "So it wasn't really the letter that did it, it was what happened after you gave him the letter."

Meryl nodded, "Something like that."

Penny got a determined look on her face, "I need a letter."

Meryl smiled, "We could go by the doctor to get one."

Penny smiled back, "But you said it wasn't really the letter, so what I need is something like a letter to get us discussing this."

Meryl shook her head as she smiled, "See just like I told you, you will be better than your father and I, the two of you are so much smarter and in-tune to each other already."

Penny could just stare at her mother again, because she could tell her mother was serious in her words. Her outlook at things now were different and being around the guys had made her smarter, even she knew that, and Leonard, well he was definitely the one. Penny just wanted to cry and hug her mother, but the girls coming out of the dressing room put that immediately out of her mind, so she just looked at the woman who gave her life and mouthed 'I Love You', and was rewarded by her mother returning the same unspoken words.