-several days later-

"He hates me," Kisame stated flatly. "He absolutely, completely, totally despises me with every fiber of his being. I'm lower than the dirt in this campsite to him. I may as well just shoot myself in the face and be done with it."

The normally brash and chipper commander had been reduced to a sulking puddle of shark that showed little to no signs of every leaving his bed again for anything short of a total catastrophe. Sasori and Hidan, being the devoted souls that they were, were attempting to cheer up their leader. Well, Sasori was. Hidan was busy interpreting what Kakuzu was attempting to say whenever the (nearly) mute Falk wanted to throw in his opinion. Deidara was present as well, but seemed far more interested in observing Kisame sulk than anything else.

"He only said he didn't love you," Sasori pointed out. "That's different than saying he hates you."

"But he said that earlier when they first fought, un," Deidara countered. "And he also made several curses towards his mother and genitals, un."

"Albinis think with only emotions when upset," Hidan translated, watching Kakuzu's hand signs carefully and only half paying attention to the conversation as a result. "He may have just been venting years of frustration in one go, unlike Hidan who goes off-hey, dumbass, that's not true!"

Hidan was beginning to regret teaching Kakuzu sign language, since the Falk was apparently a smartass at heart and derived great pleasure from making jabs at Hidan whenever he got the chance, much to the Jashinist's chagrin and the delight of everyone else. Still, it did make communicating with Kakuzu much easier, and far less awkward than trying to gesture madly or write back and forth on a piece of paper.

"See?" Sasori pushed. "Itachi may have just flown off the handle a little bit."

"Un?"

"It's an expression, Deidara. It means he overreacted."

"Oh."

"You people are not helping," Kisame grumbled as he buried the side of his face in his pillow, facing away from his friends.

"Itachi simply needs time to adjust to the idea that you were just as hurt as he was by what happened," Sasori reasoned. "Give it a few weeks and try to make peace again. At the very least, you two could leave on better terms whenever we go home."

"Kakuzu agrees with Sasori," Hidan added. "So do I."

"I hate being patient," Kisame muttered. "Why couldn't he have just ripped my throat out and been done with it?"

Deidara gave Sasori a concerned look. "Does he really mean that, un?"

"No Deidara, he's just being over-dramatic."

"…Humans are weird, danna."

"Tell me about it," Hidan translated. "HEY!"

-later that night-

Sasori was suddenly awoken by Deidara jerking in his sleep and accidentally elbowing Sasori in the stomach. The two of them were still getting used to co-bedding, and Deidara was something of a restless sleeper. This wasn't the first time Sasori had been awoken by Deidara's erratic movements, but it was the first time that he was grateful to be awoken, because as soon as he became conscious he smelled a very familiar sweet scent.

It took mere seconds for his brain to process that what he was smelling carried the same scent as the poison from the Falk camp. Quickly the Akasuna sprang out of bed and grabbed the gas mask from his bag, where it had been living in the event that something like this were to happen again. His next priority was to wake up Deidara and press another gas mask against his face. "Deidara, get up!"

The blond was instantly up and alert, looking around for any signs of danger. "What is it, un?!"

"The poison, I can smell it here."

Deidara let out several high-pitched clicks and quickly strapped on his own gas mask. "We have to warn the others!" Sasori agreed, and in seconds the pair of them had tumbled out of their tent and split up, running through the camp to awaken their fellow soldiers.

Sasori immediately made his way to Kisame's tent and roused the shark from his slumber. Meanwhile, Deidara nearly had his head taken off by Konan's personal bodyguard, and it took him far longer than he would have liked to convince the man that they were been poisoned by a toxin that Falk senses couldn't detect. Konan, fortunately, woke up while this argument was going on, and quickly set the bodyguard straight. Within minutes the alarm was up, and the entire camp was scrambling to find their gas masks.

-n-

"I demand to know what 'appened to our security, now!" Konan shrieked an hour later in the tent that served as central command. She, Tsunade, Kisame, and a few of their most trusted men had been gathered together to discuss the security breach.

Sasori and Deidara had done an excellent job of waking up the other humans and VUM members, but lacking a plan other than waking them up and having everyone put on their gas masks, the camp quickly degenerated into near-chaos. Konan and Tsunade had fortunately taken charge and quickly brought the troops back under control, though not before a few tents were knocked over and several pounds of food supplies were trampled underfoot. Now the grunts were searching high and low for any evidence of the intruders while the commanders tried to figure out how the afore-mentioned intruders had managed to locate and attempt to poison the camp in the first place.

"I don't understand," Tsunade muttered. Kisame found the young blonde Falk to be kind but firm, and her voice carried no trace of a French accent. In fact, part of the reason she hadn't been promoted further within VUM's ranks was her trouble with human languages. Still, the woman could be trusted in a bind like this, and always was thinking three steps ahead before making any move. "As soon as you told us what happened in the jungle, we set up sensors and patrols to look for any signs of intrusion via…chemical warfare, I think you call it?" she asked, looking to Kisame.

The shark nodded. "So what happened to those sensors and patrols?"

"Zat is what we're trying to figure out now," Konan stated. She suddenly turned and looked at the men who were present behind her, spinning so fast that several of them flinched in fear of being hit. "Spread out and search zis entire sector!"

"But we already-"

"I want a second patrol sent out so we are sure of our results!" Konan hissed. "We'll move to ze secondary base in a few days, but before zen I want every stone overcooked and every alley deviled!"

"I think you mean overturned and delved, in that order," Kisame offered, but the soldiers had already taken off, leaving the three commanders to plan their next move. "So, where is the secondary base?"

"It's in a tunnel on the other side of Regi," Tsunade explained. "It's not as desirable a location as this base, but it will do."

"And how do we know that that base's location hasn't been compromised?" Kisame pressed. "Or that someone will follow us during the move?"

"Regi was originally an Albini city," Konan explained, "and was built underground to protect ze Falks from our sun's rays. Whoever attacked us would literally 'ave to explore an entire city of tunnels and map out every possible place suitable for a base, assuming zat ze tunnel walls do not cave in on zem or flood."

"That still doesn't answer my question about moving," Kisame went on.

Konan and Tsunade shot each other grim looks before answering the shark. "We'll send the supplies that are absolutely necessary in two cargo ships, along with some of our men," Tsunade explained. "But the rest of us will have to travel by walking…on the surface."

"Absolutely not," Kisame snapped as he slammed a fist onto the table. "My men would be eaten alive!"

"Zis coming from ze shark who was willing to risk such a fate to meet an old friend?" Konan inquired, being deliberately vague about Kisame's relationship with Itachi. She'd certainly guessed more than she was willing to say, and Kisame did not want to open that can of worms right now.

But that was a tangent away from the main issue, which the shark was unwilling to drop. "That was different when I was just risking myself! I'm responsible for making sure that my boys get home safely!"

"And they will," Tsunade stated plainly. "Konan informed me of your little arrangement to stay with her until you could reunite with your friend. Well she fulfilled her end of the bargain, and now you'll fulfill yours."

"You mean-"

"Before VUM moves out, we'll send a private call to General Zetsu himself and see that all of your soldiers are promptly returned to the humans, in exchange for leniency towards VUM operations, maybe even a few supply drops. Don't worry, Kisame; in two days' time, you and your soldiers will be safe at home, and will never have to set foot on Verden again."