Atem felt his features crease into a frown. Yugi had clearly brought him to his previous home to help him find closure and acceptance, to move on from his first life. But still, he really wasn't sure what he was supposed to do here.
Though they had once been lost to him, Atem now held many memories of that life, and even the ones he hadn't felt attached to felt more vivid than ever before now that he stood in the room where so many of them had occurred. His family had ruled from this room. His father had commanded his armies, and dealt out discipline to subjects who needed it, in this room.
Suddenly he'd wished he could hold a conversation with the man. But he knew his father was long gone. Atem knew his father's tomb had been near to the palace, but remembered something about it being discovered by archaeologists some fifty years ago. The room where he stood was the closest connection he had to the man who had raised him.
Atem looked back in Yugi's direction again, but his friend had disappeared from his sight. He sat down on the top step of the raised platform where the throne used to stand proudly, and sighed. He wanted to have a conversation - should he just… speak? That seemed too…
Embarrassing? Yes, that was certainly the word. But, being the only person within ear-shot, he knew shouldn't let himself care. He breathed a deep lungful of the delicious desert air, and began. The words came slowly at first, but his discomfort wore away quickly enough and his mind flowed more freely as he pretended to speak to his father's presence, though he knew there was nobody to listen.
What crossed his mind first was his most recent series of memories of his fallen land. It was his closest glimpse of what had been of his family, and the life he once lived.
One of the lives, Atem corrected himself. Now, he had two…
The memories he had of his family, of growing up in royalty, stung, and he said as much to the empty air around him. He wanted to believe, at first, that the pain was because those people were lost to him; that he was alone.
But he had to laugh at that. He knew he would never be alone, so long as those friends of his didn't change. And he always seemed to make more, wherever he went. So… why did remembering his childhood bother him? He let his mind flip through snapshots of his life, each frame cutting into him, just a little.
When he was ten, there had been a ceremony in his favor. He was an honored host, and his father had been so pleased with him. For what, he wasn't sure he remembered. But Father was happy, and that was supposed to be a good thing. He didn't remember that it felt that way at the time.
He recalled, as a young boy, guards surrounding him whenever he tried to learn what lie outside the palace walls. Their duty - he understood then as he did now - was not to upset him, but to ensure the safety of the only young boy of the royal family. But their presence had always frustrated him.
He felt a pang of sadness when his mind drifted to Mana, his first real friend. To him, the girl was the essence of "carefree"; perhaps that was the reason he had found her presence so attractive. He'd admired her from the first time they'd met. He never did tell her as much…
The former pharaoh forced himself to shift his focus. But everywhere he looked, memories of his previous life flooded through his mind. He had a difficult time remembering if he had been happy as a child, or if he simply occupied himself by doing whatever needed to be done.
Suddenly, a little glimpse of freedom and a change of pace wasn't looking so bad.
Atem decided he'd seen enough. He closed his one-way conversation and said farewell to his father, thanking him for listening.
He stood and turned back to the vehicle that had brought him to this place. Yugi was seated in the front passenger side, resting his head on the back of the seat. Atem doubted that he was asleep. He approached and tapped on the glass of the driver's window, catching his attention before he opened his door.
Back on the road, the vehicle was quiet for the first few miles. Yugi decided against asking how Atem's time went, but he was able to decipher a positive change in his mood, and deemed the journey a success. He opted to give Atem some peace to think for the drive back.
When the truck pulled back into the campsite, the rest of the team was just sitting down for an evening meal at a large table beneath the cover of the tent serving as a common room. Yugi and Atem joined them. When asked about the journey the two had taken, Atem told of his ruined palace.
"That's so cool," Anzu gushed. "You got to visit your home. I'll bet that was a nice change."
"There isn't much left of it after over three millennia, and I'm not certain how much I can consider it home anymore," Atem replied. "But I was glad for the opportunity to see the place once more."
He explained Yugi's reason for taking him and what was accomplished, but did not dwell much on the details that had flooded his head during the visit.
