Between Shepard's unwillingness to talk about the events on 2181 Despoina, and her request for her crewmates to do the same, it only took a few short days for the incident on the watery planet to become old news aboard the Normandy. Crew members still stopped their conversations from time to time to glance warily over at Shepard whenever she entered a room, but it was usually just to wait for an opportunity to say hello before they returned to their original discussions. Even Garrus seemed to have given up on trying to get something more concrete out of her, but she figured that might have had something to do with the fact that she had been going out of her way not to speak to him at all more or less since the incident. Any talks they did have were generally short, professional, and almost always in the company of other crew members. Shepard hoped that if she just left the matter alone long enough, Garrus might forget about it entirely, but the furtive, worried glances he kept throwing her way from time to time made her less and less confident in this plan as time wore on.
The incoming message button was already flashing by the time Shepard entered the comm room, and as soon as she pressed it, two familiar blue figures flickered into life, both standing at military attention as they waited for their transmissions to be received. "Shepard," Hackett greeted her, shortly, before lifting a hand to indicate towards the hologram of Anderson at the far side of the vidcomm pit. "I got Anderson patched in already, so we can go ahead and begin." The projection of Anderson nodded agreeably at Shepard in response, his hands tucked thoughtfully behind his back as he waited for Hackett to finish, and Shepard nodded back, shortly, before returning her attention to Hackett again. "I was just getting him up to speed," Hackett continued, straight to business. "I received word from the Council. They're requesting an update on the Crucible."
"Kai Leng has them scared," Anderson commented, glancing towards Hackett before returning his attention to Shepard again, intent. "Enough to send help, maybe?"
"Who is Kai Leng, exactly?" Shepard asked, taking a curious step forward towards the vidcomm pit. "I know he's the one who attacked me on the Citadel, and Miranda Lawson mentioned him being the Illusive Man's backup for losing me… but apart from that my information is pretty limited."
"Your information is good, limitations aside," Anderson commended, sounding pleasantly surprised. "I'll have Hackett send you my reports on him, but short story, Shepard: be careful. Leng's a mean son of a bitch, and dangerous, too." Frowning, he rested a solemn hand on his hip, the other hand moving up to absentmindedly scratch his cheek, scraping against a few days' worth of neglected stubble. "Kahlee Sanders and I had our share of run-ins with him over the years," he added, letting his hand drop back to his side again with a short, anxious sigh. "I shot him in both legs once… thought that might be the end of him, but he showed up again a little while later on Omega, even stronger."
"The Illusive Man patched him up?" Shepard guessed, folding her arms.
"That would be my guess, given what they were able to do with you and Grayson," Anderson agreed, offering a solemn nod of his head. At the mention of Paul Grayson, Shepard felt her stomach turn, but she steeled her expression, continuing to listen. "It's a safe bet Leng's even more dangerous now than ever before."
"I'll take whatever advantage I can get against these bastards," Shepard told him, determinedly.
"Don't forget that we still have allies," Hackett reminded her, causing her to turn her attention towards him again. "Your actions haven't gone unnoticed, Commander. The salarians are throwing in their full support, and the asari have expressed a willingness to support our cause as well… theoretically. They still have certain… reservations, however, before they'll actually commit."
"It's being taken care of," Shepard assured him. "I talked to Councillor Tevos and we're on our way to Thessia as we speak. How's your progress on the Crucible otherwise?"
"Good," Hackett answered, frankly. "Our estimates suggest we've completed nearly seventy percent of the known work. Possibly more."
"So quickly?" Shepard asked, surprised.
"Once decoded, the schematics are designed in such a way that allows our scientists to easily translate the information," Hackett returned, directly. "Despite what we initially thought, it's not Prothean specific."
"Hm," Shepard grunted, frowning as she turned away from Hackett to pace to the far end of the room, before turning and pacing back towards the vidcomm pit again. She knew better than to question the Alliance's methods, but the vague way Hackett was describing their intel on the Crucible was doing nothing to settle her nerves. Despite having the galaxy's best minds working on the Project, Shepard found it hard to believe that they would already be nearly seventy percent finished with such an unprecedented task in just under four months' time. The whole situation seemed a bit too convenient to be true, but she also knew perfectly well that necessity was an effective motivator, and imminent annihilation was an extremely relevant pretence for necessity.
"Are we any closer to understanding how to use it?" Anderson asked Hackett, interrupting Shepard's train of thought and causing her to look up at the two of them again.
"That's still open for debate," Hackett admitted, his steely expression never faltering. "Utilized in the right fashion, our scientists are convinced it can generate enough energy to destroy the Reapers. The question is, how will it dispense the energy, and in what form?"
"You mean, how do you stop it from wiping us all out?" Anderson asked, clarifying. It was difficult to tell if he was joking or not – on the one hand, the phrasing was so blunt and bizarre that it certainly seemed like a joke, albeit a dark one, but the subject matter was so far from funny that it made Shepard almost uncomfortable to hear it, especially coming from Anderson. Still, she had to admit that he had a point as she turned her attention back towards Hackett again, waiting expectantly for an answer.
"Exactly," Hackett returned, still completely composed. "We think the Catalyst is the key to determining how to focus its energy. How to direct its energy at the Reapers, alone."
Shepard nodded along with this statement, leaning anxiously against the vidcomm control station as she scuffed the toe of her boot on the metal floor. "I'm working on that," she told him, resolutely. "I got a lead, and… we're following up on it."
"You'll find the answers, Shepard," Hackett assured her, offering her a determined nod in return. "I'll send you an update on the schematics, and in the meantime we'll keep building."
"And we'll keep fighting," Anderson added, causing Shepard to look his way again. "Make sure there's an Earth left to come back to."
Shepard hesitated, considering these statements, before pushing herself away from the control station again and tucking her hands self-consciously in her hoodie pockets. "You've always trusted me," she told Anderson. "I won't let you down."
"We're still in this," Hackett added, self-assured. "The gods of war haven't given up on us yet."
"Good luck, both of you," Anderson told them, before his gaze settled on Shepard again, fatherly. "Anderson out."
"Hackett out," Hackett agreed, and with that, both holographic images flickered out of existence, leaving Shepard alone in the vidcomm room once again.
With Tali rooming on the main crew floor and Wrex taking time to rebuild his homeworld, the war room had been all but cleared out of its usual familiar stragglers. The only people who seemed to occupy the space anymore were one or two spare crew attendants, but even they seemed to be taking a simultaneous lunch break at the moment as the war room was entirely empty by the time Shepard emerged from the comm room. Moving to stand beside the hub, she gave a soft, tired sigh, leaning forward on her palms against the cool, sleek metal and watching the holographic image of the Crucible spin slowly in the middle of the console. It did not take long before the sound of quiet footsteps entering the war room reached her ears, but she paid no attention to them, figuring it was probably just one of the attendants returning from a coffee break, eager to get back to work. She was surprised, then, when, rather than returning to his computer station, the second individual came to stand beside her at the war console, leaning on his elbows next to her and watching the spinning hologram as well, attentively.
