Thank you Nicffwhisperer for the rec over at TLS! That was just too awesome and I love you for it ;)

Important song for the feels, yo. I won't say that again, sorry. But it is.

Winter of The Four Seasons by Antonio Vivaldi. There's a link on the profile if you haven't used the playlist :)

. . . . . . . . . .

I collapsed on top of Bella, burying my face in her chest while I tried to gain better control of my breathing again, running my hands over her body.

I can't do this. No fucking way. I didn't know what was wrong with me, but I knew something wasn't right. I couldn't put my finger on it exactly, but there was something and I couldn't leave her.

Three weeks had been more than enough time to become addicted to her on a level that almost frightened me. It was just so easy though... being with her, touching her. And she seemed just as eager as I was. Like we were both making up for lost time. There was nothing shy or timid about my Bella anymore, there really hadn't been since that first night, on Christmas. And to think of going even a day without touching her... It was hard to breathe.

No fucking way.

My lips started moving over her breasts, and down her ribs, savouring the feeling of her soft, sweet skin under my lips, the way it broke out in goosebumps under my touch. She was always so responsive to my every touch, I loved watching her reactions, memorizing which spots would make her sigh, or gasp, moan, bite her lip, make her toes curl and arch her back... There was this one spot, just below her left hip bone, that would drive her crazy if I dragged my teeth lightly across it...

She caught my face gently in both of her hands and pulled me back up as I went to lift one of her legs over my shoulder, just wanting to lose myself in her. I didn't want to think of anything else. She caught my eyes, and trapped me in hers. I couldn't look away from her penetrating gaze, and just rested my chin on her stomach while I looked up at her, feeling like I was drowning.

"Baby, what's wrong?" She asked in a gentle voice, smoothing her thumbs over my cheeks affectionately.

"I can't leave. It's too long, I can't leave you for two weeks," I said, very much aware of how much of a girl I was being. Bella knew me though, there was no fucking point in hiding it from her. I never felt the need to hide anything from her. It was a very liberating feeling to be honest.

"It's going to go by in the blink of an eye Edward, you're going to be so busy, it will be over before you even know it." I was a little hurt that she was dealing with this so well, would a couple fucking tears be too much to ask for? She seemed to read the thought in my eyes, and frowned. "I don't want you to go, of course I don't. I miss you when you don't come in the fucking shower with me," she said, her face flushing red in embarrassment. "But I think this will be healthy for us, normal couples can go a day without seeing each other, right? If we can't make it two weeks, what are we going to do when you start filming again?"

I hated that she was so fucking rational.

"And you're sure you don't want to come to the premiere? You could wear one of your wigs or something," I offered with a playful grin. She rolled her eyes, but looked a little uncomfortable. "What?"

"Edward, I have no problem with your career and what you do, I'm proud of you, but I have no desire to sit in a chair and watch you kiss another woman on a giant movie screen," she said seriously. I flinched slightly. I knew I'd never be able to do that, watch her kiss someone else without fucking killing them, and I should have thought about that sooner. "I'm sorry, I just thought I should be honest."

"No, it's okay. I'd feel the same way," I told her.

"Why did you turn down the sex scene in the next film?" She asked curiously.

"Because even then, the thought of touching another woman, someone who wasn't you, made me feel sick," I said honestly. It was the first time I'd said those words aloud. I had been trying to move my career into a different direction before I met Bella, people could take my acting more seriously when they weren't ogling my ass, but she was what pushed me off of the edge. The professional response was definitely more manly, but I never lied to her, and didn't regret it when she smiled brilliantly at me.

"You are too fucking sweet, you know that right?" I winked at her, making her laugh before I removed both of her hands from my face, kissing her palms, before sliding down and hiking her leg over my shoulder. "Edward-"

"I'm not fucking sleeping until I get on that plane, and neither are you if I have anything to say about it," I growled, plunging my tongue inside of her and making her gasp.

. . . . . . . . . .

I felt my heart crumble to pieces as Riley drove me away from her building. She couldn't see me off at the airport, and the image of her in my arms, kissing her against the door in her foyer while she was wearing her fucking sexy librarian get-up was burned into my mind. I was absolutely exhausted after the night/ morning we had had, but I had a feeling I wouldn't sleep until I was in her apartment again.

Our apartment. The only reason I still had mine was for appearances, I couldn't risk the media finding out I pretty much lived with her. I even had one of the giant drawers of her tallboy filled with my clothes, and a few suits hanging up on her rack. I hated my fucking apartment.

I looked over at the man sitting quietly next me, and bit back my scoff. He looked so predictable, and I bet my ninja could kick his ass easily. Just looking at him annoyed me.

Bella had wanted to send one of her guys with me, but I told her the producers and publicists had already taken of the security details for the trip. Our planes were booked. It just wasn't doable to bring along anyone else.

