My hands ghosted over the keys before I placed them on them and played a tune I had only imagined.
"What you want, what you got; Live your life in a crawl space," I sang, my voice was softer than it usually would be, but he could hear me.
"I'll help you out but you don't want a chance at a better life
You said you never took a ride and now you wanna play
Well, it's a big, big city let me show you around some time
Oh, some time
And now you crossed that line
You can't come back
Tell me how does it feel now
It's too late too much to forget about
Can't stop now
How does it feel now
I'm only asking because I wanna know
How...you...wanna...feel
Well, I'm a wreck
I'm a mess
I'm a spot on the pavement
I'm a number on your wall
I make you so tired
And I don't think I like this game no more
It goes around and round and round
I'll tell you one more time
Yeah, one more time," I finished, he smiled at me and nodded in approval.
"And from there it repeats the chorus," I say, "it's not that slow, it's faster than that."
I can tell he knows and he keeps smiling at me. My face heats up because I haven't sung and preformed in front of anyone in a long time.
"It's a good song, as always," he says, he walks over and gets his guitar and starts strumming, and tries out the lyrics, then keeps strumming. After awhile he picks up a tune and starts singing, exactly like I imagined he would. He finishes and looks at me for approval, I smile at him. The corners of his mouth turn downwards, he puts down his guitar and comes to sit next to me on the piano bench.
"What's the matter?" he asks.
I shake my head, "Nothing just trying to wrap my head around this."
He smiles at me, "Me too."
I have my best friend back, I have an amazing boyfriend, and it's not as hard as it used to be. Everything is going good, everything will be fine, and nothing is wrong. Ya, I was so naïve.
[Break]
March 1 . . . One Month Later
Today Austin and I finished another song for his new album, we decided on the name New Beginnings. I love it, I haven't been this happy for so long and I can't wait to see Jay. Last week he left for the tattoo convention. He's been great, we exchanged house keys, and he's been so sweet. I love him, I think. I mean it might be too early but he's just so alive and happy and full of life. He always is laughing, always joking, it's like he's floating on Cloud Nine. He made me dinner the night before he left; he made me all my favorite things. He's something else.
Trish and I had lunch together this week, I wish we did it sooner, but she has been in Paris, she has apparently been working for this Fashion Designer for the past two years. I did miss her, she always was the one person that I could just talk to without having to worry, I'm not saying I can't talk to Dez, or Austin, or Jay but I mean it's just good to have a girlfriend. We talked forever and then we were asked to leave. I missed her so much . . .
I took a deep breath and got out of my car, the all was packed as always but there she was, standing there clutching her phone, looking through the crowds to find me. I walked over, her eyes finally fell on me, she sucked in a breath the same time I did. She smiles and runs over to me and wraps in a tight hug, I hug her back with the same force. She pulls back and few tears slip down her cheek and I laugh and cry too.
"Oh, pull it together Dawson, we're in public," she laughs, wiping tears away.
I just laugh and we sit down at the table she got for us. I drop my bag and reach for a glass of water, and take a few sips.
"So, tell me what's been going on with you?" she asks.
"Me? Oh, everything out of the ordinary."
She laughs, she raises her glass and we click glasses, "True that."
"Let's see where do I start after you guys left I moved out, you knew how my dad was, and how my mom was. I cared about them I just can't find the room to love them. Then I got some tattoos, a star behind my ear, then A.D. on my wrists, and bars on my forearm. I have a boyfriend, his name is Jay, and he's my tattoo artist. Two months so far. I smoke. Work in a bar," I finish, she listened quietly, then laughs.
"What happened to our pure Ally Dawson?"
I shrug and shake my head, "What's been up with you, Trish De La Rosa?"
She shrugs, "Well after I left, I moved to New York City. I had a new job each week; I enrolled into a Fashion Academy. I met this guy, we hit it off. We spent every single waking moment together. Then Dez shows up, he's going to film school in the city. Well we go on a walk and he kisses me, and I'm in a relationship, but man did sparks fly. I ran off and broke it off the guy, but Dez had left. So I distracted myself, I worked extremely hard. I got a gig and this guy sees it and he signs me to this contract and we travel to Europe and Italy and Greece and Europe. One night in Greece I go to a restaurant and Dez was there and we talked all night and kissed and walked on the beach. I had to go but we wrote and called and we fell in love."