"Are you okay?" Garrus asked, gently, causing Shepard to look up at him, surprised, before turning her attention back to the console with a soft huff of breath.
"Not really," she answered, truthfully. It was hardly worth lying about it anymore – anyone who knew her knew that she had been having difficulties lately, even if none of them knew the full extent. It hardly seemed worthy of mess hall conversation to bring up sore feet, an aching back, and an overactive bladder when the topic of discussion generally tended to lean more towards whose family members had been most recently killed or displaced by Reaper attacks.
"Hm," Garrus grunted, softly. "Anything I can help with?"
At this, Shepard gave a short, sharp, unintentional snort of a laugh, causing Garrus to look up in surprise, but she quickly amended it with a shake of her head, dropping her gaze to the floor instead and wetting her lips. "No," she told him. "It's, um… nothing you can help with, really. You've done everything you can do for me at this point in, uh…" She paused again, clearing her throat. "All things considered," she finished.
"Oh… okay," Garrus answered, still sounding a bit taken aback as he returned his attention to the hologram of the Crucible. "Well, if there's anything I can do to help…"
"I'll be sure to let you know," Shepard told him.
"Right," Garrus agreed, nodding affirmatively. Going quiet again, he stared ahead at the war console, purposefully not looking at her, not wanting to crowd her, but he could not stop his mandibles from giving worried, telling tics against his jaw, despite his best efforts to seem casual and unaffected. The soft beeps of the machine filled the empty space, causing the tension between them to tighten like a wire the longer they sat in silence, until finally, unable to take it any longer, Garrus cleared his throat, gently, before turning to look over at her again. "When we… were in the shuttle… on the way back from 2181 Despoina…" he started to say, but Shepard quickly cut him off with a dogged shake of her head.
"Please don't ask me about that," she told him, her voice quiet but coldly firm. "I don't want to talk about it."
Garrus hesitated, opening his mouth to say something else, before finally closing it again with a short, soft sigh. "You have to talk about it sometime, Shepard," he finally told her, frowning faintly. "Even if it's not with me. With someone. Doctor Chakwas, or… someone."
"How do you know I haven't already?" Shepard challenged him, fiddling distractedly with the sleeve of her hoodie, intentionally not meeting his gaze.
"Because I… I asked," Garrus answered, awkwardly. "I was… worried, about you, about the way you were acting, avoiding talking to anyone about it, and—listen, Shepard." Leaning on one elbow against the war console, he sighed again, turning to face her and lowering his voice to make sure only she could hear. "Your friends… we're all concerned about you," he told her, honestly. "I—we… we don't mean to be annoying, but we want to know that you're all right. We care about you a lot, Shepard, and that… whatever it was, whatever happened, it clearly took a toll on you, even if you like to keep pretending that it didn't."
"I never said it didn't," Shepard answered, bluntly. "I just said I didn't want to talk about it."
"That's the thing, though, Shepard," Garrus pressed, indicating towards her with both hands, exasperated. "Honestly, you can't keep internalizing things. We all know what a strong person you are, you don't have to prove it by pretending nothing bothers you. Something about what happened on that planet is clearly bothering you—"
"Right now what's bothering me is you," Shepard cut him off, turning to look at him, annoyed. She faltered, taken aback by her own harsh reaction, before letting out a heavy, apologetic sigh and crossing her arms across her chest, leaning her hip tiredly against the side of the war console. "I'm sorry," she told him, quietly. "I didn't mean that. I'm just… stressed, I guess. Between the whole Leviathan thing, and the Reapers…" She trailed off, hesitating another moment, before lifting a hand to indicate fruitlessly towards the war room at large. "All this," she finished. "All of it." Then, crossing her arm over her chest again, she returned her gaze to Garrus, resignedly. "Ask me whatever you want," she told him.
Garrus hesitated, unsure what to do with this newfound freedom, still seeming highly wary of stepping on her toes. Then, finally, he took a deep, readying breath, preparing to ask his first question. "On the shuttle ride back from… the planet," he began, tentatively, making sure to speak only loud enough for Shepard to hear him. "What… were you talking about when you said you wanted to 'get it out of you'?"
"My… head," Shepard returned, shortly, feeling her gut clench at the question as she tried to think quickly on her feet. "It was, the Leviathan was… in my head. You know. Toying with me. Like…" She hesitated, considering, before making a quick, awkward gesture towards her head. "Psychic… like… you know." Letting her hand drop back to her side, she sighed heavily, frowning at her inability to articulate. "It sounds stupid when I try to explain it," she told him. "But, it was there, and… I wanted it out. That was all."
Garrus paused a moment, considering this explanation, his mandibles giving a few pensive tics against the side of his chin before he finally took in a deep, thoughtful breath. "Okay," he returned, tentatively. "That makes… sense, I guess. But then, there was also… that… what did you mean when you said you 'weren't going to have it'? That you 'couldn't do it', and we 'couldn't make you'?"
"I was…" Shepard sighed, running an exasperated hand back through her hair. "Garrus, I was very sick," she told him, frustrated. "The Leviathan made me think there were… things, inside my body. It reached into my subconscious and pulled out a nightmare I had once, and it… it was just…" Trailing off, she shook her head, letting out another short, agitated sigh as she stuffed her hands into the pockets of her hoodie. "It was traumatic," she said, her voice quieter. "I don't know how to explain it, but I'd really prefer not to talk about it, if that's okay. I honestly don't want to think about it."
"But you are okay, right?" Garrus asked, reaching forward to gently take hold of her wrists, causing her to look up at him again, surprised. His expression was gentle, sincere, and she could not help but feel a pang of guilt for lying to him about the Leviathan, among everything else. "There isn't actually anything harmful in your body? It was all in your head?"
Shepard faltered, frowning a bit at the oddly worded question as she stared at him, taken aback. "Why would you ask that?" she insisted, guarded. Then, realizing her mistake, she lifted a hand to stop him from answering, shaking her head and dropping her gaze to the floor once again. "Sorry, sorry," she told him, nodding reassuringly. "I… yeah, no, yeah, I'm… I'm fine. I'm fine. It's nothing to worry about, really. I'm fine, really. Honestly. I'm just…" She trailed off again, letting her hand return to her pocket. Then, looking up at him again, she made a face, indecisive, before letting out a long, heavy sigh. "Garrus… listen," she told him, quietly. "I… have to tell you something. This whole… near-death, Leviathan thing made me realize how pressing it is, and… I figure… you deserve to know." She paused, feeling suddenly strangely lightheaded as she took a deep breath, squaring her shoulders and preparing herself to tell him the truth.
