A/N: I've had a crazy day it started off with the bugs family members of the ones I've killed holding a meeting or a conference and one of their cousins or aunties volunteered to bite me and I got bit also I ended up at a fish fry with family and I was there for a little bit too long the highlight of that was my cousin husband telling me he met S3 [Steve Smith Sr number 89 for the Ravens] he signed his shirt and didn't get his autograph also I caught a lightning bug which is pretty awesome and in OTHER AWESOME NEWS myhiggins25 sang Happy Birthday to yours truly wearing a tiara she might get me for saying that but she got vocals y'all! SLAY MARY SLAY! Onto this chapter hope you enjoy.
Happy Reading Guys (:
JJ's POV
"Monica...Monica...go."
"Aint that 'bout a bitch if you want shit burnt down you have to do it yourself I need KiJay off the air they have too many loose screws more so Jay, Ki is fine. Jay though have you read this story itiemyshoe, let him use you, the gospel slide part 2, organism, the wee-wee song, you put you wee-wee in you take your wee-wee out you put your wee-wee in and your shake it all about you do the wee-wee pokey and you turn her upside, that's what it's all about, Tankettes, tastes like chicken, someone got that fire, spelling of names at those peaks, I don't want to read about unsexy sex with Tank and Sarah, my child buying unauthorized shit for them, why am I here I should be home I was home but I'm gon' get this money. Oops sorry but before we go to break I just want to show a picture of my babies TJ and Jasmine yesterday was TJ's birthday party and we got an invite I've dubbed them Thadmine. We'll be back after these messages."
I pointed at the TV. "Wait did Monica just curse? What kind of news station is this? Tank and Sarah had sex? Thadmine?! I'm team Tabby."
"I don't know but she was at TJ's party yesterday and her daughter, Jasmine got into a fight with Gabby. I like Thadmine."
"Really Azimio you are kidding me?"
He shook his head. "Nope I'm not heard it through the Capri Sun kiddie-vine man Gabby and her kissed TJ, but she kissed TJ on the lips but what's going on?"
"I heard the WRVK got burned down." Slowly I turned my head to meet Azimio gaze then back at the TV.
"Zini what's the situation now?"
"It was a 2 alarm fire the fire the fire department has it under control now as you can see the roof was on fire they needed water so this motherfucker wouldn't burn. Just some roof damage I talked to the owner and she has insurance…"
"Wait that's Santana…"
"Santana what happened?"
"Well PawPaw and I were at the house and he said Tank was on the radio station we called in so that Jenny and her cousin could keep Tank and his crusty dusty wife here so we could have easy access and I broke window with my heel then PawPaw got on the air and Sarah said some disrespectful stuff and I went in."
"The question that all of us reviewers want to know is did you burn him."
"I got a match on him but he didn't blaze up like I wanted him to so I ran and I got this lighter fluid and by the time I got back his burnt shirt was on the ground and they were gone so I'll say yes and no."
"PawPaw over here, did you hit Tank with your stick?"
"Yeah, I did beat Rick ass Trunck Crack, Crick whatever Dynamite Too Sharp still got it. How old are you?"
"PawPaw stop flirting…"
"OMG…."
"I was listening to The KiJay Show and I swore I heard PawPaw on the air tell me I'm hearing things. Tell me." He tossed his headphones on the couch.
"J3 you heard him seems as if we missed the fire of the century Tana and PawPaw went down to the studio setting fire to it but before then PawPaw jump on the airwaves asking for ladies between the ages 25-40 to make him feel like a natural man and them a natural woman."
"Does Mercedes know that any of this is going on?" Ray asked.
"Probably not but did y'all hear her say that Tank and Sarah had sex?! Ewww! I wonder if that taste like chicken refers to that." I pointed down there."
"I don't even want to think like that."
"Hey I'm eating chicken nuggets with sauce." Stevie held up his McNugget. "You know what? This is nasty! I'm going outside to bang my head on the ground for Jesus to stomp out the visual. Just….ugh…"
"I'm right behind you. Jesus be a memory loss on that and be a taste bud re-newer I love chicken too much." I got down on my knees gently banging my hand on the grass.
