My feet hit the ground in a steady rhythm, each step jarring my teeth, each stride as long as I can manage. When I'm out here I feel as though I'm free, I feel as though I can escape, but no matter how fast I run or how hard I climb, you're always there out of the corner of my eye. When I make that leap and my fingers scramble at the rocky surface you're screaming for me.
When I loose an arrow into a man's neck I can see you standing next to him. You're not judging. You never judge. You alone understand what we've been through and what drives me, but you're hurting for me.
I can still remember the look on your face when I left last time. You didn't say it, you never say it but you don't want me to go. You want me to yourself. I protect you, I keep the monsters at bay, but you don't understand. I can't stay. I can't be responsible for your healing, just as you can't be responsible for mine. I leave to protect you. I leave to keep us both from hurting. I leave because I can't take you with me. But god, I wish I could, because I don't know if I can come back this time. You make it so hard to leave.
The best days are when it's raining. So are the worse ones. I don't know which today is yet, but as I make the climb back to my camp I think it's the latter. Maybe I'll call you. I could certainly use the sound of your voice. The thought gnaws at me. Am all I doing using you?
I'm not prepared to see you standing there, and I slip in the mud, nearly falling to my knees. You're soaked to the bone even in your expensive jacket, your hair matted down under a baseball cap, but it's unmistakably you.
You smile at me, tiredly, and trundle over. You have no words, just the expression in your eyes and the feel of your body as you sag into my arms. I kiss your forehead, and then your face and finally your lips. Your mouth turns up against mine, and when we look at each other again your face is beaming. It's still raining, but the sun has come out to shine on my heart.
"You weren't going to come back this time." Your voice is pointed, yet your tone is understanding. "I have to get over this. We had so many adventures together before that island. I can keep up. I can keep up."
You sound like you're trying to convince yourself as much as you're trying to convince me. I see the expected camera strap over your chest and tap it with a finger. "Just be sure to capture my good side."
"Anything you want, Lara."
I don't know if you can keep up. I don't even know if you should try. But you're right. I can't go home again, not in the way you need me to. This life is my home now, but without you it's like a home without a hearth. Cold, and lonely. "If I tell you to do something, you have to do it. No questions. Just do it. My life could depend on it."
Your eyes harden, your inner steel shining through. No one but I really knows you well enough to know it's there. Not many people have ever seen it, and when we first met, I'd never have believed it existed. But you're strong, Sam, and I owe it to you to give you this chance.