"I…" she started to say, but she suddenly stopped short, feeling a sickening, twisting feeling in her gut at the prospect of going on. Her words caught hard in her throat, unable to move, and she frowned, frustrated, hunching her shoulders and simply staring at him for a moment, watching as he stared back, expectantly, his vivid, avian blue eyes keen as his mandibles hovered at his chin, quivering gently with anticipation. I—" she started to say again, but the thought was quickly interrupted as the sound of Joker's voice cut over the intercom, pulling her back to stark reality and causing both of them to look up in surprise.
"Commander, Thessia's under heavy Reaper attack," Joker reported, his voice rushed and grave. "There's activity across most of the planet."
Looking back at Garrus again, Shepard hesitated, lifting a hand, before letting it fall back to her side again with a short, sharp huff of breath. "I should go," she told him, shortly, before turning away from the hub and starting instead up the stairs of the war room, leaving him standing there in unfulfilled anticipation. Making her way past the meeting-room, she pressed quickly towards the front of the ship, trying hard to keep her mind from racing, willing her heart to stop pounding so loudly in her ears at what she had almost revealed. "What about the Temple?" she asked Joker, stuffing her hands warily into her pockets as she passed the two recruits standing guard at the identification terminal. "Can you raise the scientists?"
"Negative," Joker answered, his voice following her through the ship as she picked up her pace, moving around the galaxy map station towards the cockpit. "All channels are scrambled across the spectrum. The mission's looking really dicey."
Reaching the front of the Normandy at last, Shepard moved up behind Joker's chair, resting her hands on the headrest as she frowned down at the digital display laid out in front of him. "This is too important," she insisted, barely sparing a glance backwards as the sound of light footfalls hurried up to stand behind her. Seeing that Shepard was busy with Joker, Liara lingered a few feet away, fidgeting faintly and chewing nervously on her plum lower lip as she waited for the Commander to finish talking. "It's now or never."
"Shepard," Liara interjected, anxious, unable to wait any longer. Interrupted from her train of thought, Shepard turned, surprised, and watched as Liara pointed to one of the screens lining the Normandy's cockpit, showing a holographic image of the planet Thessia. "That's my home down there," Liara insisted, her voice strained, almost desperate. "I have to go."
Shepard nodded, quickly, holding out a hand to brush understandingly against Liara's arm as she turned away from the cockpit again, beginning to move past her towards the hangar of the ship. "Get to the shuttle," she told Liara, shortly. "I'll be right behind you. Let's do this. We're going to Thessia."
The shuttle ride to the surface of Thessia was uncomfortably silent. Shepard stood nearest the door, holding onto the overhead handlebars as she watched the other two members of her ground team, waiting for one of them to say something, but no one seemed to be much in the mood to talk. Liara sat at the farthest end of the Kodiak's bench, her hands poised rigidly against her knees, barely even seeming to touch them as she stared at the display screen on the shuttle wall, watching in silent, sickened dismay as the image of a Reaper blazed its way across the digital landscape, destroying anything that happened to be in its path. Javik stared straight ahead, his posture rigid, his expression set, unmoving. He had been initially unimpressed with the idea of joining the ground party on Thessia, but had ultimately decided to go along anyway when he heard that Liara would be going as well, explaining bluntly that "if the technology we seek is truly Prothean, then it is worth a look." That had been the only explanation he seemed willing to offer on the subject, and, despite a faint, nagging curiosity, Shepard simply did not care enough about his motivation to press him for further details.
"Liara, have anything more on the artefact?" Shepard asked, breaking the uncomfortable silence and causing Liara to look up at her, surprised.
"The coordinates the Councilor gave you is for the Temple of Athame," Liara answered, trying hard to keep her voice even and calm despite her obvious distress. "My mother took me there once… it is several thousand years old. And… for some reason, it has classified government funding."
"Sounds like we're on the right trail," Shepard returned, assuredly.
Liara nodded in agreement, thoughtful, before turning her attention back to the vid screen. She paused, biting down gently on her lower lip, before her hands curled into even tighter fists at her knees and she took a deep, sharp breath, looking up at Shepard again, worried. "What if we're too late?" she asked, her voice wavering with anxiety for the first time. "My people… my people are dying down there."
"Your empathy is a weakness," Javik spoke up suddenly, his tone harsh, causing both Liara and Shepard to look his way. "You must numb yourself to loss."
Liara faltered, unsure how to respond to such an unfeeling reaction, but Shepard quickly cleared her throat, cutting over the uncomfortable pause left by Javik's interruption. "Benezia took you to this temple?" she asked, drawing Liara's attention back to her again. Despite still seeming a bit dazed, Liara appeared relieved for the distraction, bringing her hands up from where they had been rigidly poised and beginning to wring them instead, gently.
"I was just a child," she explained, candidly. "I thought it was just a history lesson, but now… maybe there was more to it."
"What do you mean?" Shepard asked, intrigued.
Liara paused again, thoughtfully, before pushing herself up from her seat and moving to stand beside Shepard, effectively cornering Javik out of the conversation. "I went digging through her old files," she said, pulling up her omni-tool and beginning to input something into the holopad. A few moments later, a screen came up, showing an image of Benezia's face along with a long, black box filled with tiny, scrolling text. "She had heavily encrypted records on this place, some dating back centuries. I still can't crack most of them. Whatever's going on, it's well hidden."
"I have studied your mission reports," Javik suddenly spoke up again, inserting himself back into the conversation and causing both women to look his way. "Your mother was indoctrinated."
Liara hesitated, staring at Javik, seeming unsure how to respond to this. "Yes," she finally agreed, her expression unmoving as she closed out the program on her omni-tool. "We had to kill her." Moving back over to the Kodiak's bench, Liara sat down again, her gaze falling to the floor as she folded her hands in her lap once more, her expression distant.
Feeling a sudden surge of annoyance at Javik's unapologetic bluntness, Shepard frowned, frustrated, before turning her attention towards him again. "Benezia fought hard to break free of her indoctrination," she told him, defensive. "Liara's mother was strong. She didn't just give in."
"I never said her indoctrination was a result of weakness," Javik returned, indifferent, narrowing his four yellow eyes faintly. "I was merely making note of the fact that killing her own mother did not stop Liara from continuing to fight. As I said before, it is important that we must steel ourselves. Many more lives will be lost."
