A.N. So per a promise I made to myself when I started this project, this is the last chapter I will have pre-written before publishing, which makes me very very nervous! So please leave your comments/reviews and let me know if this is something worth continuing.
Also, I wanted to comment on how I write TRIS POV before every chapter. I'm like…95% sure that most, if not all, chapters in this story will be from Tris's POV, so I put that there just in case. I just don't know if I could write from Four's POV and make it feel authentic and not…comic-y. But, if people really want it, or to see a previous chapter from Four's POV, let me know. I can try and make it happen!
TRIS POV
What?" I'm seriously confused now.
"I'm not letting you walk home alone. It's a big city at night. It's not safe." He starts walking ahead of me. He doesn't even know where he's going. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little annoyed, I don't need help. I'm just fine on my own. However, I can't help but be a little flattered. Most people don't go this much out of their way to help me.
"Look, I don't have all night. Are you coming or not?" Four's words bring me back to reality as I run to catch up to him.
I still don't entirely understand what's going on right now. What reason does he have to walk me home? He doesn't really know me at all. But I guess in the long run, I'll appreciate the company. We walk in silence for a little while, only really talking when I need to tell him which way to go. It occurs to me that now he'll know where I live. Maybe I should be worried, he is more or less a stranger after all, but I don't feel any discomfort from him having this knowledge.
Before I realize, we are about halfway to my apartment. I feel like I should say something, anything, to break the long and uncomfortable silence. At this point, it hangs in the air. I can almost feel the weight of it.
"So, I'm assuming Four is a nickname?" I regret the question right as it comes out of my mouth. Of course it's a nickname. Who in their right mind would name their kid after a number? "How did you get it? Was it like a sport's jersey number or something?" That was a good save, right?
He doesn't respond right away, like he's thinking about whether or not to actually answer me. Part of me hopes he just ignores the question. The weight of the silence suddenly seems a little more bearable.
"It's been my name for a while now." He answers without even turning to look at me and I can tell that's all the backstory he's going to give me right now.
"Do you like being called Four? Should I call you something else?" At this point, I feel like I'm just rambling. Why am I so nervous all of a sudden?
"No, Four is fine." Once again, I get the feeling that this is all he is going to say. "Why did you want to work at Dauntless? Uriah said you had to move after you got the job. A little excessive, don't you think?" He asks. I guess I was wrong in thinking our conversation is over.
"I just needed a change of pace. I had been on my own for a little while, working an even shittier job and I needed to get out. Uriah's friend and my new roommate, Christina, recommended me to Uriah. He got me the interview at Dauntless. Then I moved in with Christina and I guess that was that." I intentionally leave the part out about how I have no family except for Caleb, no direction in my life except for a few back burner dreams, and gave everything up for a brother I hardly ever see anymore. I turn and realize that Four had changed his gaze to be meeting mine. He's staring at me, almost like he's waiting for my whole life story to be written on my forehead. "Are you okay?" I ask. Once again, I feel the weight of the silence.
"I almost believed you." He accuses.
"What do you mean you almost believed me?" I ask, frustration leaking into my words. What is there not to believe? That's what happened. It's not like I'm lying to him. Although, I'm definitely lying to myself.
"I don't doubt that that's why you moved, I just think there's more to it than that. There's always more to it." The way he says this, it's almost like we're not talking about me anymore. I don't notice until now, but the pace we are walking has slowed considerably. Did he initiate that or did I? I know we have to be close to my apartment now, and part of me wants to slow down even more. Normally, I hate when people ask about my path in life. It's not like I grew up on the streets. I had a great life before the accident. But every once in a while, someone can strike it just right and I want to open up. I want to spill everything, about my parents, and Caleb, and my dreams and goals that had to be put on the back burner for everything and everyone else. But, I shouldn't bother Four with all of this and while part of me hopes he would listen and continue to ask questions while looking straight ahead as he did before, I know he would probably just think I'm some crazy new girl trying to get attention.
Nevertheless, I can see the building that contains my new apartment. As we walk up to the door, I'm immediately unsure of what to do. I've never had a boy walk me home before. I take a few steps towards the front door before turning back to look at Four.
"Well, this is me. Thanks for walking me home, but you didn't have to. Seriously, I can take care of myself." I try and sound as sure as possible.