"I suppose, I couldn't say I truly enjoyed the visit; it was difficult for me. But the result was favorable, and that, I believe, was what Yugi had wanted me to accomplish." Atem spoke favorably of the situation,
"You look like you're in a pretty good mood, pal." Jounouchi commented with a grin.
Atem nodded contemplatively. "The closure was helpful. I was able to sort through some thoughts that had been on my mind, for much longer than I'd realized." He flashed Yugi a smile, thanking him for the detour.
"Speaking of helpful, Atem," Yugi chimed, "I'd wanted to ask you something earlier."
"Alright?" Atem urged.
"Before Kaiba left the shop Sunday night," Yugi asked, "he told me that something had changed for you over the weekend. And, well, I've really been wondering what he might have meant by that?"
Atem blinked, caught off guard by the question. Seto had said so much to Yugi?
"That is true," he nodded. "Something had. Being reminded that I worry about you, aibou, was only part of it." Yugi tilted his head in question, waiting for Atem to explain. He held the attention of the rest of his friends as well. The man stared out at the desert around them silently, but Yugi kept his eyes on the former pharaoh's face. He sighed, wondering how much he should say. If Kaiba genuinely wanted something real with him, he would have to explain it eventually.
"Come on, Atem," Yugi urged. "You'd really let us all keep worrying about what happened to you? We're supposed to be best friends aren't we? Partners, even. You should be able to tell-"
"Yeah," Anzu interrupted enthusiastically. She reached across the table and gently rested her hand on his. "We're all here for you. We want you to feel like you can talk to us."
"Okay, okay!" Atem chuckled. He put his hands up defensively, effectively pulling away from Anzu's touch. He couldn't help but laugh inwardly at her gesture, and the motivation he knew was behind it, but he let no emotion cross his features. He hoped she wouldn't notice that he placed his hands in his lap afterward. "No need to guilt me."
He picked up his cup of water, holding it with both hands, and stared down into the clear liquid. It gave himself a focal point to look at instead of his friends' eager faces. Even Professor Hopkins and grandpa were present and appeared to be awaiting his response.
Atem took a breath and let it out slowly before meeting his friend's gazes directly. "Kaiba… well, he kissed me." He left the sentence hang while his companions absorbed the meaning behind the words. He studied their expressions, focusing mostly on Yugi's but still trying to grasp the reaction of the rest of the group.
"H-hold on a minute," Yugi, the first to speak, paused in disbelief. "Kaiba kissed you?
"Is it that difficult to believe?" Atem asked, disgruntled, noting which words his young friend had placed his emphasis on.
"Uh!" Yugi panicked at the accusation, waving his hands. "…It's not that. I'm just asking - Kaiba, uh, he was the one to make the move?"
"He did."
"That means that Kaiba must be…"
"Apparently," Atem responded. Yugi mouthed the word 'oh'.
"Who would've guessed?" Atem asked. He hadn't given a single thought to the billionaire's personal life before. Lately he found that questions regarding it nearly burned in his mind.
"Hold up a sec," Jounouchi cut in. "I feel like I'm missin' a piece somewhere. Is this supposed to be a good thing? I mean, if that guy came up and kissed me, I woulda-"
"But it wasn't you in this situation, Jou," Yugi asserted. After a beat, a hint of understanding crossed Jounouchi's features. He blinked.
"…Oh," he said. He met Atem's eyes. "I get it."
Yugi watched his friends' faces as they processed the statement. Honda furrowed his brow. Anzu looked at her friend like she wasn't quite certain she'd heard him, as though she were waiting for something to be repeated. Somehow, Yugi's grandfather didn't seem to have much of an outward reaction at all.
Atem let out the breath he didn't realize was pent up in his chest. His friends were beginning to understand him, just as he was beginning to understand himself. A wave of relief washed over him, but it was brief. He paused in contemplation. He himself wasn't the only one Atem was trying to understand. He allowed himself to muse aloud.
