The days that followed that fateful morning when the General attacked me in his private study were spent in complete silence between my sister Ekaterina and me. She had already figured out what kind of relationship did we have and was not pleased with it, but she wouldn't say it around me because I was too sensitive at the moment. When our sister Natasha saw us coming through the door earlier than we should have and my slight limping, Ekaterina had to tell her I fell down the stairs to avoid her going all... well, crazy and killing the General with her own hands. I was sure she could do that and still am. One day, Ekaterina, who had also stayed home instead of going to work with the General in order to take care of me as if I was a baby in spite of me telling her that I was fine, came to my bedroom and asked me what did I feel for the General before that happened. I wasn't sure how to answer to that question that I had also been asking myself since I started seeing Sadiq behind the General's back.

I told her I didn't know, but that it certainly was not love, a fact that I was sure of ever since our relationship continued. She was pleased by that answer and put her hand over my shoulder as I was lying down in my bed. She told me that she didn't want me to suffer and that those kinds of relationships were forbidden and dangerous, so I should watch out for it. She was right, but after what I had done with the General, I couldn't think of being with a woman. I liked men and men liked me. That was all I needed.

One day, we decided to go together to the General's mansion to formally quit our jobs, so to keep distance from the General as Ekaterina had advised me. I wasn't too enthusiastic with the idea and I didn't know if I wanted to be away from the General, but when Ekaterina decided something, she wouldn't think otherwise even if I begged. She had always been like that. I wish she had been there when I sealed my fate. I wish she had been there to scold me for being so weak. I wish to see her again.

Anyways, on with the story, when we arrived at the General's mansion, Anna opened the door for us and we were greeted by a rare sight: all the servants of the house were chattering in the hall, worry written all over their faces. My sister and I began wondering what had happened when Fyodor, the butler, told us the news.

The General had died in his sleep and his body had been discovered by Anna a couple hours ago. They had called a doctor from St. Petersburg, as our town was located in the outskirts and there was no doctor around, and they had proclaimed him dead in just a couple of seconds: heart failure.

No one seemed to be mourning the General and outside I showed myself to be as stoic as always, but on the inside, I felt like a part of me had died with the General. Sadiq came from behind; I didn't even hear his approaching footsteps because of the servants' mindless chattering. He took my hand and led me to the kitchen, which was empty at that moment.

"What do you need?"

I asked with a monotonous tone of voice. After hearing the news, I wasn't up to anything that Sadiq might have wanted, which was always a kiss on the lips. I was in mourning and that sense of grief lasted for weeks and months in which I had lost my childish smile and the gleam of my eyes. I knew that what the General had done to me had been horrible and I would never be able to forget the look in his eyes as he penetrated me forcefully right in front of my sister, but even though, he had been everything to me for a year and more. He had been the first one who I trusted enough to dance for, to give myself to in the way I did, many times. It had been horrible to hear, but I shook my thoughts away and focused on what Sadiq was saying.

"The General is dead... we have nothing to interfere in our love, Vanya"

Sadiq had learned to call me Vanya as my sister did and that made me feel warm inside, but that was all I was feeling at the moment, as I felt numb and incapable of feeling anything more than that horrible numbness that expanded throughout my body and my mind ever since I had heard about the news. It had been a hard blow to me and still here, in my dark and cold cell, I can still hear his voice calling for me, encouraging me to dance, and telling me how beautiful I am. And I had taken advantage of his kindness to be with another man behind his back, a man who had been introduced to me by him. I felt disgusted with myself, and I still do. That was the first great mistake of my life.

I stopped going to the General's mansion, as obvious; that was until there was a knock on the door and a young man appeared with a letter from the General's esquire (or lawyer, as whoever reads this would like to call them, I'm not very sure).

"Mr. Ivan Braginski, your presence has been required at General Winter's household this evening"

I thanked him and, along with my sisters, sat down in the small table to read the letter which said that, indeed, my presence had been requested at the reading of General Winter's testament. I was so confused as to why, but by eight o'clock that evening, I was getting ready to leave for General Winter's former house. I kissed my sisters goodbye, but they insisted to go with me. They insisted so much that I had to give in and let them accompany me to whatever I was going to.

When we arrived at the General's mansion, we were greeted by Anna, as always. We were taken to a large room along with a few other people dressed in mourning and a desk at the front. There was a tall woman sitting on one of the seats nearer to the empty desk. She was wearing black from head to toe, as were I and my sisters, and had a large feathered hat. When she turned around, I recognised the General's features in her face. Perhaps she was his sister. She was like a feminine version of the General and that made me remember his face as if he were standing right in front of me.

"Brother, are you ok?"

I almost passed out, so my sister Ekaterina helped me seat down in one of the chairs at the back. Natasha sat down next to me and linked her arm around mine. Suddenly, a tall man dressed in an impeccable suit appeared at the front of the room and I recognised him to be the General's lawyer. He proceeded then to read General Winter's last will. I was in a state of numbness until I heard something that I wouldn't think I would hear.

"To my dear protégé, Ivan Braginski to whom I had caused much pain and for which I'm deeply sorry"

The few people that were on the room looked around confused. Nobody knew who I was and my sisters looked at me. I saw the tall woman from the front look backwards at me and I felt a pang of guilt in my heart upon seeing the General's eyes through her.

"I leave him and his sister, who had also been so loyal to me, my estate and my shares in the Stock Exchange"

I couldn't come out of my shock. The General had left me... that much money? I couldn't believe it, and neither could my sister Ekaterina, who looked right at me with an equally shocked face.

I felt a tear fall down my cheek.

That had been the General's way of saying "Sorry".

Thank you for everything, my dear readers, I'm so grateful for the chance you had given me to express myself in this story. Reviews are always appreciated.