Hello!

I am so sorry this took so long, school and stuff.

I will actually update this soon because i have the other part somewhat written. The beginning is for future reference

We left the small loft that we were cooped in, filled with boxes of CD's and old albums, sheet music pilled on the desks, on the coffee tables and book shelves, the coffee machine filled the room with homey, bitter scent on late nights. The old piano tucked into the back, the guitars placed randomly throughout the area. The couch was the only thing that seemed to not be cluttered; it lay in the back of the vast one room area. The TV placed in front of, a scarcely used TV. Although today it was the object that made everyone of this group respect me like they once had, and to see all that bleach and hair dye didn't kill all my poor brain cells. That one room served as my only escape from them all, it may be cluttered but with his massive home with x many rooms for making and producing music, he had no real use for this room. The other two had no interest in writing music or composing. So mentally, while walking out that building that afternoon, I decided that was my place. The practice room was left a long time ago, along with my old life. Never again did I step into that place that harbors so many memories, and my greatest heartbreak.

This loft slowly turned from that day into a room less cluttered with his things, his things were packed away in the small closet that did exist in that loft. The couch remained as a constant reminder of my accomplishment. The CDs were arranged due to Artist. The records that meant something to me were placed in a file box, which sat comfortably next to a record machine. The coffee machine was on a table in the corner; under the table was a mini fridge. The piano moved front and center, the guitars were now lined against the back wall. The desk was my favorite place. I had a laptop in the first drawer on my right side. Pencils, pens, paper, and anything else I needed to write music in the left. Files with the music lyrics I had pulled from my storage locker in the basement. Journals and yearbooks in the left. The last left drawer I had my blank CD's. And in the very last drawer, the deepest one, two old ammo boxes sat alone, together. Two ammo boxes filled with the letters. All 1184 of them . . .

We had made it two blocks when the cameras started; we had paparazzi at every turn. Eventually we got through the hoards of photographers and interviewers. We arrived at my house first they dropped me off, and then they all went their separate ways. We decided that tomorrow we would choose a label. And on Friday we would announce. I waved at them until the black Cadi was at the end of the street then I walked into my building. I got my mail, I made it up to level C when I was greeted by a frantic little red head, Delilah.

"Have you seen Jay?!" she yelled, her small hands were tugging on the bottom of her shirt.

"Haven't seen the ass since we broke up darling and I don't hope to see him if he was the last man on earth," I said annoyed.

Tears formed in her eyes and I softened.

"Let me put my stuff in my apartment and then I'll help you," she nodded gratefully then moved to the side so I could walk past her.

I unlocked my door, then dropped my bag and mail on the floor. I kicked off my heels then rushed over to grab a pair of converse. I started to walk out when I realized I was in a blouse and pin skirt and blazer. I shook my head and changed quickly into a pair of shorts and wife beater.

The puffy-eyed girl was sitting at the end of hall when I finally got out of my apartment. She looked up at me with a mixture of happiness and sadness.

"After you broke up with Jay, he started drinking more and I heard from one of the artists at the tattoo parlor that he quit. He called me last week and said he was so fucking done. I don't know where he is Ally. I so worried," she started sobbing, I slumped my shoulders and knelt down next to her.

I pulled her into a hug, "Hey Delilah, don't worry. We'll find him."

"He is acting like our dad, he's being selfish. I don't blame you, I blame him," she sobs, I hold her while she cries. It made me realize that Jay had to grow up so his sister could have a childhood. Didn't mean that I liked him, just that he did something heroic for his sister.

"Where do you think he could be?" I asked, pushing her shoulders so I could look at her.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, "He has this, friend. They opened a parlor together awhile back, his name was Paul. Paul was always a really bad partier, drinker. Around two years ago, Paul got into coke, that's where Jay picked the habit up. Paul left town one night and Jay sobered up. I heard from one of my friends that Paul came back. Maybe Jay is with him."

I nodded, "Well we need to find out where they are, first."

"Okay we can go check Jay's apartment for like any clues," she said, she laughed suddenly, "I sound like I'm in a fucking mystery movie."

