Hello! Thanks for the comments/reviews, favorites, and follows! This week I'm uploading two chapters because I am going to be out of the country until July 10th and I won't have access to a computer or the internet. In compensation, these two chapters are extra long! I'm still editing the next chapter, so I'm going to post this one first.
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto...
Before the third meeting (still before Wave)
Deep in the Forest of Death, by a stream. A young blonde was fishing with no luck. Unknown to the blonde, Tora had recently taken to hiding from genin upstream, making the fish too scared to stray further downstream. Any minute now I'll catch a fish. Any second now… Come on, fishy, fishy, fishy, where are you? A grumble snapped the whiskered blonde out of his thoughts. He growled in frustration and threw his rod into the stream. I'm sooooo hungry! Stupid fish. Stupid villagers. Stupid Kakashi-sensei. He looked around his fishing spot and spotted some mushrooms. I wonder… He crouched near the mushrooms. They look just like the ones Iruka-sensei said civilians cook with. Should I eat them? He looked at the mushrooms and bit his lip. Looking around one more time, he made up his mind. No one will mind if I take them. He grinned mischievously and started harvesting the mushrooms. Guess I'm having grilled mushrooms for lunch!
In Konoha there stood a tower that overlooked the village. In this tower, a man sat next to a crystal ball doing his paperwork. Wait, what's this? He's not actually doing his work, but is reading the new edition of Icha Icha! Yes, you got it right, this man, the leader of this village, Hiruzen Sarutobi, the Hokage, is actually reading porn! Why are we watching the Hokage read porn, you ask? That is because today's story starts with him.
"Jiji, you keep saying that you have to tell me about The Talk, but you keep forgetting to do it! It's not fair, all my friends know about it and I want to know about it too!" a voice whined.
"Hmmm, yes. What's this about your friends? Were they the ones I saw in the crystal ball that you taught your A-rank secret jutsus too? Is there a certain S-ranked secret you want to tell them about too?" The Third peered down at Naruto with a smirk as he pretended to do paperwork.
Naruto looked away and muttered, "Maybe someday, Jiji, but not yet. Stop changing the subject! Those same friends of mine told me that your family tells you about The Talk, and that because I think of you as the closest thing I have to family, it means you have to tell me about it." Naruto stared at the Hokage with his infamous puppy eyes.
Why'd they tell him that! The next time I see those brats, I'm definitely assigning them the most torturous D-ranks! He saw Naruto looking at him expectantly. If I don't tell him now, he'll think I don't think of him as family. Minato, what am I supposed to do now? I can't destroy that innocence in his eyes. Hiruzen thought avoiding Naruto's bright innocent eyes. "It's not that I don't want to tell you Naruto, it's just that…" He trailed unable to finish.
"Oh." Naruto began to droop.
"No, no, it's just that the one in your family who tells you should be the closest to your age" he rambled, a plan forming in his mind. "In fact, don't you think of Iruka as your big brother? You should ask him to tell you about The Talk. Here give him this note and tell him it's the Hokage's orders." Perfect now Iruka has to tell him. It's good being Hokage.
Naruto looked wide-eyed at Hiruzen and jumped up to hug him, "Thanks, Jiji!" he yelled and ran off to find Iruka.
After a long morning of training, Team 8 was taking a break to eat lunch. They were sitting on a picnic blanket and Hinata was holding a basket of food. "Wow! It tastes wonderful Hinata! The crunchy things are really yummy!" Kiba said with his mouth full, crumbs flying everywhere.
"Hinata, the cut fruit are delicious. My Kikaichu convey their thanks." Shino tipped his head towards Hinata.
"Thanks Kiba, Shino. I am glad you like them. I was going to bring some on the weekend to share with the other teams."
"You mean Naruto," Kiba teased, while Hinata ducked her head and blushed. "It's obvious you like him Hinata. You're lucky he doesn't notice. He's as thick as a brick."
Hinata looked down once more and said, "No, he doesn't notice because of his feelings to Sakura."
"Hinata is most likely correct," Shino analyzed.
