Chapter 19: Finding a New Road

Lily walked into the living room looking for James, but found Sirius. "Hey," she said.

Sirius looked up from the Daily Prophet. He nodded his head, but didn't say anything. Lily sat down in the chair across from him. "Have you seen James?" she asked.

Sirius closed his paper and sat it aside. "Look, I know what happened last night," he said. "So let's not pretend that nothing happened."

Lily blushed and looked down. "Alright, where is he?" she asked.

"I don't think you should be seeing him," Sirius told her. "James has been hurt by you time and again. You probably didn't know this, but every time you said no to him, he. . . . . .he would just get so depressed and just lay up in the dorm and he wouldn't do anything or say anything. I had to make him come down to dinner. I don't want to have to go through that again. Seeing him like that. . . . .so defeated. I don't want to see him like that again. You had your chance and you blew it. You should have thought about what you want before you threw it away. James shouldn't have to go through that again. Just keep away from him."

"I think James should be the one to decide if he wants to be in a relationship with me, not you," Lily said outraged. "I am perfectly aware that I probably should have given James a chance sooner, but you two were pricks back then, whether you want to admit it or not. I know James can be fragile, I've seen it. That doesn't give you the right to make decisions for him. You can't protect him his whole life. He's going to have to make decisions on his own, whether you like it or not."

"If you hurt him again I'll-"

Lily cut him off. "I won't." Then she turned and left the room.

How dare he! Lily thought. It's not like I purposely try to hurt James. I have to prove myself to him. That I really do love him. I'll show him. I love James.

Lily smiled at the thought. She walked outside and looked around. He's probably in the garden, she thought. Slowly she made her way out the garden. She walked down the path. Where would he be? Lily decided to go to the place where he first told her he loved her. She remembered his exact words.

"How do you always know just want to say? You're amazing, you know that? I...I love you Lils."

Lily smiled to herself as she continued through the garden. She spotted James' messy hair. He was sitting on a bench. . . .next to him was a girl. His girlfriend. Lily dunked behind a tree to watch them.

"What did you want to talk about, James?" Eliza asked. "You said it was really important."

"Yeah, it is," James said, looking down at their entwined hands. "I just had to see you, to. . . .to talk to you."

"You know you can tell me anything," the blonde girl said.

"Yeah, I know," James said, now looking her in the eye. "It's about us."

"I was hoping it was," she said. "We've been together for a while now."

"Yeah, I know, it's just. . . .I don't want to rush into anything," he told her. "I told you about Lily, remember?"

"Yeah," Eliza said. "You've forgiven her, right? That's the only way you can move on."

"Yeah, I forgave her," he said. "It's. . . .different now. She made it clear she didn't want to be with me. We're just friends."

"So?" Eliza asked. "What is it then? You know I feel strongly about you. I won't hurt you like she did. I-I love you."

James looked at her for a moment. Lily held her breath hoping he wouldn't feel the same way. She knew it was wrong and selfish to feel this way, but she couldn't help it.

"I love you, too," James said.

Lily backed away then started to run. She'd really done it now. James had told her he wanted her back and she pushed him away. If only she had been clear on her feelings this morning. If only she hadn't let him go in the first place. She was a fool. A fool in love.

Lily ran back up to her room and shut the door. She laid down on her bed. Tears flowed freely down her face like an overflowed river. "So did you. . . . .Lily? Are you alright?" Karen stood in the doorway looking at the tear streaked face of Lily Evans. "Lily, what happened?"

"He. . . .he told her he loved her," Lily said.

"Who?'' Karen asked, moving over to sit beside her.

"James he told Eliza he loved her," Lily said. "He meant it, too."

"Oh, Lily, I'm sorry," Karen said, pulling Lily into a hug. "I didn't know he cared that much about her."

"I pushed him to her," Lily said. "I pushed him right into her arms. I told him that he should be with her. I told him that I just wanted to be friends. He would have given me anything and I told him that I didn't want to be with him."

"Sometime people who are in love do crazy things," Karen said. "I'm sure if you just tell James-"

"I can't," she said. "I can't do that to him. I want him to be happy and if he's happy with her then so be it. I have to go."

"Go?! Go where?!" Karen asked.

"I can't live here forever," Lily said. "I need to get out on my own. I got an owl a few hours ago. Mt. Mongo's accepted me into their Healer training program when they saw my grades."

"You mean the application you sent in right after we left school?" Karen asked.

"Yeah," Lily said. "They said that they just looked at my application a few weeks ago."

"That's great!" Karen said, hugging her.

"Yeah, it is," she said. "I was looking in the Prophet a few days ago and I saw an apartment in Diagon Alley up for rent. I was thinking about moving in there."

"Oh, Lily, you don't have to leave. I'm sure James won't mind having you here."

"I know, but I want to get out. I need some time on my own."

"Alright."

"You're what?!" James nearly yelled later that evening. "You can't just leave!"

"I'm not leaving," Lily said, rubbing her forehead. "I'm going to train to become a Healer."

"I heard you the first time," James said. "That's really great, Lily, and I'm really happy for you, but you can stay here, you know. You don't have to leave."

"I know, I just want a fresh start, you know?" Lily said.

"If this is about last night. . . .you don't have to go because of it," James said.

"It's not about that," Lily said. "I just want to make sure everything works out with this. I can't have any distractions."

"So I'm a distraction?" James asked.

"That's not what I meant," she replied. "I just can't stay here anymore. I need to get out on my own."

"I understand," he said. "I don't like it, but I understand."

"Thank you, James," Lily said.

"For what?"

"For everything."

"Hey." Lily turned around to see Sirius standing in the doorway.

"Hi," Lily said, turning back to her packing.

"You know, you could just use magic, right?" he asked.

"I know, but I like doing it this way," she replied. "It lets me think."

"Well, freckles, do you want some help?" he asked.

"No, I'm afraid you might put something in my clothes," she said.

Sirius smirked. "Good times. Look about earlier-"

"Don't worry about it," Lily said.

"I was being a prick and I'm sorry," he continued as if she hadn't spoken. "I didn't mean to make you leave."

"Sirius, nothing you said or did is making me leave," Lily told him. "I'm leaving because I want to."

"Right, well, I'll miss you," Sirius said.

"Aww, is Sirius Black really going to miss me?" Lily teased.

"If you tell anyone I'll just deny it," he said.

Lily smiled then walked over and hugged him.

"It's not like I'm leaving forever," Lily said. "You can just Floo me."

"I know, but I'll still miss you," Karen said. The girls hugged tightly before letting go.

"Don't let them get into too much trouble," Lily said.

"Don't worry, I'll take care of it," Karen said smiling.

"You," she said turning to Sirius. "Be good. Take care of her or I'll have to come back and kick your arse half way across the country."

"Yeah, I've heard the speech," Sirius said before they hugged.

Lily turned to James. "Bye," she said.

"Bye," he said.

She pulled him close to her and hugged him. For a moment she could almost pretend they were together again, but she knew it wasn't really. "Be safe," James whispered in her ear. Lily smiled and nodded.

She pulled away and turned to Remus, who had come over to wish her well. He gave her a funny look. "What?" she asked.

"Nothing," he said shaking his head. They hugged then she turned and Apparated to her to her apartment.

This isn't so bad, she thought. Then everything went black.

A/N: I know this chapter is a bit of a filler and a little depressing, but we'll get to the good stuff in the next chapter!