That night, everything was much more relaxed in the house than it had been the few couple of days that had preceded the arrival of Sadiq's much awaited letter; even Heracles seemed to be relieved to hear good news from Sadiq. When we had finished a delicious dinner followed by a cup of black tea, which I learned, was a custom for Ottoman people, I decided to retire to my bedroom and get ready for bed. I couldn't wait for the following day to arrive so we would have more news about Sadiq.
When I had changed into my light sleepwear and was ready to slide under the blanket, I saw my door opening, revealing Ayşe, wearing a long robe that reached the floor. She advanced towards my bed with a smirk on her face and a sway of her hips. I backed against the headboard and she put both of her hands on each side of my hips on the bed, her face inches apart from mine.
"This last couple of days my head has been wrapped around Sadiq and his well being, but now..."
She traced her index finger all the way up my clothed leg and allowed it to wonder around my groin, making me gulp and look at her with wide eyes. I knew what her intentions were perfectly.
"... that I know he is alright, I can concentrate in you. Tell me, dancer boy..."
She whispered her little nickname for me in my ear seductively, making me shiver, tracing patterns over my clothed member with the tip of her index finger.
"... what do you think of this?"
She pulled back and I was relieved for a second, because I couldn't control myself when she started touching my member and I was afraid that, if I got an erection, she would have got the wrong idea. But then I realised why she had pulled back for. She removed her robe and let it fall to the floor, creating a scene that had already taken place in the humid intimacy of the hammam, but this time, she began to roam her body with the tip of the very same finger which had bothered me so much. She ran her fingertip over her...
"Stop this at once!"
I found myself yelling at the top of my voice and when I realised what I had done, I thought that even Heracles could have heard me yell. Ayşe backed away from me with fright and I could help myself as I continued raising my voice, something unusual in me. I had never lost my temper. This was a one in a lifetime experience for me.
"This is wrong. You are my boyfriend's sister and even though you are attractive and no man could resist you, you cannot do this to your own brother"
Ayşe raised one of her eyebrows in question, as she began to cover herself with the robe she had discarded. It was obvious that nothing was going to happen at that moment for her.
"But I didn't hear you complain the other day..."
"You took me by surprise, but I would have never done anything to betray your brother"
I said as sternly as I could manage, but it sounded pretty well in my ears. Ayşe seemed to get the message and nodded grimly, with her glance casted downwards. He clicked her tongue and left my room without further ado. I sighed and leaned backwards against the headboard. That had been something.
The following day, Ayşe didn't seem to remember what had happened the previous night, as she still talked to me as if nothing and even offered to accompany me to the Grand Bazaar in downtown Constantinople if I wanted to buy something more for my sisters or for myself. I was surprised, to say the least, but when Heracles left the dining room where we had been having breakfast, she sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose.
"I... I'm sorry for everything, Ivan. I know what I did was wrong but..."
I smiled and put my hand over hers', careful not to give her the wrong idea like I had when I had let her continue her "work" on me in the hammam.
"It's okay... I would love it if you came with me to the Grand Bazaar"
And just like that, the tension between us vanished somewhere within the confines of Istanbul's Grand Bazaar, in between buying purple veils for my performances and jewellery for my sisters that I would have to send soon. As we were walking down the crowded bazaar, I looked around for musicians and those three girls that had given me advise at the souq, thinking that perhaps they would be there too, but they weren't.
When we were returning to the house after Ayşe invited me to have Rakı, a popular Turkish beverage I had never heard before, we heard the news about the Ottoman occupation of Edirne and saw how everybody was celebrating on the streets, some people waving their flags from their balconies and windows. Ayşe and I hugged, knowing that Sadiq would soon be joining us.
We arrived at the house making idle chit chat when suddenly Heracles stood in front of us in the hall with a dead serious expression on his face, even though he was always wearing a blank look, but this time, something in his eyes told me that there was something very disturbing going on, and I couldn't have been more right.
"Ayşe hanım, there is someone who wants to speak to you"
We entered the living room and Ayşe froze upon seeing the same man that had recruited Sadiq when the Turks had first got involved in the war. She paled and her eyes began to water as she took her trembling hands to cover her mouth. The man decided to speak without being spoken to.
"I'm very sorry to inform that..."
"Oh, my God!"
Ayşe whispered into her hand before bursting into tears. I was in complete shock and couldn't believe what was going on, until I felt her arms around my middle and her sobbing head against my shoulder. The man had taken off his fez and looked at us with sympathy in his eyes.
"W-What happened?"
I asked with a raspy voice, which was the only voice I could muster at that moment of terrible shock.
"Cholera. We lost several other men to that"
And, as soon as that, my illusions for a future with Sadiq banish and I felt like part of myself – that part that had not died when the General had committed suicide – banished, too.