Shepard shook her head at this reasoning, resting an agitated hand on her hip as the Kodiak gave a light jostle. "We can't ignore that people are dying," she told him. "The Reapers may not have mercy, but we do."
"The Reapers have merely accepted the inevitability of allowing what must die to die," Javik returned, frigidly, lifting his upper lip ever so slightly to show the edges of his thinly-filed teeth. "They have evolved past the point of prolonging the inexorable for the sake of self-justification. They feel no need to soothe their guilt with lies merely for the placation of their own selfish peace of mind."
Shepard hesitated, taken aback by this response, steeling her grip on the overhead railing and gritting her teeth as the Kodiak gave another gentle rumble under their feet. "Are you trying to say something, Javik?" she asked, her bristling only thinly veiled by a tone of polite disassociation.
Javik stared at her a moment, unblinking, before taking in a deep, thin breath. "No, Commander," he told her, frankly. "Merely that it is the Reapers' indifference that gives them power. I did not mean to infer more than that."
"Then let's show them there's another way," Shepard said, turning her attention towards the screen showing the Reaper on the ground at one of the now-ruined outposts somewhere on the planet's surface. She knew that Javik was more than aware of what he was doing and exactly which buttons to press to set her most effectively on edge, but she was not about to give him the satisfaction of knowing just how much his needling was honestly bothering her. "We'll find the Catalyst and save Thessia without having to stoop to their level."
"I hope you're right," Liara told her, worriedly, folding her hands anxiously in her lap as she looked up at the screen as well.
The thick, glowing biotic barrier fortifying the walls of the Temple of Athame hummed and pulsated, charging the air around the temple with static energy and causing the sweaty hair on the back of Shepard's neck to stand on end. She was not surprised to be met with resistance at the temple – as far as she knew, this was an integral part of Thessia's history, and the idea that the asari would not think to protect their most precious historical relics against the massacre tearing their planet apart was unlikely, at best. Coming to stand in front of the towering structure, Shepard let out a hefty huff of breath, resting her weapon against the line of her shoulder as she squinted up towards the highest point of the temple, using her free hand to shade her eyes from the low-hanging sun. "Looks like we're in the clear," she announced, turning to glance back towards the other two members of her party, who were slowly coming up behind her, taking their time to marvel at the temple as well. "Let's see if we can find a way inside."
"It appears the temple has been barricaded," Javik observed, moving up to the wall of the building and giving it an attentive once-over.
"Let me take a look," Liara suggested, moving past the two of them and kneeling down in front of a digital lock embedded in the barricade wall. Shepard had not even noticed the lock before Liara had pointed it out, but it did not seem to take long at all for Liara to realize what the problem was, and she quickly pulled up a subscreen on the security device, beginning to input a complicated override code. "It's military-grade encryption," she explained, focused, her slender fingers moving deftly over the digital keypad, her painted brows furrowing intently as she worked. "I think I can override it."
"Wouldn't expect that for a Temple," Shepard commented, offhandedly, watching her work with interest. No matter how long she had known the asari, Liara's talent for code never ceased to amaze her.
"Do religion and military always mix among asari?" Javik asked, half critical, half attentive, his upper lip creeping upward to reveal the tips of his sharp teeth.
"No," Liara returned, straightforwardly, ignoring his deprecation as she continued to work. "This is unusual. Especially since few still follow the Effaime Doctrine."
Shepard nodded along with this explanation, only half paying attention to the conversation going on around her. The pause in movement was making her painfully aware of just how much her feet were really hurting, as well as just how full her bladder seemed all of a sudden. Shifting uncomfortably from one foot to the other, she chewed anxiously on her bottom lip, tapping her free hand distractedly against her thigh as she waited for Liara to finish her bypass. Javik watched her intently as she fidgeted, unblinking, unmoving, which only served to make her feel that much more uncomfortable as she waited in awkward silence for Liara to finish her work. "Liara," she suddenly spoke up, breaking the painful pause. "You… you don't think I look fat, do you?"
Pausing in her handiwork, Liara turned to glance over her shoulder towards Shepard, seeming surprised by the question, not even appearing to notice as the lines of code on the override screen flew past her, unchecked. Resting a hand on her hip, Shepard stood perfectly still, allowing Liara to observe her in her normal bearing for a moment, before Liara finally shook her head, turning back to her work again and scrolling the code back to where she had last left off. "No," she answered, truthfully. "It mostly just looks like heavy armour, to be quite honest. You're actually looking remarkably svelte. I'd never know you were pregnant unless you told me." Feeling a bit better about herself, Shepard allowed a tiny, self-indulgent smile to touch her lips as she turned back towards the temple, but the smile quickly faded again as soon as she glanced in Javik's direction, only to be met with the hard, critical stare of his four judgmental yellow eyes.
"You look fat," he told her bluntly.
Shepard faltered, opening her mouth, preparing to say something in return, but then, after a moment, she simply closed it again, too tired to argue. "Thank you, Javik," she sighed, deadpan, turning away to look towards the temple doors again. "I knew I brought you along for a reason."
Letting out a sudden exclamation of success, Liara stood from the digilock, turning her attention to the temple as the biotic shield surrounding it powered down, the high-pitched buzzing noise tapering out, causing the fine hairs on Shepard's skin to settle back into place. Shepard took the lead as they made their way into the massive structure, their footsteps reverberating eerily against the tall, burnished walls that towered over them in sleek, dreary shades of dark blue, tapering to a high arch above their heads like a beacon into the sky. An enormous stone statue of what she guessed was an asari goddess watched over them with outstretched arms as they advanced further into the temple, looking around for any sign that someone else might be there waiting for them, but the building was eerily empty and quiet, the only sound the muffled noise of gunfire and explosions coming from outside its thick, protective, polished walls.
"Hello?" Liara called, her voice echoing off the vacant, cavernous walls. "Is anyone here?"
"Something is wrong," Javik hissed. Gripping his gun tighter to his chest, he peered around the temple, wary, as if expecting something to jump out at them from behind one of the displays. "Your scientists should be here."
"Take a look around," Shepard suggested, trying not to let on that she felt just as uncomfortable as he did about the whole situation. "Maybe one of these artefacts is what we're looking for."
"I doubt it," Javik returned, causing Shepard and Liara to look up, confused, to see what he was talking about. It did not take long for them to see what he was referring to – two mangled asari corpses lay prostrate on the floor of the temple near the feet of the statue, side by side in a pool of deep purple blood. Their bodies were positioned awkwardly, their faces turned skyward, their glassy eyes staring blindly at the high ceiling of the sanctuary. Javik approached the corpses slowly, his expression unmoving as he knelt down beside them, reaching out a hand to turn one asari's head to better inspect the damage done. "Their throats," he observed, solemnly.
