Pretty sure I've already mentioned this, a lot, but I don't own Twilight. I just enjoy playing with the characters.
Song - Prayer in C - Lilly Wood & The Prick and Robin Schulz
. . . . . . . . . .
Things were getting a little better each day. Bella was getting a little better each day.
She was starting to talk a little more.
Emmett wanted to force her to see a therapist. I got it, but I didn't agree with him. We couldn'tforce her to do anything, and to try I thought would be counter-productive. She probably wouldn't talk to whoever we dragged her to anyways, and end up just shutting down more. I didn't want to let that happen.
I still thought she was depressed, but I thought now it was mostly because of an identity crisis and shock. I told them that I thought she'd get better as she finished healing and moved ahead with her rehab. I knew that for her, accepting all of this help now, and coming to terms with the fact that she needed it, was really fucking hard for her.
And I was shocked as shit when they actually heeded my fucking advice and listened to me. I just found it difficult to understand how they didn't… understand. Because I got it. I'd spent so much time with Bella before all this, and I got where she was coming from. If I had to choose only one word to describe her, it would have to be a protector. I don't think she even realized it sometimes, and despite that confident and fierce aura she constantly emitted, everything in her being was geared towards some higher goal of protecting someone else. Especially those she loved, but not slightly limited to. It was just her nature.
But her reason for that was gone now. She just didn't know what to do with herself, and there wasn't much she could do about it with her condition. I agreed that she needed to talk to a professional, but I knew she wasn't ready for it yet.
The biggest issue now, aside from her quiet demeanor, was her frustration and guilt. She'd never been good at accepting help from others, but I'd always been pretty good at dealing with in irate Bella. Really, she was much better with me now than she had been when I'd first met her and was just trying to get in her pants.
She was used to a very active lifestyle though, and not being able to walk Zeus, go to the gym, or even cook at the moment was driving her insane. Movies only kept her entertained for so long.
Which wasn't long at all.
I got her a couple video games based off of that zombie show she liked. She liked those, but she'd get too excited playing it and kept hurting herself.
After a week of take-out and easily-assembled salads, and one dinner with each my parents and her brother and Rose, she seemed to be losing her appetite again.
And I couldn't cook for shit. I tried, and almost burnt down her apartment. She was extremely uncomfortable around my parents at the moment though, mom was practically in tears every time she looked at her, and she hadn't even been able to look my father in the eyes since he gave her that thumb drive back.
I didn't really want to invite Rose over to attempt to help, because even though Bella always made sure to always smile at her, since that dinner and finding out about her pregnancy… god, that night had broken my heart. She was all smiles and happy congratulations while they were here, but as soon as they stepped out the door… she just broke. I don't think I'd ever seen her cry that much, that painfully. She didn't say a word, but I got it. I hadn't thought much about it since our conversation, but I think that she really did want children, and the fact that she couldn't made it extremely painful to watch her best friend and sister-in-law do something that she couldn't.
She was at her best mentally when it was just the two of us and Zeus, and honestly, I was too. Since getting her back, I know it was selfish, but I just didn't want to share her.
"I'm going to get fat eating like this Edward. Not even New York has enough healthy take-out places," she said with a groan.
"Babe, you need to put on some more weight," I said gently. She laughed.
"Not very often you hear a guy telling his girlfriend that she needs to gain weight," she remarked dryly. "If I eat one more thing with cheese on it I'm going to be sick. Just let me cook something. I'll even let you help."
"You can tell me what to do and I'll do it for you," I offered. I knew what she was like in the kitchen. I didn't want her reaching for things, bending for things, carrying things, or even twisting around. She'd push herself too far and set herself back, which would be worse for her mentality in the long run.
I just wanted her to stay still.
She sighed in annoyance. "Never mind."
"How about we go out?" I said quickly, my voice rising in excitement. She looked at me skeptically. "Why not? It's not like we'd give out your name, and no one from Washington would even recognize you if they saw you in a photo with me."
"I look like shit."
I laughed loudly at that, because it was the biggest fucking lie I'd ever heard. She was wearing this little blue lacy dress that made her look fucking delectable, her long hair was hanging over her shoulders in soft waves. She had cut a few inches off of it herself the other day, it had scared the shit out of me walking into the bathroom and finding her cutting her own hair, but it was still really long. She'd told me that it had been annoyingly long for a couple of years, but she'd never been able to bring herself to cut it before just out of spite to Victor.