My mouth was agape, Trish and Dez. That was new, she smirked at me and then I got back to reality.
"Oh Trish, I'm so happy for you," I said, she smiled warmly at me.
We ordered food and then talked until we were asked to leave, I went to her house and we ate ice-cream and watched girly chick-flicks until the early morning hours. Then we fell asleep on the couch.
April 3
This morning Jay told me he loved me, and I told him I loved him. Austin and I finished two more songs and they came out better than I thought they would. He wants me to do a duet but I don't think I'm ready for that yet. Dez proposed to Trish the last night when we were out during dinner, Austin was smiling and I was crying. We always knew they would end up together. I asked Jay to go but he said he had to work. Speaking of work I got promoted, to manger. I just want to quit but the club needs me this summer but with the record getting to the finally coming to its end, I don't think I want to be spending my summer in a crowded club. My father called me the other day; he's getting married in July. He told me that my mom moved to Africa indefinably. He wanted me to go and I told him I would try too. His wife wants me to be a bride maid. I might just throw up if I go, all over her white dress. I stopped smoking, but I still have a pack in my house for emergencies.
I smoothed down my skirt and slipped on a pair of high heels, Trish curled my hair and pinned it into a loose bun, but she left a few of curly pieces fell into my face. She did my makeup and I did hers. She got me a dress from her collection that I absolutely loved. It was long sleeved, knee length dress. It was nude but the top was laced design. The sleeves were laces and a black belt was around the waist, the skirt poofed. She found me a pair of black Louboutin pumps in her closet and told me that I had to be fashionable tonight. It was the first the outing of Team Austin, the press would be all over it.
Trish wore a black polka-dot dress with a red cardigan and black Louboutin Mary Janes. We interlinked arms and walked down stairs. Dez and Austin were waiting in the kitchen, both wearing suits. They walked over, Dez draped an arm over Trish's shoulders and leaned down and gave her a kiss. I couldn't help but smile; Austin caught my eye then smiled at me. Dez and Trish started out and I began to follow, Austin grabbed my wrist then leaned down, I gulped and my stomach broke out in a swarm of butterflies. He put his mouth next to my ear, "You look stunning, Ally."
I blush and we walk out together, Dez and Trish are in the limo and they smirk at each other when we get in. I roll my eyes at her, and she sticks her tongue out at me.
The restaurant is pretty crowded but the moment we walk in there are flashes everywhere, we duck our heads and walk to the private table. We slide into the booth and breaking out laughing.
"I still hate that," I say between laughs.
"I know, I can't wait to hear the stories later," says Trish, Dez laughs and nods.
"Me too, sweet pea," says Dez and I look at Austin, he shrugs and then our waitress runs up.
"Hello my name is Amber; I will be your waitress. Can I get you something to drink?"
"Gin and tonic," Austin says, looking at me and I stifle a laugh, and then flip him off which he returns.
The waitress shoots me an annoyed look, "I'll have a glass of red wine."
"What kind?" she sneers.
"The house, please," Trish says.
"I'll have a glass of Brandy," Dez chimes.
"And I'll have a glass of red wine too, house please," I say and then add, "Oh, Amber is it, I work in a bar. Mr. Moon likes his drinks to get here as quickly as possible, the tonic should be cold but the gin needs to be room temperature. Dez likes his Brandy with five ice cubes, only five, no more, no less. And Ms. De La Rosa likes her Wine room temperature as well as I like mine, but we will have only one glass of red then we would like a bottle of cold chardonnay. Is this clear?"
She gives me a dirty look, "Yes Ms. Dawson."
"One more thing, you should wipe that look off your face. It isn't that pretty now is it? Try smiling. That's all, thank you."
She stomps off to the bar, then hands the bartender the list that I gave her, he frown then laughs and starts to fill the requirements.
"Wow Ally what was that?" Austin asks, clearly surprised.