"Shut up, Shino! No one asked you anyways. Naruto probably doesn't even know why he likes Sakura." Kiba patted Hinata's back.
"He is on his way. Perhaps, we can ask him and settle it once and for all." Shino looked at the path keenly.
"Eh! He is coming here right now?" Hinata squeaked anxiously.
"Calm down, Hinata. Kiba shall do the talking." Shino said as Naruto walked towards them.
"Hey, guys! Have you seen Iruka-sensei? He wasn't at the academy and I need to talk to him."
"Sorry, Naruto, we didn't see him, but I wanted to ask you a question."
"Yeah?"
"Why do you like Sakura?" Kiba blurted out.
Naruto blushed and rubbed the back of his head before speaking, "It's because she was the first one I remember to smile at me and play with me in the park. No one else even looked at me when I was little. But I don't think she remembers." He smiled sadly. The look was so strange on his face that Kiba immediately wanted it gone.
"What if someone else liked you and wanted to smile with you?" he asked.
Naruto snapped his head up to Kiba, stunned. "Kiba…I never knew you felt that way! I'm sorry but I cannot return your feelings." He started tearing up while Hinata hid her face and giggled. Shino too was shaking from suppressed laughter.
"What? No! Not me! I'm not in love with you!" Kiba practically squealed. "I meant someone in general, not me." He looked scandalized that Naruto even suggested that.
"Phew," Naruto sighed relieved. "I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but the truth is even if Sakura-chan told me she wanted to go out with me right now, I'd turn her down. Although I care about her, and I want to let her know of my feelings towards her, I cannot love anyone yet."
"Why not?" Kiba asked bewildered while Shino and Hinata listened intently.
"Because I am not strong enough to protect someone yet," Naruto smiled dreamily before walking away leaving Team 8 confused. Caught up in their thoughts they did not hear him murmur, "And I do not understand what love means anyways…"
Where is Iruka-sensei? He needs to tell me about The Talk! Naruto wondered as he left the academy, Iruka nowhere in sight. Maybe Team 10 will know, I'll go ask them.
Iruka was picking up some herbs in the forest to show his students when he felt a strange shiver run down his back. He stopped picking the mushrooms and wondered what the bad feeling was about. Must be nothing. I'm getting paranoid. He shrugged and looked down at the mushrooms he collected. Hmm, there seems to be a lot of Dreamy Truth Mushrooms, I better warn everyone not to eat them. Iruka chuckled and remembered how Naruto always mixed up these mushrooms with the more harmless Cooking Mushrooms that civilians use. I hope he's grown out of that habit. At least these aren't Moulding Mushrooms, now those are poisonous and way worse! He shuddered at the thought of Naruto eating those.
Team 10 was also trying out some cooking after a morning of training. "So, how does it taste?"
"It's a lot better than the burnt rocks Ino brought. Nice work, Choji!" Shikamaru smacked his lips appreciatively.
"Shut up, Shika! It was my first time. Next time they'll taste so good, you'll be begging for more! I'll even get Choji to help me, just wait and see!" Ino's eyes flared with anger. Shikamaru just rolled his eyes at her.
"That'll be the day," he muttered under his breath. He squinted a bit when he noticed an orange blur in the distance that looked like it was coming closer. "Is that…Naruto?"
"Who else wears an orange jumpsuit? Or a jumpsuit period?" Ino demanded.
Somewhere in Konoha, two bowl-haired men wearing green-jumpsuits sneezed. "Lee, I think someone complimented our most youthful uniforms! Let us run 12 more laps around Konoha to show everyone the Springtime of Youth!"
"Yosh! Gai-sensei!"
"Lee!"
"Gai-sensei!"
"Lee!"
Somewhere in the distance, an unfortunate bystander caught in the display moaned, "Make it stop! My eyes! They burn!" That villager was admitted into the psych ward, never to return. To this day, no one knows what is wrong with him. The fearsome power of the Youthful Sunset Genjutsu shows itself once more. Any ninja who saw the man thought. Poor civilians, unable to stand up to its fearsome might due to their lack of chakra. This incident begins the Legend of the Sunset, but that is another story.