Mercedes POV
Mary just asked me what Sam and I decided to do with all that information we're sitting on. "Sam and I have decided to…."
"Mercedes! Mercedes! Are you watching the news?!" Stacey yelled running into the living room.
"No, why what's going on. I'm just down here talking to Sam's mother why, what's going on?"
"Turn on the TV."
"Why?"
"Turn on the TV." I turned on the television changing the station to channel 12. "I thought PawPaw was going to ColdStone!"
"Zini Johnson here still on the scene as you can see talking to PawPaw who is getting fresh as the minutes go by. We know that your granddaughter is back on the music scene with new music and she and her family were interviewed by Juju which was wonderful what was your reaction on that?"
"I loved their interview! It was the truth and everyone at the old folks home was asking me for tickets to her upcoming show so we're working on that I'm the head of that but I thought you were going to ask me about Tank and his weak ass interview?"
"That was my next question to you did you watch Tank's interview and is that what made you come down here?"
"I did watch it I watched the whole thing I broke the TV at the home because I was so ticked off at him trying to play victim Tank ass isn't victim of nothing! All that crap he put my granddaughter and great –grandson through he's lucking I'm not a half a year younger I'll chase him down and stomp him on the nuts. I also found out that Tank has more kids…"
"What?! Tank has more kids?!"
"You didn't know that?"
I shook my head. "No, I didn't I'm just finding this out myself."
"What is this yelling going on?!" Sam shouted peaking his head out the game room. "I'm trying to teach TJ the basics of holding a guitar and chords."
"PawPaw and Tana are down at WRVK and they set fire to it because Tank and Sarah were on the air, they never really got to do their interview also Tank has more kids."
He guffawed. "More kids?! Ohhh Meee Geee! Look, they're showing video of Tana in pursuit of Tank and Sarah. This is insane. Look she set him on fire."
"Fire…bum bum bum Fire Tank is burning Tank is buring!" TJ sang strumming his guitar in front of the TV. "What mommy? It is true! Look at that! Why is PawPaw smiling at Zini's butt? He pinched it!"
"PawPaw you are too fresh…"
"Okay, someone go down there and get PawPaw, he can't be doing that to her. Oh no now he's trying to kiss her. PawPaw! No…."
"Um….well PawPaw is a little fresh someone hey PawPaw.."
"Monica that isn't on the monitor."
Monica rolled her eyes. "You don't tell me what to do I do what I want you just got here mister. PawPaw call me." Monica winked. "My number." She pointed to the bottom of the screen.
"Okay what kind of news station is this, PawPaw getting dates and that's her number on the screen." Puck said reaching for a pen. "424….uh-huh got it. Shoot I'm calling."
"I'm calling too. What? Oh, Puck can call and I can't."
"Look, I can't with this….."
A few hours later…
TJ's POV
Auntie Santana and PawPaw set it off on the news today PawPaw was getting to fresh with my other boo Zini, like I know I get it from him but stepped back and let a youngin' handle that. Anyway I'm in my room teaching Conniehey some basic commands.
"Bark Conniehey."
Arf [Conniehey]
"Good Boy!"
"What are you two doing?" Mommy asked leaning against the door.
"Mommy I'm teaching Conniehey some commands. Watch this. Sit. Good Boy. Stay." I walked over beside mommy. "Come here Conniehey. Paw." I shook his paw. "Excellent. Roll over! Great! See mommy we're getting along fine."
"That's great baby did you tell Conniehey that shoes and bathrooms are off limits."
"No, Conniehey listen to TJ, you can't drink water from the toilet that's nasty you have a water bowl in the kitchen, and shoes aren't chew toys you have a ball and this squeaky thing right here Uncle Blaine and Uncle Kurt got us, they also got you this thing right here I don't know what it is. What is this?" It looked like a wee-wee.
"Um this is a fake tongue."
Arf Arf Arf [Really? I can't drink from the toilet? They told me at the SPCA that was the best water spots ever? Can I lick my balls?"
"You can lick your balls!"
"TJ." She tilted her head.
"What mommy he can mommy, he's been licking them for a while. I wonder if they itch. You think that's why he's licking them he might need a bath. Maybe I can wipe his butt with my face tissue, he might have some extra number 2's up there and if you let that linger awhile it itches. I know it first-hand."
