Chapter 34: Realization

Lily hopped in the shower and washed her hair and her body clean. She wondered what would have happened if Sirius hadn't interrupted. When she got out of the shower Karen was sitting on her bed.

"Hey," Lily greeted. "You getting ready to leave?"

"Yep," Karen replied. "I got all my stuff packed up. So you and James?"

"What about us?" Lily asked nonchalantly.

"Don't play dumb with me. We could hear you laughing in the kitchen," Karen told her.

"So we were laughing. Is that a crime?"

"No, but I want to know what happened!"

"Nothing happened."

"Really? You're playing this card?"

"Fine. We talked. He made milkshakes. That's it."

"If that's it why did you take a shower?"

"I may have poured my milkshake on him and he may have poured his on me."

"What?! Why?! Did you get mad at each other?"

"No, we were just having fun."

Karen sighed. "Lily, you're going to lose him one of these days. Then you're going to be wishing that you had told him everything." After saying this, Karen got up and went downstairs.

Lily stayed awake that night thinking about what Karen had said. She didn't want to think Karen was right, but she knew she was. Laying there in bed, she realized that she had loved James all along. Everything she had done in the past year or so had been her subconscious trying to tell her that she was still in love with him. She wished she had listened to it.

Alas, here she was laying in this empty bed, in James Potter's house. Suddenly she felt cold and alone. Karen's words popped back into her head. You're going to lose him one of these days. Then you're going to be wishing that you had told him everything.

She sighed as she thought of this. Karen knew what she was talking about. She had had experience in breaking hearts. Karen was almost as bad as Sirius. As Lily turned over, she thought about how much time she and James had wasted. They could have been together for years, if it weren't for her stubbornness.

Her door opened and she heard footsteps. Sitting up in her bed, she saw James.

"Hey," he whispered. "I didn't know if you were awake. You didn't come down for dinner."

"I was afraid if I did that I would get food dumped on me," Lily joked.

James chuckled. "If you wanted something I wouldn't mind fixing it."

It was moments like this that made Lily hate herself. Why couldn't he be rude and hateful so she could hate him? James had always been a kind person whither Lily choose to admit it or not. That's what drew her to him. That and his good looks.

"No, I'm good," Lily told him. "Thanks anyway."

"Alright, sleep well," James said before slipping out of the room.

Lily flopped back down on the bed as soon as the door was shut. Why did James have to be sweet? She couldn't take it. She just wanted to reach up and kiss him. Feel his lips on her once more. Great now she couldn't get comfortable. She closed her eyes and after a while drifted off to sleep.

"Lily, come on wake up," James laughed. "It's time to get up."

"Five more minutes, Mum," Lily pleaded pulling the covers over her head.

"I'm not your mum," James laughed again.

Lily uncovered her her head. She smiled when she saw James' smiling face. She flipped the covers off of her only to find that she was wearing a yellow sundress. Lily stood up and the room transformed into a beautiful meadow.

"Where are we?" Lily asked looking around.

James just smiled. "Come on, silly."

He held out his hand for her and she grabbed it. As she followed James, her heart soared. She hadn't be this close with him since her nightmares. She smiled as she thought of all the good times she had had with James.

"Where are you taking me?" Lily inquired.

"You'll see," James replied.

Finally they came to some trees. After walking a while in the forest, they came to a clearing. There was a beautiful waterfall and lagoon with a blanket and picnic basket next to it.

"James, you shouldn't have done this," Lily whispered in awe.

James just shrugged. He sat down and pulled Lily down along with him. Lily didn't know what to say about this. James had outdone himself this time. They fell into easy conversation. After eating, James sighed.

"We need to talk," he stated.

Lily nodded. "I know."

"Where do you want to start?" James asked.

"I never meant to hurt you," Lily told him. "I don't know what I was thinking. It hurt me to stay away from you. I realize that now. I should have accepted my feelings for what they were. I tried to fool myself into thinking that it meant nothing. I can't do that anymore. I want you. Just you."

James sat there with a pensive look on his face. This was it, he was going to shoot her down. She knew it.

James looked up and ran a finger down her cheek. Smiling, he leaned in and gave her a kiss. Lily smiled and pulled him on top of her. All she had to think about was James' lips on hers for now.

The dream bothered Lily when she woke up the next day. She sighed as she got in the shower. As the warm water ran over her body she thought about what the dream meant and what she was going to do. Sighing, she turned off the water and dried herself off.

Lily knew what she had to do. She was going to tell James she wanted him. She didn't care if he rejected her. At least she was honest with him and herself. She went downstairs. James would hopefully be up by now.

He wasn't in the kitchen so she decided to wait until after work to tell him.

When she arrived at work, she saw Mrs. McCarthy talking to an old lady so she waited.

"Hello, Mrs. McCarthy," Lily greeted the old lady when she was done with the patient.

"Hello, Lily," Mrs. McCarthy answered.

Just as Mrs. McCarthy was about to say something to Lily, a man came running in. He practically pushed Lily out of the way. "Excuse me, Miss, but we have wounded patient," he explained quickly. "One of my men got hit by a bad curse. I don't what it is."

"Right," Mrs. McCarthy said. "Lily, stay here while I go and handle this."

Lily leaned against the desk as Mrs. McCarthy went to help the men out. As soon as Mrs. McCarthy brought one of the men in, Lily recognized him immediately. It was James.

A/N: I know I'm evil right? Just when Lily was going to tell James how she felt he gets wounded. Review!