A/N: I am SO excited to be updating again! Don't know why it took me 1 1/2 years...and I'm so thankful for the new followers and favorites and any old readers continuing with me! The scene second from the last involves a memory, so remember that when reading this part. It is one of our characters remembering a conversation. I would love reviews, too! Just, please no hateful stuff :(
The Castle of Edo
Chapter 12
'Hit the mark…' she self-instructed, her left eye focusing sharply upon the target before her, right arm pulled back tightly in perfect form. She released the arrow flawlessly and her aim was true.
Every day for two weeks, Kagome practiced at the archery range. Every day, telling her mother the same line. "Going to the range. Be back later!" Every day, rushing past her family, through archery practice, through everything. She figured if she kept rushing, there would be no time to think about that night.
Kagome sighed heavily, pulling the arrow from the deeply embedded hole it hammered into the bullseye with each hit. In all her rushing, unavoidable slow moments such as this one were enough for her memories to come rushing back. His piercing unhuman eyes, his insatiable lips, his hot, hungry body melding with hers into one…
She shivered, a tingling sensation chilling down her back and warming her elsewhere.
She sighed again. "I guess practice is over for today," she muttered to herself. She shook her head in defeat. Gathering her bow and storing arrows into her quiver, Kagome furrowed her brow and pursed her lips as she rose from the ground. Her tumultuous emotions drove her here every day. She took her frustrations out on the poor archery targets. She was angry. Angry at Kouga for leading her on, humiliating her, telling her but not telling her things that he already knew that she didn't. And mostly, she was angry with herself. Kagome's expression softened with that thought.
"Everything that happened and everything to be angry about, but I still want to be with him…don't I?" she said to no one, furrowing her brows in confusion. She bowed her head into the palm of her right hand, shielding the emotion in her eyes. 'Do I have a choice anymore?' she thought, silently this time.
'Yes, it's my life! I can choose what's right for me,' she realized, removing her hand and raising her head confidently toward the path before her. Kagome gathered her belongings and her composure and left the range, her ambivalence trailing along.
Kagome walked through the bustling streets of Tokyo toward home, focused on her wandering thoughts rather than her surroundings. Except for intersections. She wasn't ready to see Kouga again, much less be carried away from near death in his arms.
"Higurashi!"
And except for hearing someone yelling her name unexpectedly.
Startled, Kagome turned around with wide eyes, curious about who addressed her with such familiarity. She briefly realized she was now on a quieter residential street near home before meeting a familiar pair of hazel eyes.
"Hojo?!" Kagome exclaimed incredulously.
Her former classmate walked toward her, a warm smile lighting his face. Kagome returned his smile. It was nice to see a friend from her uncomplicated present time past.
Hojo hugged Kagome unexpectedly, a short friendly greeting sort of hug. His charmingly silly smile stayed on his face.
"So how have you been?" he asked pleasantly.
"Oh, I've been ok," Kagome responded standardly. 'Yeah, right,' she thought to herself. "And you?"
"I've been busy with my new job, actually."
Hojo began to go into detail about his new position, which Kagome assumed was exciting to him through his smile and grand hand gestures. But his words weren't registering. Her thoughts were already consuming the word processing center of her brain. How she wished she could find a mental dumpster and dispose of them all…
"Kagome?"
"What?" Kagome responded, startled and wide eyed.
Thank goodness Hojo was still Hojo, oblivious as ever.
"I was wondering, would you like to go out tomorrow evening?"
No random excuse crossed her mind. Nothing to ramble about to get out of it. Her response, simple and truthful, surprised even herself.
Kagome smiled apologetically. "I'm sorry, Hojo. But I can't."
Hojo placed his hand sheepishly upon the back of his head, looking down with a knowing smile. "He sure is a lucky guy."
"What?!" Kagome sputtered, jerking her head upward, blushing from his connotation.
Hojo smiled softly at her, meeting her stunned eyes. "There has always been a reason we couldn't hang out. Usually your past health problems."
Kagome blushed embarrassedly, feeling very guilty about all of those excuses. Lies, she mentally corrected. It was lucky that Hojo never caught on…
"But this time it's different." He sighed slightly, his smile shifting wistfully. "He just better treat you right."
Kagome was shocked by his perceptiveness. Then she nodded, a slight blush and soft smile gracing her face. "Don't worry, Hojo. I will make sure of it."
