"Please don't run." I try not to, I really do but my entire frame shivers. I've missed his voice so much. I feel as if I could melt into a puddle from the effect he has on me. Luckily I am able to compose myself somewhat before that happens. Josh stares at me, he's incredibly timid in his movements. I know he's trying to decipher if I'm Amber or Maya and he's trying not to scare me off. He needs to shave, and he needs sleep. I can see the bags under his eyes.

'He'd keep watch while we slept. And then he'd follow us during the day.'

Well that explains it. The air between us is awkward and filled with tension, I'm not even sure what to do at the moment. I want to run and leap into his arms, but Amber and I both agree to keep our distance. Neither one of us wants to be rejected again, I would say it is a good sign that he's here but at the same time, he could just be here to tell me to go to the pack house. He probably wants to sleep and can't while I'm out here.

Gulping, I bow my head and lay on my stomach, showcasing my neck for him to see. He chokes on a sob and falls towards me. He cups my face in his hands and lets the tears fall freely. His mouth opens but he can't seem to get any words out. I don't really care right now, he's touching me. I'm lost in complete and utter ecstasy. I don't dare move, but I close my eyes and relish in the sparks his touch causes. "Amber, please bring back Maya. I need to apologize to her. Please. She has family, please. I am her family and she needs to know that." Whimpering slightly, he starts to cry again. His arms wrap around my neck and he buries his face into my fur. "I know you're trying to protect her. I know and I am so sorry." I nuzzle my snout into his neck, trying not to howl with happiness before I lick his shoulder. "I could have lost her, again. I just – I know she was fine. She hardly had a scratch on her but she could have – I could have had to go through that gut wrenching experience of watching and feeling her die again." I whimper at his broken tone and inch closer on my stomach, "Please stop bowing to me, I fucking hate it so much. I should have fallen to my knees and told her that when she did that in front of the entire pack." A few tears fall out of my eyes, that was slightly embarrassing for me. "I just thought she didn't care. She constantly throws herself into dangerous situations. I just – is she not happy with me Amber? Is that why she does shit like that?"

I vehemently shake my head from left to right, "From the moment I met her, she's been an absolute fucking pistol. Fighting me in the hall and ordering my pack members around to taking the whippings for me. And then, running into rogue territory to save a little girl and taking on 3 wolves by herself." We sit in silence for a few moments while he gathers his composure since he's beginning to tear up yet again.

'I let Jax think it was me in control, Maya. You deserve to hear this.'

Not fully understanding what she meant, I don't even have time to ask her before Josh picks up again. "I just, I am supposed to protect her. And all she's ever fucking done for my pack and I is put herself in front of danger. The moment she challenged Kermit, I felt like my entire world was ending because that's what she is. You are both my entire world, Amber. I don't know how to express that to her, she even knew what she was doing because she was immediately apologizing when I was walking towards her. I just wanted her to stay inside and be safe, I didn't want her putting herself in harm's way when she was still healing." His fingers begin to thread through my fur, taking advantage of the love he's giving I rest my head in my mate's lap. I've missed this so much. "Like the asshole I am, I embarrassed her twice. Fucking twice Amber! I told her that I'd never forgive her, the look on her face was worse than a silver bullet. And the moment I walked away from her, and heard her sobs I might as well have died. She just fought Kermit for control of the packs and won the 'Alpha' title and she was balled up on the muddy earth crying, because I'm a dick. I thought being strong and holding my ground was what was right. I thought if I continued walking, she'd realize I was enough or could be enough for her. That she wouldn't need danger to fill whatever void was inside of her. And if I wasn't enough, I could at least try to be." He stops for a moment, nibbling at his lip he hesitantly asks, "Am I enough for her? I can try to change if I'm not. I just, I need to know what she wants. I – I can change. I can be what she needs, I can be what she wants."

Nuzzling my face into his neck, I lick him continuously. His chuckles turn into small sobs, "I've missed you and Maya so much, Amber. How is she ever going to forgive me? My own Gamma's, Beta and Lead Warrior can hardly look at me. I can hardly look at myself. I let her sit at the funeral alone. I threatened to kill Kris, and when that didn't work I told him I'd kick him out of the pack so he couldn't be with his mate." I growl slightly, like hell that would ever happen. I'd confront and smack some sense into Josh before that happened. "I know." Josh sighs and rubs his eyes, "I know. But come one he was touching Maya, you don't touch another male's mate. But, I know." He whispers again, his way of telling me to not chastise him further for that. "I just watched her cry and mouth 'I deserve this' over and over again. Like she was trying to convince herself." I was trying to do exactly that. "Why do I always mess up with her? Any time I disagree with her, which isn't often but when I do it turns into an absolute disaster. I become a major asshole."