I knew that all of his victims had been brunettes, but one of the things I hadn't learned from the news was that he had cut the hair of each of his victims to shoulder-length, like hers had been when she was younger.
It was difficult for her to put on pants, and she didn't like asking for help getting dressed, so she'd been wearing dresses lately. I did not fucking mind in the slightest.
"Baby, you look fucking gorgeous. But if you're not comfortable with the idea then we'll think of something else."
She watched me for a long minute, chewing her lip. I grinned.
"You do want to go," I said happily, and she gave me a nervous smile. "Okay! Let's go, I know a great place."
She sighed, but got up carefully and walked with me over to the door. I helped her with her boots, and held her coat for her to slide her arms through.
"Can I drive?"
"Nope. Can I drive the Aston?"
She sighed. "Sure. I wouldn't want anyone thinking that soccer mom transportation was mine," she teased. "It's really sensitive though."
"That's what she said."
She coughed, and then burst out laughing, clutching at her stomach. "Oh god, you've been spending way too much time with Emmett and Rose."
"I know," I laughed, and we walked out to the elevator, only locking two of the locks on the door.
Holy fuck was that car ever fun to drive. I made the way over to one of my favourite restaurants easily. They were ridiculously expensive, but that didn't really matter. The food was awesome, and their tables were very private, which was good because I knew Bella didn't like feeling like she was surrounded. She was always more comfortable with a wall at her back. I pulled up, and handed the keys to the valet as I walked around and got Bella's door. It only took about ten seconds for people to start taking pictures, and the light was fucking blinding. Bella looked too nervous to get out of the car.
"Edward, I didn't bring my sunglasses."
"You don't need them baby."
"But I'll be blind before we even get inside," she said with a bit of a nervous grin, and I laughed before ducking down and pulling her out of the car. She held onto my arms tightly as I steadied her on her feet. I grinned and wrapped an arm around her proudly as I led her inside. "Don't you need a reservation for this sort of place?" she asked quietly, looking around the softly lit room curiously.
"Hmm, I'm not sure to be honest. I've never needed one before." I walked up to the hostess, who just kind of stared at me for a long, awkward minute. I gave her an uncomfortable smile and the kid's face turned beet red. I could feel Bella's silent laughter next to me. "Hey there," I said in a friendly voice.
"Hi," she squeaked back, and I had to cough to cover my almost-laugh. I waited another minute but she didn't say anything else.
"Do you have any free tables?"
"Y-Yes! Of course, for how many Mr. Cullen?"
"It's just the two of us," I said carefully, a little worried about her mental health. "And we'd really like a corner table if possible."
"Oh, yes," she said, and I did not care for the way she eyed my girlfriend. "Right this way please."
We followed her over to a cozy little table in the corner of the room, and I helped Bella with her coat before helping her sit down carefully. The hostess eyed us the entire time until I sat in my seat, and she beamed at me again. "Your server should be here momentarily, but I can take your drink order now if you'd like?"
"Just water for me, what would you like baby? They've got a really good house-white."
"That sounds good," she said with a smile, and looked over at the awkward fucking woman next to us.
"Sorry miss, I'll need to see some ID first."
My fists clenched, because I was pretty damn positive she was just trying to get Bella's name, but my girl just smiled at her.
"Actually, I'd like a water too," she said in an even voice, and the girl started fidgeting under Bella's hard gaze.
Bella won that staring contest hands down in about five seconds.
Our server wasn't much better, and I was getting really damn annoyed because this was the first time I'd even been able to take her out like this and the service was not fucking pleasant. I was just fortunate that my girlfriend had thick skin and didn't really seem bothered by it.
"I swear, if they forget my food I'm never going to a restaurant with you again," she said with a grin. "The people at McDonalds are much nicer."
I laughed, and reached over for her hand. She took mine slightly hesitantly, looking around. "I am sorry about that, I'm going to have a word with their manager before we leave."
"You don't need to-"
"I do, actually. Because I'm not going to tolerate anyone treating you disrespectfully. I just have to handle my business quietly or it will end up on the front of a magazine. Besides, I know the owner a little. I know he likes me coming in because of the publicity it gives him."
She gave me a slightly-shy smile, and I wanted to kiss it so fucking badly.
"Thank you," she said quietly, and I lifted her hand up to my lips and kissed her knuckles.
"Nothing to thank me for," I said with a wink.