I laugh at her, we walk together down the steps to his level. We come to a red door, which I have never once seen. Even though Jay and I dated, he never let me go to his apartment. Now I know why. Delilah took out the key, the noise of us inhaling sharply was heightened in the quiet hall. Several long seconds later, the key was in the lock and she as turning the handle, the smell was the first thing to hit us. Her eyes widened, her mouth opened and closed.

"What the fuck is that?" I muttered, she shook her head, I could tell there was a million and one things racing in her head. So, I stepped into the dark room first. I ran my hand over the wall, searching for a light to illuminate the apartment. My fingertips skimmed over a switch, I flipped it on and was greeted by the soft glow that dimly illuminated the room. Trash. Everywhere. I gagged, then turned back to where Delilah, she was shaking and gray.

"Could-could you go and-and make sure i-its clear," she stuttered, her voice thick and coarse. I nodded gently. His house was more closed off and more shitty then my shit apartment. The archway to the kitchen which I did not have, glowed eerily as if there was some dark secret just through the arch. I look quickly back at Delilah, she was sitting on the floor, watching at me intently, I smile reassuringly then walk forward. The fridge hangs open, the smell that was so strong wafers into my noise, making me gag. I cover my mouth and nose then check the rest of the kitchen, it's clear thank god. I don't want to have to find anything, well like that. I walked out of the kitchen then walked across the living room to the bedroom. The door is just barely open, it's darker than the rest of the house, if that's even possible. I push the door open slowly, my hands shake and my stomach swells. It falls open on its own accord, filling the apartment with the nails on the chalkboard affect. I shallow down the lump in my throat and step forward into the room. My hand ghosts over the wall next to the door, I find nothing. I can't see more then the faint objects that I make out as furniture. I walk slowly I walk over many things nothing I can clearly make out. My hands waving out in front of me, searching for a lamp. Instead I find curtains, I yank them back, expecting the dark room to fill with light from a window, but the windows are boarded up. Only slivers of light fall into the. Enough light to see the lamp. I turn it on and see what litters the floor, more trash. His bed is unmade, the dresser is missing drawers which are strewn across the room. The mirror is cracked and blurry, the bathroom door stands across the room. Facing me, if there is anything in this apartment now, it's in there.

I walk across the room, my hand on the knob before I realize. I throw open door. Nothing. Besides the obvious crack pipe sitting on the counter. I sigh, and turn back into the bedroom. I walk back into the living room, half scared to turn around because of the feeling of something looming behind me. I practically run out of the apartment to Delilah.

"Did you find anything?" she asked, her eyes shining. I shake my head, her eyes dim then she stands and walks into the apartment.

"We should start looking for anything that shows where Jay is," she mutters going through a stack of papers on the coffee table. I nod and go back into the kitchen, I kick the fridge close, just so I don't have to touch that nasty thing. I look through the drawers and look over the papers.

We both investigate the bedroom. And all we managed to gather that he left in a hurry. We both took a collective sigh sitting on his ratty coach after searching the house. Delilah closed her eyes and leaned her head against the coach. I did the same, I finally had relaxed, I listened intently to the breathing and the wind against the window panes. I open my eyes, and look at the desk across the room.

"Did you check the desk?" I asked, half curious, half bored.

"Ya, all there is, are a answering machine and papers about the tattoo parlor," she mumbled.

I stood up and walked to the desk, my fingers dace over the papers and answering machine. A recording machine that's not plugged in. I sit down and look for an outlet, there one behind the desk, but only behind the covered area. I push the desk over, shifting my weight onto one side of the desk to push it out of the way of the outlet. The desk moved and I plugged in the recording machine.

It turned on slowly, I pressed messages and a thick voice broke the silence in the room. Delilah shot up, her lips trembled.

"Jay, dude! How's it going you goddamn bastard! Its Paul, hey I got back last week. I got some fine bitches, and some good shit. Come down bro, I'm staying in East Hialeah. See ya soon bro!"

As soon as it began, it ended. Delilah was shaking her head.

"Fuck," she muttered. She went into his room and threw some stuff, she came back in and stared at the answering machine like she was about to blow. I stood up and got out of her way. She stormed over to the answering machine, ripped it out the wall, opened the window next to her and threw the thing out the window. It hit the building behind the apartment, breaking it, then fell to its death.

