Stan woke up to the smell of chemically cleanliness. Oh, good, so they got me to a hospital. Opening his eyes confirmed this as he squinted up at the ceiling of a room that was way too white and bright. Tentatively, he reached out hoping his glasses were somewhere on the bedside table he knew would be there.
"Well, welcome back to the land of the living, Mr. Pines." The familiar snide snicker just barely reached his ears, revealing another problem.
"Doc, if you want to talk, either someone's going to have to give me my hearing aid or you're going to have to come over to my right side." He guessed that he should be grateful he was allowed to keep his teeth in at least. Stan kept feeling around for his glasses until a red and tan blob to his right (Ford, his brain surmised) held something out to him.
"You have a hearing aid?" Ford asked as he came into focus.
"Yep." Stan left it at that as he turned to his left. Dr. Strange held out his hearing aid to him, and he quickly picked it up and popped it back in where it belonged. "So what's up, Doc?"
"Haha." She said dryly. "You say that every time and it's never funny."
"You know you love me." He shot her a grin and took just an extra bit of pleasure in Ford's befuddled look at their exchange. He was a bit surprised his brother was there in the first place instead of locked up in the basement like usual.
Then again, given the fact Stan's always hated doctors and hospitals, even before having to attempt footing the bill himself, it might seem a bit strange to be on such good terms with a doctor.
This wasn't your usual doctor though. This was Gravity Fall's doctor.
Dr. Strange rolled her eyes. "Well, anyway, you had a heart attack, Mr. Pines."
"Yeah, I kinda figured that."
"Personally, I'm shocked you recognized the symptoms." She glanced down at her clipboard.
"With the way you've been harping for years that I was gonna give myself a heart attack? Of course, I'd recognize them." Stan didn't add that he had looked up what the signs were so he could better fake one in an emergency.
"You knew this was going to happen?" Ford rounded on the doctor, eyes narrowed. He almost seemed to be accusing her of causing this with that look.
The air she had around her as she responded was almost bored in comparison. "A person is more likely to have a heart attack if they're constantly under stress. Despite your brother's lackadaisical nature – "
"Lackadaisical?" Stan wrinkled his nose at the term.
Strange continued without even pausing for him, " – Mr. Pines is one of the most stressed out people I've ever met."
"I am not stressed out."
"Your medical records say otherwise."
Stan sighed, knowing that it was useless to argue with her about this stuff. "So what was the cause? Do I have some sort of block in my arteries?"
"Nope." She consulted her clipboard. "The cause was a severe spasm in your coronary artery that nearly stopped the blood flow. No clue why that happened."
Stan nodded but Ford didn't take it as easily. "What do you mean you don't know why it happened?" He sounded really indignant considering it wasn't him that had a heart attack.
Strange leveled her gaze at him. "Sometimes these spasms happen. No one is really sure why. It could be induced by stress or just be a random happening, but there is no real way to tell."
"Then maybe you should do research until you do." Ford crossed his arms and glared at her.
Stan suppressed the way he wanted to cackle at this confrontation. This was going to be good.
Dr. Strange's eyes narrowed as she lifted an eyebrow. "Which of us is the doctor here?"
"I am a doctor. I have 12 PhD's." Ford protested.
"Really?" Her tone was almost sweet, and Stan knew that was a sign she was mad. "And does one of those 12 PhD's happen to be a MD?"
Ford faltered, obviously not expecting that question. "Well, no, but – "
"No? Then how about we rely on my expertise when it comes to your brother." The doctor shot him down before he could build a coherent defense. "Besides, as a scientist, you should know that sometimes there simply isn't an answer. Things just happen."
Ford's offended face almost made this all worth it. If Dr. Strange never dealt with crap from Stan, she most certainly wasn't going to take it from Ford.