She didn't forget Bella's food, it was much worse. She set it down much too hard in front of her, almost dropping it, causing some of the sauce from her pasta to splatter on her dress. It must have been hot, because she flinched, and then cringed in pain as she sucked in a sharp breath and clutched at her abdomen. I was out of my chair in a second, knocking it over in my haste to get to her. I knelt down in front of her.
"Baby? Are you okay?" I asked quietly as I brushed my hand through her hair and cupped the side of her face, feeling the eyes of the room on us.
She nodded, "I'm okay, just give me a sec," she said in a strained voice. I was fucking livid, and glared up at the sever who was shaking nervously.
"Get me your manager," I growled, and she ran from the room with a squeak.
Joham came out a minute later, and almost smiled before he saw me crouched in front of Bella.
"We should probably talk in your office," I hissed, not able to control the sound of the anger in my voice.
"Yes, of course," he said, and gestured for me to walk ahead of him.
"Can you walk baby?" I whispered quietly, knowing she'd probably punch me if I just picked her up in the middle of the restaurant. There was no way I was leaving her alone though. She was breathing easier now, and nodded. I helped her up carefully, then grabbed both of our coats before leading her over to Jo's office.
"What happened?" He asked worriedly, but sank down in front of Bella's chair that I eased her into before I could speak. "Are you okay miss? I have a doctor on staff, or even just something to drink?"
"Umm, water would be nice actually," she said shyly, and he gave her a gentle smile. He pulled a bottle of fancy water out of his mini fridge and poured it into a glass before handing it to her. Her hand was still trembling when she took it. "Thank you."
"Of course, now what happened?" He asked, looking between the two of us.
"Your hostess first, and then our server. They were both extremely rude to my girlfriend, who just recently had surgery you should know, but it seemed like our server purposely dropped her plate in front of her, splashing her. As you can see, even flinching for her is extremely fucking painful."
"Edward-"
"No baby, I'm sorry, but that is totally not fucking acceptable in my books. The way they treated her this entire night has been extremely unprofessional."
"You're right, and I will not tolerate such behaviour from my staff," Jo said, then walked over to his phone.
He fired both of them on the spot, before having a special meal made for Bella and I that we took to go. He even had his own security escort us out because there was a fucking mob in front of the restaurant.
"This is insane, they're going to follow us back to my building," she said nervously.
"Shit. What should we do?"
"Maybe go over to your apartment, leave the car there, then get a ride home in another car?"
"Sounds good," I said, impressed as always by her quick thinking. We went back to my old apartment, and ate our dinner there before it got cold, sharing a nice bottle of German white.
"Shit, he might suck in his choice of wait staff, but definitely not in his cooks," she said, moaning as she took a bite of the decadent-as-fuck chocolate cake.
I rubbed my hands over my face, because that sound went straight to my dick.
It had been awhile, sue me. But I wasn't going to take a chance at hurting her, no fucking way.
I could wait. I'd done it before.
I regretted inhaling mine as I watched her take another slow bite. She grinned when she saw me watching her, and scooped some more onto her fork before holding it out for me. I grinned and leaned forward, wrapping my lips around her fork, and watched as she chewed on her lip as she watched me.
The silence was slightly strained after that.
"We should get back to Zeus," she said quietly, and I nodded and texted Riley before getting up. His car had tinted windows, and I didn't trust the driving service with Bella. I took her empty glass of wine, and rinsed our dishes and put them in the dishwasher before we went down to meet him.
It was the first time I ever saw Riley smile, when I opened the door for Bella. I walked around and joined her in the back seat quickly.
"It's nice to meet you," he said in his gruff voice, sounding genuine. I noticed instantly that he didn't ask for her name, and really admired his awesome professionalism.
"You too," Bella said with a small smile, and Riley took off.
"Am I coincidentally taking you to the location you usually ask me to?"
I grinned. "Yes, thank you."
"No problem."
It was a comfortably quiet drive as he took us to Bella's building.
"Thank you Riley, have a nice night," I said, and went around to help Bella get out of the low seat. The passenger-side window rolled down, and I turned to him.
"Sir," he started, and let out a sigh. "I'm not going to beat around the bush. The internet has already exploded over your dinner, and it's not safe for either of you to walk around together without an escort. Not while your friend is dealing with whatever injury she is. Just… feel free to give me a shout if you require some security."
I gave him a genuine, heart-felt smile. "Thank you, I will. And seriously, enough with the 'Sirs' already. You know what my name is."
