Rey shrunk back in horror, staggering backwards as if she'd been physically struck. "No," she breathed, shaking her head in disbelief. She couldn't tear her gaze from Ben's, the haunting yellow glow, the purplish coloring beneath his eyes. Rey began to shiver, but it wasn't from the wintry air. "No, no…"
Ben's gaze shifted to the side, his jaw clenching. He turned his pale face away from her as if ashamed.
They were right, Rey thought, backing away from him. Her head spinning, she couldn't hear the crunching of her boots as she backtracked through the snow. Ben's face lifted as he noticed her retreating, and his face grew pinched.
Staring across at him, Rey wasn't sure if she had fallen into complete madness or if Ben's eyes were actually darkening. Ben took a few steps in her direction, but Rey held her beaming saber threateningly before her, and he hesitated.
"You've turned down a path I can't follow...you've betrayed me...us," she accused, her voice breaking. She grew angry at the tears that were now trailing down her cheeks. She wanted to keep hidden her pain, the deep ache twisting her chest, her heart. The X-wing. I need to get out of here, she thought, and Rey picked up her pace, still keeping her gaze warily on the deathly figure across from her.
Ben's face twitched as he began to move towards her again. He quickened his pace, his eyebrows furrowing together as he reached a hand out towards her in supplication. "Rey...Rey, wait—" He pressed, his voice rising.
Rey shook her head headedly as she flipped around and sprinted the short distance back to her ship. As she ran across the threshold of the Force field surrounding the craft, she could no longer feel Ben's presence, and for the first time, she was glad of it. She clambered up into the cockpit of her ship, shifting on the engines as she yanked her helmet onto her head. She looked out the window to her right and saw Ben trudging through the snow towards her, his expression disoriented.
Rey lifted the ship up from the white ground beneath just before Ben reached her. Wiping the tears from her eyes, Rey veered her X-wing up sharply into the dusky sky, leaving Ben behind in the lifted swirls of snow.
As her ship broke through the planet's atmosphere, Rey's shoulders shook, her hands hovering over the ship's controls, unsure of what to do, where to go. She didn't want to go back to the waiting squad of pilots, to admit to Poe that she should have listened to him. But she didn't want to go all the way back to Trora all the same, to face Luke and feel his disappointment.
No, Rey decided. I want to be alone. Her thoughts clouded, Rey was now of a one-track mind. There was only one place left she could think of to go.
….
Is it purgatory where I am doomed to live the rest of my days? Ben thought bitterly as he slashed his lightsaber at yet another tree trunk, cutting through to the other side. The severed log crashed into the snow, and flurries of lifted snow circled around him.
Growling through his teeth, Ben moved towards another tree, spinning his sizzling saber through the icy air before cleaving the wood. This one landed at the base of his feet, and Ben raised his saber above his head, bringing his weapon down into the log with all of his force. He saw only red. The saber crackled and sparked as he hacked relentlessly at the log, splintering and searing the wood.
Soon, Ben began to tire, and he brought the lightsaber down one last time. He pulled the saber back up from the wood slowly, drained of most of his energy. Huffing, Ben swiped frustratedly at the damp, sweaty hair clinging to his forehead with his free hand. He leaned over forwards as he attempted to catch his breath, resting a hand on his knee, his crackling saber held to the side with his other hand. He shook his head once as he stared at the mangled log before him, grinding his jaw.
Why did you take off your mask? He berated himself. You let her see. She'll never trust you again. Ben shut his eyes tightly as he saw Rey in his mind, her face made all the more stunning by the golden glow of her double-bladed lightsaber. The one I suggested her to make, he reflected.
"Sir?"
Ben abruptly straightened as he looked across at two snowtroopers armed with blasters. They remained several yards from him. The troopers had most likely seen some of his melodramatic outburst, but Ben didn't care; if anything, seeing him hacking away at the giant trees would have made them all the more fearful of him.
"Sir, the Organa prisoner is here at the base," one of the snowtroopers said anxiously, taking a small step towards him.
Ben disengaged his saber, sliding it into the hilt at his belt. There are two here, he thought sardonically. He knew that the troopers hadn't come to tell him just this; they'd been sent to check on him, as one would a pet gone astray.
