A/N: I don't own this. We all know who does. What I do own is a stack of Christmas gifts I wasn't expecting today. Sometimes my hubs can be a really, really good guy. Makes up for him watching me bake all day yesterday and not once offering to help. Well, he did make the kids wash the dishes. :)

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The day flew by. I was glad since I couldn't wait to be Mrs. Cullen and get my Edward alone in our hotel room for the night. But I was a little sad, too, since I knew it meant I'd be leaving home soon and heading toward places I'd never been or even dreamed about seeing. I was also pretty nervous. After all, it was gonna be a big day full of getting married, sneaking champagne, having sex, and meeting my new in-laws. Edward's parents were renting a car in Port Angeles and then driving to Forks. They were supposed to meet with me and Edward at the church just before the ceremony. I knew it was probably bad luck to see Edward before I walked down the aisle, but I didn't care. Superstition be damned, I wanted to see him all dressed up and lookin' hot. And as soon as possible. My lady parts were already missing him, and it had only been a few hours since I'd dropped him off at the carnival.

"You ready, girl?" Rose asked as she came running up the stairs toward my room. She was wearing a skin tight bright red dress and I wondered if Emmett would even make it through the ceremony before he tried to jump her. I could almost see him now – his eyes bugging out of his head, drool spilling down his chin, his pants getting tighter as he yelled "Schwiiiiing" Wayne's World style. I hoped Edward could keep Emmett from sprinting down the aisle and throwing her over his shoulder. She looked hot. I mean hell, even I'd have done her if I swung that way. Maybe even if I didn't. But I knew everything there was to know about the girl and other than our 7th grade selves kissing our hands in front of each other as we practiced the art of making out, there were no sexy feelings there. Plus, I had Edward, and he was the hottest thing ever.

"Yeah," I said, checking myself in the mirror one more time before turning to face the door.

"Wow, Bella. You look so pretty. Edward's gonna cry. You watch and see."

"Well, Emmett's gonna pitch a tent the first step you take down the aisle. You watch and see."

She laughed. "You think this dress is short enough? I better not trip since I left my undies at home. I figure the guy's gone a whole what, 12 hours without sex? I'll be nice to him before I drag him to my house to help me finish packing up tonight."

The bouquet Rose had made was in her hand and she held it up so I could see it. "You like?" she asked as she practically shoved it in my face.

"Oh yeah, it's pretty. But what is that smell? It's like... Ew, what is that?" I asked, pulling my face as far away from the bouquet as I could. There were three huge purple and black flowers making up most of the arrangement, surrounded by little white daisies and some other yellow and red pod looking things.

"Well, the big flowers are called voodoo lilies. Or dragon... dracula... Maybe a vampire thing... I don't know, but you like vampires so I figured they're fine."

"I like vampires? What?" I asked, wondering where on earth she came up with that idea.

She let out an exasperated sigh. "You read that vampire book. Duh."

"Vampire book?"

"Yeah. You know, the girl who falls in love with a vampire. She wants him to change her, he doesn't, she's clumsy, blah, blah, blah. You know."

I rolled my eyes. "Rose, everyone read those books. They made movies, for goodness sake."

Her eyes closed and she sighed. "I don't think I'll ever forget that big vampire guy. Ugh, he was so hot." After she'd had a moment with her memories, she looked back at me. "Well you watched Buffy, too."

"Yeah," I said. "You were right there with me. Besides, you know I only watched because I had a crush on David Boreanaz."

"You always did like the tall, brooding type with good hair. It's no wonder you ended up with Edward."

"What?" I asked her, tossing a small panda bear doll at her. "He's not brooding."

"Watch it there, Bridezilla," she said, dodging the flying ball of black and white fluff. "He totally could be brooding. He seems like the type." Then she smiled. "Besides, I just watched for that Spike guy, because day-um, he was fine. I do love the blonde bad boys."

"Yeah, I know."

"Well, anyway, these flowers are supposed to be from Greece, so they're like special. And the yellow things are carob tree flowers." A huge grin spread across her face as she paused for a few seconds. "They smell like jizz."

