I stood in astonishment during the entire episode, and came away bemused, befuddled and impressed. If I had not thought highly of Elizabeth before this, I certainly would now. She was some type of virtuoso when she put her mind to it. Nobody I knew had ever gotten my aunt to do something she did not want to, and I had seen attempts made by dukes and earls. But with a five minute conversation, Elizabeth not only stopped her from detecting my wayward presence in her company; but somehow invited the entire Rosings party to dinner at the parsonage, and made it sound like my aunt's idea. All of that was in addition to getting aunt's permission for me to be in her company. I obviously did not need it, but having it would save me some annoyance.
I could begin to see that this was a woman who could probably convince anyone of anything. She had convinced me she liked or at least was indifferent to me when she disliked the very sight of me with good cause, and I was quite certain she did that just to try to protect her eldest sister. She clearly detested Caroline Bingley but simply had sport with the lady, although I doubt Miss Bingley ever understood it. No matter the provocation, she always acted with grace and decorum, but always seemed to carry her point. I could now see she had done just about the same thing with me in Hertfordshire that she did with Caroline. Of course, perhaps after the fire‑iron incident her husband might disagree about her always acting with decorum, but considering his own actions, I thought she showed admirable restraint. She was indeed an amazing woman.
Come to think of it, she would have sent me packing within five minutes of our first meeting after my unintended but still ungentlemanly bout of eavesdropping had I not been stubborn and determined to carry my point. Even that I thought might not have sufficed if she did not need help from my aunt. I did not in the least think I had received the worst setdown she could deliver, or even close. I truly hoped I never would.
It yet remained to be seen if she would allow my persistent pursuit of her esteem; for make no mistake, I wanted that at the very least. I had no idea whether I was still fully in her brown books or not, but I liked to think I had improved my standing somewhat.
As these thoughts echoed through my head, Elizabeth returned from the entry and said, "I believe you are safe now, Mr. Darcy", so I brought my mind back to the matter at hand. Elizabeth had managed my aunt, who had a well‑deserved reputation as a dragon‑lady like a master musician playing their instrument. As I exited from my hiding place, I set about telling her so.
"Elizabeth, that was… masterful is the only word I can think of that may adequately describe it. Do you always have Lady Catherine eating out of your hands?"
She looked at me askance, and said, "You seem easily impressed Mr. Darcy. I managed to deflect your aunt by forcing myself to endure her company for the entire course of a dinner, and set myself up for a full day of cooking and cleaning if I do not want to terribly embarrass myself. There was nothing masterful about it. That was just panic, nothing more."
I doubted that very much, but felt more argument at this point would be fruitless, and I was quite chomping at the bit to finish our earlier conversation.
"Elizabeth, we have had quite an evening, and I cannot begin to express how much I appreciate your candor. I will leave you to your rest if you desire, but I do not feel we are quite finished. Would you be inclined to answer my earlier question now, or would you prefer for me to come back tomorrow; or are you planning to simply toss me out on my head again. I truly would like to know your thoughts, and not just for my own curiosity… it is possible I may be useful to you."
She looked as if she may have forgotten the question. Well, no, that was not quite right. She looked as if she hoped I had forgotten the question, if I was reading her right. She hid herself quite well still, but the amount of staring I had subjected her to over the course of our acquaintance convinced me I could read her moods sometimes. Of course, I had thought the same thing in Hertfordshire and all that did was highlight my ignorance and arrogance; so once again I thought I should rein in my good opinion of myself.
She settled her countenance back into a neutral look, probably out of habit, not out of any remaining belief that she could fool me.
She paused, and then replied, "You still wish to know if I will abide by my agreement with Bennet? Or perhaps you wish to know why since I have already answered the question?"
I nodded in agreement, not certain I could speak.
She nodded toward the chairs we had occupied before and said, "Sit down Mr. Darcy and I shall get some tea."
She had not asked for me to accompany her to the kitchen, so I assumed she wanted a few moments of solitude to gather her thoughts. I occupied myself by looking around the parlor but there was not really very much of interest.
Perhaps five minutes later, I was getting anxious enough to go looking when she appeared with a tea service. She served tea, and prepared it just the way I like it without asking, and even added a small plate of biscuits.
She occupied herself with her tea and biscuits for a moment, and finally said, "I will go along with the plan because I am a selfish creature; perhaps even mercenary."