"What happened to them?" Shepard asked, taking a few wary steps closer to the carnage.
"They've been slit," Liara answered, sounding thoroughly shaken as she stared at the lifeless bodies over Javik's plated shoulder. "The Reapers didn't do this. We're going to have to figure this out on our own."
Shepard frowned, feeling a pang of guilt at the unexpected turn of events, before suddenly pointing to the towering statue, clearing her throat to get Liara's attention again. "Who is this supposed to be?" she asked, hoping to distract Liara from the sight of the slaughtered scientists.
At the question, Liara looked up, her expression distant, faltering a moment as she tried to register what was being asked of her. "That's… the goddess Athame," she finally answered, her voice hollow as she came to stand in front of the statue, looking up into the carved face of the goddess. "Her image has… become more like ours over time."
"You mean your ancestors tried to hide the truth," Javik retorted, getting up from where he had been crouching to stand beside Liara.
At this, Liara seemed to return to reality, turning to look at Javik with indignant, malt-blue eyes. "I'm not willing to believe that everything in our history was a result of Prothean intercession," she told him, firmly.
"Then why does Athame speak Prothean?" Javik countered, turning to look back at her, just as persistent.
Shepard frowned, faltering at this revelation, and turned to look at Javik as well, confused. "What do you mean?" she asked.
"There is something here," Javik told her, taking a deep breath in as he turned to look at her again. "I can sense it."
"In this temple?" Liara asked, her painted brow furrowing faintly. "I admit it is strange this place has been so well-preserved… though Athame does have great historical significance. We once believed our gods were separate from the world, looking down on us…" But Shepard did not hear the rest of what she was saying, as a sudden, familiar sensation began to creep over her, an almost glowing, expanding awareness that began as a low, ringing sound in her head, but which began to grow more and more apparent the more she paid attention to it, almost as if it had been there all along, just waiting for her to notice it. The ringing grew louder and louder, its shrill, silvery tone becoming deeper, thrumming in her chest, expanding against her ribcage, inside her head, the world seeming to vanish around her as the unsounded sensation of existential isolation seeped over her, as if she were the only person left in the universe in that singular, ringing moment, standing still forever among a sea of time…
"There's a Prothean beacon here," she announced, cutting Liara's explanation short.
Liara looked startled at this declaration, exchanging a quick, confused look with Javik before turning her attention towards Shepard again. "What?" she asked, taken aback. "Are you sure?"
"It's not something you forget," Shepard assured her, shaking her head.
"But… why hide it?" Liara asked, frowning, confused.
"The answer is obvious," Javik retorted. "Power and influence. Your people are hoarding the knowledge of my race for their own gain."
"That… can't be," Liara told him, shaking her head, though she sounded less than convinced, even by her own denial. "I can't believe my people would keep this a secret."
"A beacon like this could explain why asari are so advanced," Shepard offered, helpfully.
"This temple is thousands of years old," Javik added, looking between Liara and Shepard, stern. "Time enough to make serious progress."
"That doesn't make it true," Liara answered, pursing her lips, indignantly.
"Well, if it is true, the asari should have shared this knowledge," Shepard told her, trying not to sound as irritated as she felt. "We might not have been in this mess if they had."
"You—you don't know that, Shepard," Liara countered, clearly flustered, making a sharp, exasperated downward gesture with one hand. "We don't know what's going on here."
"All I know is that we don't have much time to find out," Shepard returned, letting out a heavy sigh. "If there's a beacon here, Liara, we need to find it. And fast."
For a moment, Liara stood rigid, her plum lips drawn in a thin line, her shoulders squared, seeming as though she might choose not to cooperate on principle alone. Then, letting out a soft, defeated sigh, she relaxed her posture, pulling up her omni-tool and approaching the statue of Athame. "I don't know how much help I can provide," she admitted, shaking her head. "The few records I can access talk about tapping into Prothean data streams, reconstructing matrices… none of which I see here."
"I do," Javik returned, causing both Liara and Shepard to look his way. Moving over to the sleek, rounded hub at the base of the statue, he pressed a hand to it, and, almost instantly, the hub lit up, giving off a warm, ethereal radiance and a low, throbbing hum. Slowly, as they watched, the glow began to creep from the stone hub up the height of the statue before them, the otherworldly glow seeming be coming from inside the effigy itself. Pale green light seeped out of every crack and edifice as the beacon began to wake up, the humming growing louder the higher the light reached towards the head of the stone goddess. "It has been activated," Javik announced.
"By the goddess," Liara breathed, staring up at the glowing statue. "Incredible. The beacon seems to think you're Prothean, Shepard! It must be the Cipher you got back on Feros years ago."
At this, Javik gave a sharp, unattractive snort, causing Liara to look over at him, annoyed. "Or it could be the Prothean standing beside you," he countered, deadpan.
"Or…" Liara began to argue, before stopping herself and instead letting out a soft, tired sigh. "…That," she agreed, defeated. "Yes."
Suddenly, a loud cracking sound reverberated from the statue, causing all of them to look up, startled, in time to see the massive stone structure begin to spiderweb with fine, rapidly-spreading fissures. The pale green glow coming from within the monument grew more and more intense as the cracks began to grow bigger and bigger, the glistening stone enclosure audibly straining against the otherworldly force that threatened to tear it apart at the seams. "Take cover!" Shepard shouted, ducking for the nearest pew. Throwing up her hands to cover her ears, she braced herself for impact as, barely a moment later, the statue exploded all over the temple, sending pieces of polished rock flying in every direction. Shepard coughed as the air filled with dust from the demolished stone structure, passing a hand in front of her face to try to clear it as she squinted up at the empty space where the statue had once stood, but which now held only a gently glowing beacon, pulsating with pale green light and giving off a strong, low, warm hum as it invited them to come closer and investigate.
"The activation is complete," Javik observed, standing back a few paces as Shepard cautiously approached the glowing, pulsating beam of light. "We can access the beacon now."
"We need to hurry," Liara added, anxiously, taking a step forward towards the beacon before taking the same step back, wary. "This place isn't going to—" Almost as if on cue, a sphere of pale green light blossomed from the beacon, giving off a brilliant flash before drifting gently down to hover in the midst of the three lookers-on. It floated patiently, giving off a low humming sound and seeming almost to be considering its surroundings. The surface of the sphere spun and shifted, a jumble of tiny, nonsensical shapes, and it took Shepard a moment to realize that what she was seeing was actually lines upon lines of binary code.
"…Last very long," Liara finished, quietly, stunned.