"What?" I asked, hoping on all I held holy that she hadn't just said my bouquet smelled like sperm.

"You got it, baby. Splooge. They totally smell like some guy just jacked off all over your bouquet. But it's cool, 'cause they're from Greece, too, so it fits in with your family and stuff."

She started checking her lipstick in my mirror after placing the flowers in my hand. "Sperm..." I whispered. "Um, what's the deal with Greece? What?" I was completely confused, and considering shoving kleenex up my nose so I wouldn't have to smell the rotting stench of whatever flowers she'd obviously used instead of the flowers we'd picked out together.

"Isn't your family from Greece? You know, Greek and all that?"

"No. Why would you think we were from Greece?"

"Well, your dad's always eating that baklava stuff. And you like gyros and olives, so I just figured, you know. Dark hair... brown eyes... Greek."

"A lot of people have brown eyes and hair, and like gyros and olives, Rose. It doesn't mean we're Greek. And isn't baklava like from Persia or something? I think a lot of cultures make it," I said, taking deep, gasping breaths through my mouth. How I was going to survive the day with these flowers, I wasn't sure. "Ugh, Rose, what is this stench? Seriously?"

She huffed in annoyance before turning to face me. "They're Greek. They're purple. The lady said something about them smelling like rotting flesh, whatever. I got the smallest ones she had, okay? Suck it up, Swan."

"What happened to the flowers we bought yesterday?" I asked her, trying to resist the urge to vomit.

"Um... Well, see..."

"Rose?"

"Oh fine! They were laying on my bed and Emmett came over and we had sex on top of them, okay? We squished them. It probably wouldn't have been so bad except that we changed positions like eight or nine times and Emmett liked the smell of the flowers and they might have been used to rub different places on my body an-"

"That's enough!" I said before grabbing the plastic bag that had been covering my dress and wrapping it around my enormous, odorous bouquet. "Didn't the florist have any more regular flowers?"

"She wasn't open this morning. The only place that I could find was some little street fair thing in La Push. Just be happy you have anything, Bella."

I fought back the tears that were threatening to fall down my face. It was my wedding day. Nothing was going to ruin it, not even flowers that smelled like spunk. "It's fine. I'm gonna get married to Edward. I'm gonna have sex with Edward. I'm gonna leave this town with Edward. I'm gonna have babies with Edward. It's fine. It'll be fine." I probably sounded like a broken record, or a scratched cd, as I repeated my new mantra over and over again, but I didn't care. Soon enough we were in Rose's car, with the cummy death flowers still wrapped in plastic and locked in the trunk, heading toward the church. I knew I had bigger fish to fry than a stinky bouquet. I had to meet Edward's parents and make them love me. I just hoped the perfume I'd sprayed all over myself before leaving my house was enough to hide the rotting scent I was certain still clung to me.

We pulled into the parking lot just as Sunday Services were letting out. My family hadn't been there that morning, but since we'd be there later in the day for my wedding the church officials said they could still count us toward their daily attendance percentage. Plus, since Edward's parents would be there the church would get extra credit for having out-of-town visitors. I was kinda grateful since I really didn't want to be the reason Forks risked losing the award for the highest church attendance in the state. Not that there was a real award. There may have been a plaque. Or a "Fruit of the Month" subscription. A trophy, maybe.

Mary Jane was running around the entrance to the church building hanging streamers and balloons everywhere she could reach. And for all the places that were too high, she had Jasper and a ladder. I just hoped he wasn't stoned enough to fall off that ladder before the ceremony. I really didn't want to get married at an emergency room.

Just as I saw my parents parking their car a couple of spaces down from where I stood, I noticed a few other cars parking nearby as well. Rose started mumbling something about tradition and superstition before pushing me toward the front door.

"We have to get inside," she said. "I'll come back for the flowers and your dress."

"I don't want those flowers, Rose," I hissed, stumbling toward the door and trying my hardest to see who was getting out of the cars. "Stop!" I yelled as I planted my feet on the ground and pulled my arm free from Rose's hand.

