Chapter Twelve:
"What?" I turned around to face him, he was now sat down on the bar stood with his head in his hands. I walk back over to him and stand next to him. He didn't answer my question, I didn't expect him to either, he knew that I knew exactly what he'd said.
"You was born in Detroit?! I asked anyway, he just nodded his head still in his hands. Eventually he spoke but not what I expected to hear.
"Ana, I know what abuse is, I know what neglect is, I lived it, I lived through hell until I was four years old…" he muttered quietly, almost hoping I wouldn't hear him. I moved to the other side of him and sat down next to him, in this moment all I wanted to do was hold on to him…so it's not just me after all.
"My birth mother was a crack whore, a prostitute, I don't remember much of her, I do remember her pimp though, and I see him every night, inside my own head…" tears are falling from eyes fast, I lean over to touch his chest but in one swift move he grasps my hand tightly.
"Don't…." he pleads with me. He finally looks up at me, his eyes dark, almost black and full of fear.
"Talk to me Christian…"
"Ana, you don't want this fucked up shit instead your head so drop it"
"No, I won't, you don't tell me this and then tell me to fucking drop it!" suddenly he grabs hold of one of the champagne flute and throws it across the kitchen until it smashes dramatically against the wall and then he's on his feet.
"ANA! JUST FUCKING DROP IT OKAY!" he screams at me.
"YOU KNOW WHAT, FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU CHRISTIAN! YOU CAN'T JUST SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT TO ME AND THEN EXPECT ME TO DROP IT! I CAN'T AND I WON'T! YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO'S HAD A FUCKED UP LIFE! YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY I DON'T HAVE A FAMILY, I RAN AWAY WHEN I WAS 13 YEARS OLD, AS SOON AS I COULD I CHANGED MY FUCKING NAME! GUESS WHAT GREY! ANASTASIA STEELE IS NOT EVEN MY REAL FUCKING NAME! LOOKS LIKE I ALSO KEEP SECRETS…." I scream back at him, before he speaks I start again.
"…AND DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT ASKING WHAT MY REAL NAME IS BECAUSE YOU DON'T FUCKING DESERVE TO KNOW!" I don't know what makes me, but I run and I just keep running. I really should not have told him that…I don't know how but I've made it to the foyer of his building, he's not even coming after me, why would he now anyway? Our friendship is probably well and truly over. I make my way outside and breathe in the fresh air, I have absolutely no idea where I am or how to get home. I look around and decide to start walking. I don't care where, I just start walking.
I don't know how much time has passed but eventually I come across a bar, having still not figured out how I am going to get home or if I just go back and face Christian I decide to go and sit inside, I have no money with me, I don't have my phone, I'm still in my graduation dress and with it becoming early evening, it's getting cooler and the wind is picking but I don't care, I need time alone. I find an empty table by the window and I make my way over and sit down, there's already strangers looking at me, probably looking at my tear stricken face. I close my eyes and try to relax but it's not really working, I want to go back to Christian but the stubborn side of me won't let me, I can't, not yet, we both need to calm down. Thinking about it now, I don't think I should have left, I promised I wouldn't, he probably freaking out that I've left my phone, purse, jacket everything with him, if he tried to find me now, he wouldn't know where to look and I have no idea where I am and didn't pay any attention as to where I was walking so trying to find his apartment building again would be difficult as I never looked at what it looked like.
"Excuse me Miss?" I groaned, why can't I be left alone. I look up to find a middle aged man looking at me, he has a name tag so I'm assuming he works here, I don't say anything, I just wait for him to continue.
"A drink for you Miss, from the man at the far side of the bar" he says as he puts my drink down, I can almost smell the alcohol in it from where I'm sitting. I look over in the direction he says and there's a young man sat there staring at me, once I make eye contact with him he raises his drink to me, I don't do anything, I just look away from him but it's too late, from the corner of my eye I can already see him making his way over to me. In a matter of seconds he's stood in front of me, sighing I look up and make eye contact with him. He's got reddish hair tied up in a ponytail with small silver hooped earrings in both ears, he looks at me with very dark blue eyes. I recognise him from somewhere but I can't think where from.
"May I join you? You look like you could use the company?" before I can even say no, he sits down across from me.
"Tell me, why are you here alone?" Because I want to be and my best friend is a jackass although right now I would rather be arguing with that said jackass than sitting here talking to you.
"I'm not alone, I'm waiting for someone" I lie, he doesn't need to know anything.
