Chapter Nineteen:

Tuesday soon arrived and I was on my way to visit Christian before he headed for New York later on this afternoon, I won't lie, I'm going to miss him terribly, now that we've both admitted how we really feel about one another, it's going to much more difficult to be apart, that became apparent when we were at Christian's parents' house and he all but begged for me to join him New York, obviously I told him I couldn't, I had a job, I'd already be taking time off to go to Barbados with Kate, and plus I had to pack, I was moving to Seattle in a couple of days and I could not wait to start my new life.

For now though I was standing in the elevator on my way up to Christian's penthouse, we'd spend most of the day together before he'd have to leave and I would head back home again. As I walked out into the foyer Christian was standing there waiting for me. I hadn't seen him since Sunday, after we had visited his parents to discuss what had happened to his helicopter. It was a gruelling conversation, I sat by Christian's side the whole time he told us what had happened, his team were looking into the crash, there was every reason to believe Charlie Tango had been tampered with and that terrified me down to my very core, I haven't told Christian just how scared I am about this but I feel someone is obviously after him and wants him out of the picture, whatever picture that maybe. But now, seeing his face and his smile I push all of those thoughts aside as I run the last few steps to reach him and fall into his open arms, he laughs and picks me and spins me around in the middle of his foyer, I laugh along with him, it seems as though he missed me just as much as I missed him.

"Hi baby" he whispers in my ear, I can feel myself blush almost instantly, Christian has started to call me 'baby' which to me was unlike him and so like him at the same time. Every time he did I found myself wanting to kiss him all over his face which I often did, today was no exception, it's like he now expects it to happen and doesn't let me go until I do. I kiss every inch of his face I can reach but I reach his lips last. As soon as I do, he puts my down on my feet again but keeps me in his arms, I hear a small moan escape from the back of Christian's throat, in this moment I don't know how I am going to cope with him being all the way in New York, I know I'm going to miss him far too much. Eventually and reluctantly I pull away from him so I can look at him, he's smiling at me.

"Hi yourself, I missed you" I say whilst running my hands through his hair.

"I missed you too!" and he kisses me again, just once before taking my hand and leading us through his home until we reach his kitchen where Gail is already preparing our lunch for us. We both sit down and just continue to look at each other and smiling like fools, he's the first to break the silence.

"I have news, big news actually…" I don't reply, I just wait for him to continue.

"Elliot has called off the wedding…something about falling for another women, I can't think who that is…" he says the last part sarcastically, I tap him on his arm.

"Christian, I know you don't like Kate that much but all you need to do is get to know her and then you'll realise she's not all that bad"

"Ana please…"

"And besides, how do you know this?

"He stayed here last night, he just left before you arrived, he confessed everything to Megan..."

"Megan?"

"His fiancée or ex fiancée now, I realise you never met her and I'm glad you didn't, after he did, she kicked him out and he ended up here blind drunk I might add"

"I'm guessing Kate doesn't know?" I'm only guessing this because she hasn't mentioned any of this to me.

"I've no idea, she won't speak to him, apparently they had a blazing argument after they left here the other night after I got back and they haven't spoken since, she won't answer his calls. I don't think he's given up, in fact I think he's on his way to your apartment right now…"

"She'll give in to him, she always does when it comes to your brother, she may argue with him but that's just because she's trying to hide her true feelings, the whole reason of Barbados anyway was for her to get over him and for me to…"

"Get over me?" he finishes my sentence for me.

"It's not going to happen Christian Grey, just so you know, you've got me"

"I'm glad to hear that…" I lean over and kiss his cheek. "Well maybe you won't be going to Barbados next week after all" he continues.

"Christian, our flights are booked, we can't cancel now. I know you don't want me going but I'm going to support my friend, that's all, you just have to trust me"

"Ana, I trust you more than anyone, I trust you with my life I just don't like the idea, we've finally just got together, we haven't even been on our first date yet and already I'm leaving for New York for the rest of the week and then you leave for Barbados on Sunday for a week…"

"Is that what you are worried about? That because we haven't properly been together that long, you are already worried that we are spending too much time apart?"

"Yes, I don't want us to fail Ana"

"We won't, there's no way I would give you up and there's no way I'd leave you, so you are stuck with me I'm afraid", he doesn't reply, he just pulls me into his arms and holds me against him tightly.

"So, what do you have planned for us on Friday?" I ask him changing the subject.