He smirked and nodded, then pulled away.
"I like him," Bella commented as we walked over to the elevators. I smiled.
"So do I."
Zeus ran over as soon as we got in, but Bella immediately told him to "still," and he waited patiently and didn't jump up on her when she went and pet him. I should have remembered that when I'd brought her home.
"How's the stomach?" I asked her once more, even though I was probably irritating the shit out of her. She just smiled happily at me though, and leaned into me on the couch and kissed me.
"Good, it's not bothering me at all." She rested her head against my shoulder, just looking up at me and smiling. I laughed, and brushed my fingers back through her hair.
"That wine went straight to your head," I said with a grin, and brushed a thumb over one of her pink cheeks.
"Mmm, it was very good. It felt like forever since I'd had a drink."
"That's not going to fuck with your painkillers is it?"
She shook her head. "Nah, I'll be fine." She opened her eyes and I just got completely lost in them. And her beautiful smile. I leaned in and kissed her gently, pulling her legs into my lap as I wrapped an arm around her. It always just felt better the closer I was to her, and was now just the automatic thing to do. She smiled against my lips, sliding her arms around my neck, and then shivered against me.
"How about a movie in bed?" I asked, feeling a little chilly too. I'd rather curl up under the duvet in bed than a throw on the couch though. And she'd be more comfortable if she was lying down.
"Sure," she said with a smile before I stood up with her and set her down on her feet. She went and hit the lights, stopping in the kitchen and grabbing a bottle of water. I pulled off my shirt and pants, grabbing her new touch-screen, but not able to take my eyes off of her as she slid off her dress, and unclasped her bra before slipping on nothing more than a baggy Led Zeppelin t-shirt and sliding in next to me carefully with a smile.
I didn't get embarrassed when she caught me looking, because I'm pretty sure she knew I was always looking. I curled up behind her, an arm under her head and one over her waist as I held the tablet in front of us. She flicked through until we found something that we both thought looked interesting.
She shifted around a bit not long into the movie because she was lying on her hair, and the movement caused her baggy shirt to slide down her shoulder. I leaned in and kissed her soft skin, and she sighed softly while closing her eyes with a smile. She smelt so good, and I couldn't help trailing my nose up the side of her neck, taking it in.
She leaned into me, trailing her fingertips lightly down my arm, and I closed my eyes tightly, hiding my face in the back of her hair as the urge to just fucking lick her was too overpowering.
And the way she whispered my name made it fucking painful.
Then she rubbed her perfect ass up against me, and I groaned.
"Bella-" I practically choked out.
"You won't hurt me," she said quietly, pleadingly, moving against me again.
"Christ woman, I only have so much fucking self-control," I groaned, my resolve become pretty damn weak as I slid my hand up her side, under her t-shirt.
"Good, then just let me win," she breathed, letting out a sigh as my fingertips traced along the soft skin beneath her breasts. She just felt so fucking good and I missed touching her like this so god damn much. I carefully slid up her shirt, but she sat up a bit to help me slide it off and she stifled a painful hiss and she shut her eyes tightly.
Fuck, she just wasn't ready for this yet.
"Bella-"
"I'm sorry," she whispered painfully, sounding close to tears. I wrapped my arms around her again as she cautiously turned into me, curling into my chest.
"Baby, you have nothing to apologize for," I told her gently as I rubbed a soothing hand up and down her back. She didn't flinch anymore when I touched her scars. "I just can't hurt you though, I can't take the chance. It's not your fault though. I love you."
"I love you too," she whispered against my skin. It felt so good just feeling her skin against mine as I held her. "I just miss this, being close with you like this."
"So do I," I said, carefully tightening my hold on her. She snuggled in closer, her hands on my chest making me shiver.
And we fell asleep like that, her legs tangled with mine as I held her protectively.
. . . . .
I moaned as sleep slowly slipped away. It felt so damn good.
Bella kissed my jaw as her hold on my dick tightened gently.
"Baby, we can't," I complained weakly.
"I know, but I'm only moving my arm," she whispered against my neck in between kisses. "It's your own fault, you were rubbing against me in your sleep and making me all horny. Please baby, I just want to make you come," she said in a seductive voice, and I looked over at her. She was watching me with a hopeful smile as her hand continued to move over me under my boxers.
Maybe I would have argued if I wasn't half asleep, or if I wasn't already so close, or if her hand didn't feel so fucking good. But I didn't, and I came fucking hard as her tongue traced along the shell of my ear.