Hojo nodded. "I know you will, and that you know what's best for you." He waved as he turned his body to leave. "See ya, Higurashi!"
"Uh, bye, Hojo," she fumbled. Her thoughts were pulling her in again. What he said resonated deeply, ricocheting back and forth and back and forth in her mind.
'He better treat you right…'
How did he know?
'You know what's best for you…'
Kagome sighed heavily. Did she really? She turned around and trudged toward home.
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The day was lovely. Bright sun, beautiful blue sky, breezy summer wind. Tokyo's streets were buzzing with buses and cars, trucks and travelers on foot. The city's morale was bright and sunny. And it was even brighter and sunnier in the forest where three wolf demons relaxed after sprinting through familiar forest paths. But among the three close comrades, the atmosphere was anything but beautiful, and wild winds whirled through a pair of stormy sky blue eyes.
"How is everything, Kouga?" Hakakku hesitantly asked of his alpha.
Kouga ran his hands through his streaming midnight hair. "Not good."
"What…what happened Kouga?" Ginta, asked softly.
Kouga sighed, frustration and anxiety twisting his stomach in knots. Just thinking about it… "We…we came close to…we almost…" He couldn't finish, the words refusing to formulate because just reliving that memory was so painful. He balled his hands into tight fists, squeezing his eyes shut, physically manifesting the tension that consumed him. The worst part was knowing what his actions did to her.
Ginta and Hakakku glanced at each other knowingly, silently questioning how to respond to and help their comrade.
They didn't have to.
"I went to her shrine the next day," Kouga confided. His eyes were transfixed upon the granite table top, part of Hakakku's fancy patio furniture at his home in these special woods. He spoke subconsciously, his mind miles away, seeing only his stunning shrine maiden mate. "I stopped at the bottom of the stairs. I didn't go up to her home, I didn't seek her, because I felt her anger, her humiliation, her confusion radiating from her aura. I heard her thoughts racing through her mind."
Ginta and Hakakku glanced at each other. How do they respond?
"Kouga," Hakakku interjected. "You may have felt her feelings and heard her thoughts, but wouldn't it be helpful to actually have a conversation about what happened?"
"It won't change anything," Kouga said defeatedly.
"Kouga," Ginta insisted. "Just talk to her."
Kouga hung his head, his eyes closing dejectedly. "She won't. She doesn't want to be near me now, and I completely understand why."
'She was so open with me, so vulnerable, and I just…humiliated her,' he finished in thought.
"You need to, Kouga," Hakakku interjected. "According to what you've told us, you may not have much more time…"
Kouga clenched his teeth, growling low. "Don't you think I know that," he snapped.
"Kouga," Ginta began pensively, putting a thoughtful finger to his chin. "How much time exactly do you think you have?"
"If I'm right, she'll come back one more time, and then she'll stay in the past…" Kouga trailed, running his hand through his hair again, squeezing a fistful of ebony strands tensely at the side of his head, letting his face fall against his fisted hand. His heart was racing. Was there anything he could do? What could he do?
"Kouga," Hakakku called concernedly.
"It's cruel, what time did to us. When she told me…when I knew I would find her in the future, I always imagined, hoped, prayed even it would be after everything had happened, that somehow she made it and we would have a future. I never imagined I would find her when she didn't know me as her mate. And I never expected to lose her before we could be together…"
"Kouga," Ginta echoed.
"Do you know how unbearable it is to have your mate in your arms and you can't mate with her?" Kouga said to the table, his eyes trembling turbulently.
The two wolf demons looked at their alpha despondently, profound sympathy shining through slanted demon eyes. What Kouga described was utterly…unimaginable.
They sat quietly for several moments, a trio of solemn stares cast upon the stony table surface.
Until something struck one of them, a jolt of lightning igniting a lightbulb of possibility.
"Kouga," Ginta called, a new idea bursting to escape his lips, urgency mounting with each passing moment.
"Hmm," grumbled Kouga absentmindedly, eyes still staring at the shimmering stone.
"What if what we thought happened with her was wrong?"
Kouga's attention averted from the uninteresting furniture to Ginta's intriguing idea. "What are you getting at?"