"Now that would be telling Miss Steele, it's a surprise"

"You know I hate surprises Christian…" I whine like a child and he just laughs at me.

"I know, all the more reason to do it"

"Christian…please just give me a little clue?"

"No, you'll just have to wait and see, I promise you will love it" I decide to drop it, I know he's not going to tell me.

"So, what time do you have to leave?" I ask him.

"In about three hours, you've got me until then…" I won't admit it but I feel like the luckiest girl in the world…

Just over three hours later and I've just said goodbye to Christian and I won't see him now until Friday, our goodbye was full of kisses, and promises to speak every day without fail, no matter the time difference. I won't lie, I'm going to miss him terribly, a part of me doesn't think I'll be able to cope without seeing him but I have too, I have no choice in the matter. I'm hoping the next few days will fly, I've got a lot to get done, I've got to pack for the move to Seattle, pack for Barbados, I have a couple of shifts at the club lined up, I'm hoping all that will take my mind off the fact that my heart may have just gone to New York with Christian.

I arrive back at the apartment and find Kate sat in the kitchen looking like she's lost in her own thoughts, I wonder for a second if Elliot is here too. Eventually she looks up at me, I can tell she's been crying.

"Kate?"

"Ana, I officially hate men, actually I officially hate Elliot Grey! He comes by, banging on the door yelling at me to let him in, and then he tells me he's not getting married and it's all my fault, she kicked him out and he's blaming me for everything! I'm glad we are going on holiday so we can both forget about those Grey brothers…" Shit! I suppose it isn't the best time to bring up me and Christian.

"Kate, I honestly don't think he does mean it…"

"Of course he does Ana, I broke up his engagement…"

"No, you are both at fault here, not just you…"

"Well thanks for being on my side Ana!" she snaps at me, I roll my eyes at her.

"You can't say you are not part to blame for this situation Kate, you slept together, you knew he was getting married and you still went ahead and slept with him. He's to blame aswell because if he was truly happy he would not have cheated, he would have stayed away from you and I think the fact that he came round here pretty much sums it up, he doesn't want to stay away from you, he's just angry, probably angry at himself and he wanted to take it out on someone and that someone was you…"

"Well he can stay angry at me all he wants, I don't want anything to do with him"

"The fact that you've said that tells me you are lying to yourself Kate…"

"Whatever…I'm moving on!" she says and walks off into her bedroom.

"Keep telling yourself that Kate!" I shout after her just as she slams her bedroom door.

She doesn't come out for the rest of the afternoon, she knows I'm right and the sooner she admits it to herself the better, I'd like to be able to enjoy my holiday to Barbados. Whilst she's sulking I decide to clean up the apartment, I've heard nothing from Christian, I'm just assuming he's in the air and obviously can't communicate with anyone. It's whilst I'm cleaning up the kitchen I notice our mail, I rummage through it finding nothing but bills or just junk mail until I reach the last one in the pile and freeze completely. Kate obviously hadn't looked through the mail otherwise she would have noticed this. It's a letter, addressed to me but to my old name, my name before I became Anastasia Steele, it has no stamps on it which means it must have been hand delivered, my hands start to skate and I automatically run and lock the door quickly, I feel like I can't breathe, why does this have to happen to me now? I've only just started to move on with my life and enjoy it and now this happens, I run to my bathroom and throw up the contents of my stomach…I'm glad Kate's sulking and not seeing this right now. I know I have to open this letter but I can't do it, I'm not brave enough or strong enough to face it alone. I need Christian with me, he'd know what to do but he's not, he's all the way in New York and won't be back until Friday. I look at the envelope that is still screwed up in my hands and make my way over to my bed and sit down, taking it a deep breath to try and calm myself down even though it doesn't really work and I then open it and begin to read.