I wanted to start taking classes because I hated having people shadow me. I was strong, but I knew I had no real fighting skills. For some reason, it felt demeaning being done by anyone that wasn't Bella. Although she had been happy to encourage me to take the classes, saying they would even look good in my portfolio, she told me it was better for someone in my position to have someone else doing it. It would look bad if pictures of me punching someone in the face got out, but it would look completely reasonable if it was done by someone dressed to obviously do that specific job.

I was pretty much dragging my feet as I walked through security, and my eyes almost popped out of my head when I reached into my pocket to drop my phone in the bin, and I pulled out a black, lacy pair of Bella's underwear. I shoved it back into my pocket quickly, but the security guard saw it and gave me a knowing grin. I moved through the scanners as quickly as possible, leaving my bag with my shadow as I dashed into the bathroom. I pulled the lace back out, along with a small piece of paper that was tucked in there also.

I love you baby, and I'm going to miss you so much. I don't know how I'll sleep without you next to me.
Here's a souvenir, so you don't forget about me ;)
-B

I groaned, dragging my hand through my hair in frustration as I gripped the lace tightly in my other hand. Fuck. She was always surprising me with little things like that, I really never knew what to expect from her. After taking a deep breath, I tucked them back into my pocket with a grin, and went back out to board my plane. As soon as I got to my hotel room, I fell asleep fully clothed on the bed, clutching those fucking panties in my hand.

. . . . . . . . . .

Bella had been partially right, I was fucking busy. Up early every morning, eating the bland-tasting room service before going out to press releases, interviews, autograph signings and screenings every day, jumping on a plane, getting dropped off at another hotel, then repeating the same fucking thing again the next day. Sometimes twice a day. Jessica couldn't take the fucking hint, and no matter how much of an asshole I was to her she just kept fucking coming. It was making for some unpleasant news articles, what with news of the new Volturi film in the works it meant we were starring in two films back-to-back, and by the second week she had most of the country convinced we were in love.

What. The. Fuck.

I was stressed out enough as it was. I was living off of Bella's rare text messages. She was apparently swamped too, working the library, and taking care of the gym and the club while the others were away on their cruise. It really bothered me that she was completely alone in the city right now, except for Zeus that is. For two full fucking weeks. But between my Bella withdrawals, all of the awful food, not sleeping and Jessica Fucking Stanley, I just kind of snapped.

"So Edward, we've heard a lot of rumours about your relationship with Jessica Stanley over the past couple days. Has this tour helped make your relationship stronger, or is it hard travelling and spending so much time together?"

"First off, there is not a single thing going on between Jessica and I. We aren't even friends, really. I don't know where all of these rumours are coming from, but I can only guess," I said, unable to restrain the venom from leaking out through my voice. "I'm in a very committed relationship with a woman I love, but I'm not going to discuss that. We would like our private life to remain just that; private."

I felt sick afterwards, starting to freak out. I couldn't believe I had just talked about Bella on live television, what the fuck was wrong with me?

As soon as I got back into my hotel, I went to call her, but I remembered the bugs in my room the first time she had accompanied me to LA. When I asked what's-his-name if he was going to check, he looked at me like I was a fucking idiot.

Not safe.

I hated doing this over a text, but I didn't know what else to do.

Baby, I fucked up today and I don't know what to do.

I didn't know what else to say, and just hit send. She didn't message me back for another hour.

Sorry, I was in a meeting. Are you talking about the interview? Because I don't think it was that big of a deal. It's not like you gave them my name or anything. Though now that you've confirmed you're seeing someone the press is probably going to get a little crazy. We should up your security.

You already saw it?

Of course, I'm practically stalking you online while you're gone. There aren't enough pictures of you with your shirt off, and the ones there are don't do you justice.

I laughed loudly, rolling onto my stomach with a smile.

God, I fucking miss you. Are you sure that this is okay? I wanted to call you but I was afraid my room would be bugged. I miss the sound of your voice.

Stephan didn't scan your room? Uh oh, I could practically hear her punching something already.

I think he thinks I'm paranoid.

Well I think he's a fucking idiot. I don't know where that company finds these people, they're worthless. I wish I could have sent you with one of my guys. You could easily kick Stephan's ass.

You think so?

I know so ;)

She was sweet, and this was the closest to a real conversation I had had with her since I left. The memory of wrestling naked with her on her bed two weeks ago made me smile, even though I was certain she had let me win. I wasn't sure what to say to her, it still didn't feel right talking to her like this. I needed to hold her.

I love you baby, I can't wait to touch you again. I feel empty without you next to me.

I love you too. My bed is too big without you in it. I've gotten used to your space-heater-like qualities. I miss you.

