Update. Pg-13

A smile slowly grew onto Trish's face, and Dez's eyes lit up. Austin however, was completely stiff in my arms.

"Oh my, Ally that is amazing," Trish said, her voice barely above a whisper. It wasn't condescending, it was warm and soft, like she was truly happy for me, and their was no doubt in my mind that she was. I knew Dez felt the same way, he was just more reserved with telling me.

The music was still playing but the two main parties had stop dancing, realizing this, Austin quickly danced me away from the bride and groom. His jaw was clenched, eyes focused above my head, not once did he look down at me. The song ended and he released me hastily, "You are something else Dawson."

Every time I had heard that in the last five years, they all had different meanings. Some good, some suggestive, some bad. This one was completely different. It was literally watching someone who you had known so well, and someone who had known you so well completely not recognize you. I want to say it hurt, I want to say that I expected it. All these months I had been trying to show I wasn't the Ally Dawson I was, and that was what I was finally getting. It wasn't like some cliche movie where when I finally get what I want and it was 'not all what I expected'. It was, Austin the first time after these years saw what I am, strong and tired of his old games. Part of me wished that I could take his hand and walk into my new path with him, but he chose the other option, again. It dawned on me then and their, that I was sick of associating Austin with again. Austin is fucking up again, I wrote his album again, he lied again.

I turned away from him and went to my band, to preform our music. We played our set, Trish cheered and clapped and people danced. And of course the whole time, Austin sat in the back, by himself, throwing back drinks while glaring up at us. And of course I dragged out every little detail, laid it all out for him to grovel over with his Long Island Ice Tea.

This wasn't Ally, who wrote songs for others to preform, or who put others before herself. No, if you wanted to be on this journey, you had to be running full speed next to me.

We finished the set around the time the lights got lower and the alcohol was in full swing. A DJ took over, and the bands suit quickly were deconstructed. Bow ties and waistcoats were flung over chairs, sleeves were rolled up and shots were being poured. Of course Trish and Dez quickly made friends with the band, bonded over Tequila and whatever the bartender sent over. Some how and some way, two hours later we were in the back table with Austin, who was still stiff and grim faced. Des had rolled up sleeve to compare sleeves with Mike, Delilah, and James.

"Ally!" Trish blurted, "Show us yours!"

I was leaning back in my chair, a beer held close to my chest. I smirked, hesitated, then leaned forward and placed my beer on the table. I held out my arm for everyone to see.

"Three bars, to represent the three years that had passed, every year the day my life changed, I got a bar to represent every year that had passed," I explained. I pulled my arm back to myself, and traced the swirly letters on my wrists. After the first explanation, Austin perked up, even though he stayed straight faced, he was watching me intensely. Trish's face fell slightly at that explanation because she knew exactly what I was referring to, Dez was staring at Austin. I stretched out both of arms again to show my wrists.

"I first got A.D. two months after my eighteenth birthday," I started, I smile grew on my face, "It's funny to think about, the only money I had was what I put aside for college and my graduation money. I spent it all on my first tattoos. I got my initials in this font to remember the remember the girl I was leaving behind. I got the 'I remember' not too long ago, maybe 11 months ago, probably less, to hold onto that promise I made when I was 18. To remember that girl, and what I went through to become who I am today."

Austin moved, slightly, he leaned forward.

I pulled my wrists back, turned my head and pointed to the star behind my ear, "This one was my first one. I got it my eighteenth birthday. It represented the star I was supposed to be. I got that tattoo, this hair color and some bad news," I smiled, the group was watching me intently. Waiting on whatever I was going to say next. Austin flinched at the last words, he knew exactly what I was talking about.

"There is a hamsa on the back of my neck, I got it only a few months ago with Delilah, because I wanted protection. The hamsa protects from evil. During those months, I was struggling with who I was and what others wanted me to be," I looked straight at Austin, "Not only was I being told what to be and how I should act, but I was also losing sight of who I became from my struggles. I was standing between the girl from the past and the woman I grew into being. I got this one to reaffirm that I Changed, for the better not for the worse."

There was silence, Dez was looking at me. He had a small smile, he remembered. Austin looked as if something unhinged, after all these months of me telling him I had been hurt. He finally understood it. We were having many realizations. Trish was holding my hand, she raised her glass.

"To Ally."

I shook my head, but they did it anyway, even Austin. The night went on, I stood and got another drink, watching the group. Des and the guys hit it off, laughing and drinking. Delilah and Trish were talking much quieter, but still laughing. I smiled at the scene, this is what I wanted, harmony in my life. It took me longer to realize Austin was gone. I took my drink and adventured off to the balcony, leaving the loud atmosphere tin search for the blonde.

