CHAPTER NINETEEN

Halo

The first thought that came to my mind was that he was going to bite me.

I will bleed.

And then I noticed that his lips…were soft.

But before I could think even a second more on it, I shoved him off me, hands on his chest and firmly away. "Hanabusa!" I scolded, my hand flying over my mouth now. There was still a lingering taste of him on my lips, like... chocolate. "Were you eating chocolate?"

He blinked, dazed and then his eyes narrowed. "What?" he repeated, his face scrunching up as if he could not quite believe something. "Kaede – for God's sake -"

"You can't just abruptly stop talking to me, and then come here and shout my results and then sexually assault me!" I reminded him, now back on topic. My thoughts were racing now that it sunk it what just happened. I felt my face heat up in an unexpected blush. I backed up even more, retreating towards the window but my eyes looked past his shoulder, making sure no one was behind him. I knew it was going to hit me later so quickly avoiding his eyes, I darted past by him only to shut the door, my back to him. I took a deep breath. By the time I turned around, he was smiling.

Smiling.

Seriously.

"What?"

"It's just - " He stopped, and laughed as he ran his fingers through his hair. He shook his head, dismayed. "I've never seen you flustered before, is all."

"I'm not flustered!" I objected quickly but then I realized how unlike me it was to yell at someone. I tried to slow down my thoughts. Closing my eyes, I took yet another deep breath and by the time I opened them again, he had a full on grin on his face – and he looked so genuinely pleased that it made me feel defeated. "Please don't do that again," I said as I rubbed my entire face with my hand.

"Why not?"

I did not expect that response. I withdrew my hands and peeked through the fingers hesitantly and took a step back. "What?"

"Why shouldn't I?" he repeated himself, still smiling. His eyes looked somehow brighter, lighter. He took a step closer to me but I had no where else to go but further against the door. "Think about it -"

"That we are different species?" I inputted quickly. But even with what I said, I still could not quite bring myself to believe it. He looked so human, he had a face like any other – albeit a little better than most – and the only vampire thing he had done, he had wiped from my memory and I knew that I should feel violated but I couldn't. I couldn't feel like I was violated and I couldn't exaggerate and get upset over it because whatever had happened, I could not remember. I couldn't recall what I was feeling, what it felt like, what I saw, what I heard – none of it. It was a memory that no longer existed.

"If that was a real issue, you would be off running by now," he said, his smile dropping but his eyes looking as if he was bored about going with circles in this.

"Post-trauma," I defended. He rolled his eyes.

"Just hear me out." He held up both his hands, his palm facing me as if showing he had nothing to hide. "I like you. You know that. I don't know why but I do. This is what I'm thinking: you're leaving in what, five months? Less? Regardless, you're going to leave – and leave everything behind anyway. So instead of staying up in your room with that beast of a dog – no offence – I'm offering you to spend these last five months with me."

I could only stare.

He did not just say that.

"Do you realize how self-entitled you're sounding right now?" I asked. He sounded as if he thought of himself as a king and I had nothing better to do.

Which I didn't.

"You know what I mean, Kaede." And God help me, I did. I understood his point of view and I did not know why. I knew that he did not mean it in a condescending, royalty to peasant way and that had he been given more time, he would have came up with a charming way to say I want to make the last five months better with you. A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth and his hands fell slightly. "I just want to make the last five months more," he stopped and shrugged, "I don't know. Happy. Easy. Care free. Better."

It scared me a little that I nearly had the words right. But I couldn't give in. There was a rebellious part of me that kept on whispering no, don't trust him. And then there was the apprehensive part. "Why me?" I asked like every typical girl in a movie or novel. "Go out and frolic in your million dollar estates and I'm sure other girls will come to you like flies and honey."

He blinked. A thought looked like it was dawning onto his face, but it was not a happy one. He was frowning. "I never thought of you to be one with low-self esteem," he said lowly. He didn't look angry or bitter or disappointed or with a pout. He was simply observing.

"My self-esteem topples your ego," I countered and it was true. I was very realistic with myself and circumstances and I knew exactly where I stood in the grand scale of the hierarchy of popularity but being in the middle-bottom did not equate to low self-esteem. I was not hated nor bullied or treated as a recluse. I was just different – to those who knew about my Achromatopsia anyway.

"So if it's not that you think you're not deserving, you think that I'm not good enough?"

I groaned. "You are creating problems that doesn't exist, Aidou!"

"Well obviously there must be a problem because I'm offering you a fun way to spend the last couple months and -"

"And you're a vampire!" As much as I brought this up, it still did little to faze me. But it was the only argument I had and by anyone's standard, it should be a logical defence.