Naruto approached Team 10 and asked, "Hey, did you guys see Iruka-sensei?"
"Nope, sorry Naruto," Choji said between munching his chips.
"Hey, Naruto, why do you always wear an orange jumpsuit?"
"Although I do love the color orange, if I had a choice I would not wear so much of it every day. It is the only thing the villagers will sell to me. They told me the orange would make enemy nin spot me so they could kill me faster and refused to sell me anything else." He smiled melancholily. Ino didn't like it at all. "The bright orange really helps train my stealth, though. Now I can hide from all ANBU trackers in plain sight even without using that special jutsu! Which is good because it drains way too much chakra…"
"Why don't you try to buy from the traveling merchants or dye your clothes?"
"Everyone overcharges me because they hate me so I don't have enough money to buy anything but food." Choji and Shikamaru were watching Naruto with wide-eyes.
"What did you do to them? Why do they hate you so much?" Ino asked distressed.
"I was born. They hate my existence and wish I would die," Naruto said simply before drifting away, leaving Team 10 standing there in shock.
"I know Naruto does a few pranks here and there, but to hate him that much because of them?" Choji asked shocked.
"It might be his parents they hate," Shikamaru suggested. "But, that doesn't make sense either. Naruto is an Uzumaki which was like a sister to Konoha before they got wiped out. We even wear their swirl on our jackets to show our partnership with them. They should be treating Naruto like Sasuke, not an outcast."
"This doesn't make any sense," Ino groaned.
Naruto skipped along the path to the academy deciding to look their again for Iruka. "Iruka-sensei! Are you there?" He called out while sticking his head into the teacher's break room.
"Naruto what are you looking for?" Iruka asked with concern noticing Naruto looked a little strange. It's almost as if he… No, it must be just my paranoia. Shaking his thoughts away, he refocused on Naruto. "What's this?" he asked about the note Naruto was giving him.
"Jiji said you have to tell me about The Talk because you're the closest thing I have to family that's near my age and are like my big brother. Hokage's orders!" Iruka paled at the words: The Talk. He looked at the note and saw:
Iruka,
It is time for you to let a child blossom into a man and follow the path of fire!
Congratulations on being the one to tell Naruto about The Talk.
He's excited to hear about this family secret from his big brother!
Don't disappoint him,
Hiruzen Sarutobi
P.S. You have no choice. Hokage's Orders. :)
Iruka cleared his throat a few times trying to think of the best way to put this so Naruto understood. "So, Naruto…Remember how girls and boys are different? Well, sometimes when a boy grows up he and he really likes a girl…"
"Like Sakura-chan?"
"Yeah or a boy in some cases... Anyways, when two people love each other they get married and want to have a family."
"I don't think I could ever have a family. They might get hurt by my enemies."
"Trust me, one day you will want a family and kids. Even though it is hard to protect them, it's worth it in the end," Iruka smiled at Naruto.
"Do you want one?"
"Not yet, I'm waiting for the right special someone. So, after marriage, if you want kids you have to have a boy and a girl. You can either be born this way or use your Orioke no Jutsu for this, but you have to have a boy and a girl. Then the boy…um…is like a bee and goes into…a…"
"Mouth? Kiba said his sister swallowed a bee once."
"No, wait actually sometimes yes, you know what forget about the bee. So, the boy is like a…a…stick, yes the boy is like a popsicle stick and you stick him into some water which is the girl and they freeze in the fridge for eight to nine months and you have a baby popsicle!"
"What so the mom eats a baby and poops it out? Is that why they're so fat? From eating popsicle babies?"
"No…" Iruka groaned wondering how to say this. I guess I'll just have to be blunt, otherwise Naruto will never get it. "Ok, listen closely, Naruto because I'm only going to say this once. So, a man sticks himself into a girl using his-"
"Wait, are you talking about sex?" Iruka sweat-dropped.
"You already knew about sex?"
