"Do we have any more cars?" asked Joker, striding into Wayne Manor soaking wet.
"More cars, sir?" repeated Alfred, puzzled. "You have several in the garage, but I thought the one we had out was in perfect working order…"
"Yeah, it was," said Joker, nodding. "But not anymore. Can you bring the other cars round the back to the pool? I'm trying to do that stunt driver thing of jumping the car over the water, and my first attempt crashed the car into the pool. So I need some more to keep trying."
Alfred stared at him. "Sir…why on earth would you do such a ridiculous thing?"
"It's fun," said Joker, shrugging. "And you never know when you might need that skill. Always better to be prepared for stuff, am I right? I'll try to do it before I crash them all, though, don't you worry, Jeeves!" he chuckled, patting him on the back. "Gotta keep you busy with plenty of cars to wax and polish in your spare time, or what's the point of keeping you around?"
"I thought…sir…that you kept me around out of a kind of affection and loyalty," retorted Alfred. "I served your father, after all…"
"And like I said to the board today, time we all got over that whole dead parents thing, right, Jeeves?" chuckled Joker. "They ain't getting any deader, and we can't help them wherever they are now! And it's so dreary and depressing, all this constant memorializing and remembering. There's a giant portrait of them in the study so they're even watching me when I'm working! Just creepy, if you ask me! We should get rid of that, huh?"
"Sir…there is nothing more sacred to you than your parents memory," said Alfred. "Can't you tell me what's wrong? Why are you behaving as if you don't care?"
"Cause I don't," said Joker, shrugging. "Who really cares about a couple of dead rich people? I mean, I guess it was pretty traumatizing for me at the time, but what can I do about it now? Dress up in a bat costume and fight crime?" he chuckled. "I ain't that crazy!"
Alfred opened his mouth to respond and then thought better of it. Instead he forced a smile and said, "Very good, sir – I'll just bring the cars round."
Joker headed back to the pool, whistling. Alfred watched him go, and then headed into the library, pressing the button on the grandfather clock which swung wide, revealing the entrance to the Batcave.
He reached the bottom of the stairs to see Dick seated in front of the Batcomputer, scanning through some files. "Have you found anything, Master Dick?" asked Alfred.
"No," sighed Dick, turning around. "Unfortunately. No unusual activity last night that I can see, no strange news events that could explain his condition…I don't know what could possibly be wrong with him."
"That man is not the master," said Alfred, firmly. "I suspected he was not this morning, but I am positive now. He actually suggested removing the portrait of his parents from the study because he claims not to care about them anymore. Master Bruce would never have stopped honoring their memory. He may look very much like him, but he is not Master Bruce."
"Clayface is locked up in Arkham," sighed Dick. "That was my other idea."
"Arkham," murmured Alfred. "Yes…Master Dick, do you know who Master Bruce reminds me of now, with his wild ideas and his refusal to take anything seriously?"
"Who?" asked Dick.
"The Joker," replied Alfred.
"The Joker?" repeated Dick. Then he nodded slowly. "The laughter and everything this morning…do you think the Joker had something on him last night that infected Bruce when he hit him? Made him control his mind or something?"
"Who knows?" said Alfred. "Probably not Master Bruce, so I doubt it would do any good to confront and question him. But he's too dangerous in this state to remain at liberty. He just drove the car into the pool."
Dick sighed, standing up. "You know restraining him won't be easy. But maybe it's for the best that he's locked up temporarily, just until we can figure out what's wrong with him and find a cure. If we work together, we should be able to take him."
"I'll follow your lead, Master Dick," said Alfred, nodding.
They headed back up the stairs, Alfred closing the grandfather clock behind him.
"What's behind the clock?" asked a familiar voice suddenly, and they both turned in dread to see the Joker standing in the doorway.
"Nothing…Master Bruce," stammered Alfred.
"Don't tell me nothing – I just saw you come outta it," retorted Joker.
"It's a secret passageway to the…conservatory," invented Dick. "Just quicker to travel through the house using them sometimes, rather than going all the way around."
"What were you doing in the conservatory when I asked you to go to the garage and bring me the cars?" demanded Joker, glaring at Alfred.
"Fetching Master Dick…I thought it would be quicker if we both brought the cars round," said Alfred.
"Probably," agreed Joker, nodding. "You two go do that – I wanna check out this secret passageway. How do you open it?" he asked, shoving Alfred out of the way and examining the clock.
"Actually, you really shouldn't go down there, Master Bruce," said Alfred. "We've been having a problem with rats, and they might be carrying diseases…"
"So?" asked Joker. "I got a young, strong, healthy body, so probably a pretty good immune system. I sure ain't gonna miss the chance to go through a secret passage just because I might get sick!" he chuckled. "What kinda idiot would worry more about his health than having fun?"
Alfred and Dick shared a look, and Dick nodded. It was now or never.
He suddenly seized Joker around the neck, dragging him away from the clock and attempting to subdue him on the ground. Unfortunately, Joker's reflexes were good, and the instant he felt something around his neck, he whirled around to slam Dick against the clock. Dick let go, gasping in pain, and Joker kicked him in the chest, sending him flying into the bookcase. "Hey, what gives, kid?!" he demanded, standing over him as Dick struggled to stand up.
"Forgive me, Master Bruce, but it's for your own good," whispered Alfred, picking up a vase from a bookcase and creeping up behind Joker. He raised it over his head and prepared to bring it down when Joker kicked backwards, tripping up Alfred so that he fell onto Dick and smashed the vase. While they were both temporarily winded, Joker slammed his arm behind the bookcase and pushed, sending it crashing down to the ground and trapping Alfred and Dick under it.
"Seriously, what the hell?!" demanded Joker.
"Bruce, you're not well!" shouted Dick. "You need to be locked up for now, for your own sake!"
"I'm in perfect health!" snapped Joker. "You two, on the other hand, won't be when I'm done with you," he growled, reaching for one of the ornamental swords over the fireplace. "Nobody attacks playboy billionaire Bruce Wayne! And this betrayal of my own staff and adopted family cuts deep! I'm gonna show you just how deep," he chuckled. "You're really gonna feel my pain!"
He raised the sword, and then brought the blade down…cutting into the grandfather clock. "Right after I get through to this secret passage!" he giggled, hacking away at the clock. Alfred and Dick could only watch helplessly in mute horror as each chop brought the Joker closer to discovering Bruce's secret.