"Don't act as if you care!" he shot back. He was in my face now, and there was little but our uniforms and air and atoms and freaking protons and neutrons and electrons between us because all I could see was each pale lash that framed his eyes, each little speck of a darker shade in those eyes, each wisp of pale hair that was flicked back away from his face – everything. "I can hear your tone when you say that, Kaede, you say it with the most flat and uncaring expression. Get a new argument, because that one isn't working for you."

"Maybe I just don't like you," I said but then immediately I felt bad when his face fell. "Alright, so I do. But not like that."

"Are we reverting back to the second grade now?" he asked, unamused. He gave me a little space, but just a little. Looking down on me with an eyebrow raised, he said, "Would you like it better if I sent a note around for you to check yes or no if you want to go out with me?"

"Yes, I would like that. I would check no."

His jaw tense and his eyes narrowed. "Just think about it," he said. His voice was calmer now. I winced when his hands touched my shoulders, but it was only to move me out of the way from the door. "That's all I'm asking."

And with that, he left.

xx-x-xx

Akatsuki looked up. "Hey," he called out as Hanabusa crept into the dorm room. He fell immediately onto his bed, his limbs spread apart so he looked as if he wanted to make a snow angel right there on the blankets. "Where have you been?"

Hanabusa ignored him. "What do you think we're going to do after this?"

Akatsuki frowned and slung his arm over the chair. "The last and final term?" he said unsurely.

"Not this," Hanabusa sighed. "I meant after everything - we're graduating this year. That means we're done this stupid high school system. And then what?"

His copper-haired cousin only looked more suspicious as he narrowed his eyes. "We stay with Kaname." Hanabusa sighed, long and frustrated. The answer was not satisfying, even though Hanabusa knew that it was the most plausible next step. He expected that answer and yet he had hope to hear something normal seniors would say – like going away to university, to travel, whatever. He had been stuck in Japan for so long now – for his entire high school career, with the exceptions of vacation. Growing up, Ruka, Akatsuki and he had travelled so often but Hanabusa knew that he would never abandon his post by Kaname's side and lose the chance to be the Kuran's right hand man. And yet there was something undeniably appealing about simply going away for several weeks to break away from the vampire society.

"I have to ask," Akatsuki began, his attention now completely on his troublesome cousin. "What did you do?"

"Nothing."

"It's with that girl, Misane, isn't it?"

When the blond did not respond, Akasuki sighed. He could never understand Hanabusa's obsession with the human. He had never put his effort on girls before – it was often all academic, family, or Kaname. But a girl? Never. As soon as Hanabusa was no longer amused or no longer wanted to put up with a girl, he would drop them. Akatsuki was almost completely sure that the only reason why the human girl was in the equation was because of the lack of attention she paid to him.

But if there was one thing Akatsuki was certain of, it would be that in the long run, Misane Kaede would only be a forgotten name.

xx-x-xx

I lied flat in the middle of my bed, looking up at the ceiling. With the lights turned off, I could see each glow of the dots that formed the stars and constellation that Hanabusa had put there weeks ago. The more I thought about it, the nicer the gesture seemed. I sighed, and pulled the blanket over me, rolling over onto my side.

I felt so internally frustrated. I wanted to give in but I knew that I should not -

And for whatever reason, that thought – that very thought that occurred to me hundreds of time since Hanabusa left – stopped me immediately. I froze beneath my blanket. It broke me out of the constant tug-of-war I had been having ever since Hanabusa proposed that ridiculously-said idea.

I want to give it a shot.

Damn it, I was giving in.

I knew that it was too easy, but...well, like Hanabusa said, I was leaving anyway.

Worse case, it was a mistake and I leave. Best case, we spend nights under the stars and I learn to get along with others a little bit more than the usual hi, yes I can't see colour, no I'm completely fine, yeah, sure it's cool, goodbye two day passing relationships I shared with everyone else in school.

And not once had I considered I would love him, and not once had I considered that I might get my heart broken.

xx-x-xx

The fantastic thing about owning a dog that weighed the same as many of the girls that went to this school was that it gave me the opportunity to leave the dorm at my will and with little to no interference. Still without a leash, I allowed the German Shepherd to jog ahead of me, his huge, long tongue rolling out. He was completely impervious to the January cold whilst I stared back and shivered. Teeth chattering, I looked around and tried to think of an idea of how to talk to Hanabusa.

It was so foreign to me: initiating contact because I was...interested. The concept of me being interested to this point was strange and mildly frightening but something about the outgoing Hanabusa that went to lengths – painting my ceiling, tutoring me, inviting me to his home, getting me a telescope, taking me out on a date – made it a little less intimidating. But as I stared at Akira who was chucking up the snow with her nose, I thought about how to even approach the topic.

So, Hanabusa, can I take you up on that offer...

Hey. Does that deal still stand?

About what you proposed -

I stopped thinking about that. It all sounded like a business meeting. With a deep sigh, I hugged my arms closer to my body. "Come on, boy," I called out, "combien de temps?" [How much longer?] Akira barked in protest, probably saying something along the lines of we just got out! "Well, I'm cold. I don't have fur that comprises a major part of my weight."