"Yeah, Iruka-sensei. How else could I make my Orioke no Jutsu so lifelike without seeing it? Plus, I lived in the red-light district for a bit when I was four and the orphanage kicked me out. Of course, I know about sex, but what does that have to do with babies?"
"Oh, this is much easier. So, two people have sex as a boy and a girl to make babies. When the man releases into the girl, a baby can form inside the girl. That's why people have to be careful when they make love. Wait, you never mentioned living there to me," Iruka fretted, concerned about Naruto.
"It wasn't that long, and Jiji found me soon after. But I'll never forget the things I saw while I was there. I just don't talk about it because it makes Jiji sad and people don't really like hearing about it. Actually, I don't know why I mentioned it right now either." He smiled vacantly at Iruka, who frowned at him, filing that piece of information away for later.
"Naruto, did you eat mushrooms you found in the forest again?" Iruka asked sternly.
"Maybe…" Naruto whistled and looked away from Iruka-sensei.
"Naruto!" Iruka threatened.
"Okay, I only ate a few because I was so hungry and saw them near the place I fish. And I only ate the ones that look like the ones in the market place and I cooked them before I ate them. I was just soooo hungry and no fish were biting. I think they were spooked by the thunderstorm."
"Okay, Naruto I understand. You must have mistakenly eaten Dreamy Truth Mushrooms. They make you tell the truth to everything and make you forget about the stuff you didn't want to say. It'll be like waking from a dream after they wear off. It should've kicked in sometime after your meeting with the Third. You should remember what we talked about here but you'll probably forget about some of the stuff earlier in the day. Did you talk to anyone else today?"
"Yeah, I talked to Teams 8 and 10, but I can't really remember what I said to them."
"You better go tell them that you accidentally ate some Dreamy Truth Mushrooms so they don't get worried about you."
"Okay, thanks Iruka-sensei!" Naruto yelled over his shoulder as he ran out to find his friends.
"Yup, anytime kiddo!" Iruka chuckled and sat back at his desk. Now I just need to get back at the Hokage for making me give Naruto The Talk. I think I'll make him do extra paperwork and hide his Icha Icha from him tomorrow. Iruka cackled creepily to himself, while Hiruzen suddenly felt a few cold shivers travel down his spine.
The Third Meeting (and two weeks before the C-Rank to Wave)
The next day, Teams 8 and 10 were worried for Naruto and it showed in their missions. Kurenai noticed Hinata kept staring at the sky and sighing, while Kiba kept muttering about love and protection? Even Shino seemed more aggravated than usual; his bugs buzzing nonstop noisily. What is wrong with them today? Did Kiba confess to Hinata and did she reject him? Is Shino jealous of Kiba or Hinata? I guess I'll have to follow them today to find out.
Asuma, on the other side of the village, was deciding to follow his genin team too. Shikamaru was painting the fence with the wrong side of his brush and didn't even notice! Choji wasn't munching on chips like usual. Instead, he looked like he was…fussing?...over a picnic basket. Even Ino was less noisy today. In fact, she hadn't shouted at anyone the whole day. She was sitting under the tree…sleeping? There is something going on here. Either Shika got Ino pregnant and Choji is in charge of Ino's diet or I'm missing something here. Yup, there is nothing to do but to stalk- I mean watch them for the rest of the day.
And that's why when Teams 8 and 10 met at Ichiraku's they were followed by their jounin senseis. Asuma and Kurenai were in the same booth watching their genin wait for something. "So, what do you think they're doing, Kurenai?"
"I do not know Asuma. Perhaps they are planning a surprise birthday party for a friend? They seem distressed for some reason…"
"Yes, missions today were more of a pain than usual. None of them were even paying attention. Then again, the missions were all D-ranks…"
"Maybe they're plotting together to get a C-rank?" Asuma was about to reply when he noticed the genin look up at the door. They were clearly waiting for someone. The door opened and a big orange blur joined the genin at the table. "It's too bad we cannot hear from here," Kurenai lamented.
Asuma smirked and held a small device in front of the table, "I bugged the table they're sitting at."
