Chapter 30: Not Giving Up

Lily jolted awake breathing heavily. Her dreams hadn't been half as bad as before. James had been watching her ever since she told him about one of her dreams. No matter what she said, he would always come and check on her. Most of the time he would stay with her. Even after he went back to the Academy, he came home and checked on her. She would tell him that he didn't need to and that she was fine and he would always say that it was no bother. He never went back to his room except to change. She didn't understand. He was in love with another girl, why was he doing this for her?

The bed creaked. "Are you alright?" James asked sleepily.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Lily replied. She put her head in her hands and sighed.

James rubbed her back comfortingly. "Do you want me to get you anything?"

Lily shook her head. She laid back on the bed and closed her eyes. She waited for James to sink back into the bed, but he didn't. He just sat there not doing anything. Lily sat back up.

"Are you ok?" she asked.

"I don't know," he mumbled.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

James didn't say anything; he just stared at the wall.

Lily sighed. "You've been helping me through my problems, now it's my turn to help you through yours. Come on tell me."

"I don't know, I guess I just. . . .my feelings are getting in the way of my judgment," James told her.

"What do you mean?" Lily nudged him with her shoulder.

He smiled. "I guess-"

"It's about Eliza, isn't it?" Lily guessed.

"What? No," James replied. "I broke it off with her a while back."

"What? But you told her you loved her," Lily realized her slip up as soon as she spoke. Her hands slapped over her mouth.

"What are you talking about?" James questioned.

"Well, I may have seen you tell her," Lily confessed. "I didn't mean to be there, honest. I just walked in on you two."

Lily knew this wasn't the whole truth, but she wasn't about to tell James that she was spying on him.

"Yeah, I told her I loved her, but just as a friend," James told her. "I never wanted to be anything more with her. She was a really good person and I couldn't lead her on when I knew that I didn't have feelings for her. She quite serious about me though. I couldn't hurt her after she had done so much for me. She tried to help me get over you, but I don't think it really worked looking back. I don't think I'll ever get over you."

Lily's mouth fell open with the realization of what he was saying. One part of her felt like she could fly; the other part of her was horrified. She broke up a relationship. James had broken it off with Eliza because of her. He said that he would never get over her. And here she was sitting open mouthed looking like an idiot.

She quickly shut her mouth and looked away. She knew what she had to do.

"James, you can't say things like that."

"Why not?" James asked turning her face towards him. "It's true."

"Because you can't go breaking other girls' hearts because of me," Lily told him. "It's not right."

"Then be my girlfriend again," James suggested. "You won't have to worry about me breaking other girls' hearts. I don't want to be with anyone else, but you."

"James it's just not in the cards," Lily's patience was wearing thin.

"But I-"

"Get out."

"What?"

"You heard me, get out."

James' eyes hardened. "Fine."

He walked calmly out of the room.

Lily knew she couldn't stay with James not after what he had confessed to her. She couldn't be the cause of James breaking it off with that girl. She hated herself for it. She should hate James too, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. She loved him after all. She loved him with all her heart. However she knew that they both needed some time to find themselves after all that had happened to them. She was willing to take that time she just didn't know if James was.

James closed the door lightly before storming back to his room. How could she be so cruel? He had poured out his feelings for her and she had just thrown them out like yesterday's trash. He would have given her anything and everything, but she still refused him. He just didn't understand what was keeping them apart.

He opened the door to his room and went inside. He looked out the window and smiled as he thought back to their time at Hogwarts. He remembered when he had been sorted into Gryffindor. He remembered seeing Lily sorted into Gryffindor and saying that someday she was going to be his. He remembered when he, Sirius, and Peter had found out Remus was a werewolf. He remembered how hard he, Sirius, and Peter had studied to become to become Animagi and how proud they all were when they succeeded. He remembered the first time he asked Lily out on a date and how she turned him down. He remembered finding out about Sirius telling Snape about the Whomping Willow. He remembered being furious with his best friend. He remembered saving Snape's life. He remembered getting Head Boy and how proud his parents had been. He remembered how happy he had been when he found out Lily was Head Girl. He remembered making a vow to himself that he was never going to ask Lily out again, if she just wanted to be friends that was fine with him. He remembered her being jealous over some girl he was snogging in the common room. He remembered how happy he was when they went on their first date.

James decided if he did it once, he could do it again. He would get Lily back and there would be no stopping him. He didn't care what Sirius or anyone else, even Lily, had to say. He was going to get the girl of his dreams back.

A/N: Hey guys! Big thanks to my beta wingardiumleviosa9! So you probably hate me for making this happen. You probably hate Lily too, but alas it was necessary in order for the plot to proceed. Now who's ready for some DRAMA?