I patiently waited for her to continue; as I had no indication she really wanted me to say anything.
She said, "Do you have any idea how difficult life can be for a lone woman Mr. Darcy? I was trying to liberate enough from the household accounts to run away when Collins attacked me, but it was very difficult. At the most I might have had twenty or thirty pounds to get me somewhere else. In retrospect it may have been a better option, but still difficult. I would have to go someplace where he could never find me, and that is hard on £10."
I simply gave her a concerned look, and said, "It would be presumptuous and arrogant for me to say I understood. I could work out the sums, but that is in no way anything like true understanding."
She nodded and said, "I appreciate that sir, most would not admit to such ignorance."
She continued, "When Mr. Collins became ill and it became clear that he would not recover, I… I… I hate to admit it. I was not precisely happy; but I was relieved. I need no longer hide from both the law and my lawful husband in fear, and my only trial would be poverty; an inconvenience by comparison."
She was not really looking at me, as she said, "I refuse to live the life society leaves for gentlewomen who do not marry. A life as governess or companion is not for me. They are forever the outsiders. Neither servant nor family, subject to the whims of their employers, spending their time managing other people's children or their dotage, with no real authority over anything at all. It is not uncommon for them to be treated almost as badly as Mr. Collins treated me. No sir. I refuse. I would rather become a scullery maid."
I started to speak, but held myself when she continued, "With Mr. Collins illness, and no male relatives to stick their noses into my affairs, I considered my problem to be; if not solved; at least mitigated before the day Bennet came back into my life."
I asked, "How so?"
"This living generates £600 per annum, Mr. Darcy. As you can see, I practice every bit of economy possible. Perhaps you have not noticed but I keep enough poultry and a big enough kitchen garden to sell some. I am even planning to lease some of the parsonage's acreage to a farmer for crops in the spring. I did all of this with the intention of saving perhaps as much as £1,000 or more before he died."
She paused a few moments as if checking the sums in her head, and then continued.
"Even a few hundred pounds would be riches by comparison to the ten I expected to have to escape with. That amount would be enough to allow me to live in relative comfort as a shopkeeper or something similar. Even just putting £1,000 in the four percents would be enough to generate close to £40, which is more than a governess makes and enough to have a small home. It would be enough to save me from poverty, and I was quite satisfied with the scheme."
I had to ask, "You had not thought to return to Longbourn after his death?"
She just snorted in derision at the suggestion, but seemed aware I had asked just for the sake of completeness, not because I thought she would seriously consider putting herself under her father's power again.
She continued, "So now we come to the heart of the matter Mr. Darcy. Are you certain you want to know the extent of my selfishness?"
I simply nodded, as I could not comprehend any possible way her actions could be considered selfish.
She said, "We have canvassed my abhorrence of marriage. I will not be a wife again, but I do wish to be a mother with all my heart. I am not arrogant enough to think I will be the best of mothers, or that raising a child without a father will be easy, but being better than my parents seems to be within my reach, and I will be neither the first nor the last woman to do it. I would not wish to go through my life without the chance for that experience. It seems like it would be an empty existence."
If possible, my esteem climbed another notch and I said, "I comprehend that desire fully. Anyone who did not wish to be a parent must have a hole in their heart. I still do not understand how that makes you selfish though."
She stared me down carefully for a moment, then said, "I told you the altruistic reasons before your aunt came to visit, but the real reason I will do it is because Longbourn generates £2,000 per annum. My father was only a life tenant, but should I produce a son, and my chances are not any worse than any other woman trying to do the same, my children would be set for life; and so would I. Until he comes of age, I would have control of my son's fortune, and with the entail ended, I could invest and increase the estate's income substantially with some of the newer farming methods. And when my son does come of age, I like to think I would have raised a young man who would be happy to take care of his mother and any unmarried aunts for life."
She gave me quite a serious look and said, "I agreed to the scheme for selfish and mercenary reasons Mr. Darcy. I am doing it for Longbourn! You may despise me if you choose, but at least you will understand me."
I took perhaps a moment too long to gather my thoughts, as she next said, "I believe your curiosity should now be satisfied Mr. Darcy. I believe it is time to return to Rosings."
I wished to protest her self-condemnation, but she seemed quite fixed on the idea of my departure, so I stood up and took my leave, deep in thought, while she looked like she believed she had finally managed to rid herself of my presence once and for all.