"That fucking bastard! God dammit Jay, you lose fuck!" she screamed at no one in particular. Hot angry tears ran down her cheeks. She brushed them away, then turned to look at me.

"Could you help me get my brother back?" she asked, stern and willing.

"Of course, when?" I ask.

"This weekend. I have a car we can take," she said.

I nodded, and then my phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Hey Ally, we were thinking Miami Records, keeping it local." Dez, and I could hear Trish and Austin in the back.

I nodded, "Sounds great. Are you making a public announcement? Or are we meeting with Miami Records first?"

"We kind of already call in, they want to record Feel and release to see the response of the fans then we will go from there."

Now I wanted to throw a recording machine out of a window, I sighed irritably. "That's great guys. Thanks again for fucking keeping me out of the call and the decision."

"We didn't mean for it be like that, it's just that Austin wants to get back on his feet so he decided and called. Trish is screaming at him now for it. One sec. Can you guys keep it down! Austin shut the fuck up! No, no, We ARE A TEAM! Trish make him shut up. What? Okay whatever. Austin says there's a gift for you in your purse from today also are good about the recording thing."

I laugh at the situation, "Ya its fine, I have to go and I'm busy tomorrow and until Sunday."

"Okay we are going in tomorrow, we'll make sure that they don't fuck your song up. Guys, seriously? She's okay with it. Trish put down the pineapple! I have to go bye Ally."

I laughed then, put my phone away.

"We can leave tomorrow actually," I say, she nods then smiles.

"Thank you Ally."

I needed a cigarette, like bad. I paced my living room for three hours. I needed a fucking a cigarette. I made dinner, I tried to write songs. I did my hair. All I could think about was a cigarette.

So I grabbed my leather jacket, my phone and wallet, and walked to the CVS. I walked into the cooled mart, and walked into the back to get some stuff for tomorrow. I grabbed some snacks, and some drinks then made it to the front. I placed the stuff on the counter, and handed him a twenty. Can I get two packs of Marblos Lights please?"

He put the stuff in the bag and handed me the cigarettes. I took them smiles, took my bag then went outside. I went through my purse looking for a lighter but instead found a box, neatly wrapped. I sat down on a bench, then opened the lovely wrapped box. Under the wrapping lay a stainless steel Zippo lighter, I smiled then turned it over. There was a quote I couldn't quite read in the dark. The growing urge to rip open the box of cigarettes nearly killed me. I pulled out a cigarette, rest it between my lips. And lit it with my new lighter, took a long drag and blew the smoke into the night sky.

Delilah was packed the next morning, I spent half the night packing and smoking. Austin could yell at me later for it, right now I needed to be something. Not just new me, and not quite old me. Just something.

She drove there, mostly because I didn't know where the hell we were going. She was wearing a plaid shirt, with the sleeves rolled up. She turned onto a highway then I saw it. The ink on her right forearm.

"Tattoo?" I ask.

Her eyes widen and she looks down at her forearm. "Ya it's a feather."

I laugh, "Isn't there one on your shoulder?"

"Two actually, they're stars. I actually got those when drunk."

I laugh, "Any others?"

She giggled, "I have lots, you know there's a reason I wear long sleeve shirts all the time."

"No I thought you were just insane, we do live in Miami. I'm curious as to what they are though."

"Well my first tattoo was five black birds flying on my ankle. There are wings on my back, there's a Pin up girl on my right thigh. I have a row of bows on my left arm. I have the quote trust no one under my boob. Two guns pointed at each other one either side of my belly button. And on my left side I have a giant dream catcher."

"Holy shit girl," I say.

"What about you?" she asks.

"I have a star behind my ear, I have three bars on my forearm. And I remember A.D. on both my wrists."

"I'd thought you'd have more," she laughed. I lit a cigarette.

"I would but my boyfriend doesn't even like me smoking, I'm not sure how he would feel if I got more tattoos."

"Does his opinion matter?"

"What do you mean?" I took a long drag of my cigarette.

"Well, he's your boyfriend. I'm sure he loves you. If you want to get more tattoos, if you want to dye your hair blonde, hell if you want to smoke it shouldn't even matter," she said.