"Okay, TJ, it's way late way pass your bedtime say prayers and in bed the both of you go, come on Conniehey you too, Paws together." Dear God, please take care of my daddy and my mommy and my sister and my brother and my doggy and me. Oh, please take care of yourself, God. If anything happens to you, we're gonna be in a big mess. Amen!"
"Amen. In bed up there Conniehey. Night my boys."
"Night mommy."
Arf Arf. [Night mommy.]
Mercedes POV
"Sam, I can stand here forever and watch TJ and Conniehey sleep, I'm glad I changed my mind."
"Me too like he said I family wouldn't be complete, now it's perfect. Are you ready for a busy day tomorrow?"
"I am. Brittany is coming by to pick up TJ and Conniehey tomorrow they're going to spend the whole day together, I don't think TJ's gonna need his games."
"No, he'll need them. Come on let's go our room for a little spelling bee." Sam said. "M-R-S E-V-A-N-S".
"Baby, I'm not in the mood to spell your name tonight."
"Awww…I've been looking forward to doing that since yesterday you don't think."
AJE'S POV
"WON'T I DO IT! HEEEY UMBILICAL CORD! HEY AMNIOTIC FLUID! HEY OOH I GOT HAIR THERE! OOH IT'S TOO SOON NO STICK ENTRY TONIGHT! FETUS PRASIE BREAK]
Con'd Mercedes POV
I covered my mouth. "Um, Sam, I have to throw up." I pushed Sam out the way running to the bathroom making it to the toilet in time. "I thought this part was over HLEEAAHHHurkurkBLLEAAHH HLEEAAHHHurkurkBLLEAAHH." Sam rubbed my back.
"I'm right here baby, we'll munch on our bedside stash and watch PawPaw and Tana on BNN news tonight. They made World News."
"What? HLEEAAHHHurkurkBLLEAAHH AJE why are you making mommy throw up?"
AJE's POV
Ask daddy about that, he's the reason I'm up in here but it's all good though I'm going to have him, TJ, and that dog Conniehey wrapped around my finger attending tea-parties in the cutest girly hats. Hi y'all! I'm the size of lemon! Tell daddy to keep it in his pants. Night y'all.
Tuesday...
TJ's POV
I'm heading to Aunt Brittany and Aunt Tana house in a few hours but first Daddy, Mommy and me had some business to take care of I wanted to bring Conniehey but daddy said we had to leave him home.
"What are we doing daddy here daddy?" I asked opening the door for him and mommy.
"We're getting you fingerprinted TJ."
I followed behind them slowly mommy stopped turning around snapping her fingers. "TJ stay up with us. Don't lag give me your hand.
"You're here for that….follow me."
We followed this lady to some room. "Why are we getting this done and what for?"
"Mommy and I just want to be on the safe side of things."
I was fingerprinted and I was ready to dip when. "Do you think that we should do a swab of DNA?" Daddy asked the lady.
"Yes, I think you should do that." They swabbed my mouth and put it in some bag.
"Does TJ have any birthmarks?"
"Yes, he does, he has a birthmark on his right arm in the shape of a whale or submarine it looks like it has a light on the top or it's spitting out water." She took a few photos of that.
"Does he have anymore identifying features?"
"Yes, he had the chicken pox at age 4 and behind his right here is bump from that and a chicken pox mark on his arm."
"Okay." She wrote that down. "Now let's do video of TJ saying his name and holding your picture of your both. TJ, when you're ready. Start off by saying Hi my name is…."
"Hi my name is Thaddeus Joshua Evans but I go by the name of TJ, this is a photo of my mommy and daddy if anything happens to me please get in contact with them at this number. I'm 5 years old."
"All done." The lady gave the information to daddy and we're on our way home.
"Mommy, why did we just have to do that?"
"Like daddy, said we're covering all of sides of this just in case…"
"In case what?" I asked she started crying again. "Daddy mommy is crying again."
"I know, baby shh…."
"I'm okay Sam it's just the hormones….and that."