They heard Naruto's voice come through first, "Hey guys! How have you been? Kakashi-sensei still won't let us take more than one mission and is still taking a lot of the pay so I can't buy any ramen today either…" He grimaced at the thought of no ramen.
Asuma and Kurenai were appalled that Kakashi took some of his genin's mission pay for D-ranks. He doesn't even give them enough to live off of. They thought heatedly.
"Instead of buying food, we thought it would be better to bring food and have a potluck type of meeting!" Ino excitedly brought out a basket of food. "Choji made most of the food, but I helped decorate the cookies." She smiled proudly.
"We too have brought food." Shino added as Hinata placed a small basket on the table. "I contributed some honey and Kiba some meat, while Hinata made the food."
"Wow! I'll bring something next time. I didn't know we were bringing food to this meeting. I was a bit…indisposed…yesterday so I forgot to ask my teammates if they wanted to come," Naruto scratched the back of his head while smiling sheepishly.
"Yeah you said some things yesterday," Kiba began only to be cut off by Naruto.
"I don't remember what I said to you guys yesterday. I accidentally ate some Dreamy Truth Mushrooms so I have no idea what I told you, but everything I said was the truth. You literally cannot lie, according to Iruka-sensei, when you eat those mushrooms."
"Is it true Naruto-kun? That you wish to become stronger before loving someone?" Hinata asked shyly.
Naruto rubbed the back of his head before answering, "Yeah, if I want to love someone enough to have a family with them then I need to be strong enough to first protect those precious to me."
"But why would you have to protect them to love them?" Kiba asked confused. Akamaru yipped in agreement. Naruto took some time to answer this.
"…There have only been two people to ever love me: Jiji and Iruka-sensei. I think my parents loved me…but I'm not sure. Jiji won't tell me much about them. When I love someone, I don't want to have to leave them and I don't want them to leave me. I already lost my parents, and I almost lost Iruka-sensei too. I don't want to lose anyone ever again so I have to get strong enough to be able to protect them and me."
Asuma and Kurenai winced remembering the report of a windmill shuriken almost killing Iruka when he confronted Mizuki in the forest.
"That sounds very admirable Naruto. I agree with your statements and commend you for thinking about love that way," Shino approved. He nodded at Naruto who was blushing. He didn't mean to say that much. It all just came tumbling out. I guess those mushrooms are still making me weird. But, it felt nice to say that.
There was some silence as everyone chewed their food. "Mmmm! Who made this? It's delicious!" Naruto's thoughts quickly became consumed by the mouthwatering honey barbequed meat.
"Yes! I want the recipe! I love barbecued meat and this is almost as good as Yakiniku-Q's!" Choji exclaimed surprising Team 8 and Naruto by his passion.
Ino groaned, "Oh, great! He's never going to stop now."
Choji continued extolling the values of meat, "and it helps build up muscles. The honey also is a perfect combination to soften the meat. And I've never had this quality honey before. Just where did you find it from and-"
"Choji! Shut up before I make you!" Ino finally snapped and slammed Choji into the table. Team 8's and Naruto's eyes bugged out seeing Ino's sudden strength.
"Is that normal?" Naruto asked, his eyes still wide.
"Unfortunately…" Shikamaru grumbled as he picked at his meat. "This stuff is delicious. Did you make this all by yourself Hinata?"
"K-Kiba and Shino supplied the meat and honey. It was a group effort," Hinata blushed.
"Wow! You're amazing Hinata!" Naruto looked at Hinata only to see her blushing even harder and start swaying. "Are you all right, Hinata? You look sick!" He said getting closer to Hinata.
"Y-Yes Naruto-kun. I-I am all right. Please do not worry," Hinata reassured him while doing her best not to faint.
"Quick! Remember what Kurenai-sensei said she used to do when Asuma-sensei was nearby! Breathe in! 1! 2! Breathe out! 1! 2!" Kiba coached recognizing he signs of Naruto-overload.