We had come to a shit town, and that's what East Hialeah is. I have only been here twice once when I was fifteen and once when I was eighteen. We pulled into a motel and she parked then got our key. We had a small room with two queen size beds pushed into opposite walls. It was only three and we were bored shitless.

"We could go to the bar," she said, flicking though channels

"Naw, cause then we'll be hung over," I said, lying on my back.

"We could go to a club," we both looked at each other and laughed. Like hell we will.

"I have an idea," I say, she turns off the TV and looks at me.

So much different then Trish and Dez and Austin. "I want to get another tattoo," I say, a grin spreading across my face.

"I like this Ally, okay let's get ready."

I changed into a ripped up band shirt and a pair of jeans. She wore a pair of ripped up jeans, and a shirt that's back was cut into strips so you could see her wings.

I smiled at her, I could see most of her tattoos. She laughed, and we both wore of heels. Mine red, hers black. We walked down town, and found several tattoo parlors lining one street. Only one had a line of people. We smirked and got into the line. A guy at the door was moderating who got in, he looked at Delilah and I and waved us forward. We got to him, he looked us up and down then showed us in. The walls were covered with designs, it smelled like pot and cigarette smoke, punk rock blared as well.

We were looking at the wall when a guy walked in front of us, "Do you know what you guys want?"

"Yes we do," I say, Delilah looked at me funny then nodded.

"Okay what will it be?"

"I want a hamsa on the back of my neck," I say, Delilah agrees.

"Alright, well let me go do some sketches and then we'll get y'all set up," he smiles and then walks away.

We sit and wait for what seems like forever, so I pick up one of the brochures on the table.

"The Tattoo Parlor," I say, it's a bare document only saying that it's owned and run my two close friends.

The guy comes back with three drawings, we decide on the second one. We are escorted to opposite rooms where we wait for our artists.

I laying on my stomach, looking at the wall when someone comes in.

"I'm so sorry lady but we are going to have to take you to the bosses office. We are short one artist so he's going to do your tattoo. I get up and walk with the guy to a big office in the back. Off to the side there's the chair but in the middle of the room was a large black desk. With a large man in the chair. He had a purple Mohawk, pierced lip, nose, eyebrow, nose, ears. Tattoos cover every square inch of his body.

"Hey Miss, I'm sorry, one of our artists decided he didn't want to work today." He sounded pissed.

"Oh, it's no trouble at all, really," I say, the guy gets up. He's huge and tall, or maybe I'm just small and short. He leads me to the chair and tells me to lay on my stomach. He lowers the chair and cleans my neck.

"I'm Paul by the way, its nice to meet you. Is this your first tattoo?"

Paul. The fucking odds man, but it could be someone else. "I'm Ally, and no its not."

He smiles, "Good. I like chicks with tattoos."

He places the sketch paper onto my neck and then presses down. He peels away the sheet then begins to fill it in. I bit down on my bottom lip, it hurt almost as bad when I got A.D. on my wrists. He was halfway done, when the phone rang.

"Shit." He turned off the needle then walked over the phone, putting it on speaker.

"He's here sir."

"Who?"

"Jay."

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

"Well about goddamn time, tell him to wait inside his office."

"Yes sir."

He hung off then came back, "Sorry about that my partner Jay is a lazy fuck and he just got back in."

"Oh its fine," I said. The odds that there were two Jays and two Pauls and they both lived in East Hialeah was about 1 in a million. That only meant one thing . . .

He finished an hour later then showed me the hamsa with a mirror. It was amazing, I'll give him that.

"If you want we can do the payment in here," he said, walking over to his desk. I nodded him and followed sitting in one of the red velvet chairs.

"Cash, credit, or debit?"

"Cash," I say, he gives me a sleazy smirk that makes me want to punch him.

"Where do you work?" he asks, typing something into my computer.

I could get his number if I played the part.

"Where do you think?" I say, biting my lip. It wasn't hard to flirt, I would have totally gone for him if one) he wasn't him, two) if I wasn't dating Austin, and three) if I hadn't dated Jay.

He chuckled, "Long nights I assume." Pointing at my wad of cash.