I miss you too.

I frowned at my phone. This just wasn't enough. I was completely serious when I told her I felt empty without her. I couldn't smile fully, because I felt like I wasn't able to truly feel any sort of happiness when she wasn't there. I'd left my soul alone in New York on the other side of the planet.

I curled up in the too-big, too-cold bed of my room, but as usual sleep did not come easily.

. . . . . . . . . .

The last few days were exhausting, but better. Jessica seemed to get the fucking message, and I was a little relieved to see she was too pissed off at me to talk to me anymore. I did get a few hours of down time while we were in Italy, and spent it buying some souvenirs for the others. I couldn't really enjoy any of the sights, but it made me wonder if Bella had ever been to a place like this before. I think she would have liked it. The day of the last premiere finally rolled around, and having my favourite band come up and slap me on the shoulder, thanking me for the tickets, made my night so much better. They even came along to the after party, and I had a few drinks with them before they left. I snuck out as soon as I could, going back to my room to text Bella. I fell asleep before she could reply though, just so tired from the excitement, knowing that I would be back in the same state as her within the next twenty-four hours.

. . . . . . . . . .

I was bouncing in my chair like a kid through most of the flight that afternoon, pounding back a few drinks on the plane to calm my nerves. I'd gotten bumped onto an early flight, so I was getting back to her half a day early. I knew she'd probably be working, and that I wouldn't actually get to touch her, but I couldn't wait another second to see her. I signed a couple autographs outside of my building before running up to my room, having a proper shower, and getting dressed in one of my nicer suits before heading over to the club at nine.

It was still pretty early, and the only person from our group there was Rose, who ran up and gave me a hug as soon as I came in.

"Congratulations!" She shouted. "I hear you guys are doing amazing in the box office, how was the tour?"

"It was good, but it's better to be home," I said, looking around the room. She wasn't at her post, one of her giant lackeys, the bigger one with the long black hair and tanned skin, was standing in her usual spot.

"Did you get in early? I didn't think you were coming back until the morning," Rose said, grabbing my attention again.

"Er, yeah. Is B not working tonight?" The club always felt weird when she wasn't in it.

"Yeah, she's been cutting down her hours for a while now. That guy Jake there is her replacement," she said with a nod to the big guy.

"What? Why?" This was the first I heard of it, and was a little affronted to be honest.

"Well, her last guy ended up starting his own business, which is why she had to start training a new guy, otherwise she would have left months ago. He's pretty good."

"Hmm. Okay, well I'm going to go try and surprise her at home then," I said, giving Rose a peck on the cheek before leaving. I walked out and caught another cab.

. . .

The snow was horrible, practically a blizzard as I made my way across town to the apartment. Traffic was at a standstill, so I just paid the cabbie and decided to walk the last two blocks. I panicked slightly when I saw the crowd around her building, my heart racing out of control and I sprinted forward, thinking somehow Bella had been hurt in front of her building.

But Bella never even used the main entrance to her building. And when I became part of said crowd, I realized they were all looking up, and every one of them was silent. I followed their gazes expecting to see a jumper, but no one but Bella had access to her roof, and then I finally heard the eerie melody. A sound I could identify in my sleep.

Bella was playing her violin on her roof. I wonder if she had any idea that there were over what looked like fifty people, stopped on the sidewalk in a middle of a blizzard, just trying to listen to her artistry.

It took me a minute to identify the tune. I'd never heard her play classical music before, aside from some Christmas songs, but I knew it to be part of Antonio Vivaldi's Four Seasons. It sounded like she was in autumn, and I quickly made my way to the garage so I could get up to her. I pulled out my key and jumped into the service elevator, taking it all the way to the roof.

I got there just as she transitioned into winter.

She didn't hear me over the sound of her music, and I stood very still as I watched her. Her hair was long and straight, a white knit cap on her head and thick snowflakes stuck to her hair. Wearing a leather jacket and skinny jeans, and no gloves. Her cheeks were flushed and she looked freezing-cold, though she was obviously in another place completely as she played. She was lost to the entrancing music, hairs snapping on her bow from the force of her passion as she bent, spun and swayed with the melody, her long hair whipping around her in the wind.

I had referred to her as an angel many times, but seeing her now, she looked ethereal. My heart broke in my chest when I was able to see her face, her cheeks shimmering with tears under the dim lighting as she seemed to cry simultaneously through her instrument. I wanted desperately to run forward and pull her into my arms, but the sight of her had me pinned in place.

So I watched. And it was probably the most painful three minutes of my life.

When she did stop, she was facing me, but she hadn't yet opened her eyes. The silence was numbing as she tilted her head back slightly, and we both stood there listening to the distant sound of the crowd below on the streets applauding before they likely dispersed to find shelter from the storm.