"Obtaining chronological marker," the VI reported, its voice smooth, almost calming as the glowing green ball of information continued to spin, its binary numbers flashing faster than Shepard could understand them. "Hold… Timescale established. Post-Prothean cycle confirmed."
"One of our computers," Javik breathed, taking a captivated step closer to the VI.
Suddenly, the sphere of light jetted upward towards the ceiling of the temple, hovering high above their heads as it continued to spin, the motion seeming to speed up as the sphere observed an explosion going off in the far distance. "Reaper presence detected," the VI reported, floating down to ground level again. "This galactic cycle has already reached its extinction terminus. Systems shutting down."
"Hold on," Liara pressed, holding out a hand towards the VI as she took a desperate step forward.
"We need answers," Shepard added, insistent, taking a step towards the alien VI as well.
"To what question?" the VI responded, turning its attention towards Shepard now.
"The Catalyst," Shepard returned, firmly, resisting the urge to take a step back away from the eerie VI. "We need to know what it is to finish the Crucible."
The VI paused, considering this for a moment. Then, with another brilliant flicker of light, it began to expand and grow, until finally it stood before them in a more solid form, having taken on the vague, glowing shape of a being startlingly similar in appearance to Javik. "A memory," Javik observed, a faint hint of a smile touching the corner of his mouth before it quickly disappeared again. "Of one of my people."
"I am called Vendetta," the VI introduced itself. "An advanced virtual construct of Pashek Vran, overseer of the project you refer to as 'Crucible'. He died fighting the Reapers in the battle of Tranbir Nine. Your remaining time is also at an end."
"Were all Protheans so grim?" Liara asked, making a face, frustrated.
"What happened to the Crucible in your time?" Shepard asked, pressing onward despite the interruption. "Why didn't the Protheans deploy it?"
"We were sabotaged from within," Vendetta explained, beginning to pace a few anxious steps back and forth. "A splinter group argued we should dominate the Reapers rather than destroy them. It fractured our order of battle. Later we discovered the separatists were indoctrinated."
"I always suspected as much," Javik hissed, turning his gaze to the floor.
"And now we're facing the same problem," Shepard returned, frowning darkly.
"Our studies of past ages led us to believe time is cyclical," Vendetta explained, matter-of-factly. "Many patterns repeat."
"Like the Reaper attacks," Shepard said.
"And beyond," Vendetta agreed. "The same peaks of evolution, the same valleys of dissolution. The same conflicts are expressed in every cycle, but in a different manner. The repetition is too prevalent to be merely chance."
"We assumed the Reapers were responsible for the pattern," Liara admitted, frowning faintly.
"Perhaps," Vendetta agreed again. "Though I believe the Reapers are only servants of the pattern. They are not its master."
"So who is the master?" Shepard asked, solemnly.
"Unknown," Vendetta answered, frankly. "Its presence is inferred rather than observed. The only certainty is its intention. Galactic annihilation. You now stand at that precipice. Except…" Here, it paused, seeming to freeze in place, the code that made up its structure speeding and slowing as it considered something, thoughtfully. "…There is something new in this cycle," it finally spoke up again, seeming almost surprised at the revelation. "Something different. Something in the pattern of evolution has… changed. It has been… altered. The Reapers… they are desperate to eradicate this change. To return the pattern to its original course. They are not fearful of this change, but they are… troubled. They are servants of the pattern. They do not know what to do with change."
Shepard faltered, taken aback by this unexpected turn of events. "But… that makes no sense," she finally told the VI, taking another step forward towards it. "Just one small change can't really have that much of an effect on the galaxy, on… everything. Why would the Reapers be afraid of something so small?"
"Not afraid," Vendetta corrected. "Troubled. They know the greater effects of what even the smallest changes have the propensity to unfold into." The VI paced, its code beginning to speed up again as it tried to decide how best to explain what it was trying to say. "Your scope of causality is far too small," it finally told Shepard, solemnly. "One small drop in an ocean, one tiny ripple, may create a tidal wave. One butterfly beating its wings may cause a cyclone somewhere else. You do not know the effects of what you do. What you have started."
"What I've done doesn't matter," Shepard countered, shaking her head, determined. "What does matter is that there's still hope for this cycle. We need to know what the Catalyst is. Trillions of lives are at risk."
"Trillions of lives are always at risk," Vendetta returned, bluntly. "But if the Reapers have arrived to end your cycle, this discussion is too late."
"We can break the cycle!" Shepard argued, taking a step forward towards the VI, her hand clenching into an angry fist at her side. "We found your plans for the Crucible – we're building it right now! You already said that something had changed in this cycle, something that had never happened before. That has to be worth something! Why won't you help us?"
"The Crucible is not of Prothean design," Vendetta replied, uncooperatively. "It is the work of countless galactic cycles stretching back millions of years. Each cycle adds to it. Each improves upon it. Thus far, none have successfully defeated the Reapers with it."
"Then we'll be the first," Shepard insisted. "Tell us what the Catalyst is."
"Listen to the human," Javik urged the VI. "She can be trusted."
Vendetta hesitated again, weighing its options. "Very well," it finally conceded, turning its attention towards Shepard again. "If you have followed the plans for the Crucible, I will interface with your systems and assist the Catalyst to—" Suddenly, it stopped, its form going rigid, its code flickering and jerking, flashing frantically, as if the VI were in panic mode. "Indoctrinated presence detected," it informed them, abruptly. "Activating security protocol." And before any of them could stop it, the VI shut down, collapsing on itself again and returning to its previous form, the small, floating ball of pale green light.
The ball of spinning code floated over their heads, moving to hover beside the still-active beacon as the sound of whirring blades reached their ears, causing them to turn towards the entrance of the temple. A Cerberus shuttle dipped low over the broad, open plaza, flooding the building with harsh white light, causing Shepard to lift a hand to protect her eyes against the beams as a dark silhouette dropped from the shuttle into the temple's entryway and began to move towards them with footsteps lighter than a cat's. The Cerberus shuttle hovered outside the temple for another moment longer, blaring its bright light into their eyes, before it finally dipped and turned, peeling quickly out of the temple's airspace and leaving its capable passenger behind. With the light no longer in her eyes, Shepard could now clearly see who it was who had interrupted their conversation with the VI, and she felt her blood boil at the sight of his smug, masked face.
"You," she hissed, drawing her gun and hearing the telltale sounds of her companions doing the same. "You killed the scientists – what do you want?"