"Really? You look upset about something and you shouldn't be alone, I'll wait with you"
"That's really not necessary, I'm fine here on my own but thank you"
"Upset, drinking alcohol on your own, that's not a good combination, sometimes you can make bad decisions"
"I'm not upset and no offense but you did buy me this drink, a drink I didn't want"
"You need it" if ever Christian decided to come and find me, now would be good.
"So tell me, what's your name?" he asks me.
"Ana" I reply.
"Ana, nice to meet you Ana, I'm Jack"
"Ana?" a strong, soft voice I would recognise anywhere came from behind me, I turned around and find Christian standing there and Taylor standing behind him. They both looked like they had been running and Christian's eyes looked red and tired, straight away I stand up and run to him, he immediately pulls me into his arms and hold me tightly. I can sense Jack behind me so I pull out of Christian's arms slightly and turn around, Christian stands very close to my side, I look at Jack's face and he looks very angry.
"Jack, it was nice to meet you" I say simply, his eyes dart to mine.
"This is who you was waiting for?" do they know each other? I look up at Christians face, I can tell he has no idea who Jack is, I couldn't say the same for Jack though, he definitely knows Christian from somewhere.
"Yes…" before I can continue, Christian speaks, his voice sharp and clear.
"Thanks for keeping her company but we have plans and must be leaving now," plans meaning more arguing and screaming at each other. Before I can do or say anything else, Christian drags me out of the bar with Taylor not very far behind us, I look back into the bar and Jack is just glaring at us.
"Are you okay?" Christians asks quietly.
"Yes, thank you for coming to find me and I'm sorry…"
"I don't want to hear it, we are going to go back to Escala and talk properly without screaming at each other"
"Okay" I say quietly, I'm not sure if this is such a good idea but right now, I know I shouldn't argue with him.
Once we got back to Escala, we both make our way to the large sitting area and sit down next each other, I don't think either of us want to start talking just in case we end up screaming at each other. I decide I can't sit in silence anymore and turn to face him.
"I'm sorry I ran off, I just needed some fresh air, I was coming back but once I started walking I couldn't figure out where I was so…" I look down so I can't see his face.
"Just don't do it again Ana"
"Okay" we both fall into silence again, I look up at him again, he's staring at me and then he starts talking.
"I've never had to explain my past to anymore Ana and if someone tries to ask I shut them down completely but with you, I want to everything about you, I want to know what you meant earlier but I know you have got to start trusting me first and me screaming at you and throwing things across the room is not a very good start. But I do want you to know that you've changed my life, whether you realise it or not and I thank you for that, in fact I don't think I'll be able to stop thanking you…" he pauses looking at my reaction before taking a deep breath and carrying on.
"I was born in Detroit, my birth Mother was a crack addict and a prostitute, we had nothing, no food, nothing. The only thing I remember having is a small teddy and a little train set, that's it. She however, had a pimp and strings of men coming in and out of our home constantly. Her pimp hated me, I was a little boy and he hated me more than anything else in his life, I will never forget his face. He used to kick me, throw me across the room when I was in his way, he…he used me as his ashtray…and my fucked up Mother did nothing to stop it from happening, she was too busy trying to find her next fix. In the end, she killed herself when I was four years old, her pimp found us and blamed me, he left us there, and he left me there for days with my own Mother's dead body. I was starving, I was beaten and in agony. Eventually though, we were found and I was taken to hospital, that's how Grace found me…" he stops talking completely and the tears are pouring down my face. I don't say anything, I don't know if I can, I'll break down further, surprisingly, he carries on talking.
"…I don't like to be touched, if someone touches me I immediately go back to that place, I have burns and several scars on my chest and back, I can't bare it, the pain I feel is too much to bare, my own family don't touch me, they never have" he stops again and puts his face in his hands, I can't believe he's told me all this, and somehow now, the little things he's done or said start to make more sense. I try to stop crying but the tears continue to fall, I move and kneel down in front of him and pry his hands away from his face, he lets me, and looks at me, my own tear stricken face matching his, all I want to do is hold him in my arms and keep him safe, safe from everything. We just stare at each other whilst holding each other's hands tightly. Eventually he pulls me up and sits me back down on the sofa next to him but still keeps hold of my hand. I guess it's my turn to start talking, taking a deep breath, I begin.
"Christian, I won't do anything to hurt you, you have to know that. I can only imagine that pain you feel and in some ways I know how you feel, what I am about to tell you, I have never told anyone, not even Kate. She knows I ran away from home but that's it. I trust you with my life Christian and you mean the absolute world to me, just promise to keep calm and be patient with me…" he stares at me for a few seconds before leaning over and kisses my forehead and whispering "I promise…"