And then someone spoke behind me.

"Weight -" I jumped and swore but the amused and grandiose voice continued anyway.

" - is actually your mass and gravity, according to physics anyway."

"Dear God – what the hell are you doing?" Given the fact that I was shivering from my bones earlier, his voice startled me. Hanabusa smiled. At least he had good timing. "How did you even get here? I swear there are prefects to prevent these sort of things..."

"I was on a walk," he said with a smug smile. And then it went away instantly. His smile dropped and his eyes sharpened. He took a step back, and although he was wearing only his uniform, he did not look cold at all. "Besides, I can smell that dog anywhere." Akira barked.

"Am I witnessing some sort of vampire hatred towards canine creatures?"

"No, I'm actually quite fond of some animals when properly trained."

Now I was defensive. I raised an eyebrow and crossed my arms tighter. "What are you trying to say, Hanabusa?"

"Actually, I'm not trying to say anything. I think I sent the message quite clearly."

My eyebrows dropped and now I frowned. I took a step closer at Hanabusa, and had to look up into his face but he turned away, his eyes on the ground next to my feet. "Is there something wrong?" I asked. I cautioned myself for yet another of his mood swings and kept silent with any period jokes knowing that it would probably set something off in him. Only hours ago he had been his usual smiling, witty self and now he just seemed snappish and distant.

"Now that you mention it..."

I stared at him. He randomly stopped midway and his vagueness began to irritate me. "Well?" I prompted, shivering once again. It wasn't windy which I supposed was a good thing but the overall temperature was so much more than simply chilly that I wanted nothing more than to run back inside to the comfort of heating.

"I was thinking about what I said earlier – the five months thing."

Something inside of me dropped.

"It was ridiculous, I'm sorry," he continued and I simply stared at him. My teeth stopped chattering. I couldn't pinpoint it but I had the most strangest feeling of...disappointment. Hollowness. I suddenly felt a different coldness. I could hear nothing but his voice, see nothing but his face, feel nothing but his eyes on me. And as he was watching me closely, I kept on making sure that my facial expression did not change. Frowning, he said, "It isn't right to create some sort of terminal relation -"

And then he stopped.

And then he sighed.

"Good, they're gone."

Whatever inside my chest that had dropped sunk even lower. "What?"

"My cousin was out there," Hanabusa smiled sheepishly as he nodded towards a direction. My eyes didn't follow. I just stared at him as all my other senses started coming back. I was cold again – externally. I saw the snowy ground behind him, the snowy trees over him, the snow falling over all of us. I could see the fog of air as he spoke, and not just his mouth. I was taking in everything all at once and only caught what he was saying in bits and pieces until finally, my eyes refocused back on him. "I'm sorry – I should have given you a - " He broke off abruptly. "Wait, you didn't think that I was serious did you?"

"I didn't see a reason I wouldn't have!" I said quickly, feeling the need to defend myself. Again the outburst shocked me and my cheeks flushed with heat, adding onto the already redness from the cold. I sighed. "Please don't do that again. That was quite a roller coaster in ten seconds."

"I still think you're secretly a granny," he said, only half-joking.

"Well that's fantastic. I get to sit in rocking chairs and play with animals and criticize and annoy you."

A boyish smile tugged at his mouth once again – and it was that same, pleased smile from earlier. "Annoy me?" he repeated, challenging. He closed the distance between us and I swore it was the cold that made me welcome his arms that wrapped around me and held me close to his chest.

"I'm still going to bother you for at least five more months."

And I was looking forward to it. But -

"I'm sorry, but what just happened was ridiculous," I couldn't help but tell him. I peeked over his shoulder for any life forms but could only see the confused face of a brown and black furred dog.

Hanabusa laughed, and I could feel the vibration of it through his chest. It was a feeling I had never experienced before - ever. And it was nice. And Hanabusa was nice. And everything was new.

And again, the idea of my heart being broken by the end of this had not occurred to me once.

It is 12:20 AM and I am half delirious from hours of working on research essays and other business but it's been a month since I updated and had about 1/3 of this done anyway, so I decided to just crank out the rest! I do apologize if it seems rush but in comparison to my other stories, this is the only one where there's actual romance. Not to self-promo (really) but other Naruto story is at chapter twenty six and well...nothing big.

Anyway, as I said, I am not thinking straight so maybe I'll look over this in the weekend and if I don't like it, I'll post up version two of Chapter Nineteen so I suppose this would be a test run / extra in the whole big grand scheme of things. However if you did like it, great! Fantastic!

Thanks for reading! Reviews would be lovely (:

(PS Thank you so much on all the feedback on the prior chapter! It made me want to finish this chapter even in this state of mind)