"What if…what if she didn't…"
"What else could have happened?" Kouga interrupted with an intimidating growl. Reliving that pain, knowing it was coming again…how could Ginta be condescending him, now?
"What if she made it back?"
Kouga's eyes widened. Was it possible? He placed his palms firmly upon the table top, pressing powerfully, nearly indenting the sturdy stone from the force of his feelings.
"Watch the granite, Kouga! That was expensive," Hakakku remarked obliviously.
Kouga scoured his brain, racing through a history of details that obscured in his mind as they blurred by in streaks of color, slowing on significant events, images, glimpses. He nervously clutched the amulet around his neck, his sole protection from the outside human world.
He gasped. His eyes bulged with revelation. Was there a way? Could it be?
"The amulet."
"Kouga?" Ginta and Hakakku simultaneously questioned.
Kouga jerked his head upward, staring seriously at both of his comrades. "If there is any hope, it could be the amulet. I remember it having an unusual power. I always thought it was just her spiritual power fueling it, but what if it wasn't?"
Ginta gasped, his eyes widening in understanding. "Kouga, that could be the key!"
"You need to act now, Kouga! You don't have much time!" Hakakku encouraged.
Kouga stood abruptly, the force sending his chair flying several feet backward into the back wall of Hakakku's dwelling. He planted his palms firmly upon his hips with determination, his sky blue eyes now bright, shining in the sun with new hope.
"Please don't destroy my house, Kouga," Hakakku chirped childishly.
"Boys, I'll catch you later. I'm going to see my mate." Kouga said confidently, a hint of a smirk gracing his handsome lips as he turned his back to his eternally supportive brothers. He narrowed his eyes pensively as he sprinted hurriedly toward his target destination. 'I have to tell her. I have no choice…'
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"Why did I do that?! It was so impulsive. I just, just, threw myself at him like one of those easy girls! I opened up to him, a part of myself I haven't shared with anyone, and he…and he," Kagome trailed, hiding her humiliated face and misting eyes in her open palm, shaking her head furiously back and forth into her hand.
Once Kagome had arrived at home, it was as if her mother read her mind and knew her daughter needed clarity. Two people reading her mind. Wonderful.
"Kagome," Ms. Higuarshi responded softly, trying to console her conflicted daughter. "You are not an easy girl. You have morals. You always have and always will." She gently grasped Kagome's other hand lying flat upon the kitchen table, inciting Kagome to peek at her mother through a tiny crack between two fingers.
"Mom?" Kagome squeaked.
Ms. Higurashi looked firmly, yet empathetically at her daughter. "Why do you think you behaved this way?"
Kagome lowered her raised hand, revealing her flushed face to her mother. Her eyes darted between the dark table top and her mother's knowing hazelnut eyes. "I, I don't know," she lied.
Ms. Higurashi squeezed Kagome's hand, smiling softly. "Yes, you do."
Kagome could not meet her mother's stare. She focused upon the table's surface, studying its shiny, reflective appearance. Her mother must have scrubbed the kitchen this morning.
Kagome narrowed her eyes, her focus drifting from the dark dining room furniture to the dark, flowing hair of the man who held her heart captive. Theirs was a whirlwind romance, unexpected, unescapable, undeniable…it was unique, unlike anything she had experienced, like her unexpected time travel that transported her to the Feudal Era originally, her meeting Inuyasha, her loving Inuyasha…
"Kagome," Ms. Higurashi comforted. She knew her daughter was struggling, her mind and heart fighting a futile battle, stuck in a stalemate of worries and wishes.
Kagome slowly moved her eyes upward, finally meeting her mother's. Chestnut met chestnut, uncertain eyes seeking unconditional ones. "Mom. I think…I know…I," Kagome stammered, clutching the fabric of her sunny yellow shirt sitting over her heart.
"You love him, Kagome."
"I…I do," Kagome breathed, releasing her breath with the truth she struggled to admit to herself. It was so soon, it made no sense. But the sensations she felt with him, her heart fluttering in his presence, their undoubtable connection, her body with his…everything made sense. "Oh my gosh, Mom, I…I…" Kagome gulped, choking on her breath, burning while filling her lungs. "I love him so much."
"Kagome," Ms. Higuarshi soothed, placing her arm lovingly around Kagome's shaking shoulders. "He adores you. His feelings for you were obvious the first time I met him. I knew something was there. Talk to him. It could change things."