"That girl made fun of me in high school, and then she came to the club one night and gave this absurd order before pouring her drink over my head. Pay back is a bitch," I state before leaning back and scanning the menu. They laughed then looked over the menu.
She came back with our drinks, and then bent over and placed each drink in front of us, she made sure to bend over and show her red lacey bra off to Austin when serving his drink. He chuckled then shook his head. She got red in the face then stormed off.
"My brandy has six ice cubes," Dez says, we burst out laughing, I wipe the tears from my eyes then Amber comes back.
"Are you guys ready to order?" she asks looking down.
We nod in agreement, Trish orders first.
"I would like the Beef Tender Loin, with the House Salad. Extra goat cheese on the salad, there should be 29 walnuts, and 47 dried cranberries, the chicken should be in stripes and then grilled. The Beef Tender Loin can I have the four inch, the sides are garlic spinach but instead of garlic can it be grilled. Also, the other side is mashed potatoes, can I have 1'3 of a cup of gravy and make sure to bring pepper and salt."
I look at her and she smiles devilishly at me. Then Dez orders.
"I will have the Ahi Tuna, with New England Clam Chowder. I will have 12 oyster crackers, the Ahi needs to be cold, and I would like two tea spoons of wasabi, the soup must be hot but not too hot but not hot enough. My sides are coleslaw, can I have two cups of coleslaw but can I have it in a separate bowl. And garlic mashed potatoes, but can u make the bottom of them crispy, please. Thank you."
Then she skipped right over me and asked Austin,
"I'll have the House Steak, I would it medium, and the red needs to be blood red then pink the light brown the crispy. I would like the blue cheese crust, but I want fresh blue cheese please. I would like the twice baked potato; I would like sharp cheddar, green onions, and butter. Then on top I would like sharp cheddar and one table spoon of sour cream. I would also like a side salad but I would like a side of ranch and there should be only a cup of ranch, no more, no less. I would like tomatoes; they need to be medium sized cut into slices. And there should be green onion which there should be only 57 of the cut pieces along with 5 red cherry tomatoes."
Then she took my order, I smirked at her,
"You ready?"
She nodded and gave the 'bring it' look.
"I would like two halves of salmon put together, they need to be blazed and then marinated in garlic salt and pepper, I want them grilled with bay leafs. There needs to be feta and spinach on one halve, the other should have one-half of a lemon next to it. The salmon must be grilled until the skin turns two shades darker. The sauce I will have needs to have, one part lemon, one part garlic, and two part mayo. There needs to be a cup of it, this cup has the size of a small custard cup. My two sides are sautéed mushrooms, they are mushrooms in a garlic based sauce but need to be cooked in a teaspoon of oil. The next side is cheesy mashed potatoes, and the bottom must be crispy. Oh, and I will have the house salad as well, just like Trish's."
She sighed then walked off, "I have a headache from that," I say then take a sip of my wine. I pause the take my spoon and scoop out a balled up piece of paper. I laugh and show them.
"That's the best she got?"
She came back and asked if needed anything.
"Um Ms. Amber," Dez says, she turns and looks at him. He takes her wrist and opens her palm and drops an ice cube into her hand then snatches his hand back and wipes it on his pants. I laugh and then wave her over and hand her the piece of paper. She scowls and storms off.
After our absurd order comes we eat in a constant telling of stories and laughing. Finally when we finish we lean back and drink our drinks and smile at nothing. Amber comes back with a piece of cheese cake for each of us and a glass of champagne, I shoot a confused look at Austin he shrugs and starts eating. I follow suit; I eat silently until I hear a scream. I drop my fork and look over. Trish is staring wide eyed at her cheese cake and then she looks at Dez he pulls a small round thing out of the cake and cleans off before getting out of his seat and gets down on one knee.
"Trish De La Rosa, love of my life, I would love nothing more than if you would marry me. Will you marry me?"
Trish is lost for words she nods then jumps into Dez's arms and whispers yes over and over again. I feel tears slip over my cheeks and I can't help but smile. Austin gives me a side hug, and I laugh.
"Who would have guessed?" I say, he laughs.