I gave him my most sultry gaze, "Oh not that long honey."

His eye brows disappear, and I had won him over. He handed me a bill and I read it over closely.

"You darling," he said, "I would lov-"

He was cut off by the phone, "Fuck, one second babe."

"What?!" he yelled.

"You got to be fucking kidding me."

"Okay okay I'll be there in one second."

He hung up then sighed. I stood quickly, "I should go."

He looked at me confused, then smirked. He walked around his big desk to the chairs. I turned my body so my back wouldn't be to his. I must of looked scared, because he chuckled under his breath then approached me. I backed up, and he got closer. My back hit his desk and he was in front of me. One hand on either side of the desk, next to my hips. His head dropped to my neck, he breathed in then traced his nose from my collar bone up my neck then to my ear. I couldn't think, I was hazy. His cologne was intense. His gaze was intense. He was intense. My knees buckled and I leaned into the desk. His hand splayed itself across my lower back, making me arch into him. He took my earlobe between his teeth, and began to suckle. And then the phone rang. I frowned and then snapped back to reality. He put his mouth on my ear, "I'll be right back babe. Don't you go anywhere."

He pulled away and I was admittedly cold. Austin. FUUUUUCCK.

I looked up the door and debated whether leaving or not. I couldn't I needed his number, his address, his something.

I pulled a cigarette out and took a drag then turned back around. There was picture on the cabinets, I looked them. mostly random people, I got to last picture. My jaw dropped. A familiar red head stood with a young less tatted Paul and Jay. I walked around his desk and picked up the picture. She was so much different, so much harder and badassy. I heard voices at the end of the hall, I didn't know what to do. So I shoved the picture into my bag. And ran around the other side of the desk, I need to look slutty. I sat down on the desk, put my bag zipped up and closed on the floor. I crossed my legs and smoked. That was hot, I think.

He opened the door, with his back still turned. He turned and closed the door, locked it then looked at me. He bit his lip, and looked my up and down. In two seconds flat he was in front of me. He took the cigarette out of my mouth and took a drag.

"Open your mouth," he ordered blowing the smoke to his side.

I opened my mouth, he took a drag. Then crushed the cigarette, took both face in his hands and blew the smoke into my mouth. Hot damn. Play the part. I put my hands on his chest and pushed them up over his shoulders, and onto the hairs on the back of his neck. I pulled him in, he tried to get a kiss, but I turned my head.

"It's going to cost you," I said, smirking.

He chuckled and his head dropped to my shoulder, "Well I won't kiss your lips then."

He kissed my neck, open mouth and all. I gasped, I needed to stop now. His hands were under my knees, and he put them around my waist. I could feel him then, all of him. I bit my lip to keep quiet. He ground into my full force, his hands were everywhere.

His phone rang again. I almost hated that phone. He pulled away again. Hit the speaker button.

"Yes?!"

"Emergency!"

"Fine, I'll be there in a minute!"

He hung, "Sorry babe, where were we?"

He leaned in and I put my hands back on his chest, "How bout we finish this tonight. Your place."

"Sounds good babe. A kiss before you have go?" he asked leaning in.

"Like I said, it'll cost ya," I say, hoping he'll let it go.

"I can deal with that," he said. It took me a few seconds to register his words, but by then his lips were on mine. He didn't believe in building up I guess. Because his tongue had licked my bottom lip, I gasped. He took this as an invitation and ran his tongue along mine. My eyes slid closed and I kissed him back. Jesus, he was good. My arms wrapped around his neck and his hands grabbed my butt squeezing it. I moaned, fuck. I ground into him, fuck. Then as fast as it had happened, it was over. He was three feet away from me, panting. I was too, I bit my lip, I was cold again and unbelievably horny.

"Tonight, my place, eleven," he said, pressing a twenty into my hand, "Wear something hot. My address is on the receipt."

"Got it," I said, standing up on wobbly legs then grabbed my bag. I walked past him to the door, he slapped my ass. Then I left, Delilah was waiting for me. She smiled and I frowned at her.

"We have to talk," I snap then I walk out the door.

Well I'm in love with ^ that.

It will make more sense in the next few chapters.

Love,

Mimi