The more he talks, the more he convinces me that he was being a jerk. "Yes I was mad. No I wasn't mad, I was furious. I don't think I've ever felt that way before in my life but I've also never been more broken hearted and hurt by her decision. I know she was doing it for the pack and our allies, she saw what I saw. We were outnumbered and she refused for wolves to die especially because she blamed herself for the war. That reasonable excuse was blinded by the pain I felt whenever you both died and when you were kidnapped."

"I don't even know why I'm trying to make up excuses. There's no way she'll forgive me, I wouldn't forgive me. I should really just enjoy the time I'm spending with you now, after what I've put her through she won't let me around her, she won't let me hold her and kiss her." His chin starts to tremble, furthering the crack in my heart that can only be repaired by him. "I should really just lay here with you for a little while and hold you as long as possible." Humorlessly he laughs and rests his head against mine while scratching behind my ears, "Put in a good word for me?" When I lick his chin tasting the salt of his tears, he smiles lightly. "I'm going to miss this. Holding and touching you." His lips touch in between my eyes, "Kissing you. This is worse than all my other indiscretions combined. She's been alone all her life, she's hurt enough in her life and I'm supposed to prevent her from feeling that way. How many times do I have to screw shit up before I get that right?"

I don't even know what to say right now. I don't know what to do. He's overloaded me with information and I want to laugh, I want to cry and I want to be mad all at once and I feel like I'm frozen in the moment. Because I've missed holding, touching and kissing him. I should be devastated that he allowed me to feel empty and made me feel unwanted. I should be furious that he embarrassed me in front of the pack and sent Kris away – not to mention threatened him – when I needed some sort of consoling. I should laugh because I'm thinking the same thing. How many times do I have to screw shit up before I get it right? I keep putting myself in dangerous situations and making decisions without taking into consideration on how he feels. From the very beginning when I told him I wouldn't run from the Sepiente Wolves, when I took his punishment… I knew I would do anything to protect him. Which unfortunately consisted of me hurting him emotionally in the process.

We both hurt each other in our own way.

Our own painful, awful, crazy – and in the past few days – tragic sort of way. Despite the pain we've both unknowingly put the other through we are still pulled towards one another and I hate to say it isn't all the mate bond. I am so irrevocably in love with this male. Even without my wolf, I would love him. Some moments can be awful and painful, but most are like magic, they can be so insanely beautiful that even now I'm trying not to cry from happy tears.

I was so lost in my thoughts, I didn't hear or feel Josh shuffling to lay down beside me.

I didn't feel him rest his head on my paws.

And I have no idea how long he was snoring.

He got his say, and I know that eventually I'll have to have my own but for right now I'm just going to wrap my tail around him and let him relax. I'll stay up and keep watch, I'll keep him safe so he can rest.

Goddess knows he needs it.

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I have no idea how long I stared at him for. Based on the sun, I'd say roughly 2 hours. I wasn't a creeper the entire two hours, I don't really know if that helps but I didn't stare at him the whole time. I'd occasionally watch as the sun was retreating behind the trees and the way it would reflect off the water. I also growled at every rabbit I smelt running past us, it was freaking taunting. But Josh needed to sleep, I'm practically waiting for him to roll off of me so I can go hunt us up some food.

Yes my mind was strictly on food when I should have been thinking and processing everything he had said. I guess, I just wanted to relish in this moment because we're finally at peace. Maybe not so much between us two but now that Kermit is dead the whole war issue has been resolved. But there are still a lot of open ended effects to his death. I have no idea what is going on with the other pack members and what their probation will entail. I'm also not sure when the executions will be. Lucas had brought pictures to me and had me identify the wolves that I had seen when I was being captured in the clearing and then when I was held underground.

Of course none of the tasks Lucas gave me took precedent over my mate and our relationship, it was a distraction while we were arguing – no matter how fleeting the distraction was. Mostly because Lucas had a hint of Josh's scent on his clothes. I'm hoping that after his rambling and full blown speech he gave me today that this is getting us back on track. I would have been worried that he was delirious from lack of sleep, but the gleam in his eyes was holding any argument at bay. So much truth behind so much pain, I was saddened and relieved all at the same time.

To my luck he ends up rolling the opposite direction of me and I take the opportunity to get up as quietly as possible. We both need to eat and I can scent a deer close by. I will hopefully be back before he wakes up, I would link Jax but as far as they know, I am actually Amber. Once I hit the tree line I'm sprinting off in the direction my nose is leading. I don't crouch and wait to attack. As soon as the large buck comes into view, I can practically see the blood flowing in its veins and with my tummy rumbling I'm leaping midair and sinking my teeth into its neck. The iron filled liquid saturates my tongue in a satisfying way. Normally, I would chow down right where I'm at and take the rest to Josh but, I've been away from him for days and I don't want to have to be gone longer than necessary. Even if he is sleeping, I feel whole when he is around. Using quite a bit of force I'm dragging him back towards the small pond where I left Josh. Ugh, I'm too freaking weak for this shit. But I'm doing this for Josh.

