Chapter 35: Confession

Lily heard someone screaming and felt arms go around her waist. She felt herself struggling against the said person. No, not James. It couldn't be James. She was going to tell him how she felt. Everything was supposed to be ok. Everything was supposed to be work out. James had to be ok.

"Calm down, Red," a voice spoke in her ear. "He's strong. He'll make it.

"It's not supposed to be like this, it's not fair," Lily whispered turning around. "Why him, Sirius?"

"I don't know," Sirius answered. "Life's not fair, I guess."

Sirius ran a hand through his hair and blew out a breath.

"What happened?"

"You don't-" Sirius started.

"What happened?" Lily repeated.

Sirius sighed. "We were out on a practice mission, that's what they call it anyway, and some Death Eaters showed up. It's not safe anymore. We had some trained Aurors around, but there were too many. Spells were flying all over the place. James cast a Smokescreen Spell so we could get out of there, but a spell hit him and he wasn't able to Apparate. I don't know what kind of spell it was, but by the time I got to him, he was passed out. I brought him here after that."

Lily fell back against the wall and closed her eyes. No, no, no. This could not be happening. James had to be alright; he had to be. A tear slipped out and then another, until Lily was full on sobbing. She was so stupid. She always thought she would have time to tell James how she felt. Now he was could be dead for all she knew. It was all her fault for being so stubborn.

"Hey, it's alright," Sirius whispered enveloping her in a hug. "It's going to be ok. He's going to be ok. I promise."

"But you don't know," Lily pulled away from him, wiping at her eyes. "You don't know if he's going to be ok. He could die for all you know."

With that Lily turned and sprinted out of the hospital and into Diagon Alley. She had to get out of there. It was stuffy and she didn't want to be surrounded by people who would say 'I told you so'. She couldn't do it right now. If she ran, then everything would go back to the way it was. James would be fine. He wouldn't be in St. Mungo's being treated for only Merlin knows what.

When she stopped, it was in an overcast alleyway. She didn't know how far she had run, but she knew she was in Muggle London. Suddenly she felt scared. She was in a dark alley with no idea where she was or who was watching her. She didn't know what to do. James was probably dying and she wasn't there. She hated herself for not being there, for being a coward. She was supposed to be a Gryffindor, for Merlin's sake. Now was the time to summon up some of that courage.

After taking a deep breath, she walked out of the ally. As she stepped onto the street, rain started to spill from the sky. The first drop hit Lily's nose and then a second. Figures, she thought. She made her way down the street not caring if people were staring at her lime green uniform.

"Mummy, look a clown!" one blonde boy shouted who was quickly reprimanded by his mother.

Lily kept walking until she couldn't see in the rain. She looked around and saw a coffee shop across the street. Looking both ways, she ran across the street and into the shop.

It wasn't too crowded, but there were a few people there. It didn't help that Lily looked like a drowned rat. The rain didn't look like it was going to let up anytime soon so she got into the line. A hot coffee sounded nice. Maybe it would take her mind off things. After a few moments or so, she reached the front of the line.

A young boy, about twenty-one, stood there. He had short blonde hair and bright brown eyes. He smiled at her.

"What can I get for you?" he asked.

"Cappuccino," Lily answered.

"Just a second." Lily nodded and went over to a table and sat down. She watched the rain pelt down on the pavement. It looked dreary outside.

"Here you are, Miss," the boy handed her her coffee. He tipped his head to the side. "Are you alright? You don't know look well. That green really isn't your color."

Lily smiled slightly. The boy sat down next to her. "So what has you down?"

"Don't you have a job to do?" she asked.

"It can wait," he told her. "Why is a pretty girl like you so sad? Wait, let me guess. Did your boyfriend dump you? No. Ok, did you lose your dog? Hmmm. Did you lose someone?"

Lily didn't know what to say to this boy. He was going out of his way to make her feel better and she didn't even know him. His question needed an answer, but could she trust him? She sighed.

"I guess you could say I lost someone," Lily answered thoughtfully. "My friend's in the hospital after he got into an accident."

"Oh? Is he going to be alright?" the boy looked concerned.

"I don't know, I can't bring myself to go over there. We didn't exactly leave things on good terms," Lily explained.

"What? Did he yell at you?"

"No, he was my boyfriend. We broke up and I was still in love with him. He was still in love with me, too, but every time he suggested we get back together I refused. Now he might be over there dying or suffering and I can't bring myself to go see him. I'm so selfish. It's pathetic isn't it?"

"No, it's not. You should go over there, right now. Tell him everything even if he is asleep. Who knows, he might make it through."

The boy stood up, smiled at her, then turned to leave.

"Wait, I didn't even get your name," Lily called.

"Adam," he answered. "Now go get your boy."

Lily nodded and smiled. It had stopped raining and the sun was shining. She stood up and walked outside. After taking a breath of fresh air, she started to run down the street. She ran as fast as her legs would carry her. She wouldn't stop until she got to St. Mungo's. When she reached the front desk, Mrs. McCarthy sat there.

"Lily, where-"

"What room is James Potter in?" Lily interrupted.

"Room five on the fourth floor. Why?" Mrs. McCarthy asked, but Lily was already running up the stairs. She took them two at a time. Quickly she made her way down the fourth floor. She was perspiring when she reached James' room.

As she pushed the door open, she saw him lying in the bed in his empty room. His messy hair was laying against flat against his head. His eyes were closed. He didn't even move when she sat down in the chair next to his bed.

"Hello, James," Lily spoke quietly. "I just wanted to tell you that, I do love you. I was a fool to delude myself. I could never stop loving you. Ever. You know, I was going to tell you today, but. . .I guess you won't get to hear my horrible speech. I wish you were here right now. I miss you so much. Actually I've missed everything about you over the past few months. I miss your eyes, your laugh, your smile, your kiss, your body next mine. I miss everything we used to have and I want that back. I really do. I know I'll have to work to earn it again and I will, I just want you back. Wake up soon."

As she brushed a piece of hair from his forehead, Lily let the tears run freely down her face. There was no use in stopping them now. Her James was in pain and she couldn't do anything about it. Slipping her fingers into his, she laid her head down on the bed and cried.

A/N: Poor Lily right? Well show her some sympathy and review. Pretty please?