We eventually leave and the waitress flipped us off when we were walking out and I could help but run back inside, and yelling "Go fuck yourself!"
The ride back was a comfortable silence. Trish and Dez got off together, and they waved before ducking into their house. Austin and I sat across from each other, we smiled at each other, when we got to my apartment, and I got up to leave. Austin caught my wrist and pulled me into a hug; he kissed my cheek then my forehead then my nose, and then whispered, 'I had fun with you tonight.' I blushed furiously then got out of the limo and waved. I had trouble walking up to the door; I entered then climbed the stairs to my floor. I walked inside my apartment humming the song Austin and I had recorded earlier. I walked into my room and took off my shoes and hung up my dress, then I wiped off my makeup and left my hair before climbing into my bed and falling asleep.
When I woke up I had a note sitting on my side table,
Hey babe,
Meet at the tattoo parlor like right after you get up. It's urgent.
-Jay
After reading it, I didn't want to; he doesn't summon me like I'm a dog. I got out of bed and took a long hot shower; I dried out my hair then styled it than did my makeup. I walked back into my room then got out into a Rolling Stones shirt, a leather jacket, dark blue skinny jeans and the shoes I wore last night. I strolled into my kitchen and made coffee; I had a cup then got my bag and made my way to the Parlor.
The door was open and I stopped before the bell could ring. Jay was sitting at the counter, there were three girls leaning over the counter. He was smiling I heard one of them giggle. The first one was barely wearing anything besides a pair of itty-bitty short and a bikini top, does she know she's 4 blocks away from the beach, the other one was wearing a white tank top, and short along with the other one.
"I want the words 'fuck me' right here," the first one said drawing a line under her breast. Jay chuckled and then answered, "Oh really?"
She bit her lip, and nodded, "Do you think you can do that?"
He nodded and got up and walked over to the table and told her to lie down. I laugh then step into the shop, the bell goes off and Jay's head darts up and his eyes fall on me. Pure horror shows on his face.
"Hey babe," I say then I look over at the girl, "Who's this?"
"I'm Kimberly, who are you?" she gets up and walks over to me. She sizes me up, then gets in my face, "I said who are you."
"I'm his girlfriend."
She laughs then says, "I'm pretty sure you're just a slut."
I scoffed then looked at Jay, I flipped him off and walked out and headed towards the beach, I could walk four blocks. Eventually, I did, I slipped off my shoes and walked along the shore taking in the waves and the energy. I wish I was somewhere else, with someone else. Not alone, on this beautiful day. I got to the desolate part of the beach and I decided to sit down and look at the waves. I zoned out, I don't know how long I was there but it started to get dark and I got up and started back to my apartment. He was waiting next to my door, I glanced at him then unlocked my door and walked in, I left it open and I heard him come in. I went into the bathroom and changed into a tank top and sweats. I came out and he sat on the couch. I leaned against the door frame.
"You went to go to see him today, didn't you?" he sneered, looking at the ground.
"Excuse me but who are we talking about," I say.
"Austin."
I look him for a few seconds, "No because when my boy friend flirts with another girl right in front of me then doesn't do anything about it, I don't go running to Austin or any guy for that."
He shook his head, "But you were all over him last night."
I shook my head, "What?'
"You and him at the restaurant last night," he said.
I widened my eyes I couldn't believe what I was hearing, "Last night we hugged because Dez proposed and we were happy for them. I don't even have to explain myself, I didn't go and flirt with another guy, and you did. You flirted with a girl."
"Why aren't you yelling?" he asked.
"I'm emotionally unavailable at the moment."
He shook his head, "I'm sorry."
"It's fine, whatever," I say, I walk into my room and grab a blanket and pillow and toss it at him. "Here."
I walk back into my room and fall asleep. In the morning, I wake up to the smell of coffee and pancakes. I trudge out of bed and walk into the kitchen. Jay is holding a plate of pancakes and black coffee. I take both and sit on a stool.
"Ally?"
"Hmm?"
"I love you."
I look up at him, did he just say that.
"I . . . I love you too."
What did I just get myself into?