Chapter 17
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We were now back home from Boston. I was feeling so insecure about my relationship with Jordan. I did not talk to anyone about it. Not even Belinda. I helped Jordan move into his new home near us.

I was thankful for him. I loved him with my whole heart. But the more I thought about things the more I could not picture how we were going to be able to stay together. How?

How would all this work?

Soon Jordan would be going on tour. It was that Total Package Tour with Paula. Boyz 2 Men. All that. I was so happy for him. For this tour. But my heart was in a total mess.

I did not want to bother him with what was going on in my heart right now with all he had going on. I began to jot down words to say to Jordan in my journal on how to break things off with him when he was on the road.

• • • •

Dear Jordan,

I have loved our time together. Each moment we share I will never forget...

"What is that? What are you doing Ana?" gasps Belinda as she sneaks around the corner from me causing me to jump. She snatches my book away from me before I could hide it.

"Give that back to me!" I demand to her.

"You are not doing this" she shakes her head.

"You don't even understand" I challenge her.

"You both love each other. Why are you doing this?" she demands to know.

"I have my reasons" I say.

"But he moved out here to be with you" she reminds me.

"I know he has" I sigh.

"Then why?" she asks me.

"He is going on tour. He will be gone a lot. I am not okay with all this. I want to trust guys. But I don't know if I can again" I worry.

"Jordan adores you. Listen to your heart before you dump him. I think you will hurt him more than you will hurt yourself if you do this. He clearly loves you" she reminds me. She hands me my notebook back.

"I am scared" I tell her softly.

"Love is a risk. Is it worth it to never see him again? Or to have him in your life?" she asks me.

"I want him in my life" I whisper.

"I know babe. This has to be hard on Jordan to" she reminds me.

"I know" I say softly. I get a text. Jordan. He was asking if he could call me. It was late. I text him back okay sure.

My phone rings. I take the call in the bedroom.

"Hey honey" he answers when I pick up.

"Hey what is going on?" I ask.

"I thought I was going to be able to see you before I left. But I can't we leave out tomorrow first thing. I sure am going to miss you" he grumbles.

"I understand you are busy" I say softly. My heart hurts. I did not want to break up with him. I was scared like Belinda said.

"Are you okay?" he worries.

"I am fine" I lie.

"Good. I will call you on facetime as soon as we are able to chat" he promises me.

"I hope you have a safe trip" I tell him.

"Baby, I sure am going to miss you. My home is full of unpacked boxes here. It will have to wait until I get home" he sighs.

"I miss you already" I joke.

"Good luck next week. You start that new job, right?" he questions me.

"Sure do" I say.

"You sure you are alright? You sound sad" he worries.

"I am sad. I will miss you is all" I fib. That part was true. I was going to miss him.

"I am going to miss you to. When I get back we can unpack get me settled in. There is something else I want to talk to you about but in person. It will have to wait until I get back home okay?" he asks me.

"Sure" I reply weakly.

"I better get some rest baby. I love you so much. I will dream of you each night. Miss, you everyday" he vows.

"I will miss you to. I love you Jordan. More than words can say" I manage to say to him. I feel tears water in my eyes.

"This time will fly by baby. We will be in each other's arms again" he vows. We hang up. I sigh.

• • • •

My phone buzzes. I get a photo of himself with me snuggled up to his side there when we were in Boston. That had been one of the best days of my life. I save the photo. Make it my screen saver. Could I really give up the love of my life? Jordan was my love. He loved me in return. Just so many worries attacked my poor heart to where it clouded my judgment.

Maybe I should sleep on it. Then decide on what to do. Break up with Jordan. Or stick with Jordan. There was suddenly a knock on my door.

"Hey something came for you" Belinda tells me as she carries a delivery of roses to me in a vase.

"What in the world?" I laugh as I shake my head. I reach in to find a card hidden in the flowers. Jordan's hand writing was on it. I grab the card from the flowers.

It read:

"Dear Ana, You have no idea how much I am going to really miss you. This trip is going to be hard for me to go away just when we got together. Just know this, you are in my heart. My thoughts. My everything. Never forget what you mean to me Ana. Distance cannot keep us apart. You have my heart baby. Love, Jordan" I mutter out loud. Tears water in my eyes.

"Think that over doll. He loves you. You love him. Love is a powerful gift. You worry about him breaking your heart. I am more worried you are going to break his" Belinda warns me before walking away.

I sigh as I take a photo of my flowers. I text Jordan the photo of them.

"Thank you I love them" I text him.

"Glad you got them babe. I meant every word" he vows back in a text.

"I am a lucky girl to have known you Jordan Knight. I love you" I message back for the night.

I had a lot to think over.