Authors Note: Enjoy!
Chapter Seventeen:
Well that was the hardest thing I've probably ever had to do and I don't even understand why I did it all…I know I've hurt him, I could see it in his eyes, I wasn't planning on telling him how I felt, it just slipped out and I knew then that I would have to tell him the truth. I text him telling him all I want is some time and I'll be back soon but as I send it, it just doesn't feel right. I'm such an idiot! He's the best thing to have ever happened in my fucked up life and I've just walked away from him even when I promised him I would never leave. My feelings for him grow stronger each time I see or just speak to him, I can't help it, he's the first man I've ever let myself have feelings for and pretty strong feelings at that. I know he's my best friend but I can't deny that I don't want more than that because I do, I just didn't give him a chance, I didn't even give him a chance to talk. I stop abruptly in the middle of the street causing someone to walk into me from behind, the middle aged man curses me from behind and walks past me. I need to go back and see him, I should not have walked off like that, knowing Christian as well as I do, he'll be beating himself up pretty bad right now, I quickly type out another text to him telling him I'm coming back, as I begin to run back to the coffee shop, I doubt he'll still be there but I can at least try and see. As I thought, he's gone. Great! I dial is number and ring him, he doesn't answer, it goes straight to his voicemail, I don't leave him a message, I doubt he'll listen to it. I could just drive to Seattle, I start running again back towards my apartment, and I'll drive to Seattle. I'm soon on the road heading towards Seattle, I still keep ringing him, if he knew I was driving whilst using my phone he'd probably kill me but I don't care, I can't just leave for Barbados with this hanging over us.
My entire journey is consumed of thoughts of Christian, hours later and not soon enough, I can see the Seattle skyline in my vision, Christian still hasn't answered his phone, he should be at his penthouse by now, he flew to Portland, so I know he must be ignoring me. I continue on as I drive through the streets of Seattle and realise I haven't got a clue on where Escala is, I need to ask someone, I quickly pull over and find someone to ask, once I've got directions I hurry back to my car and continue driving towards Escala. Once I reach my destination, I quickly park up, I don't really care whose space I've parked in, I'll come and move my car later on I just need to see Christian, I reach the same elevator we used last week, thinking back, I can't believe that that was only a week ago. I press the button and wait anxiously as the elevator closes, once it does, I stand impatiently waiting chanting 'come on' in my head over and over again. Finally I arrive at his penthouse, he must know I'm coming otherwise I wouldn't have been allowed access up here.
I step out into the foyer of his penthouse and look around, I walk through hoping he would just appear, he doesn't, and it's very quiet. I don't really know where to look for him, he never gave me a tour of his home. I hear footsteps behind me and I turn around and see Taylor standing there.
"Is Christian here?" I ask him before he can speak.
"He's not with you?" he asks me.
"No, he was until around 1 o'clock, I thought he'd come back here" I don't say much else, Taylor doesn't need to know my issues. Taylor quickly pulls out his phone and dials a number, I assume Christian's, he can ignore me all he likes, he wouldn't ignore his head of security. I stand still and wait but nothing, nobody answers Taylor's call.
"He never answered me either Taylor" I tell him, he looks at me again uncertainly.
"When was the last time you spoke or saw him Ana?"
"The last time I saw him was about 1 o'clock, I text him twice after that, no later than twenty minutes after that but he didn't reply to them, I called him over a dozen times but he never answered, I just assumed he was ignoring me".
"He would never ignore your call Ana, let me try and find out if he went back to his helicopter or if he's still in Portland", I was now beginning to worry, and surely nothing would have happened to him. Taylor abruptly leaves in the middle of his penthouse and heads towards what I assume his office. I make my way towards his kitchen and find a woman standing there, I've never actually met her but I'm assuming its Gail, his housekeeper. She spots me and smiles warmly.
"You must be Ana, I've heard a lot about you" Oh!
"I'm guessing your Gail, Christian's housekeeper?" she nods.
"Yes, I'm here Monday until Friday, it's a pleasure to finally meet you"
"Thank you, and you…" I'm about to say more but Taylor walks back in with a grave look on his face and it's then I know something is wrong.
"What's wrong?"
"Mr. Grey did leave on his helicopter, it's just been confirmed…he departed at around 1:40pm, he should have been back by 3 o'clock, but he never arrived here, it's now almost 7pm and he hasn't been seen at all. I've rang his office at GEH and there's nobody there, did he say anything at all about where he might be going?" he asks me, I shake my head.
"No, he was supposed to be staying with me but there was a change of plan and I had to leave, I don't know anything else…he's missing?" I ask, dreading the answer.
"Not yet, he'll turn up" he says, trying to convince me but I think he's trying to convince himself.
"What if he doesn't Taylor?" he doesn't answer me as his phone begins to ring, he wonders off back to his office leaving me with Gail and my own thoughts.
"Would you like anything to drink Ana?" Gail interrupts my thoughts and I sit down on a bar stool. I just shake my head, I don't think I can talk. I pull out my phone and look at my screensaver, it's actually a picture of me and Christian, I forced him to have a picture with me and eventually he gave in to my persistent nagging and I got one. Where the hell are you Christian? When you do decide to show up, I'm going to kill you! I stand up and walk towards the glass windows and look out at the Seattle skyline, it's a beautiful view from up here, the best view actually but it doesn't really mean anything to me if the man that lives here is no longer with me, all I see is nothing.