"Your attention," Kai Leng returned, coolly, seeming completely unfazed at being held at gunpoint. He reached a hand behind him, and Shepard instantly tensed, ready to pull the trigger, but Leng merely pulled what looked to be a small, computerized orb from a pouch at the back of his belt, holding it out in front of him for her to see. "Someone would like to talk with you," he told her. Then, pressing a button on the orb with his thumb, he watched as it floated up into the air above his hand, its lightwire framing spinning slowly as the information stored inside it loaded. Shepard kept her gun trained on the assassin as the sphere floated forward towards her, moving up into the midst of her ground party before flickering into the projected digital form of a familiar human figure. The orb spun slowly in the chest of the construct as it fizzled into focus, giving off a low buzzing sound as it solidified its shape, allowing the digisphere sensor time enough to take in its unfamiliar surroundings.
"Shepard," the Illusive Man greeted her, casually, causing her blood to run cold at the sound of his painfully familiar voice.
Shepard hesitated, looking between the Illusive Man and Kai Leng, unsure which one she should be paying attention to. Then, warily holstering her gun at her hip, she turned her attention to the Illusive Man's hologram, frowning as she wet her lips, preparing to speak, tentative. "How did you find this place?" she asked.
"The archives," the Illusive Man answered, easily, before his glowing blue eyes flicked to Liara, her gun still trained on Kai Leng. "Or did your Shadow Broker miss that one?"
"Show yourself," Liara challenged, frowning. "I promise I won't miss."
"Stick to your talents, Doctor T'Soni," the Illusive Man dismissed her, walking forward towards the collapsed VI, his holographic body passing right through Shepard as he did so. "You've helped to uncover the key to subjugating the Reapers."
"Or destroying them," Shepard countered, defensive.
At this, the Illusive Man turned on his digital heel, his mood changing almost immediately. "Damn it, Shepard!" he swore, his shoulders squaring, rigid. "Destroying the Reapers gains us nothing!"
"How about peace?" Shepard challenged.
The Illusive Man shook his head, holding out an informative hand towards the Commander. "They're just trying to control us," he told her, candidly. "Think about it – if they wanted all organic life destroyed, they could do it. There would be nothing left."
"What the hell are you talking about?" Shepard asked, frowning, confused.
The Illusive Man sighed, seeming almost put upon to have to explain himself. "I know them, Shepard," he told her, frankly. "I know how they think."
"I think you've gotten a little too close to the enemy," Shepard countered, darkly.
At this, the Illusive Man faltered, seeming surprised by her observation. "…No," he finally told her, shaking his head, though he sounded strangely less than convinced, himself. "I'm saying they've got it right. Why kill when you can control?"
"You've been spending too much time with the enemy," Shepard insisted, taking a determined step forward towards the hologram. "They're dragging you over to their side – their way of thinking. Don't you remember when you were rebuilding me, and Miranda Lawson wanted to put a chip in my brain so you could be sure and control me, but you said no?" The Illusive Man looked oddly startled at this stark reminder, his glowing blue eyes widening a bit as he stared at her, not seeming to want to listen but too stunned to interrupt. "You specifically said not to do that," Shepard went on, unwaveringly. "You – you – turned down the opportunity to control me when you had the chance, and I was your biggest liability. That wasn't even so long ago, barely over a year. This isn't your way of thinking – don't you understand that?"
"No," the Illusive Man retorted, sharply. "I mean—no! No, that's not true. I just see things differently now, that's all. It's my idea, it's just… changed. Ideas can change. It doesn't mean anything more than that."
"Yes, it does," Shepard argued, forcibly. "If you truly care about humanity, you'll stop fighting me. You'll join me."
This seemed to strike a chord with the Illusive Man, as all trace of uncertainty suddenly left his expression, and he visibly bristled at her challenge, his brow furrowing into a hard, dark line. "Don't ever question my intentions," he told her, threateningly. "I've sacrificed more for humanity than you'll ever know. And don't assume you know me. My methods for dealing with the Reapers are simply more refined than yours."
"You've forgotten everything you stood for," Shepard shot back, causing the Illusive Man to waver again, fleetingly, before returning quickly to his previous hard expression of indifference. "Cerberus was supposed to be humanity's sword, not a dagger in our back!"
"Poetic," the Illusive Man mocked. "But as usual, you miss the point. The world is more grey than you care to admit."
"With the Prothean data in this beacon, I can end this conflict, once and for all," Shepard pressed, watching out of the corner of her eye as Kai Leng began to pace between the pews of the temple, anxious, like a vulture waiting for its prey to expire. "You're either with me or against me. There's nothing grey about that."
The Illusive Man paused, hanging back a step, balancing the toe of one polished digital shoe against the sleek stone flooring of the temple as he considered Shepard's words. "No," he finally answered, his voice drawing out in a languid, oily brogue. "I suppose there isn't." Then, turning away from Shepard again, he began to walk back across the temple towards where Kai Leng still stood, waiting expectantly. "Leng, the Commander has something I need," he said, as his digital form began to flicker back inside the floating datasphere again. "Please, relieve her of it. And then bring me the data."
"Understood," Leng agreed, catching the floating orb and tucking it into his belt once more.
The incoming message indicator on the vidcomm console was already flashing by the time Shepard made her way down to the war room, but somehow, she could not bring herself to answer it just yet. She knew exactly who it was on the other end, and what they wanted to talk about, but the subject was still raw, the wounds still fresh, and the idea of talking to anyone right now, most of all the asari councillor, made her want to hide under her bedsheets and not come out again for a long, long while. Unfortunately, while hiding away from the world at large was a good idea in theory, Shepard knew that she had been given far too much responsibility, with far too many lives depending on her, for that to be a viable option in reality. And so, pushing herself away from the doorframe of the vidcomm room, she moved slowly over to the comm console, her hand hovering above the incoming message button for a moment, before she finally took a deep, solemn breath, and pressed it.
It took an instant for the holographic image of the councillor to appear, but when it finally did, it flickered in and out of visibility, giving off a low, sharp buzz as their systems struggled to communicate. "Commander Shepard, is that you?" Tevos asked, her voice distorted by the malfunctioning connection. "Commander?"
Clearing her throat in an attempt push back the lump that threatened to rise to the top, Shepard lifted her head, meeting Tevos' eyes reluctantly. "Councillor," she said, trying hard to keep her voice from shaking. "The mission…"
"We've lost all contact with Thessia," Tevos cut her off, her voice crackling and digitized. "The planet has gone dark. How soon will the Crucible be ready to deploy?"
Shepard hesitated again, unsure how to respond to this leading question. "Councillor," she finally said, slowly. "I… I wish the news was better. We… didn't get the information."
At this news, Tevos frowned, startled by her report. "What happened?" she insisted, taking a step forward towards Shepard in the vidcomm pit.