Seething, Ben trudged across the snow to collect his helmet. He hesitated to pick it up from the frozen ground, his hand hovering above its shiny metal and chrome surface. He let out a breath as he finally lifted it and made his way towards the snowtroopers, not bothering to put the helmet back on.
The troopers followed behind Ben as he led the way to the planet's small military base. The sky was a frosty grey as they moved out of the forest and into an open expanse of snow. The rising wind whipped the tattered wrap around Ben's neck as snowflakes drifted down from the sky, catching in his eyelashes. His helmet tucked under his arm, Ben's gloved hands were balled into tense fists at his sides as he strained to push the images of Rey out of his mind: the fear he he'd seen that had flashed across her face when he'd exposed his eyes to her, the hopelessness he'd read in her own eyes as she had been confronted with the fact that he had regressed into the Dark side enough for his eyes expose his expulsion of the Light, his denomination as a Sith.
Ben's chest heaved, self-hatred burning within his very core as he tried and failed to think of anything besides Rey. Her reaction to him tormented Ben, but he knew that his allegiance to the Empire and to the Dark side was necessary. His darkness would protect her.
Upon reaching the base, the two trailing snowtroopers went their separate way as Ben stalked to his own private quarters. So consumed he was with his own dismal thoughts that he jumped when BB-8 suddenly rolled towards him from around a corner, beeping loudly.
"Kriff—Not now, BB-8," Ben said quickly, flustered.
The droid rolled along at his side as Ben lengthened his stride, hoping the droid would leave him alone. But the droid craned forward as it kept up beside him, its head tilting and looking up at him. The droid beeped curiously, and Ben shot him an annoyed look.
"What do you mean, I 'look different?'" He asked flatly as they reached his bed chamber. Ben pressed a button and the door to the spacious room swiftly lifted.
BB-8 bleeped insistently as it rolled after him through the doorway. Ben stopped and turned around, looking at the droid seriously for a moment. Sighing, he decided to give in and listen to the droid, and he headed to the washroom to look at himself in the mirror.
BB-8 followed Ben into the washroom. As Ben was confronted with his own face in the wide mirror, he furrowed his brows, taken aback. He saw that his pupils were no longer ringed with yellow; instead, his irises had returned to their natural brownish color.
Ben blinked back at himself, a small breath escaping his mouth. BB-8 bleeped smugly, and Ben glanced down at the droid. Dazed, Ben turned on the faucet in the sink below and splashed water on his face, rinsing the sweat from his skin and hairline. He dragged a towel slowly over his face before looking at himself again. Sure enough, his eyes remained brown.
Ever since his reconditioning with Admiral Thrawn and his final training with Snoke, Ben's eyes had retained a yellow coloring around his pupils. Though the width of the yellow rings fluctuated, seemingly correlated with how much of the Dark side he was calling upon at the time, the color had always remained to some degree.
But now, as he stared at himself in the mirror, Ben was confounded at the complete lack of yellow in his eyes. His breath quickened as he turned his gaze from the mirror, and he looked down at the round droid again, who was staring up at him. BB-8 bumped gently against Ben's shin, beeping questioningly.
Ben lowered his head, nodding joylessly. He sucked in a rattled breath. "Yes. I saw her," he said quietly.
The droid bumped into his leg again, beeping.
Ben lowered to his knees, feeling weak as his mind swarmed with confliction. He leaned a hand on the droid, shaking his head slowly. "No. She saw my eyes before they changed. She knows who I am, what I've become...It's too late."
BB-8 rolled suddenly away from him, beeping in protest as it wavered in place.
Staring across at the droid, a sudden tenacity began to swell through Ben's chest. Slowly straightening himself, he ground his jaw as he considered. Ben wanted Rey to remain independent of him, to stay far away from him and the Empire, but he couldn't stand to see her so unhappy, so abandoned. Ben shut his eyes as Rey's teary eyes and biting words flashed into his mind.
Reopening his eyes, Ben nodded down at BB-8. "Okay. You're right. I'll do it," he said, and BB-8 beeped happily, projecting a small blue flame on a rod in approval. Ben knew that somehow, he had to try and make things right.