Low and behold, he was there on the balcony, drink resting on the flat wall between him and a long drop.

"How many drinks does it take to put down a giant?" I ask, his head turns slightly at my voice, a small smile playing on his lips.

"I don't know how many?" he counters.

I smirk, and walk over to him, "I don't know, you tell me Mr. Six-Foot-Two."

"I am actually 6'3"," He adds, humor seeping into his response.

"My apologies Mr. Moon," I bump his shoulder and look out onto the Miami skyline.

"I don't know why Trish chose a rooftop bar for her reception, she hates Miami," Austin mutters, glancing back to the party inside.

"It's better than Lara's at that weird ass lake."

He laughs, loud and hearty, "Jesus fuck, that was a shit show."

I nod, "She is pretty cool when she doesn't have to preform for her deformed followers."

A spell of silence falls over us before he finally says, "You were great tonight."

"Thank you, we work hard."

"You can see it, you want it. You feel it, every note, every lyric," he whispers, "That's why I fell in love with you."

I sigh, "I fell in love with you because you didn't care about who you preformed in front of. You always gave it your all, no matter who was watching."

He looked at me, I felt more like something delicate. Something that needed to be examined. I flinched, immediately craving a cigarette. I glanced back to James, I knew he had Reds. I could still feel him looking at me.

"What happened Als?" he whispered. I closed my eyes, I have told him a million times, in the past, when he came back, when screaming at him with Jimmy.

"You know what happened Austin," I answered, opening my eyes and looking at him, "So quit asking that."

I straightened up and walked back inside. I stood behind Delilah and James's chairs, listening quietly to their conversation. Dez passed me a small glass with some familiar amber liquid. I smirked, raised to him, he raised his own and we threw it back. The rest of the night muddled together in a blend of laughter, bad dancing and cigarette smoke. We waved the happy couple off in a yellow cab to the airport, both of them too wasted to leave the cab awake. We stood on the curb, even in November, it was humid. The rest of us rented rooms at the hotel the reception was at, many of the guests were still at the rooftop bar on the top floor. Delilah wandered up with the Mike and Tim, the band rented rooms the were connected. I had a suite, paid for by the De la Rosa family. Austin along with the other bridal shower also had suites.

James and I stood on the curb for a little while longer, I almost about lunged at him when he pulled out his cigarettes.

"Easy there," he chuckled, "Someone might think you are an addict."

I flipped him off before snatching the lighter, I lit it took a long drag then lit his, "How sweet of you Dawson."

I curtsied, "I have never craved a smoke as badly as I did after talking to Austin."

He raised his eyebrows at me, "How'd that go?"

"Short and awkward," this made James's eyes glimmer. "I bet that isn't the first time."

I giggled and pushed him, "He still doesn't get it."

"You can't wait around for him to," his voice was serious, i didn't want to meet his gaze so I flicked the still burning cigarette into the street.

"Only you can prevent forest fires," I mumbled before turning waving and heading back into the hotel.

Austin's room was next to mine, on the seventeenth floor. From my window you could see most of Miami, laid out before you in all it's glory. I didn't bother stopping by room, I walked past my door to Austin's. I knocked three times, less than a minute later I was greeted by a half dressed Austin. His tie and coat had been removed and were no where in sight, his shirt was unbuttoned hanging open. I could't help but admire my ex, he looked surprised to see me at his door.

"Ally-"

"Shut up," I mumbled before stepping forward, moving onto my toes and kissing him. He didn't respond at first, but soon he held my face and pulled me closer to him. We stumbled into his room, slamming the door and the process. My hands slipped into his open shirt and ran over his body, his hands moved to my thighs, motioning me to jump. In a haze of hands and lips I ended up with my back pressed against a wall, while frantically pushing off his dress shirt and searching for his zipper. He found the zipper to my dress and swiftly had it on the floor along with my heels.

"Ally, ally, ally," he whispered while kissing my neck. I finally got his pants off and soon enough we were on the bed. He stopped right before and looked deeply into my eyes, instead of answering the silent question I kissed him.

When he woke up it was nine in the morning, I was sitting with the brides maid dress on looking out onto the Miami skyline.

"Good morning," he greeted in a thick voice, like he always does in the morning. I didn't look over to see if he had gotten up.

"Morning," I response, still looking out the window.

"Want to get some room service," he asked cheerfully.

I closed my eyes, "No."

"Okay, want to go do something?" He still was cheery.

"No."

"Ally," he started, his voice loosing the cheerfulness slowly, "Last night. . ."

"Austin," I looked at him, he was still in bed, sitting up, with the sheets pooled in his lap. He looked well-rested but his face had fallen, "Nothing has changed."

XOXO Mimi

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