If I'm being honest, I've already forgiven him. Which I hate, because I feel like there should be some sort of retribution for the pain he caused me. But why would I want to put the man and wolf I love in more pain? Even if that thought didn't cross his mind, ever, it crossed mine. He honestly thinks that it's his fault, that he isn't enough for me? He's more than I could have ever asked for in a mate. Though he can be a complete ass sometimes that does not even remotely compare to how unequivocally sweet and loving he can be. Josh is more than I deserve, I should know because he keeps putting up with my shit. I mean, I did start a war because I was mated to him. I was a nuisance from the moment he met me and he didn't care, he loved me in spite of all the drama and baggage I had. So yes, I forgive him. After his speech, how could I not?

As soon as I break into the clearing where I left my mate, a painful scream is resonating through my ears mixed with sobbing. Was I so lost in my thoughts that I didn't hear this sooner? I'm a freaking werewolf! My mouth falls agape, effectively dropping the buck I had killed on the forest floor. A slight whimper escapes my mouth as he screams so openly as if someone is tearing him apart. My heart breaks from the pain his scream is exuding, why is he so sad? His hands are tugging his hair angrily, and tears are streaming down his chiseled features. Darting towards him, my snout pushes against his face in an effort to get him to look at me. His eyes are closed, and as if he were in a dream he whispers my name breathlessly, "Amber." I lick his chin, beckoning him to open his eyes and slowly they flutter open. Josh sucks in a sharp breath, "I thought you left." His arms snake around my neck to pull me closer to his frame, his strong hold prevents me from doing anything but moving closer to him. "I thought you left Amber, I – I woke up and you weren't there. I thought I had lost you too. I've already lost Maya please don't leave me too."

Shaking my head from left to right, I basically try to become a lap wolf. To my luck, my mate laughs at my failed attempt. "Does Maya really not want to come back?" Josh asks me, his eyes full of hope. "Amber please, I promise I won't hurt her again. Y- You can pull her back out." I think the only issue now is I'll be naked. Yes, he's my mate and seen me naked more times than I can even count but if I were to shift in his lap naked, then all we would be thinking about or doing is more of a physical activity. When we should be having more of an emotional conversation. Slowly the flame of hope in his eyes begins to die out, for the first time in days I let my mental wall down to feel him.

I blocked him off when all I was feeling was betrayal and hurt. I hated that Josh felt that because of me, so like a human relationship I closed myself off as much as possible. Now that I'm letting it down, emotions flood me. I almost feel as if I'm drowning, they range from one end of the spectrum to the other. Anger at himself to happiness that I'm in his lap. Devastation of what he put me through to pain because I haven't shifted into my human form. Hate for himself for what he did, a little contempt for what I did with Kermit. But mostly, love. So much fucking love I don't even know if I could ever reciprocate it.

'It's time Maya. You may not know what to say to mate, but Jax won't even talk to him right now.'

'WHAT?'

Amber lies down in her cage and whimpers, '2 days ago. He'll allow a shift, but Jax won't speak to him for what he did to you. He'll come out to speak to me, but ignore Josh's apologies. They miss us so much, and I miss them Maya. I know you do too. I know you miss them, you just don't know what to say.'

'Since when did you become so smart?'

'You and I have been through a lot together Maya. I've learned a lot, but right now I just want my mate.'

Closing my eyes, I feel my fur receding into my skin and my bones snapping into place. Through the bond, Josh's emotions are hitting me full force. Surprise, excitement, nervousness, a lot of nerves. Josh is extremely nervous. When I feel my last rib snapping back, I squeeze my eyes tightly. I'll admit I'm slightly afraid to open them, because once I do then this conversation will have to happen. The sensation of Josh's eyes on me, fills my body to the core. His fingers are caressing my cheek in a loving way as I'm pulled tighter into his form. Unlike Amber I can actually fit into his lap. I can smell the salt from his tears and hear his somewhat silent sobs. "Maya." The only thing I gathered from his words was the amount of hope within them. I really don't want him to lose hope.

My eyes fly open, meeting a pair of desperate chocolate ones that are stained with red. I was just as desperate, my arms snake around his neck quickly. My fingertips touch his hair for the first time in a week. Our skin brushes together, our scents combine effortlessly because the Moon Goddess made us specifically for one another. Our scents were meant to mingle, his arms were meant to hold me till forever and after that. We were meant to cry together and love one another. Leaning back to stare into his eyes, I kiss him. Our lips were made for one another.

Most importantly, we were made to forgive one another.

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Let me know what you think lovelies!