….
Rey stared vacantly ahead of her as her X-wing approached the familiar red planet. Her mind was focused as she veered the ship down through the planet's atmosphere, her throat dry as she soared over the vast, empty desert of Jakku, her eyes scanning the horizon.
Rey's heart writhed in her chest as she saw the familiar tents and structures of Niima Outpost. Her eyes flickered over the small figures that moved about in the town beneath her.
She pressed on, passing the settlement as her ship skimmed over more barren sand dunes.
Then, she saw it: the downed AT-AT. Rey felt a strange twinge of nostalgia at the sight of her old home. Her breathing became shallow as she landed her X-wing, and as she removed her helmet and jumped down from the ship, landing down onto the familiar sand, it became erratic.
Plodding into her old shelter, her eyes moistened as she took in the the things she could have never forgotten: her crudely-made pilot doll, the rusted metal dishes, the dusty sheets of her makeshift bed, the rebel helmet, the potted flower, now dead.
She turned and looked at the thousands of tally marks she'd scratched into the wall, marvelling at how for so many years she'd been able to cling to such childish hope for her family to one day return.
The culmination of her nostalgia, the realization of the futility of the tally marks, and the loss of Ben from her life all meshed together in Rey's aching chest. Suddenly, all of it was too heavy for her to bear, and she choked out a sob as she stood before the marked wall.
Her chest and throat burned as she cried, tears pouring down her hot cheeks as she stood in the balmy space in the AT-AT. Her hands tightened to fists at her sides, and Rey craved comfort, some form of consolation. All alone, she knew there was none to be found.
But Rey's eyes came to settle on her old orange pilot doll and she choked out another sob. She strode over to the doll, giving in to her own childish want as she picked it up, grasping it with both hands. She carried the toy with her as she moved back before the tally wall, and she sunk to the ground, clasping the doll to her chest as she cried.
….
Jess struggled to figure out the controls in the TIE fighter as she steered it away from the Empire planet. After a bout of fumbling with the controls, she began figuring out the craft's transmissions. In this moment, she was more grateful than ever for her extensive training in spacecraft technology.
She ripped out a cord from the TIE's transmission controls, severing the communication lines to base. She began coding in her own transmission functions, attempting to override the system to contact the Organa pilots. She switched the transmission functions back on and tried speaking into the intercom.
"Hello? Organa squadron, this is Jess Testor," she called. Her heart raced as she waited for a reply, but she grew despondent as she didn't get one. Kylo Ren had said they're out here somewhere, she reflected. Had he lied?
"Testing, this is Jess Testor signalling to the Organa squadron," she tried again.
"Jess...Jess Testor?" The signal was staticky, but she heard Poe's groggy voice over her transmission.
"Poe!" Jess exclaimed gleefully.
"Poe? Is that him?" One of the other pilot's voices sounded over the intercom.
Jess took in a quick breath as she attempted to calm herself. "I'm approaching in a TIE fighter, don't shoot. I can see you all on my scanners now."
"A TIE fighter? Jess, wha—what happened?" Poe asked slowly. He sounded strangely disoriented.
"Poe, are you alright?" She asked concernedly.
"Poe's been out for awhile, we're not quite sure why, but we think Rey—the Jedi girl—had something to do with it," one of the pilots said.
Rey Kenobi, Jess marvelled, remembering Kylo Ren pulling memories of the girl from her mind. Does he have feelings for her?
"Jess, I see you now on my scanners. We sent a second squad to get a transport ship for you, but I guess we won't be needing that now," a pilot named Vern said.
"Jess, how did you get away?" Poe asked.
"You wouldn't believe it," she said, shaking her head at her own bewilderment. "Kylo Ren—General Leia's son—he helped me escape, he—he led me to a TIE fighter. He told me that you guys were here, near the planet."
"Kylo Ren?" Vern exclaimed, mystified.
"What? If he knows we're out here, why hasn't he alerted the base?" Poe questioned.
"I don't like this at all, we need to get out of here," another pilot said. "They could be planning an attack right now!"