"Fuck," I cursed quietly as I tried to calm my breathing but not fall back asleep. I looked at Bella worriedly, and her smile disappeared as she shifted away from me slightly.
"Sorry," she said quietly, and her eyes watered. My heart caught in my throat.
"Don't you dare apologize for that," I said seriously, wrapping my arms around her. The mess in my boxers was pretty uncomfortable. "Are you okay though? I was just worried you may have hurt yourself."
She rolled her eyes at me, but didn't pull away. "I'm fine."
I sighed in relief, and smiled before kissing her lips, and felt hers curve up against mine. "I love you."
"Love you too," she whispered happily. I shifted uncomfortably, and I sighed as I pulled away from her. She looked at me curiously, and I raised an eyebrow with a smirk as I pulled off my boxers, using them to clean myself up before tossing them on the floor. She grinned back, her cheeks flushing slightly, and I carefully wrapped my arms around her again, kissing her neck, and scratching her with my morning stubble and making her giggle.
I definitely wanted to return the favour, but Bella was a wiggler and I didn't know how to do that without her ending up hurting herself. She didn't hint at anything though, she just snuggled up against my chest with a content smile.
"Are you ready to get up?" I asked, a little sadly, looking over at the clock and seeing it was almost seven.
"No," she mumbled against my skin, and I grinned as I moved my hands up and down her back.
. . . . .
I couldn't watch her do her physiotherapy. It was too hard. I was worried Emmett might push her too hard, but she had reluctantly told me this wasn't the first time. Emmett had taken it upon himself when they were younger, after her last 'accident' as she referred to it, to make sure she had all the support and encouragement she could tolerate during her rehab.
That didn't settle me in the slightest, because I knew how they both were in there gym.
Bella knew me well though, and I smiled as I drove over to my old apartment.
First she reminded me that I had yet to bring over my piano.
Then she asked me if I missed staying at my apartment, but I told her I really had no attachment to it. It was just a storage locker to me.
So she asked me if I just wanted to move in with her, make it official, and I answered with an immediate yes.
My apartment was bigger, but her apartment felt more like home than mine did, and she had her roof for Zeus.
And it went without saying that her building had much better security. No one had ever seen me come in through the main entrance except for the first time I went there, for a wedding.
It was a pretty simple choice to be honest.
So I tried to distract myself from the fact that Bella was probably in pain and pushing herself way too fucking far by taking inventory of my shit. I didn't do this last time I moved, I just packed a suitcase and tossed my keys to the packers.
I thought it was kind of sad that there wasn't much in my apartment that I actually wanted to keep. Bella's couch was bigger, her kitchen was better stocked than mine, her bed comfier… and no one besides us had ever slept in her bed.
The thought made me shudder, and I felt sick just thinking about it.
I still didn't understand why she was with me, but I was grateful. She's the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I hated to think what my life would have been like if I'd never met her. I'd probably be back to living it up like a douche in LA…
All I really wanted to keep were my books, my music, my clothes, and my instruments.
Fuck, we were going to have a lot of books. I had no clue where we'd fit them all, but I'm sure Bella had some ideas.
I made lists of everything I didn't want, and then lists of what I did along with some pictures. It was easier than trying to write down the names of all the books I had.
And my record player. Bella didn't have one of those, and mine was amazing. She was going to love it.
I packed up some more of my clothes, and loaded them into the back of my SUV with my guitars before picking up some dinner and heading home.
Emmett jumped off the couch as soon as I opened up the door.
"Great! You're back. See you later," he said, rushing out. I caught his arm.
"What's the rush? How did everything go? Is she okay?"
"Oh yeah, she's fine. She just being a crazy bitch and I'm out of here. Good luck!" He said cheerily, and left for the elevator.
If it was anyone besides her brother, I would have knocked him out for calling Bella a bitch, but they had a weird fucking relationship.
I tentatively closed the door as I went in, and set the food out on the counter.
"Baby? Where are you?" I asked, a little freaked out by Emmett's warning.
"Bathroom," she sang, not sounding like a crazy bitch in the slightest.
"Can I come in?" I asked carefully.
"Sure."
I opened the door, and Bella was in her Jacuzzi, jets going and swimming in bubbly, cherry-scented foam. She smiled brightly at me.
"Hey baby, how'd things go? Did you bring your piano?" She said, and it looked like she was trying to make a snowman out of her bubbles. It wasn't working. I grinned.
