Chapter 14: Miss them

"3...2...1! Happy New Year!" James, Karen, and Sirius yelled at the same time.

"I can't believe that we stayed up all night for that," Remus said, but he was smiling. Lily had already gone to bed saying that she didn't feel like staying up. Karen fell back on the couch laughing.

"Don't be a party pooper," Sirius said. Remus just rolled his eyes.

"I hope you know I'm staying here for the night," Remus said.

"I excepted as much," James replied.

"Poor Peter," Karen said. "He fell asleep before the clock even struck 10."

"Poor Peter? What about poor me?" Sirius said. "I never got my New Year's kiss!"

"Oh, bugger off," Karen said, rolling her eyes.

"Is that all you think about?" Remus asked.

"No," Sirius said.

"See you guys tomorrow," Karen said walking up the stairs.

"Wait for me!" Sirius said running after her.

"I'm heading up, too, mate," Remus said. "You coming?"

"Yeah, I'll be up later," James replied, staring at the fire.

"Ok. What about Peter?"

"He'll be fine."

Lily lay in her bed dreaming. They were lying in bed, James had his arm about her and his face buried in her hair; Lily was pressed up against him. It was a wonderful dream. She could almost feel his hot breath on her ear. "Lily...Lily?" he asked playfully.

Lily's eyes popped open. She still felt an arm around her. "Lily?" the voice asked again.

"Yeah?" she asked, without turning over.

"I miss them," James said.

"Who?" Lily asked, turning over.

"My parents," he replied.

"Oh, James, I'm sorry," Lily said.

"It's not your fault," he said. "I just wish they were here. I would give anything just to talk to them again."

"I know you would," Lily said. "I wish I could bring them back. I really do. I'm sorry you had to lose them."

"It's not your fault," James said. "I just...It's hard, you know? I'll never taste Mum's cookies again or hear her laugh or hear her yell at me when I play a prank on someone. I won't be able to hear my dad tell one of his stories or ask him for help with my spells or be able to talk to him about Auror training. Now Marlene's gone, too. I just can't help but feel that it's my fault."

"It's not your fault! It's no one's fault. If you want to blame someone, then blame the person who killed them," she said. "I wish we could have them back, too. Sometimes you have to move on for them, so one day when you see them again, they can say that they were proud of you."

By the time she finished, James was crying. "Shh, come here," Lily said, then hugged him. She had never seen James cry, and quite frankly it scared her. He was supposed to be this tough boy who never cried about anything. Lily didn't know if he would ever be the same again. It scared her to think that he might stay up some nights thinking about his parents. How he could have saved them. It scared her to think this boy who had been so strong, so carefree could be so happy on the outside, but breaking on the inside. But what scared her the most was that none of them were safe while this war was going on. Any moment now someone could come in and try to kill them. They would be unprepared and probably wouldn't make it. But she couldn't think about that right now, she had to be there for James.

James buried his face father into her neck, like if he went far enough down then he would escape the whole world. When he finally pulled away, Lily pulled his glasses off and cleaned them off. She gently put them back on. "Are you ok?" Lily asked.

"Yeah, you must think I'm a whiner," James said, wiping at his eyes.

"No I don't," she replied. "Sometimes you just have to let it all out."

"They didn't deserve it," James said. "They didn't deserve to die."

"I know, but we can't do anything about it," Lily told him.

"I should-"

"Stay," Lily said. "I don't mind."

"Are you sure?" he asked. "I don't want to impose. I shouldn't even have come up here in the first place."

"It's alright," she replied. "If you ever need someone then you can always talk to me."

"Thanks," he said. He slipped his arm around. Lily smiled and buried her face in James' chest.

James pulled Lily closer as she slept. He had woken up an hour ago, but wanted to enjoy this moment for as long as it lasted. He knew he couldn't get Lily back and was probably lucky that she still wanted to be friends. He wanted to pause this moment in time and live in it forever. Just laying here, not worrying about anything or anyone, holding her, without a care in the world. He wished he get her back. If he took that chance and she turned him down, then she wouldn't stay friends, would she? He couldn't risk losing Lily. No matter what it costed him.

He removed his arm from her waist and sat up. As he blew out a breath, he ran a hand through his hair. "You're tense," Lily said sleepily.

James let out a light laugh. "Yeah, that tends to happen when you're stressed," he replied.

Suddenly he felt hands on his shoulders. Lily started to rub his shoulders. "My mum does this to Dad when he's tense," she told him.

"She's a smart woman," James replied. "That feels nice."

"Hey Lily...am I interrupting something?" Karen asked from the doorway.

Lily and James froze where they were sitting. Lily with her hands on James shoulders and James sitting on the edge of the bed. Karen raised her eyebrows.

"N-no," Lily stuttered.

"Really?" Karen asked, smirking.

"Thanks for the talk," James said, standing up.

"No problem," she replied.

James walked out of the room. Why did Karen have the worst timing? Well at least it wasn't Sirius, he thought.

"So?" Karen asked. "Thanks for the talk? I find it hard to believe that you were just talking."

"Nothing happened," James told her.

"Well, if you don't tell me, I'm going to tell Sirius," she replied.

"Go ahead. Nothing happened," James said, annoyed.

"Fine, but if something does happen, then I will find out about it," she said before turning and walking away.