She opened her eyes when I took a step forward, the snow crunching loudly under my foot. She gasped, and her expression shifted from surprise, to embarrassment, to utter joy in seconds before she flew forward, and I caught her tightly in my arms.

"You're home," she said, her voice sounding close to a sob.

"I'm home," I whispered back, holding her to me for dear life. I inhaled her scent, and it felt like the first full breath of air I'd had in weeks. Since I left her.

I could breathe again.

At first I thought I was shaking from my excitement, but as her ice-cold lips brushed against my neck, I realized she was shivering. Badly. I quickly pulled her into my jacket before pulling her inside with me. We were silent until we got to the door, where I took her keys from her. Her hands were full, but they also looked painfully cold.

"This is a new key chain," I mused, still easily selecting the proper key shapes for the appropriate locks.

"That one's your set," she said easily as I waited for her to walk in ahead of me. My hand stiffened on the small of her back, and she must have felt it. She turned to face me, still clutching her violin, now with melting drops of snow covering her long, dark hair.

"Bella-"

"I know you said you didn't want them," she said quietly, trying to disguise the hurt in her voice, but I still saw it in her eyes. "But I still had the set made. Just in case you changed your mind. I just grabbed them by accident today." She looked down, then went to pull off her boots, but I stopped her by gently cupping her face in my hands, and tilting her to look back at me before I kissed her. I couldn't wait another second. It was near-impossible to end that kiss, but I just wanted to feel her in my arms, so I held her tightly against me, resting my chin on the top of her head.

"I missed you so god damn much," I said in a quiet, hoarse voice. She wrapped her arms around me tightly.

"I missed you too."

"How long were you outside?" She was still shaking. She was quiet for a moment before speaking into my shirt, but I could still hear her smile through her muffled voice.

"An entire year."

I barked out a laugh at that, and kissed the top of her head.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"Let's get you dried off, you're freezing," I said, kicking off my shoes and taking her violin from her. I dried it off and put it in her special case to regulate the moisture in the wood, and turned on her fireplace just as she made her way over to me. I was pretty sure it was a useless effort, and hoped that she hadn't been too attached to that specific violin. I quickly took her hands in mine to warm them up, but she grinned and pulled them away, before quickly dipping them under my shirt and placing them on my stomach.

I gasped, jumping back in shock to her freezing hands, and she laughed before sliding them around me, placing them on my back as she hugged my torso. I held her tightly, never wanting to let her go again.

There was no way I could survive four months of that.

"You know that it's not because I don't want them, right?" She stilled, and after a short hesitation she nodded against me but said nothing. My heart sank. "Bella, please tell me you know that? There's nowhere else in the world that I'd rather be, I practically live here already."

Her grip on me tightened for a moment, and she was stiff in my arms. "Then why?" She whispered.

Fuck, I thought she knew this, and the realization that she hadn't was stomach-churning..

"Oh, baby. Of course I want them, I just don't trust myself with them. If I lost those keys, if I ever put you in danger again, it would fucking kill me."

"What do you mean again?" she asked, pulling back and looking up at me in confusion. I wanted to knock myself out for making her look so fucking sad within minutes of finally having her again.

"The e-mail I sent to Aro-"

"Edward, that wasn't your fault. I told you that I don't blame you at all for that. It was my fault for making everyone keep you out of the loop. You had every right to want to protect your family. I was the one who over reacted to that, not you. I'll never forgive myself for attacking you like that." A tear rolled out of her eye and down her cheek, and this was all so messed up and different and out of nowhere and too fucking sudden. It was too much, I just wanted her to fucking smile. I could never hold anything against her, the love I had for this woman was fucked up beyond all reason, irrevocable and irreversible. I kissed her quick and hard, holding her tight until we were both desperate for air, and rested my forehead against hers, my eyes tightly shut.

"Fuck, Bella, I feel like…" It was hard to find the right words, and my lips were soft as I kissed her again. "I feel like I've fucked up in so many ways. I love you, I'm always going to fucking love you. There is nothing that you've ever done that I've held against you. Yeah, you were pretty hostile when I met you, and for a while after. But I was also a fucking pig, and am kind of glad you were the way you were, let alone blame you. There was a lot of stuff that we weren't able to communicate with each other about before. But we love each other now, that's what matters to me. Can't we just, you know… clean that slate?"

"You could really do that for me?" She asked doubtfully. I was just happy, but not really surprised, that she understood what I was rambling about. She knew me better than anyone though.

"Of course, could you do it for me?"

"I did that a long time ago," she said with a soft voice and a small smile.

"So did I," I grinned back at her, and leaned down to kiss her again. She shivered against me, and I worried about her getting sick from her damp hair. "How about a warm shower?" I whispered, still grinning. I swear it wasn't just because I wanted her naked and wet. But God, I really needed to touch her.