"No, I'll have to hire someone to move it," I said with a smile, sitting on the edge of the tub and wondering if she'd been drinking. She was still smiling.
"Hmmm. Okay. That makes sense, it's kind of big."
I bit my lip for a moment to stop myself from laughing.
"Yeah, it is. I just brought back some more clothes and my guitars."
She beamed. "I've never heard you play the guitar before! Can you play me a song?" She asked hopefully.
The only time I'd played for her had been when she was unconscious in the hospital, I realized.
"Sure, maybe a bit later?" It was steamy in here, and the moisture wasn't good for the wood. She treated her violins like they were almost disposable, she hadn't really cared at all when she'd ruined her last one playing out in the snow, but my guitars were all collector's items and I did very much care if they might get damaged.
"Okay," she said easily. Watching me. "Would you like to join me? The water's verrry nice," she said, closing her eyes. I laughed.
"Baby, have you been drinking?"
"Nope. Your dad gave me codeine though. It's kind of awesome, much nicer than the morphine," she said happily, and I chuckled quietly.
"And how did things go with Emmett?"
"Ugh, he was being an ass. Asks me to do something, and then I'd do it, cause he said so, you know? And then he'd get all dramatic and worried and bitchy. Just couldn't make up his mind."
"He probably just didn't want you to-" Her eyes opened and she glared at me, so I just dropped it. Emmett could handle her, I didn't see the need to get involved unless he pushed her too far. "I picked up some dinner on the way back. Chicken and veggies. I'll heat it up later."
She smiled again. "Mmm. So, did you want to come in?"
I looked at her carefully, and she was just smiling at me sweetly. Her hair was wet, and so dark it looked black, making her big brown eyes stand out vividly.
It was a pretty fucking hard thing to turn down.
"Sure," I said, pulling off my shirt. She watched me closely as I got undressed, and slid into the tub with her. It was an awesome tub, and even though it smelt kind of girly, it felt great and I sighed as I sunk into the water with her.
Bella was too far away though, and I wanted to be closer to her. So I slid over to her side, and easily lifted her in the water, settling her in front of me and wrapping my arms around her. She sighed, closing her eyes and leaning her head back against my shoulder.
"So you're feeling okay? I was worried about you," I said quietly, and shivered as she dragged her nails lightly up one of my legs.
"Mhmm. We didn't do anything strenuous, mostly just stretching," she said quietly, and her fingers were fucking distracting. I tried to think of something to talk about to prevent myself from fucking her right there in the tub.
"I don't want to keep any of my furniture, unless there's anything you want. I have a lot of books though. I don't think there will be enough room on the shelves, you have more than I do."
"Mmmm, a lot of my books are crap. I'll go through them and make room," she said, drawing designs on my leg, and I'm sure she felt me twitch against her.
"No, I don't want you throwing out-"
"I won't be throwing anything out. I've never had a library card, a lot of my books are textbooks, or crap things I started to read and lost interest in. Doubles of things that I later got collector's editions of. A lot of them are hollowed out book safes, and a lot just space fillers. I'll just donate what I don't want and move stuff I don't see myself using soon next door."
"Okay," I said, leaning in and kissing her shoulder. She smiled.
She looked about ready to fall asleep in the tub, so after a few more minutes I got her out, and she dried off before just walking over to her bed and lying down. I grinned. Fuck, she was so beautiful. I walked over and slid a sheet over her, knowing she'd get cold. She rolled onto her stomach, and I stopped, lying down next to her and admiring her wings.
"I'm dizzy," she mumbled into the sheets, and she shivered as I slid a finger down her spine.
"Just rest for a bit, it'll pass," I said gently, and she nodded. I traced along one of the larger feathers on the back of her ribs, and stilled before leaning in and taking a closer look. The pattern in the feather was weird.
There was a name in it. It was barely noticeable as it blended into the shading of the feather, but it was there. Angela. The name rang a bell… My eyes furrowed as I took a closer look. They were hard to notice unless I was looking, but now that I was, I could see them. Danielle, Charlotte, Sarah, Heidi, Caitlin, Maggie, Liam, Charlie…
My pulse was thudding loudly in my ears as a sick feeling filled my stomach.
"Baby?"
"Hmm?"
"There are… names, in your feathers."
She didn't say anything, but she nodded.
"Why?" I asked quietly.
"So I never forget," she whispered.