At the table in the corner, Asuma smirked at Kurenai. He raised an eyebrow and said, "Really, Kurenai? You had trouble breathing next to me?" He shifted closer to Kurenai and whispered, "Do you still feel that way now? Having any breathing problems?"
"S-Shut up! That was back when I had a crush on you!"
"Oh? And you don't have that crush anymore?" he drawled.
"Nope and if you come any closer, you won't have something still attached to you at the end of this meal."
Asuma pouted. "But Kurenai, if I don't have all my body parts how can I take you out on a date?"
"Bribery," she dryly answered as Asuma scooted further away from her gloomily.
"It's not fair. First, my genin eat me out of my paycheck and then my girlfriend threatens me," he ducked into the corner with a small storm cloud forming over his head.
"And I'll make those threats reality if you don't pay attention. Now, watch! It looks like they stopped eating!"
"Meanie" Asuma pouted.
"Shush!"
The genin finished up their food without noticing the suspicious jounin watching them from the corner. "So, Naruto, does everyone really hate you that much?" Ino finally asked.
"Yeah, but I'm going to become Hokage so they everyone will have to respect me and stop hating me!"
"Who hates you?" Kiba scrunched up his eyebrows confused.
"The villagers," Naruto shrugged his shoulders.
"Why?" Kiba asked even more confused.
"Do you know if they might dislike your parents and transferred that hatred towards you?" Shikamaru asked.
"Nah. They blame me, I guess," Naruto sighed remembering how the villagers still saw him as the demon-brat.
"What'd you do to them? Prank them too much?" Ino wondered.
"Something like that…" Naruto answered halfheartedly trying to avoid everyone's concerned eyes.
"It did seem a bit too extreme for anyone in Konoha to hate an Uzumaki as they hail from our now destroyed sister village, Uzushio," Shikamaru added thoughtfully as he pulled out a thick book from his bag. "I brought this for you. I remembered you said you didn't have anyone to teach you about your clan so I copied down the stuff our clans and the library had about your clan. I thought you might like to-" Shikamaru had to stop talking as he found himself being tackled by the blonde.
"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" Naruto mumbled as he hugged Shikamaru on the floor. Maybe I can finally find out something about my parents.
Shikamaru huffed but was smiling. "You're welcome, you troublesome blonde," he muttered as he ruffled Naruto's soft hair. "Now get off, you're squishing me."
Naruto laughed, "Sorry, sorry," before getting up, still hugging the book tightly to his chest.
"Also in the book are some beginner and intermediate seals. It was all I could find, but you can probably experiment a little with your shadow clones because even if they blow up, nobody would get hurt. It's part of your clan's legacy, so I included all I could find about it. Team 8 also helped us."
Naruto's eyes shined a little as he faced the group. "Thank you guys so much! I love it!" he exclaimed as he protectively held the book. "This…This is one of the best gifts I've ever received other than Gama-chan!"
"Gama-chan?" Choji questioned.
"Yeah, he was my only friend until the academy," Naruto rummaged in his pocket and proudly showed Gama-chan off.
"Naruto," Ino began, "that's a wallet." The others sweat-dropped as they saw Naruto pout.
"Well, no one wanted to talk to me so I talked to Gama-chan. Anyways, thank you all so much for this gift. I don't know how to repay you all!"
"Save it man. You showed us those super awesome jutsu so call it even!" Kiba pumped his fist in the air.
"Yes Naruto, those jutsu could save our lives. It's more than enough for the book," Ino answered.
"Indeed Naruto. If you prefer, think of it as an early birthday gift," Shino added.
"Thanks," Naruto gulped. He felt warm inside and lighter than usual. Everyone there was smiling at him happily. Is this what friendship feels like? He watched as Ino scooped up the leftovers and packed them into a box with Hinata while Shino's Kikaichu stole some of Choji's meat. He smiled as he saw Kiba and Shikamaru throwing a few meat pieces for Akamaru to catch and eat. I never want this feeling to end. I don't want to be lonely ever again. This feels as good as Jiji's love. They see me for who I am. He smiled bitterly as a thought popped up. I've never felt this way around Sasuke or Sakura-chan. I guess…I don't actually love her. He clenched his fists harder around the book. I'll just have to try harder. They're my team and I want to get along with them. He peeked at the table again and a thought struck him when he saw the picnic basket. No… Wait- It just might work. "Hey, guys?" He coughed once to get their attention. When everyone was looking at him, he began again, "Can you help me with something?"