"Mmm, I think that sounds perfect," she purred, and squeaked when I quickly scooped her up in my arms. I realized then that it was oddly quiet in her apartment.

"Where's Zeus?"

"Emmett has him. He needed to go out of town tonight and wanted some company."

I set her down on her tiled bathroom floor, pulling off my shirt as she turned on the water before grabbing the hem of hers and pulling it over her head. She laughed against my lips as I kissed her again quickly, and we attacked each other's jeans in a rush to get them off. I finally had her naked and backed her into the shower seconds later, and she grabbed a towel on the way and hung it over that fucking bar that taunted me with dirty thoughts every fucking time I came in her damn shower.

Pun fucking intended.

I grinned against her neck, and finally said something, whispering against her throat under the warm water as I covered it in gentle kisses.

"That towel bar looks very… sturdy."

She laughed. "Yeah, the last one wasn't. I won't make that mistake again."

That stopped me. "Uh, what?"

"I broke my hand not long after moving in here, and I had this bag to cover my cast with, you know? And I hooked it onto the towel rack to keep it out of the water, but I kind of tripped, and ripped the bar right out of the wall. Not only did my cast get soaked but I ended up with a concussion."

I just kind of stared at her, and she grinned.

"This one's really strong though. I can even do pull-ups off of it!"

And that she could. She demonstrated, and I was hard in about a second.

Her innocence in some things was a huge turn on to me for some reason, she had no fucking idea what gutter she kept my mind stuck in.

"Baby?" I said in a bit of a strained voice after she did a second pull-up. I was trying not to fucking growl at her like a caveman.

"Huh?"

"Stop," I said gently, wrapping my hands around her hips. She turned easily in my hands and looked up at me.

So fucking beautiful.

"You're doing them wrong," I said with a grin. She tilted her head to the side slightly, in this fucking adorable, questioning motion. I lifted her up by her waist, easily supporting her weight, and she automatically grabbed onto the bar above and behind her.

"I can't-fuck," she hissed, clenching her eyes shut when she realized what I was doing, flicking my tongue over one of her pebbled nipples. The muscles of her stomach clenched under my fingers as I slowly traced down her ribs, grinning up at her.

"How long do you think you can hold that?" I asked, letting go of her and moving my hands down her fuckawesome body as she held herself up. She whimpered as I parted her with my fingers and teased her clit.

"I-I'm not sure," she stuttered, then whimpered I pushed two fingers inside of her. She was so fucking wet.

"Well, I won't keep you waiting then." I kissed her hard, then guided myself slowly inside of her with my hand.

Fuck, she felt so fucking good. I missed this so fucking much. Her thighs clamped down on my hips as she rocked against me, meeting my thrusts as I moved my hands all over her, memorizing every beautiful curve again. I pinned her against that wall with my body as my thrusts got harder, faster, and she was panting my name in my ear and I knew that I wanted this for the rest of my life. I'd known for a while. It didn't get better than this.

Which was why I had bought that ring when I was in Italy.

"Fuck, I'm going to lose my hold," she whimpered, I could feel she was close though.

"It's okay baby, I got you." I cupped the backs of her thighs with my hands and she let go of the bar and wrapped her arms around my shoulders, and I trailed my tongue up her neck when she threw her head back against the wall and cried out as she clenched around me and came, spurring on my own release.

I held her there for a bit, just rocking against her slowly as we both came down in waves from our release, before gently setting her down and just holding her under the water as I kissed her.

. . .

After we got dried off and dressed, we curled up on her couch together in front of the fire. Neither of us bothered to turn on the TV, I had no interest in anything besides holding her. She was smiling up at me, her fingers playing lightly in the back of my wet hair.

"So how were things here? We haven't really talked much since I left," I said quietly, tucking some of her hair behind her ear. Fuck, she smelt so good. I missed that too.

"It was quiet, but… busy." It was hard to think right now, with her legs across my lap, her fingers in my hair and that beautiful fucking smile. But I remembered that I had a question.

"I stopped by the club on my way here. I thought you'd be there."

She shook her head. "Jacob's got that place taken care of now, he'd good. I won't be working as more than a consultant there anymore."

I straightened up quickly in surprise, and she just as swiftly removed her hand from my hair, resting it in her lap. "You've never mentioned this before," I stated, once again feeling a little hurt.

"Edward, I've never talked to you about the work I do outside of the gym. I wasn't trying to hide this from you. It's been a while in the making."

I thought about her words, and found a lot of truth in them. If I asked her questions, she always answered me, but she never just talked about what her days at the library, her work at the club, or even the workings of her building that she owned were like.