"Bella! Come on! Hurry!" she shouted just as I heard car doors slamming and a loud, low whistle coming from somewhere behind us.

"Holy fuck!" Emmett's voice called out, followed quickly by a "unf" and a "Sorry, Aunt Esme."

I turned around and saw Edward standing near Emmett and two older people, who had to have been Edward's parents. The older man was a stone cold fox and for a few seconds I let my mind wander to a place no girl should ever go. Banging your father-in-law was gross. Disgusting. Horribly wrong. But hot damn, he was gorgeous. And lickable. Possibly even spankable. Edward's mom was a lucky woman, but then I remembered Edward and how genes ran in families and that from the looks of things Edward would be even hotter when he hit middle age. Fuck me running, my life was gonna be awesome.

When my gaze finally slid to the side and stopped on Edward's mother, I saw her staring back at me. Her hands were clenched together in front of her stomach, with her fingers twisting nervously as she clutched a bag of some sort. I looked up at her face and wasn't surprised at all to see how beautiful she was. Her hair was the color of Edward's, with large curls that hung a little past her shoulders. Her cheeks were rosy pink, just like her lips, and unfortunately I knew the color. It was one of Avon's best sellers. I would really have to keep a close watch on my mother so she didn't ruin things for me. What did shock me just a bit was the fact that Esme's eyes were glossy, shiny, and soon tears were streaming down her face.

"Oh shit..." I whispered, my heart sinking.

She hated me already. She didn't even know me, but she hated me. I was some small town jezebel from the other side of the country, stealing her smart, over-achieving baby boy away from her. I'd hate me, too. I had nothing to offer her son. My family was two steps away from being admitted to a nut house. My best friend was standing next to me looking like she was ready to work a street corner. My right hand was swollen and still throbbing from when I punched my cheating ex-boyfriend in the face. I was a stereotypical country music song, and no where good enough for a big city boy like Edward. I bit my lip, trying to stop the tears I could feel welling up in my eyes.

"Don't do it, Bella," Rose said as she dabbed a tissue on my cheeks. "Don't cry. Don't mess up that make up. Don't do it."

But I did. I cried. She groaned and frantically tried to save my mascara. Apparently Mary Kay lied when she said it was waterproof.

"Bella?" Edward called out as he quickly jogged toward where I was standing. The way he looked in his suit was doing very naughty things to me, but one quick glance back toward his crying mother quickly stopped that.

"You can't see her before the wedding!" Mary Jane shouted from her perch on the ladder Jasper was holding as he tried to sneak a peak up her skirt.

"Baby, what's wrong?" Edward said, nudging Rose to the side and putting his hands on my neck so he could tilt my chin back and look into my eyes.

"She hates me, doesn't she?" I whispered. "She's not gonna let us get married."

"Who?" he asked.

"Your momma. She hates me already." A quiet sob bubbled up from my chest and I wrapped my arms around his waist, pulling Edward against me. His body shook just a bit as he held me and softly laughed.

"No, baby. You couldn't be more wrong. She's happy, Bella. All she kept whispering to herself over there was how beautiful you are and how happy you look. She's right, you know."

I sniffled. "She doesn't think I'm stealing her baby boy away from her?" I asked, looking up into his smiling green eyes.

"Of course not. Besides, truth be told? You stole me a long time ago. This here is just me making it all legal-like."

Rose dabbed at my face again for a few seconds as Edward smiled down at me.

"That's the best I can do," she said softly. "Now, I think I'd better go lock myself in the priest's office because the way Emmett's looking at me... Oh, Mother Mary help me!"

She sprinted toward the door and soon enough Emmett was hot on her heels in pursuit, saying something under his breath about how dreams really do come true and that he was sorry for what he was about to do inside a church building. I just hoped if he caught her, he would have the decency to unzip her dress instead of shredding it and making her stand next to me at my wedding in nothing but her birthday suit.

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A/N: Pictures for this chapter are in my Facebook group. Find me if you want in. :)