"We're not going to prank someone, Naruto!" Ino shouted.
"What? No, not that. I stopped that anyways when I became a ninja." The group was surprised to hear that. "No, I want to…" and he explained his plan. They looked at each other before nodding that they'd help. "Great, thanks! So, I was thinking of doing something like this…"
At the corner table, Asuma and Kurenai were watching their genin with warm eyes. "They're good kids," Asuma said with pride in his voice.
"Yeah," Kurenai agreed leaning into his side. "It was nice of them to do that for Naruto."
"Mm," Asuma agreed. Kurenai suddenly sat up straight.
"I think, we should have a…talk with Kakashi about taking his student's money. Don't you agree?" Her eyes gleamed as she turned around and stared at Asuma who let out a small whimper.
"Y-Yeah. Let's go teach him a lesson."
"And burn his orange books. Reading them in front of his students, what is he thinking? The nerve of that man!" Asuma gulped feeling a surge of pity towards Kakashi. As long as she never finds mine…Or worse, my father's! Both jounin shunshined out. One eager while the other sweating as he was coerced by his girlfriend.
Midnight: Hatake Compound: Kakashi's Apartment
A scream echoed throughout the night as orange books burnt to the ground. A woman stood next to the dwindling book stack cackling madly while her minion stood to the side with a hand covering his eyes, unable to watch the horrifying scene any longer. "Do you promise to never take money from your genin's D-rank and C-rank mission pay?" She threatened with her hair flying around like the snakes on a medusa statue.
"Yes! Yes! I promise! Never Again! Now please stop! My precious!" The victim wailed as his daily sustenance went up in haunting orange flames.
"Good, now remember this, I'm always watching," the she-demon finished before vanishing in a flame. Her crony sighed before casting a helpless glance at the fallen man on the floor and too vanished into thin air.
The spent man looked into the ashes of his books grieving for their deaths. She didn't have to burn all of them. He pouted. She could've just told me to stop. The look in his eyes sharpened. Still, I'll have to look into if what she said about Naruto was true. Hmmm for now I guess I'll just have to take a few more side missions. He looked over his shoulder to make sure no one was watching before removing the picture frame from the wall to reveal a hidden button. Pushing the button, he waited as the bed let out a whirring sound and swung upwards. Phew! Luckily, she didn't know about the Icha Icha failsafe for ninjas that Jiraiya added! He opened the trap door to reveal all the previously-burnt copies of Icha Icha now in pristine condition. He picked up the nearest one and quickly disabled the system and laid across his bed. Now let's see which one I picked. He giggled perversely and cracked the book open only to see:
Hello!
Your failsafe has activated its 50th time! It's time to renew them for 500,000 ryo or buy this copy for 20,000 ryo. Please make your decision in the next ten minutes otherwise Icha Icha will self-destruct.
Thank you and have a nice day, The Super Pervert Jiraiya! :)
"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" a scream echoed throughout Konoha striking fear into certain perverts' hearts (especially the Third Hokage's).
Across the village Kurenai smirked as Asuma sweat-dropped. "It was so worth it destroying Kakashi's books 50 times to destroy their guarantee." Kurenai smiled eerily remembering the many many times she lit each book on fire. Asuma paled and his eyes widened as his heart sunk. She knows! She knows about the guarantee! How?! As if knowing what Asuma was thinking about, Kurenai raised an eyebrow at him. "You didn't really think I wouldn't know, did you sweetheart? Especially considering how both you and your father both read them, did you now, honey?" Asuma felt sweat build on his skin as he frantically shook his head. "Good, because know this. I know everything," and with that Kurenai cackled harder at the sky while Asuma looked on horrified at what he had got himself into.