"Forget what?"
"All of the people that died because of me."
I froze after I ripped my hand away from her, it was getting hard to breathe.
"What do you mean? Who are all these people?"
She sat up carefully, then got out of bed and got dressed quietly, not looking at me.
"Bella?"
"I don't want to talk about it," she said shortly, and walked into her bathroom before closing the door.
A couple names were familiar. I knew Charlie was her father, and that he had died, taking a bullet for her.
Did she blame herself for his death?
And all those girls… were they all Victor's victims? Did she blame herself for that too?
I already knew that she did. I got dressed, and sat on the edge of the bed, waiting for her to come out because even if she didn't want to talk, we needed to fucking talk about this.
She came out, and looked like she was going to close the door again when she saw me.
"Baby, we need to talk. Come sit with me," I said gently, yet firmly. Her arms wrapped around herself in that self-hugging thing I hated, but she came and sat next to me.
"Bella, have you ever talked to a therapist?"
"Have you?" She spat back defensively.
"Yes," I told her honestly, which seemed to take her by surprise. She looked down at her lap.
"My dad sent me to all sorts of shrinks before we had to go into hiding," she said quietly.
"I figured, but that's not what I asked." She looked up at me in confusion. "Have you ever spoken to a therapist, not just walked into their office, but actually spoken to one?"
She shook her head.
"Why not?"
"Because I don't want to talk about it, I just want to forget about it," she said, eyes watering, and she looked back up at me.
"You're not letting yourself forget about it Bella. Blaming yourself for all of their deaths-"
"But they ARE my fault Edward!" She shouted at me, glaring at me. "And don't even fucking say that they're not, because I'm tired of hearing it. My best friend, Angela, she was the first you know. We were sixteen. It happened just a few months after the movie was released. Do you know why he did it Edward?" She didn't give me time to reply. "He did it because I lied in that movie. He kidnapped her on my sixteenth birthday, right out of her fucking house, and sent the whole fucking thing to me on a DVD. He told me that I lied, and he needed to remind me what had actually happened. He cut off her hair and pretended she was me, he did the same fucking thing to her, but when she hit the gravel she died.
"Then there was Caitlin, then Heidi, then Sarah, Danielle, Charlotte, he did the same fucking thing to each of them, and they all died. Like I should have. The doctor's had no fucking clue how I'd managed to live, but I did, just to have it rubbed in my face that I shouldn't have for the rest of my life."
She was sobbing now, and I was crying too, seeing my beautiful girl in so much fucking pain. I carefully pulled her into my lap, and held her tightly.
"Liam and Maggie?" I asked, so she could just get it all over with at once. She choked on her breath before she was able to reply.
"They tried to separate Emmett and I once, before I turned eighteen, thinking it would be easier to hide me if he wasn't with me," she cried. "They moved me to Canada, and put me up with two FBI agents that posed as my parents, and enrolled me in high school again. Three days. That's how long it took him to find me. Three days. He tied them up and burnt down the house with them still inside."
I held her tightly as she cried into my shirt, just hoping she would get some of the pain out. This was too fucked up for one person to deal with. She needed to talk to someone, or this would kill her. Not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday it would.
But if anyone had trust issues, it was Bella, and this wouldn't be easy.
I thought Siobhan would be good for her. She was all the way in LA, but was the best there was, and had helped me with my own Victor issues. And I trusted her.
I kept holding her as she cried herself out, and was now sniffling, shaking slightly in my arms.
"Baby, I need you to talk to a therapist," I said gently, and her grip tightened on my shirt as she froze. "I know you don't want to, but you need to.I need you too. It kills me seeing you torture yourself, and blame yourself for something that was so out of your control. I don't know how to make you see that it just wasn't your fault. I know you don't want to hear it, but I told you I'd never lie to you, and I'm not going to break that promise. Please Bella, if not for yourself, then for me?"
We were silent and still for a long time, but I didn't rush her.
A few minutes later she nodded against me.
"Thank you," I told her thickly, kissing her hair.
"I think I'm going to take a nap for a bit," she breathed. "Can you… stay with me?"
"Of course," I told her, and I curled up behind her under her blankets until her tremors stopped and she drifted off into a medicated sleep.
. . . . . . . . . .
Yeah, Bella's a mess. Her whole world has changed though, and she's clinging to her one constant. Leave her some love? She could use really use it.
Do you think she would have agreed to therapy for anyone but him?