It was actually something I had noticed a while ago. It just wasn't in Bella's nature to talk about herself. It wasn't like she was trying to hide anything, because like I said, if I asked her any sort of question she'd always answer me excitedly with the most detail that was possible. It was more like she didn't know how to just talk about herself.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to insinuate that," I told her truthfully. She smiled again and waved it off.

"No offense was taken," she said quietly.

"Is everything okay though? There isn't some other reason for this?" My concern was confirmed when I saw a flash of unease in her eyes. "What is it baby? Tell me."

She sighed. "Okay, but… I want you to know that I hadn't planned on working there in the long run anyway, alright? All of my jobs are temporary jobs; it's the only sort of employment I take." I nodded, but had a sinking feeling in my stomach. "The club's been getting too much publicity over the past few months-"

"You mean, since I moved here?"

She sighed, but didn't deny it. "I got by there not being noticed for a long time. No one ever really noticed me standing in the corner. I've put in too much time there though, and people are starting to remember me. It was reckless to stay there as long as I had, but I needed a good replacement. Now I have that."

"God, Bella, I'm so-"

"Please don't," she said quietly, gripping onto the front of my shirt. "Please don't start apologizing for things like this. I don't think I could handle it." She closed her eyes tightly, and I tightened my hold on her and kissed her hair.

"Okay," I said quietly. "And what about things at the Library? Are they going okay?" She tightened her hold on me. "Bella?"

She let out a soft sigh. "Last Monday was my last day there."

"Fuck," I said, letting go of her and rubbing my palms overs my eyes. "Why?" She was quiet. "Bella, please, just tell me," I begged.

"The press managed to hunt down Jasper. They've been asking him questions, talking to other employees. I couldn't take the chance of one of them recognizing me, or getting curious and looking into Bree."

"Fucking Christ," I hissed, and Bella leaned away from me, and went to wrap her arms around herself. Something I noticed she did when she was uncomfortable or worried, when she wasn't covering it in hostility anyways. Like she was hugging herself. I hated seeing her do that, so I pulled her arms away from herself and replaced them with my own, holding her tightly with her back against my chest.

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to hurt you," she whispered, her soft hands gripping onto my arms tightly, like she was afraid I'd vanish. "And I didn't want you to think it was your fault, because it's not."

"How is this not my fault?" I forced out in a strained voice. "I'm fucking destroying your life, how are you being so calm about this?"

"Edward, don't get dramatic. You're not destroying my life," she said in an exasperated voice, dropping her head back against my shoulder. Her eyes were closed, and she looked tired. "And I'm calm because for me, it's not a big deal. The only reason I stayed as long as I did at the library was because of my friendship with Jasper. I didn't actually enjoy my work there, and really should have left sooner. Both places. It's just the way I live."

"But what are you going to do?"

"I've been doing some private investigative work for an old contact of mine. It's keeping me busy with the other consulting work I've been doing. I think I could go for a break though, things have been so busy for so long, it gets tiring after a while."

I nodded, watching her carefully. I couldn't put my finger on it exactly, but something felt… off.

Bella was withdrawing, in a way I had never seen before. There was something… more. Someone should have said something about her pulling out of her routine like this.

"Bella?"

"Hmm?"

"What would happen if Victor found out that you were in New York?"

She turned, and looked me dead in the eyes as she answered in a serious tone. "Emmett would move us, and we'd disappear. Start over somewhere new from scratch."

My heart crumbled, and my hold on her tightened automatically. She didn't have to say the rest, I could see it in her eyes. There was no way they'd take me with them, they couldn't hide me, or make me disappear.

"That's not going to happen though," she said quietly.

"How do you know?"

"I just do," she said with a small smile.

. . . . . . . . . .

She was starting to drift off in my arms on the couch while we watched some Marvel Comics movie, and I was too busy watching her face to watch the film. She'd been so odd the past two days, distracted, quiet, not sleeping very well. We'd even spent an entire day in her bed, and it wasn't often she was able to stay in one place for that length of time. Each night I woke up to find her missing from bed, both times finding her on the roof smoking a joint. And even though she was home much more now without her jobs, she was always busy. Making phone calls, working on her laptop and phones, running errands. She hadn't been kidding when she said that her consulting and investigative work kept her busy.

I barely heard the faint sound of her phone vibrate on her desk, but her eyes shot open, and she walked over to it with a forced casual pace. She checked her phone then sat down at her desk, opened up her laptop, and started typing away through those damn black script pages frantically.

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, sorry, it's just work. I'll only be a minute."

I nodded, not quite believing her, before I turned back to look at the TV, a pit in my gut.

. . . . . . . . . .

"Hey Emmett, have you noticed anything… off about Bella lately?"

"What do you mean?" He asked, looking over at her worriedly.

"I'm not sure really, but ever since I got back, it just feels like there's something different about her."