"The entire weekend I spent with Kaiba, I'd been trying to figure out where his motivation for helping me lie. He said something the first evening about - oh, how did he put it? - not wanting to see me weak, or something to that effect. I bought that; it made sense. Over our years of rivalry, he seemed to need to see me as a worthy opponent. After all, if I began to seem inferior, what would that say about himself?"
Yugi stared down at the table processing Atem's words. It seemed to make some odd sort of sense.
"I recall vividly just how angry he had been when he learned that I lost a duel to Raphael." He said quietly. Yugi's eyes moved from Atem's face to Jounouchi's across the table, who was slowly nodding his head while staring down at the food on his plate.
"Yug' wouldn't - he wasn't there." Jounouchi clarified. Yugi shook his head. He hadn't been there, but he still didn't want to think about that. He wished Atem wouldn't either. Thankfully, Atem more or less glossed over the topic, continuing to focus on Seto.
"I found it so easy to believe," Atem continued, "that was all Kaiba wanted from me; that his only motivation to try to help me was really just him trying to validate his ego. I think Kaiba seemed to believe so himself, but as the weekend wore on, I think he changed his mind. Or opened his eyes, perhaps. He pushed me to start questioning a lot of things."
When he had finished explaining, the table grew quiet again. Atem felt his body slowly tense with anticipation of his friend's approval, or, regrettably, disapproval. He knew they weren't entirely fond of the force who was called Seto Kaiba, but hoped the ones dearest to him wouldn't try to persuade him away from his new source of joy.
Atem stole a glance at Yugi to his left to find his friend was already watching him. Yugi met his eyes and gave him a smile that was meant to be comforting. Several lines Atem imagined Yugi would say to him if they had their mental link flashed through his mind.
They're just absorbing the news, or they're happy for you, he might say, wearing a cheerful grin. Atem found that even without actually speaking to him, Yugi was still able to calm his nerves - they knew each other that well. He didn't know how much he could believe those unspoken thoughts, but he returned Yugi's smile, and turned his attention back to the food on his plate, though he wasn't very interested in eating it.
Anzu seemed to be mulling something over in her mind. Her brows were knitted, and she stared at her plate with a utensil loaded with a bite of her dinner, but she did not put it to her mouth.
"Why Kaiba?" she asked evenly after some moments of deliberation. "I know we haven't seen him in a while but do you really think he's changed that much?"
"Why should he need to change in order to be good for Atem?" Yugi challenged, though not defensively. It was a genuine question. "If the two of them are compatible, why not let them be?"
"Who says they're compatible?" Honda chipped in. He turned to Atem, apparently making an attempt at showing him some sense. "You two have been fighting on opposite sides for years. What if all you do is keep butting heads?" Atem didn't know how to address the question before Yugi answered it for him.
"They seemed to cooperate pretty well living together for a weekend," Yugi offered.
Anzu scowled when she heard the term 'living together'. Then she scolded herself for not realizing sooner the potential implications of their weekend arrangement.
"Let's look at it rationally," Honda said. "Kaiba's always been kind of a jerk. Not just to all of us, but especially to Atem. Then, he hates losing, and the Pharaoh is always one-upping him. You're telling me that that's not going to cause problems?"
"I don't think any couple comes without problems, man," Jounouchi spoke up. "What else you got?"
"Kaiba's a loner," he continued. The men began discussing as though Atem weren't even present. "Atem always has people around him. How would that work out?"
Yugi considered that carefully before responding. "Atem always has people around him because those people - us - are always putting ourselves there. But I know he can still be content just to be by himself." Yugi looked at Atem, and the former pharaoh was glad at least one of his friends was acknowledging him.
"Maybe, but I think you're forgetting that Kaiba doesn't like us," Honda replied. "So does that mean Atem will always have to budget his time between any of us and Kaiba? I hardly think it's fair to force him to choose. And how is that going to help the whole…" Honda paused uncomfortably, "…situation?" He ended in a lower tone, not wanting to be so bold as to speak the word 'suicide'.