I don't know how much time has passed but it's getting almost pitch black outside so I know it's getting later and later. Taylor has alerted the rest of security about Christian's disappearance and they are out there looking for him, he's also alerted his family not long ago and I know they are on their way here, I've only ever met his brother Elliot and briefly his Mom, I don't know how I feel about meeting the rest of them all so suddenly and in terrible circumstances too but there's nothing I can really do about it. I vaguely hear the elevator doors ping open, I don't even look to see who it is, I know it won't be Christian, I hear footsteps coming closer, I know it must be his family.
"Ana…" I recognise the voice of Kate pull me out of my thoughts, I completely forgot to tell her what was going on and now she's here, how did she know. I look up and she's standing in front of me with a sad expression her face, I don't say anything to her as she sits down next to me.
"Elliot called me to tell me what had happened, he came and picked me up…" I just nod once letting her know I heard her, I hear more footsteps coming towards me, and I have feeling its Elliot, I know I'm right when he starts speaking.
"He'll come back Ana, I know my brother, and he wouldn't just disappear like this without a reason…he wouldn't just leave you either…" his voice trails off at the last part. Right now, I don't care, I want him back.
"Ana?" a voice I don't recognise speaks my name, I look up and see a girl, I'm guessing my age looking back at me with a tear stained face, sparkling eyes, short brown hair.
"I'm Mia, Christian's sister, I've heard a lot about you from Elliot, I'm so happy to finally meet you" before I can even respond, she sits down next to me and hugs me tightly.
"Thanks…" I answer quietly, I only wish we were meeting under better circumstances, Christian adores his baby sister. I couldn't help but feel incredibly guilty, here I was with Christian's family and I am doing nothing but sit here and wallow in my own sadness about his disappearance, I'm not helping anybody by sitting here. As discretely as I can, I stand up and leave the seating area where Elliot, Kate and Mia are sat, past the kitchen where Christian's mom and I'm guessing his father are stood talking to Gail waiting for Taylor to come back with news and I wonder off down the hall until I reach his bedroom. I can feel eyes on me but I don't care, I don't know why I feel as though I should come in here, I've slept in here before but he was here too with me now it just feels cold and empty. I need to snap out of it, I'm already thinking he's not coming back.
I wonder around his room looking at nothing in particular until I eventually sit on the bed and then lay down and then curl up into a tight ball holding on to a pillow, I'm not crying, I don't think I can cry, I just stare at the wall thinking of nothing. If he does come back I'm going to give him hell for doing this, putting his family through this, I guess I don't feel like sitting out there because I'm not part of the family, neither is Kate but she's much more sociable than me and can make small talk and conversation with just about anyone, me on the other hand can't, I'll be asked about my life, about my past, where I grew up and I don't want to talk about that, the only person I would talk about that too is missing. I close my eyes trying to shut everything out and eventually I must fall asleep.
I wake up to something or someone stroking my cheek gently, at first I refuse to open my eyes but whatever it is feels familiar so I open my eyes and I'm met with those beautiful grey eyes staring back at me, automatically I start crying uncontrollably as a familiar safe pair of arms circle around me and hold me tightly.
"Christian…" I manage to choke out, he pulls me tighter.
"Shhhh, I'm here, I'm here…"
"I thought, I thought…" I can't seem to put a sentence together.
"I know but I'm here, I'm okay and I'm not going anywhere" and suddenly out of nowhere, I'm angry at him, I pull away from him and sit up so I can look at him.
"Where were you? Do you have any idea what you've just put your family through?" I shout at him.
"Ana…"
"Don't Ana me Christian, how could you? Why didn't you call them? Why didn't you at least call or text me…"
"Ana, enough! There's a very good explanation I can assure you but right now I just want to be with you, can we please not argue?"
"I want to know now…do your family know?"
"Yes as does the rest of the Seattle…" he pauses.
"What do you mean?" I demand as I take a good look at him properly, it's only then I realise that he looks exhausted and scruffy, his shoes are off and his shirt is torn to mention the cut on his forehead and the bandage on his arm.
"What happened to you Christian?" I ask, tears welling up in my eyes again.
"Charlie Tango…" he whispers quietly. Oh no…
"Are you okay? Are you hurt?
"I'm fine Ana, I promise" he says trying to reassure me, it doesn't work.
"This wouldn't have happened if I hadn't left you, I'm sorry Christian, I don't know what I was thinking, I thought I was doing the right thing and then I realised I wasn't and I ran back to the coffee shop but you'd left, you'd gone back to your helicopter and you crashed…Christian, this is all my fault, I'm so sorry, you could have died…" I burst into tears again.
"No, please don't cry Ana, I'm sorry, you have no idea how sorry I am that all this has happened…" he holds my face in both of his hands and wipes my tears away, he looks into my eyes like he's searching for something, and I think I know what because I want it too, I want to be with him, I want us to be together, I don't want him as just my best friend anymore. Before I can think about anything else or tell him how I feel, he kisses me.