Though maybe part of it was that Stan knew Ford never accepted that sometimes things just happened. Heck, his brother had never accepted that he had six fingers on his hand due to genetic crap. Nope, there had to be some mystical reason for everything. Ford's absolute need to have an answer was what was always getting him into trouble.
Seriously, Ford had been the cause of them getting into trouble as kids just as much as he had.
Still, Stan decided to have pity on his brother. "So if there's no blockage or anything like that then I can go home, right? Good." He began to get up.
"What?! Stanley, you can't – " Ford moved to push him back down.
"Hold it, mister." Dr. Strange said at the same time. "You're not going anywhere just yet."
"I feel fine." Stan whined. He really did feel fine; he just wanted to get out of here ASAP.
"Mr. Pines." Stan knew by that tone of voice he had to listen, so he turned to the doctor. He hadn't seen her so serious in the last couple of years. "You had a heart attack. Regardless of the lack of blockage or how you feel, that means that there is damage to your heart. So you are not leaving here until at least tomorrow."
"Fine." Stan grumbled, crossing his arms and already plotting how he would escape the moment the doctor and his brother were out of the room.
"And then you are going to have to rest for at least two weeks. Which means no working." She emphasized the last two words.
"What?" Stan shouted, making Ford jump a tiny bit at the sudden volume increase. He gestured wildly to make his point. "You can't expect me to close the Shack for two weeks! I've had to close it enough already this summer!"
Seriously, all the repairs he'd had to make already this summer had to be paid for somehow. And that skunk Gideon's schemes really hadn't helped.
"Maybe it doesn't have to close." Ford said. "Mabel and Dipper said you wouldn't want it to close, so they're running it with your employees today. They could simply continue to do that." His brow furrowed a bit. "They actually said they'd done it before."
Stan sighed. "Well, I guess they learned their lesson last time and won't try to show off actual supernatural stuff. I don't want a gremloblin in the house again." Ford's answer had killed two birds with one stone. Since he had awoken, he had hoped that Soos and Wendy were looking after the kids, preferably back home, but with Ford's bouts of absentminded professor-ness, he hadn't been sure.
"What?!" Both of Ford's eyebrows rose in surprise.
Stan ignored Ford's alarmed reaction at his words.
Strange ignored both of them and took that as a sign to continue. "You'll also need to make some lifestyle changes." Stan huffed at that and crossed his arms, but let her talk. She peered up at him from her clipboard. "You're going to have to quit smoking."
"Already done." Stan grunted. "Wendy and Soos made me quit when it was confirmed that the kids were coming for summer." The only tobacco he had in the house was in his cigars, but he hadn't touched those all summer. Not that he hadn't been tempted.
She actually smiled at that. "And you'll also have to get some exercise."
"I thought you just told me to rest. And I get plenty of exercise." Stan protested.
"We've talked about this before. How about exercise that doesn't involve running or fighting the many things that live in these woods? And yes, you will need rest too." The doctor narrowed her eyes at him. "You have been getting enough sleep, right?"
"I've been getting more than I usually do lately." He artfully dodged the question. Considering that over the past 30 years he usually would get about 3 hours of sleep at night and sporadic naps during the day, it wasn't saying much.
"Yeah, that's not reassuring coming from you." She didn't know the specifics, but Stan knew she had guessed as much.
He sighed again. He just wanted to get this over with so the other two would leave and let him escape. "Anything else?" He knew he sounded like someone Dipper and Mabel's age but he didn't care.
"Eat more healthily." Dr. Strange bluntly said.
"I eat food; what more do you want?" Stan couldn't help but ask.
"When you brought in your nephew last time, Miss Pines told me about how she hoped you all could have ice cream for breakfast tomorrow. Ice cream isn't really a breakfast food, Mr. Pines." She rolled her eyes.
"It is if I choose to eat it then. Besides, it's got good stuff like milk and plenty of sugar."
"Sugar isn't good for you, Stanley." Ford finally cut in.