Kagome shook her head, her eyes still misting, a sad smile gracing her lovely lips. "I don't know, Mom…"
"You always have a choice, Kagome. Whatever your heart tells you is right," Ms. Higurashi encouraged her daughter, leaving a lasting, loving squeeze on Kagome's shoulder before removing her hand and herself from the room.
"Choice?" Kagome spoke to herself. 'What choice?' She thought sullenly. 'What choice do you have when you've already been told your fate?'
Kagome's stomach clenched in nauseated knots. She folded her arms upon the table and laid her head on top of them, her limbs forming a supportive pillow. Her head was dizzy and sickness threatened its way up her throat. She closed her eyes and could no longer see her surroundings, but the surreal images flashing through her mind were worse. His handsome face, his endless aqua eyes, his lips…everything about him fluttered her heart. It was enjoyable and excruciating. She was really done with this chronic, consuming anxiety.
Kagome sighed. Perhaps if she tried hard enough, she could focus on the blackness behind her eyelids. She focused with her practiced, priestess concentration…
Pulse.
And she was promptly interrupted.
Pulse.
Kagome gasped, her eyes darting up toward the kitchen door. Had she just felt?...
Pulse!
Youkai! And she was fairly sure who it would be…
Kagome inhaled sharply, shoving her shaky body upward from her chair and clumsily walking to the back door. She opened it, fumbling with the door knob, her palms sweaty, her heart beating erratically, her body unsteady on flickering feet. She peeked out the door, scanning the shrine grounds from the safety of the doorway.
Nothing.
She sighed, momentarily relieved, although the anxiety was still there, swirling in a sour pool in her stomach. She still felt a demonic presence. She knew it was close. She stepped outside tentatively. It was only a matter of time…
"Kagome."
And the time was now.
Kagome whirled her head around, her body following. She stumbled into him, dizzy from sudden spinning and adrenaline unbalancing her body.
He hesitated, hardly believing he actually felt her body flush against his, painfully knowing she did not embrace him intentionally. It didn't matter. His arms instinctively claimed her frame, fully forcing her into him, wrapping around her protectively and possessively as any male would his woman. He lowered his face to her raven hair, breathing in her wondrous wildflower scent, a scent that intoxicated him and saddened him simultaneously. Exquisite, yet excruciatingly…wrong.
Did he feel her…relaxing?
Kagome unconsciously relaxed in Kouga's arms, those strong, masculine, tanned arms that embodied her passion, her safety, her home. She lost herself, inhaling his comforting musky scent, the scent she had missed so much. She hadn't smelled it since…
She tensed. She remembered. She thrust her body backward out of his embrace, her physical exertion barely enough to escape his strong hold on her, her passion, her safety, her home, forsaken.
Kouga lowered his eyes to the ground, sighing shakily, focusing on the light, sparkling stones imbedded in the concrete forming the walkways around the shrine. It cheerfully glistened in the sun. His blue eyes quivered like a dark cloud withholding rain. They glistened too, but not from the sun.
He heard Kagome inhale sharply. He glanced upward toward her.
"Kouga, what…what are you doing here?" she said, her eyes also studying the glimmering ground, a complicated expression furrowing her brows and forming her frown. Frustration, confliction, sadness…they were all present, swirling and fusing in her chocolate eyes.
"I came to tell you something important," Kouga forced, his voice unsteady despite every effort to control his tone.
"Kouga, I don't think…"
"You have to know this."
Kagome looked up at Kouga, her troubled gaze meeting his concerned cerulean eyes. Why did her heart have to beat so hard? What did her breath have to pump in and out so rapidly? Why did she have to desire him so much after their embarrassing, intimate fiasco?
Kouga observed Kagome's expression. She was hesitant. He knew the theme of her thoughts. She wasn't sure she could trust him. He also scented her body. She still wanted him.
There was hope.
"Kouga?" Kagome asked quietly.
Kouga sighed. If she still desired him, perhaps she would trust him enough to tell her the truth.
"Things are going to become very serious in the Feudal Era very soon," he said, his eyes growing solemn.
Kagome's eyes widened with worry. She opened her mouth to speak, but…nothing. What could she ask? There was so much to ask. "I, I don't understand…"
"I'm worried," Kouga paused. How should he say this? "I'm worried something may happen to you."
