Requested by anon: Hey :) Could you write a one-shot where Haymitch tells Effie a little bit about his reaping? As a sign of trust maybe? Today's piece inspired me to ask this. Thanks!
We Do What We Must
(42 years old)
She was angry, he knew.
Haymitch had heard about it from Plutarch who told him that Effie had not been pleased to find herself in District Thirteen. He kept from Plutarch his increasing suspicion that there were other reasons that was causing her anger.
Effie was cross with the fact that he had hid it all from her, that Peeta was left behind, that she was ill-prepared and that he was here, sequestered away to be detoxified while she was out there with Katniss out of their reach without an inkling on how to reach out to the girl.
Effie Trinket was livid because felt useless with no clear idea on the role she had to play in this place. She hated feeling useless above all else.
Once or twice, Haymitch had wondered how long her anger would keep her away from him. He would count the days except he kept drifting in and out of consciousness to be fully aware of the time of the day. Still, she came one day, much to his surprise, sliding into his room quietly and sitting next to his bed.
"I don't know what you expect from me by bringing me here. I'm not a rebel. I'm not like you or Katniss, or Peeta. I'm not brave," she whispered, almost ashamed to accept this flaw of hers. "I can't… I can't be a part of a Revolution. That's what Plutarch says this is – a revolution."
He stared, bunching the beanie in his hands. "Who said anything 'bout me being brave?"
"Standing up against President Snow… Defying him… You're behind this Rebellion…. I believe all of that takes courage. Does it not?"
Haymitch scoffed. "Maybe I did it 'cause I was afraid. I haven't got anything to lose before but maybe I do now," he admitted it quietly, and only to her would he admit that out loud.
"Katniss and Peeta," she nodded in understanding. Still, she gave him a cutting look. "You don't look like someone who's afraid, Haymitch. The only time I've seen you afraid was when Peeta was left behind otherwise you're just… indifferent. You district people… You have a certain resilient which we lack."
"You musn't have seen my first Reaping then," he chuckled, surprising himself that he was even broaching this subject voluntarily.
"I - I did," Effie nodded, casting him a cautious look. She had never told him this but since they were talking about it, it seemed like a good time as any. "Before I was officially appointed as your escort, Amara –"
At the mention of his old escort, Haymitch made a face. If Effie was a challenge that intrigued him immensely, Amara was a puzzle he never wanted to approach with a ten foot pole. He doubted Effie knew that he was somewhat relieved when Effie walked through the Justice Building and told him that he was Amara's replacement, well, the relieve was short lived once he realized what an oddity she was.
"Amara insisted I must learn all I can about you. We started with your Reaping."
Haymitch pinched the bridge of his nose, picturing the two Capitol women sitting next to each other discussing him behind his back. He could only imagine all the foul things Amara must have told Effie about him prior to their first meeting.
But he was tired and he didn't want to know the details, and since he was fighting hard trying to flush the alcohol out of his system, he couldn't muster the strength in him to be angry at the thought.
"Even at 16, you didn't look afraid. You look shocked, yes, which is understandable, but you marched your way up at that stage with your head –"
"I was afraid," he cut her off. "I was fucking afraid, sweetheart. I woke up that morning knowing that if my luck ran out and my name was called, I won't be coming back. I wasn't afraid for me but for Lief…"
"Lief..? Your brother?" she scooted closer and the warmth of her thigh pressing against his side made him want to snuggle closer. He was always so cold in here.
Haymitch swallowed and nodded. "For my mother, too, and what me being reaped would do to them. Lief was only 7. He already lost his father and he thought he was going to lose me, too."
Effie's brows wrinkled slightly remembering the unedited footage she saw a long time ago. She remembered a boy at the back, mouth opened in a surprise silent scream, pushing through the crowd to get to Haymitch. She remembered the boy being shoved roughly by the guns of Peacekeepers, stumbling back and falling hard as a woman tugged him back to his feet.
He waited to see if she had anything more to say on that subject but all she did was to give him a small smile. The subject of his past and his family was still a sensitive one and Effie was not willing to press for more.
"It's okay if you're scared," he said quietly. "I told you about my Reaping so you'd know that sometimes you just got to do what you need to do for people who need you or when the situation demands it of you. I brought you here because I trust you'd do everything you can for Katniss and Peeta. I can't do this alone, sweetheart."
She nodded and inhaled deeply. "You see, Haymitch, that's the thing about people like you, you're always worrying about someone else, you're always afraid about what will happen to someone else that you forgot to feel scared for yourself. I'm not like you. I'll never be like you. I'm too selfish," she cast her gaze down as she tucked the thin blanket around him. "But you're right, Katniss and Peeta… They're ours, and I'll help you every way I can."
He grabbed her wrist gently before she could stand up. "I can be selfish, too," he bore his gaze into hers imploringly.
The blush crept up her neck and Haymitch lay back down with a smirk on his lips, counting down the hours before she would visit him again.
In the upcoming chapter, you'll see how Amara treats a 16 year old Haymitch and the tributes.