"First off, try telling that to Mabel, not me. She's the one who actually has teeth to lose." Stan turned to him. "Second, I may not be a specialist in all things nerd, but even I know that sugar is one of the main things we get energy from in order to do stuff. Therefore, it can be good for you."
Both of them blinked at him in surprise. Hey, he knew stuff too sometimes.
"It's more of an issue of the type of sugar, but we can debate that later. There's still one more thing." The doctor recovered first, sliding Stan's medical records out from the little bin at the end of his bed. "But you'll have to leave first," she said as she turned towards Ford.
His face scrunched in confusion. "What? Why?"
"Doctor-patient confidentiality." She thumbed through the chart until getting to the spot she wanted, obviously expecting Ford to comply.
To be fair, she doesn't really know my brother all that well. Stan thought sympathetically.
"But I'm his brother. I should be allowed to stay." Ford made no signs of moving from his seat.
"This is a private matter." Strange's voice went hard. "And technically, seeing as you are not your brother's emergency medical contact, you wouldn't have much say anyway." She glared at him, and Stan realized it was actually interesting to see the effects of her glare when you weren't the one being subjected to them.
Ford flinched a little at the look in her eye, but with a scowl, he finally did as he was asked.
As Stan realized what she wanted to talk about though, he suddenly wished his brother was back just so he wouldn't have to talk about it.
He strategically avoided her gaze as the door shut behind Ford.
Dr. Strange let him have a moment before she sighed. Stan glanced up to see her set down his records and rub her forehead. She looked tired. "Stan," she said, and he sighed again as he knew where this was going as she switched to his first name, "how long has it been since you took your medicine?"
Stan looked away again.
"I've talked about this for almost 25 years, especially as we've both gotten older." Her voice was gentle. "Stress increases the possibility of heart attacks. I wasn't kidding when I said you are one of the most stressed out people I know, doing whatever it is you do besides working at the Shack. And well… depression, if not being treated, increases stress." She looked down at the paperwork. "By my calculations, you've probably been off of them since about a week before gravity decided to quit doing its job."
"I thought I wouldn't need them anymore." He muttered, and he finally looked at her.
She sent a significant look towards the door at what he said.
Smart woman. Stan acknowledged. She always seemed to know more than she really should.
"Even if things had gone the way you wanted them to," she turned her gaze to him and away from the door, "we both know it doesn't work like that."
Stan knew that. He had been kicked enough times in the teeth by life to know that.
"You're going to have to be put on a couple medications for this heart attack anyway, so I'll just put in to get your prescription renewed." Strange made a mark on his chart before putting it back in its spot. She stood up and made to leave. She paused at the door though and turned to him, eyes narrowed. "If you're not here when I get back, you will be in trouble."
Without another word, she left.
Stan waited a beat or two before getting up. He really was feeling better, so all he had to do was see if his clothes were anywhere around and turn off these monitors. If they weren't he wasn't too bothered, after all if he was fine with going to the store in his robe then –
"Ah, Mr. Ramirez, good thing you're here. Please stop Mr. Pines from escaping." Dr. Strange's voice trickled through the door.
"You got it, Doctor!" Soos said enthusiastically as he yanked open the door and discovered Stan halfway out the window. "Sorry, Mr. Pines."
Stan grumbled as Soos lead him back to the bed.
He'd just have to escape later.
AN: God, I love Vera Strange. She takes no crap from anyone. Heck, even the Society of the Blind Eye agreed to leave her alone when it came to knowing what was going on because they did not want to mess with her.
Also, yeah, I think Stan probably has a history with depression and has to be treated for it. He was hoping with Ford back that he wouldn't need them but he actually does. It is true that untreated depression can cause stress on the heart and lead to a heart attack. However, this wasn't really the case here as it was a freaky thing (which can legit happen). This is just a potential cause that the doctor took notice of.
Oh, FYI, in case I didn't mention it in the fic, Soos is Stan's emergency contact.