Kagome stared at him, studying him. Her chocolate eyes bored into his, scouring for indications of truth. She knew he wasn't telling her everything.
"Kouga, can you please tell me more? If I'm going to be in danger…"
"There's something you need to do, Kagome. It will be the best thing to protect you." 'The only thing that may protect you,' he thought.
Kagome was silent for a moment. What? This was so much...
"Kouga, just…tell me what I need to do."
Kouga stared at her firmly, determination brightening his beautiful blue eyes. "I'm going to give you something in the past. As soon as I give it to you, you must bring it back here."
"What is…"
"That's all I can tell you," Kouga interrupted, suddenly looking away.
Kagome stared at him for a moment, millions of muddled thoughts milling through her mind. He was always so intense. Bombshell after bombshell. Good thing she was already used to intensity from the Feudal Era. She straightened, her stare more determined. Her brows furrowed again harshly.
Kouga scented the sudden shift in Kagome's scent. Her emotions were a jumbled mess. He turned his head toward her, his aqua eyes searching hers.
She abruptly looked away.
Kouga looked toward the glistening concrete surface again when he heard her speak softly.
"I'm leaving tomorrow, Kouga. I guess I'll come back as soon as I get this object from "past you"."
Kouga reached his hand up in Kagome's direction, his eyes wide with want, shining with sadness, his body pleading for her to turn to him.
Kagome turned away. She closed her eyes, painfully aware of his desire to stay with her. Painfully aware of her need to stay with him. Painfully denying them both.
"I need to go inside and help Mom."
"Kagome…"
"Bye, Kouga." Kagome responded, ready to rush away.
'I'll do this thing he wants me to do. I guess I have to…' Kagome thought, stepping forward.
"It will protect you, Kagome," Kouga reassured.
Kagome walked steadily toward the back door. 'I can't believe the other night, I…I'm such a fool,' she thought, wrapping her arms around herself as if it were a chilly night and not a warm summer afternoon.
"You're not," Kouga said softly.
Kagome halted. She stood scarily still. She swiveled slowly to face the tall, handsome demon towering behind her.
Towering and soon to be cowering.
"STOP it!"
Kouga stared at her confusedly. "Stop what?" He asked, perplexed. His brow furrowed with confusion.
"Stop reading my thoughts!" Kagome yelled. The lid on her bottled emotions exploded, everything escaping like verbal air bursting from a balloon
Kouga clenched his teeth with his own frustration. "I can't just not read your thoughts. It's natural. You're my mate."
"No," Kagome stated, shaking her head vehemently.
"What?" Kouga asked hesitantly. He didn't like the feelings raging through her aura.
"No, Kouga," Kagome said again, her body shaking. She dreaded saying this. She had to say this.
"Kagome…"
"I'm NOT your MATE!"
Stunned silence. Stares suddenly shifting toward the pebbled ground.
"I'm sorry," Kagome said quietly, turning her body toward the back door.
"Kagome," Kouga pleaded.
"Goodbye for now," Kagome said hurriedly before disappearing into the security of her home, as Kouga hoped his plan would work, and she wouldn't disappear forever.
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Back in Sengoku…
Kouga's feet pounded through the forest, a swirling dust cloud trailing as he raced toward the well so he would be there when she reappeared.
He forcefully focused his mind toward his mission, arriving before Kagome to be ready to protect her. But occasionally his discipline would slip and his thoughts drifted back toward his departing words with his tribe…
…"I'm leaving again for a few weeks to investigate this new demonic presence and determine how it may affect our tribe. I'm leaving Ginta and Hakakku in charge again. Mess with them and you'll be dealing with me," he finished authoritatively. His tribesman nodded in compliance.
He then turned to Ginta and Hakakku. "When Ayame arrives, explain to her my mission as I just told the tribe. Those are the only details she needs to know," he finished, glaring at them with an unspoken message they immediately understood.
Don't let the would-be mate know that the real mate is coming.
Kouga found his mother waiting for him just outside the cave entrance.
"Mother, I'll be…"
"I know," sighed his mother with wistful eyes. Her expression was…curious.
"What is it?" Kouga asked quietly, his expression softening with concern.
Kouga's mother looked at the rocky cave floors. Then her aqua eyes lifted up toward the horizon, looking far into the distance, into a place that Kouga could not see.