"Cerberus was there," Shepard answered, honestly, letting out a heavy sigh. "We were…" She faltered, trailing off, before clearing her throat again, gently. "We were defeated," she said, quieter. "We don't know how to finish the Crucible. I'm… sorry."
"I…" Tevos began, softly, before lifting a hand to massage her forehead, overwhelmed. "I… don't know what to say. What was the situation on Thessia?"
"Deteriorating fast," Shepard informed her, truthfully. "The Reapers are there in strength."
Tevos went silent, simply resting her head in her hand for a long, quiet moment. Then, taking a deep, thin breath, she lifted her head again, her eyes weary. "Then… you'll excuse me," she said, trying hard to keep her voice from shaking as well. "There are… preparations to make… continuity of civilization to consider…" She paused again, her line of sight dropping to the floor, overwhelmed, before she finally lifted her gaze to Shepard again, her expression now strangely hollow. "I never thought this day would come," she said, shaking her head, defeated.
"None of us did," Shepard agreed, quietly. "I'm—" But before she could finish the sentiment, the councillor's hologram flickered out, leaving her standing alone in the comm room again in guilty, painful silence. "…Sorry," she whispered, hanging her head.
The door of Shepard's cabin slid open, causing Shepard to look up quickly, wiping her face with the back of her sleeve and pulling her half-zipped jacket self-consciously tighter around her form, hiding herself from view. Craning her neck, she peered across the room to see who had entered her quarters, but then, seeing that it was only Liara, she allowed herself to relax again, letting her jacket slide back down across her hunched, underfed form. Wiping a few more tears from her cheeks, Shepard sniffled, drawing her bare knees closer to her chest as Liara moved across the cabin to where she sat on the floor beside her bed. Coming to stand in front of Shepard, Liara folded her gloved hands gently behind her back as she stared down at her friend, worriedly. "Mind if I join you?" she asked, her voice quiet, barely loud enough for Shepard to hear over the sound of the bubbling fish tank.
Shepard hesitated, unsure how to respond to this request. Then, wiping her nose with the back of her sleeve, she shifted over a few inches on the floor, making room for Liara to sit down next to her beside the bed. Lowering herself to Shepard's level, Liara settled down next to her on the floor, tucking her legs in under her as she slid a reassuring arm around the Commander's freckled shoulders. Shepard sniffled again at the reassuring gesture, letting her head come to rest on Liara's shoulder before letting out a long, low, shaky sigh. "I'm so sorry, Liara," she told her, shaking her head as she stifled a muted hiccup of breath. "I tried so hard to save Thessia, I… I wanted so badly to save it…" Wiping her face with her sleeve again, she coughed gently as another pair of tears skated down her wet, pink cheeks. "I'm so sorry," she repeated, wetting her salty lips as another tear fell down her face, not even bothering to wipe this one away. "It's all my fault. I did everything I could but it wasn't enough. It wasn't… I couldn't…"
"Shh, Shepard, shh," Liara cooed, running her fingers reassuringly through Shepard's hair as she pressed her cheek to the top of her head. "It wasn't your fault. It wasn't."
Giving another choked, stifled gasp of breath, Shepard's expression suddenly crumpled again, and she let out a sharp, barking sob, turning her head to bury her face in the soft fabric of Liara's shoulder. "I couldn't save Thessia," she sobbed, her hands curling into fists in the tear-stained fabric of her hoodie. "I couldn't save your planet, those… commandos, they were counting on me, counting on me to save them, and I couldn't… I didn't…"
"You did everything you could," Liara assured her, turning her head to bury her nose and mouth in Shepard's soft red hair. "I was there, I know you did. Thessia, Shepard, it… it wasn't your fault."
"It was my fault," Shepard insisted, her voice breaking as she lifted her head to look up at Liara again, adamant. "It is my fault. I'm Commander Shepard. I… I should have tried harder, I sh… I should have done something, something more, I just…" Shaking her head again, she dropped her face into her hands this time, her breaths coming in rigid, pained gasps as she tried in vain to calm herself. "What's the point, Liara?" she asked, her voice muffled by the material of her sleeves. "What's the point of all this? Of any of this?"
"What do you mean?" Liara asked, gently tucking a lock of tear-wet hair behind one of Shepard's ears.
Looking up from her hands again, Shepard took a shuddering breath, frothing a bit as she did so, causing a thin stream of bubbles to seep from the corner of her mouth, which Liara quickly reached over to wipe away. "I c-can't save lives," Shepard answered, her voice shaking so hard she could barely get her words out past it. "I can't… I can't save anyone's life, Liara – who am I kidding? What's the point? Even if I w-wanted to keep this baby, even… even if…" Her voice trailed off as she choked on her words again, her mouth hanging open, uselessly, before she finally gave another wet, gasping sob, giving up on finishing her thought. "They died because of me," she sobbed, shaking her head again and causing the lock of hair Liara had tucked away earlier to fall back into her face. "I couldn't help them, I didn't… I didn't help them, I didn't get there fast enough… I should have gotten them out, I should have done something, why didn't… why didn't I do something? I…"
Shepard faltered, trying to figure out how to finish this thought, before finally giving up again and leaning her head into Liara's shoulder, giving another heaving sob as she curled in on herself, pulling Liara's arm in towards her, needing her there beside her. "I don't know what to do," she sniffed, turning her head to bury her face in Liara's upper arm. "I don't know what to do… what if I try to have this child and the same thing happens? What if something horrible happens to my baby and I can't stop it? I can't save her? What then?" Clearing her throat softly, Shepard sniffled again, looking down at herself as she pushed her jacket up to her ribcage, letting her hands come to rest on the protruding curve of her stomach. "I wouldn't be able to take it, Liara," she choked, her voice shuddering. "I wouldn't be able to handle it. I'd rather have no baby at all than have something happen to my baby and not be able to do anything about it. I don't want that. I can't… I can't…"
Her voice trailed off again, overcome, and she lapsed into contemplative silence, her hands curling pensively around the shape of her stomach beneath the thin material of her undershirt. "I'm only human," she insisted, her shuddering voice barely loud enough for Liara to hear. "I can't… I can't save the world, I can't… I can't save everyone…" She paused again, thoughtful, staring intently at her hands on her stomach, before sniffling again and looking up at Liara, her expression solemn but resolute. "But I want to try," she said, determinedly, her voice halted as she willed herself not to cry anymore. "I want… I'm going… to try."
"You're going to have the baby?" Liara asked, barely daring to speak above a wary whisper for fear of setting Shepard off again and possibly causing her to change her mind.
Shepard sniffled, wetting her lips again, before giving a short, solemn nod of her head. "I'm going to try," she repeated, quietly. "I don't know if I'm going to make it, but… I think… I'm going to try."