But strangely enough, Jess had sensed a certain integrity in Kylo Ren when he'd helped her escape. "There's no reason he would have let me go, just to turn around and kill all of us," she said matter-of-factly.
"What about BB-8? Where's Rey?!" Poe asked, his voice rising. "Where did she go?"
"According to our trackers, her ship left the planet about an hour ago, she jumped into hyperspace," a pilot explained.
"She went to the planet to look for...that's right…" Poe trailed, seeming to remember what had happened.
"Poe, don't worry, I saw BB-8, he's being kept there with the Empire, but he's doing...surprisingly well," Jess said, still amazed at the droid's seeming contentedness.
"Oh, no…" Poe drawled. "I need to go and get him, I can't leave him there!"
"Dameron, we don't have time for that. We need to leave," Vern piped up.
"We can't leave Rey and BB-8," Poe protested.
"Poe, you heard Jess, BB-8 is fine for now. And Rey's nowhere near here, I'm sure she's alright. I don't care if this Kylo Ren released Jess, we need to go," Vern pressed.
"I agree," the other two pilots responded in unison.
Jess heard Poe sigh heavily over the transmission before he spoke. "Okay...we have Jess, at least. Let's go, Squad One," he said reluctantly.
As Jess's TIE joined the group of X-wings, relief flooded through her as they prepared to jump into hyperspace and head home.
….
Rey sat crying and cradling her doll for what seemed like an hour before she began to sense something—no, someone. Rey felt the familiar presence growing nearer, and she grew uneasy, her stomach turning as she waited. This upset her more, and she debated pulling out her lightsaber, but she was tired, tired of everything, and she didn't have the energy or the willpower to try and fight.
Instead, she remained on the floor, shuddering as she clutched her doll, tears still rolling down her flushed cheeks. Rey began to hear footfalls in the dirt outside, and she slowly turned over her shoulder, tears dripping from her jaw onto the dusty floor as her fingers dug into the cloth and twine of the doll.
As she turned, her heart skittered in her chest as Ben's tall, dark-robed figure moved slowly around the corner of the shelter's opening, and she watched as he did a brief once-over of the place with his eyes. Ben's dark gaze came to settle down on her, and his mouth opened slightly, his brows twitching as he stared across at her.
Rey sucked in a breath, fully noticing what she thought she'd seen in the forest on the Empire planet: that his eyes had changed back to their normal hazel-brown color.
Ben took a few soft steps into the structure of the AT-AT, his eyes remaining concentrated on her. His dark brows raised as he took her in, and Rey noticed his mouth quiver.
"Rey," he said softly. He took another step towards her, but Rey scooted away from him, frowning as she held onto her doll with one hand. She didn't want to let him near her. She watched as his eyes moved from the doll to the tally marked-wall behind her. He took a small step backwards, his brows rising as he blinked at the wall.
Rey's grip loosened on her doll as she saw Ben's eyes glistening with moisture. He began shaking his head, his face twitching as he looked back down at her. "Rey, I'm sorry," he breathed. "I didn't—I didn't mean for it to be like this," he said quietly. He moved towards her and slowly lowered down, crouching before her as he slowly reached a gloved hand towards her face.
Whether it was due to lethargy or apathy, she wasn't sure, but Rey didn't move away from him this time. Letting her doll drop to the dusty floor, Rey closed her eyes as she felt Ben's gloved hand lightly cup her chin, and she let out a quivering breath at his simple touch. As she reopened her eyes, fresh tears slid down her cheeks, and she saw tears welling in his. Ben leaned towards her as he slid his hand from her chin to the back of her shoulder, and he pulled her into him.
Rey burrowed her face into Ben's warm neck as she cried on his shoulder, and Ben held her snugly in his arms as he sat down. Rey felt him rest his own head on her shoulder. He gently stroked her back gently as she cried, and Rey laced her fingers up into his hair, her tears soaking the black wrap at his neck.
Ben held her for what felt like hours, but Rey didn't care; she wanted to remain in his embrace for as long as she could, lest he disappear from her again.
Awwww our favorite pair has finally reunited! They shouldn't fight their love—they should celebrate it! *wink* *cough* Thanks for reading & reviewing!