"Maybe she's getting bored of you?" He teased.

"You wish," I told him confidently. Bella fucking loved me, and with the way we both passed out from exhaustion each night, I knew for certain that she wasn't bored. "It's more like she's stressed about something."

"Did you just ask her?"

"Of course, she keeps saying that she's fine though."

"She probably is. She'll talk when she's ready if there's something wrong, just give her some time."

I nodded, looking back over at her as she walked over with a big tray of nachos. She smiled at me, curling into my side after she set them down. Emmett rolled his eyes at us, but said nothing.

I reached over to grab a chip, and jumped when I saw Zeus underneath the table, staring up at me silently with big, brown, sad eyes. I sighed, giving him the chip before taking another. I took a look at my watch and frowned.

"We should probably get going," I hedged, not wanting to leave this spot in the slightest. We'd started getting used to visiting my mom on Thursdays though, and Emmett had already come over to keep Zeus company and escape Rose's mess in the house. He said there were five women passed out in his living room when he left this morning, and that he left Rose a bottle of aspirin and a box of donuts on her nightstand before slipping out without waking her up.

Apparently she had been drinking tequila, and we all knew how she was after a night of that.

Bella nodded, leaning over and giving Emmett a kiss on the cheek and ruffling Zeus' ears as he followed us over to the front door. After giving her brother another wave, we headed out and took the service elevator down to the garage. She was smiling as she slid into her new car, running her hands over the dash affectionately before starting her up, and we made our way through town to my parent's house.

I hadn't really thought about how conspicuous of a vehicle it would be, so she wasn't able to use it often. We felt safe taking it over to my parent's house though because no one could see either of us get in or out. Going from the garage to their private property, no one could tell it was the two of us through the tinted windows.

She had laughed when Emmett asked to take it for a spin, giving him a 'hell fucking no.'

I took her coat when we walked inside, and froze when I heard her speak.

"Hi Esme, hey Doctor Cullen."

What was he doing home today?

"Bella! I'm so glad you two made it," mom said, running over and pulling Bella into a tight hug.

"Bella, it's nice to see you again," my dad said with a tight smile that looked a little forced.

"You too Doc," she said easily. I smiled, she wasn't going to put up with any shit from him, and I was so proud of her for it. I smiled, walking over and wrapping my arm around her shoulders.

"Hey dad, playing hooky?" I asked, and he gave me a look.

"Well, I wasn't going to miss another one of Bella's visits," he said evenly, and gestured for me to follow him. I sighed in annoyance, leaning in to kiss Bella before following him to his office.

"What do you want dad?"

"I think it's very immature of you to be sneaking around me like this," he said sternly, crossing his arms.

"Dad, I'm not sneaking around you. I've told you about Bella, and it was your choice to be rude to her. I'm not going to subject her to your attitude, because it changes nothing between us and it's not fair to her. You're welcome to be a part of our lives, but only if you grow the fuck up and learn some manners."

He gawked at my calm words. I delivered them perfectly, I knew this moment had been coming and I had rehearsed the lines and everything.

"Edward, I know you think you love this woman, but-"

"I do not think that I love her, there is not a doubt in my mind that I love her completely. That's not going to change."

"She's putting you in danger Edward!" He shouted, bringing his fists down on his desk. "I'm sure she's a lovely woman, but from what you've told us about her… it's obvious that she's a danger magnet, you're just going to get hurt staying with her. I don't want to see you get hurt."

"Then don't try to put a wedge between us," I said. "Yes, I'm sure that if Victor knew about me, he wouldn't be happy, but it's a risk I'm willing to take. And the risk I'm taking is nothing compared to the ones she's taking being with me."

"If you really loved her, you wouldn't put her in that danger," he said shortly.

I punched the door in anger, cracking it.

"Edward!-"

"Don't you assume that you know even half of the shit that goes on in my life, and don't you DARE fucking tell me that I don't love Bella! She's my entire fucking world and I'd do anything for her." His words hit me deep though, because that was a daily struggle that I battled with; me putting her in danger every time she was with me. "I know it's selfish, and I hate myself every day for endangering her… But I can't live without her dad. Not after knowing her now, I just can't."

"And I've told you that your guilt is completely ridiculous," she said sternly, and we both turned around to see her sliding her fingers down the crack in the door, shaking her head. She walked over to me, and held her hand out for mine. She inspected my bloodied knuckles, frowning slightly before smiling up at me. "I am a bad influence on you, no wonder your father doesn't like me," she teased, making me laugh loudly. My anger just seemed to dissolve away. "Let's go to the bathroom and get this cleaned up."