"There you go again, almost making me believe you. Almost." He chuckles as he says this. When he looks up at me, it's hard not to notice his eyes again through his eyelashes. "I'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight Tris." And with that he walks away.
"Right, goodnight…Four." I turn back towards the door and quickly fumble with my keys. As I walk in, I look up at the window to my new living room and see Christina's face plastered to the window. I know the minute I walk into the apartment door, I'll be bombarded with a million and twelve questions. This assumption is confirmed when I see Christina holding the door to the apartment open with a wide grin.
"Sooooo, how was work?" I don't even answer the question.
"His name is Four." I decide to ask the question she was really asking, instead of the one that came out of her mouth. "Anyway, why are you still up? Don't you have to be at work in like, five hours?" The clock on the microwave reads 3:22 and I know Christina doesn't like to be at work any later than 8.
"I got worried when you didn't come home earlier like you said you would. I figured I would wait until 3:30 to start calling the police, FBI, CIA, DOD and all those people. But when I heard your voice outside, I figured you were fine. I only got interested when I heard the other voice. Did you say his name was Four? What kind of name is that?"
"I don't know, it's some kind of nickname, but he wouldn't tell me what his real name was."
"Oh, so he's one of those mysterious, sulking in silence kind of guys." I can tell she isn't going to let this one drop.
"Christina, forget about it! I barely even know the guy. And by the way, my first night sucked. The only reason he even walked me home was because my bitch of a trainer made me close the restaurant after some idiots tipped me, which means her, like shit." I hope that this will derail the conversation long enough that she forgets about Four, but knowing Christina, that isn't likely to happen.
" Ouch. That does sound pretty shitty. Maybe Four will defend you next time!" She smirks at me and I give her the biggest 'drop it' glare I can muster, but even Christina can't take that one seriously. "Whatever, I could practically see his abs from the window. You should let him walk you home more often. But give me a better heads up next time, I need a new vantage point!" She laughs and gives me a hug, congratulating me once again on my new job and giving me the normal 'tomorrow will be better, keep your head up, blah blah blah sentiments' before heading to bed.
I head to my room and try to forget Four for the time being. My first day of training was a disaster and I need to show them that I can do better next time. There is nothing I can do about Iphone guy. Bad customers will be bad customers. But maybe if I can have everything else memorized, like the menu and the drinks, it will get a lot better. I should ask Uriah to help me with some of the food. Now that I've left the old restaurant and my old apartment, Dauntless is basically all I have. I would never admit it to him, but most of the time I'm envious of Caleb. He doesn't have to worry about this kind of stuff. He would laugh at me if I told him that though. He has his own problems to worry about. It's not like college is easy, especially being an engineering major.
I decide after about an hour of reviewing, that I should really get some sleep. It definitely won't do me good to show up to work tomorrow half asleep. I get up and take a quick shower, allowing my muscles to finally relax under the warm water. I can't help but think about my parents tonight. I keep wondering if they would be proud of the decisions I've made. My favorite part of taking a shower after a long night of work is I feel like I can cry if I need to. It's obviously a private place, no one can see me here and it's likely that no one can hear me either. But the best part is that sometimes I can almost convince myself that it's just the water from the shower running down my face, not the tears. It sounds dramatic, but everyone deserves to show some vulnerability every once in a while.
It only occurs to me just how long I've been standing here when the water starts to run cold. I quickly shut it off and step out of the shower and grab my towel, wrapping it around my body. The apartment seems quiet and warm as I walk back to my room, the only noise being the soft buzz of a city starting to fall asleep as well. I can tell that this is going to be a great home.
When I get to my room, I fall on my bed and take one last glance at the picture of my parents, smiling at each other as if the rest of the world wasn't out there waiting for them. Every time I see this picture, I know I'm making the right decisions. Mom and Dad always taught me to be selfless, especially for the people that we love. That is exactly what I'm doing now, right? I wish they would have included in their lessons just how exhausting selflessness really is.
Eventually I start to doze off and I get up to change into my night clothes. I set an alarm and crawl into bed before drifting off to sleep. I dream again tonight, but not about any mysterious blue eyes. I dream about what my life would have been if mom and dad had just stayed home that weekend and Caleb hadn't moved away. I dream about my family, together again and happy. I'm retched out of the dream as if it had been a nightmare, covered in sweat and breathing heavily, and for the first time in a long time, I almost cry outside of the confines of my shower. Almost.