"If Kaiba don't like us, then it should be his problem for pickin' a guy with friends he don't like. That ain't Atem's fault."
"During the weekend Atem spent with Kaiba," Yugi said, "he contacted me in order to help him, and to let me know Atem was safe. He was very cooperative. And he's been that way before, when we all needed to work together for a common goal. Maybe that common goal this time is Atem's happiness. I can't say if things will really play out that way, but it's not like it's never happened."
Yugi's friends chewed on the new outlook for a while. Honda was pacified, Jounouchi appeared convinced, but Anzu still seemed upset about the situation.
"What about his schedule?" Anzu asked. "He's so busy running KaibaCorp. Even Mokuba complains he doesn't stop working long enough to spend time with him."
"He just had a long weekend vacation, Anzu. Mokuba was there for part of it, too. He knows how to take a break when he needs it. Maybe now that he and Atem are an item he'll make a stronger effort to give him his time."
"Who's saying that the two of them are an 'item' already?" Anzu scowled again. Jounouchi caught her eye and glared at her, and she shrunk back. She let out a breath and spoke to Atem directly. "I'm only trying to look out for Atem's best interests," she explained defensively, but with a calmer tone than she had taken with her other friends.
"I appreciate that, Anzu, and I want to trust your intentions. But let us be brutally honest with one anther for a moment," he suggested. A glimpse of concern flashed across her features but she forced a smile and nodded.
"Please, tell me," Atem insisted. "You're upset because I haven't chosen to be with you, aren't you?"
Anzu was taken back by his question, and denied it outright.
"I-I… just don't feel like dating someone like Kaiba is what you need right now."
"But Kaiba is who he wants," Yugi told her. Anzu glared into the distance, but didn't answer him. Yugi smiled sadly at the friend he'd known since childhood. He understood quite well the emotions she was feeling.
"So, I gotta say," Jounouchi spoke up, "I don't much like the guy myself. But if he's gonna do a good job of keepin' our buddy happy, I guess he's got my vote."
"Mine, too," Yugi agreed. "Honda?"
Honda rolled his eyes. "I don't know. We ought to keep our eyes on him for a while, just to make sure he's not making any of Atem's problems worse." Yugi nodded at his answer.
"Fair," Yugi agreed.
"You've been really quiet, Gramps, Professor." Jounouchi noticed. "Weigh in, would ya?"
Professor Hopkins only answered in the form of a smile. Sugoroku looked up at the kids around him. "The bottom line," he answered, "is that this is Atem's decision to make, and we need to be supportive of what he chooses."
Slowly, starting with Yugi's cheerful offering of agreement, the group began to nod their heads one by one, until each had shown their support, including Anzu herself.
Atem could feel himself grin. The meal went on in relatively peaceful silence. Atem had found his appetite, and finally realized how hungry he was. He was busy absorbing the flavorful dish he expected professor Hopkins had prepared, very few thoughts fluttering in his mind, when Yugi spoke next.
"So what does any of this mean? Are you and Kaiba…?" Yugi let the question hang. Atem finished his mouthful and turned to face his friend, but took a moment to dwell on his answer before he spoke.
"It means that he wants to make me happy. And that I… well, I want to work towards feeling worthy of letting him. I suppose it means that… we are having lunch."
Yugi gave him a quizzical look.
"He invited me to meet him at his office last Monday, but you had already gone to the trouble of setting up this trip, so it will have to wait until-"
"So you really did have plans! I'm so sorry, Atem. If you would have said something-"
"No, no. It's alright. I called him from the airport. I promised him I would be in touch, and we'll reschedule. It's fine. I'm happy to be here, with all of you. Thank you for making this happen, Yugi. I have been enjoying myself."
"I think this is great, Atem. You'll have something more to look forward to then, huh?" Atem didn't answer, but the corner of his mouth tugged up into a smile before he knew it was happening.