"Oh, I have some-"

"I have my own kit in my purse, thanks Doc," she said, pulling me out of the room with her. She grabbed her purse by the front door, and we walked into the washroom together. I sat down on the lid of the toilet after rinsing some of the blood off my hand, and she knelt down in front of me with a concentrated yet gentle expression as she pulled splinters out with some tweezers. "Sorry for just barging in like that, but when I heard you hit the door I was worried."

"Don't worry, I'm glad you did. Otherwise it might have been his face I hit next." She shook her head, smiling. "How much did you hear?"

"Just the heated declaration of your love for me," she said with a teasing grin, making me laugh. I flinched when she went over with the alcohol swabs, I hated those fuckers. "Stop being such a girl," she chastised, pulling my hand back and continuing with her work.

We went back out to the kitchen, where my mom and dad were waiting. Mom pushed her down into a seat and put a big plate of food in front of her, laughing when her face lit up with an excited smile.

"Bella?"

"Hmm?" She said, looking up at my dad while chewing on a large mouthful of pasta. The corner of his mouth twitched up as he looked at her.

"I'm sorry for my behaviour towards you so far, it wasn't fair of me. I really have nothing against you, it's just-"

"Hey, it's cool. I get it. He's your son, and you're worried about him. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't too, but you have very persistent offspring and I could only say no so many times before I caved," she said, smiling up at me affectionately. I knew she put my sister into the same basket, neither of us had taken no for an answer when it came to her. I grinned back, leaning in and kissing her forehead. "Besides, if anyone wants to get to him they'd have to get through me first," she said confidently. I rolled my eyes at her.

"Esme tells me you teach some self-defence classes?" He asked her curiously, seeming to find that amusing as he looked over her. Oh shit.

"What's so funny about that?" She said, eyeing him darkly. I squeezed onto her thigh under the table to try and relax her before she lost her temper.

"Nothing, it's just-"

"What, because I'm a woman?" She hissed. "Yes, I teach self defense classes, and I've also won many tournaments in kick-boxing, Jujitsu, Karate, and mixed martial arts. I was also the head of security for the largest club in New York City. I could beat you up with my eyes closed and no hands, old man."

Dad just gaped at her, but my mom and I were both smiling. If he had put in the time earlier, he might have known to avoid that, and he would also know how easy she had let him off. She didn't even stand up, and after letting out a frustrated huff, she relaxed and took another bite of her food.

"This sauce is delicious Esme, what spices did you use?" She asked sweetly, and I couldn't help throwing my head back with laughter, then wrapping my arms around her and hugging her. She waved her fork at me, warning me from distracting her from her food, but I took my chances and kissed her anyways before going back to my plate.

My dad was being fucking brave today, and I appreciated the effort he took to speak again, because I knew just how frightening it could be to piss Bella off.

"Where did you learn to wrap bandages like that? You're really good," he mused, catching her by surprise.

"I did a bit of training as an EMT," she said easily, watching him curiously. He smiled brightly at her, and she froze.

"Really, where did you do you training? Which hospital did you work for?"

"Oh, George Washington U in D.C. I wasn't able to stay long enough to get my certification though, so I've never worked for a hospital. I just did it for fun really."

"Oh right, your security job. Do you enjoy it?"

"Yes, I did, but it was more like a hobby."

"I thought teaching classes at your brother's gym was a hobby?"

I was smiling, watching as my dad got completely sucked in to the intricacy that was my girlfriend.

"Yeah, that is too, I just left the New York Historical Society recently though. Now I'm doing some free-lance work as a consultant."

"What did you do there?"

"I took care of historical documents and did some procurement for them along with a few other odd jobs."

"Oh, um. Wow," my dad said, just kind of staring at her. She grinned at him, and went back to eating her food, accepting mom's offer for a second plate.

The afternoon went by amazingly well, my dad hung onto Bella's every word as we laughed and talked in the living room. I knew it wouldn't take him long to fall for her charms, even with her short temper she was irresistible. He gave her a tight hug when we left, scaring her a little bit, before asking her to come back over soon.

"I am so sorry for flipping out on your dad like that," she said in a groan, pulling away from the house.

"Are you kidding me! That was amazing, I've never seen him blanch like that before. Besides, he adores you now, I think he liked it," I said teasingly. She laughed. Her phone beeped, and I picked up her purse. "What me to get that for you?"

"No," she said, a little too quickly. "Thanks, but I'll just check it when we get home," she said with a smile. I noticed that she started driving a little more quickly though. I took Zeus up to the roof when we got in, saying bye to Emmett, and Bella sat down immediately at her desk, ripping open her laptop and getting lost in the matrix.

When I came back in she was lying in bed in her pyjamas, and I quickly kicked off my clothes before sliding in with her. She didn't say anything, she just slid over to me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders and burying her face in my neck. I wrapped her tightly in my arms, and fell asleep quickly while holding her.

. . . . . . . . . . .

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