"Mother?"
"This demonic presence you feel," she began pensively, her voice sounding as far away as her eyes looked, "I…I have a strange feeling about it."
"What…"
"It may not be what you think," she interjected, shifting her eyes to Kouga's. Her eyes looked as if she were…pleading? "I mean that the demon, he may not be the real enemy."
Kouga was puzzled. "It feels evil, mother. Isn't that enough to know?"
"Promise me, Kouga," she pleaded, grabbing his hand and squeezing it desperately. "Promise me you will learn more before acting upon this demon."
"Why?" Kouga asked, completely confused but concerned. This seemed so important to her.
"I just, have a feeling…" she trailed, letting go of his hand and staring sadly at the jagged rocks under her feet.
Kouga stood quietly for a moment, absorbing the vague information his mother shared.
"I need to go now. I have to get to the well to meet Kagome before this thing, this, whatever he is gets to her again. Please tell father, if he cares, that I will return in a few weeks. I already instructed Ginta and Hakakku to deal with Ayame when she arrives."
"Ok," was all his mother said.
"Take care, mother," he said lovingly as he turned to go. He stopped, and turned his head slightly toward her. "I'll keep in mind what you shared with me."…
…Kouga pushed himself harder, his lungs burning as he raged through the forest floor toward the well that carried his woman between worlds. When she arrived back in this one, he had to be there. To protect her and to tell her it seemed like their quest was far from over.
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He had tried to break through the barrier of the mirror that sickening night, as he had done before to transport himself into the forest. He exerted every ounce of spiritual energy forming his unearthly form to claw through the spiritual shield, a small whole large enough to allow him momentary freedom. The mirror was immovable. It was as if an impenetrable force field protected the mirror in the other realm.
He was utterly useless, helplessly watching everything that night, every image burning forever into his mind. The silent, heated words. Their bodies colliding, interweaving, lips locking, tongues tangling, fingers feeling flesh. Their outlines disappearing around a corner and the image disappearing from sight…
He was in hell.
"If I did not know I was dead already, I would mourn the loss of my life…of my…"
He stopped himself. What had he just been about to say?
"Poor, Dokan. Your undead life continues becoming more unbearable the longer you don't live it," that sickingly familiar sinister voice sneered.
Dokan crumpled, collapsing upon his knees and curling his stomach, his head, his body into himself. He clutched his hands together over his head, blocking his ears as if deafening the demonic voice would wash away everything he had just witnessed.
"How does it feel to see your mate with another man?"
Dokan jerked his head upward. "Mate…" he mouthed. Had Naraku know that's the word…
Naraku's image laughed manically. His laughter diminished to a cacophonous cackle as he shook his head condescendingly. "Oh, Dokan, you know so little about yourself…"
Dokan remained on his knees. He placed his palms pitifully upon the black floor, staring sorrowfully into the static surface.
"There is hope, Dokan. Your rage is not enough. You can win back your lover, free her to be with you, if you will accept me into your soul."
Dokan gritted his teeth, fisting his hand and pounding the floor furiously. "And HOW will that bring her back? I'm assuming she MATED with him!"
He gasped. That word again…where the hell was that coming from…
Naraku's essence chuckled carnivorously. "You have a dark side you have yet to understand, Dokan, or should I say, Sukenaga…"
Dokan snapped his head toward Naraku's image, his eyes scowling at the devilish hanyou.
"What is your point?" Dokan demanded.
"It's simple," Naraku sneered. "Allow my essence to enter your dark side, the war lord, Sukenaga Ota. I will feed you enough dark energy that your body becomes a permanent, physical manifestation…"
"Real…" Dokan finished, his eyes widening with possibility…
"You are intelligent," Naraku grinned menacingly. "And your light side, Dokan," he explained, gesturing toward the round, reflective mirror, the only window and exit to the outside world, "will be the key to breaking us through this spiritual barrier and out of our purgatory."
Dokan stared contemplatively at the black abyss upon which his spirit body sat. He fisted his ethereal hand, struggling with this sickening decision, grappling with good and evil and right and wrong and just and fair…
He gritted his teeth. He was already in Hell, right?
He jerked his head upward harshly, sapphire eyes meeting crimson, glaring with determination.
"Do it."