Dear Sophie,

You probably don't remember me, you haven't seen me since you was sixteen, I've worked in the police force for many years and in all those years I have never worked on a case like yours before. The last time I saw you, you told me you were planning on changing your name and in this case I do hope you have gone through with that plan but I only know you as Sophie so I apologise if you no longer go by this name. I don't want you to panic as to how I found you, I've recently moved to Portland, I only saw you from a distance but I knew it was that same sixteen year old girl straight away but she had grown up into the young woman you are today. What I am about to explain to you will come as a bit of a shock but I feel as though you have the right to know. When you walked into my police station all those years ago and told me everything that had happened to you, I felt the need to protect you straight away but as you refused to go into witness protection I couldn't do much, the only thing I could do was to make a promise to you that I would catch your step-father, your mother and everyone else involved, that was achieved, you didn't stay in Detroit long enough to know that I kept your promise Sophie, they were caught and without trail your step-father and mother went straight to prison. However, what you have to understand is that Detroit is very corrupt and your step-father was a lot more powerful than any of us realised. He's out Sophie, he's out of prison, I don't know where he is as I no longer work or live in Detroit but I still have a couple of loyal friends in the force there and they told me, I'm telling you this because you of all people have the right to know. The last thing I want you to do is panic and run, I only saw you for about a minute but I could see how happy you were, I'd hate for that to change. All I ask for is that you watch yourself and keep the people you love close, the young gentleman you was with when I saw you I believe is to be the Christian Grey, if you haven't already, tell him Sophie, tell him everything, a man as powerful as that will be able to keep you safe, just don't run. If you ever want to see me, I'm leaving you my private number for you to call. Please Sophie, do not run.

Best, Ray.

I sit and stare at the letter and read it through several times, there's only seven words throughout this whole letter that stick out to me; 'He's out Sophie, he's out of prison'...If he's out, I know he will find me, it will only be a matter of time. I need to see Ray, he saved me all those years ago, I need to know more. I pick up my phone and notice I have three missed calls from Christian and two text messages from him:

I've arrived in New York safely, I miss you already. C x

And then another one not long after…

I've tried calling you several times but there's no answer, are you okay? Please don't make me worry about you baby, call me back as soon as you can. I'm counting down the hours until Friday. C x

Oh Christian…I miss you too and I want you back here, you'll stop me from running I know you will but you're not, you're in New York, I don't want him to worry about me so I quickly text him back.

I'm fine Christian, I'm sorry I missed your calls. I miss you too, more than you know at this precise moment. Don't worry about me, go and kick some ass for me! A xox

I press send and then dial the number Ray has left me, I quickly dial it and wait for him to pick up. It rings three times before he answers.

"Hello…"

"Ray it's An…I mean Sophie, I got your letter…" I don't even recognise my own voice, it's making me feel sick by saying Sophie out loud.

"Sophie? I'm so glad you called me and you read my letter…I didn't think you would"

"Can we meet up, I need to know more, and I need to know everything?"

"Of course Sophie, are you free tomorrow at say 1 o'clock?"

"Yes I am, thank you Ray, for telling me…for warning me"

"No problem, I will see you tomorrow…"

"Thank you…" and we both hang up just as Kate comes bursting through my door, I quickly hide the letter under my duvet before she notices it.

"Ana, you are right, I don't want to move on, I'm heading out to see Elliot, are you going to be alright by yourself, I probably won't be back tonight?" I want to say no, but that would mean me explaining why she can't leave me here alone so instead I just nod.

"Great, also I don't know if you've already noticed but I got our mail, nothing but bills and junk I think…oh there was a letter for someone called Sophie Roberts but I assume that's for next door or something but I haven't managed to get round to posting it…" Shit, she has seen it!

"It's okay, I'll sort it" I say quietly, I don't know what else to say, I'm now lying to my best friend.

"Great! Wish me luck, I think I'll need it!"

"You won't Kate!"

"Hey, are you sure you're okay?" No, I'm not okay!

"Yes, I'm fine Kate now go and talk to Elliot"

"Cool, I'll see you tomorrow!" and with that she's gone and I'm now alone in our apartment. Minutes later, my phone comes to life, its Christian calling me.

"Hey…" I whisper quietly.

"Hey baby, you okay?"

"Yes of course, why?" I lie, I hate lying to him but I cannot tell him this over the phone.

"You sound very quiet and off, like your mind is elsewhere…"

"Sorry, I'm fine Christian, I've just got a bit of a headache" at least that part is true, my head is throbbing.

"Please take something baby and get an early night…" tears well up in my eyes and at least one fear falls down my cheek, I just want to scream at him telling him to come home but I can't. I manage to pull myself together before answering.

"I will do I promise, I'll call you tomorrow so we can talk proper then I promise…"

"Ok baby, get some sleep, I'll speak to you tomorrow"

"I miss you" I whisper to him, that I know is definitely true.

"I miss you too beautiful, so much…get some sleep and you'll feel better tomorrow"

"I will do, bye"

"Bye baby!" and with that he hangs up as I burst into tears.