We finally arrived home and Conniehey was waiting for me by the door.. "Conniehey we're going to Aunt Brittany and Aunt Santana house which means you're going to meet Lord Tubbington, now you know he's a cat but he's huge."
Arf Arf [Translation: How huge are we talking? My size or as big as your toy chest and then some."
"Lord Tubbington is like the size of my toy chest and then some."
Arf. [Damn that is a big ass cat! Can't wait to meet him."
"Mommy we're all packed and ready to go."
"Good, because Aunt Brittany just pulled up, I'm sending Conniehey some treats to snack on throughout the day."
"Cool." I put the leash on Conniehey.
"Hi Brittany."
"Hi Mercedes, Conniehey TJ y'all are both in matching shirts. That's awesome Lord Tubbington has one just like it."
Arf [Oh Lord were we go!]
"Bye Mommy have fun moving! I'll see you in a few hours don't do no heavy lifting, daddy nor AJE wouldn't like that." I gave her a hug and kiss getting in the car and hour or so later we were arriving at their house running off to find Gabby.
"Hi Gabby."
"TJ." She said with attitude.
"Woah, what's up with that?"
"You and that other girl, I went through all of that trouble for you and you shot me down." She shouted in my face.
"Gabby we're only 5 years old; we're too young to date."
"But you were my boo first than this... this... "girl" allegedly named Jasmine shows up kissing you on the damn mouth! If anybody is Team Thadmine you're wasting your time because Tabby is endgame. We're endgame TJ?"
I huffed. "First let me say I'm sorry and she was cute but we're kids how about this, I'll be your boo while we together and when I'm not here I have another boo."
"Who will that boo be?" She folded her arms.
"My mommy and maybe Jasmine we'll see where we be at 5 years from now. Who knows we could be boo up for real? Would you like that?"
"I don't I might be playing the field then."
"What?!"
Sam's POV
"I'm glad I got you and Mercedes in the same room after all that went on the news and people wanting more interviews, I know about the box Sam."
"I know Stacey called me that night well, TJ called to FaceTime us and she told us then, you need to know."
"Good, so can you tell what are you going to do with it, you are sitting on a wealth of information here I told Mercedes that y'all need to give this over to the police and let them question him."
"Mom, I know that sounds like a good idea and all but I really don't trust them right about now it took them 2 times to serve Tank."
"Two times, I thought he got severed the first time."
"Well, they lied to Mercedes, then TJ was on the playground and some random ass guy came out of nowhere yelling his name of who we still don't know who that is I may tell a detective but the cops hell no."
"I think this is a bad idea on your part, you really need to call them. What if something happens to TJ?"
Conniehey's POV
"Conniehey have you met your cousin Lord Tubbington." Brittany asked.
Arf. [Cousin? No, I didn't know cat-dogs could be cousins but when you're in a family like this you're bound to run into a few nuts and I've met a few in these last few hours.]
Meow. [Bow to Lord Tubbington.]
Arf [You must be out of your damn mind.]
Meow [Bow I say.]
Arf Arf [Bow to this!] I flipped my paw running away fast into the living room. Arf Arf Arf [Ha ha you're not going to catch me. Now where is Aunt Tana?]
"Hi Conniehey you met Lord Tubbington." Santana asked.
Arf a-ooooo [Unfortunately, hey, hey leave it on this commercial I love the dogs in the window! GET! IT! Steam them windows yeah! Lick it up!]
Meow Meow [Piece of shit.]
Arf [Cat piss furball]
Meow [At least I got 9 lives.]
Arf Arf [At least I'm man's best friend.]
Meow Meow [I don't give a damn about that I frown a lot. And I catch mice]
Arf Arf [Well la de da I can fetch.]
Meow [Well I can eat Tuna and I do chores I have my own video 2 girls 1 cat.]
Arf [I'll bite you shoo.]
Meow Meow [Nuts licker.]
Arf Arf [My cousin was one of the dogs in the Rachel Berry Broadway Bitches video top that! You can wobble away. Go!]
A/N: WHEN YOU GUYS READ THIS, IT WILL BE MY BIRTHDAY iamJLS IS OFFICIALLY 28. Will there be a chapter later on today? Hmm...