A/N: *looks around furtively* I should be working on A Little At a Time. Shh, don't tell anyone I'm here.

*grins sheepishly* Sorry, couldn't resist.

Enjoy.

Izaya sat at Shizuo's kitchen table, curled up, trying not to fall into the pit of resignation. In his head, Shinra's words rocketed around constantly, sparking up fear in their wake. It's not my fault if you do something you regret.

Why thank you Shinra, I definitely needed this extra stress.

But that wasn't what he was mostly worried about. Watching Shizuo's back as he yanked a carton of eggs out of his old fridge, Izaya bit his lip. Several extra days. I have to tell him, I have to… The thought made his stomach turn. Shizuo had agreed to put up with him for a little while, right? That was it. This was crossing a line. Another minute, another line. Where do we stop?

Shizuo was going to kick him out. Sure he'd be nice about it but once the true nature of their situation got out, Izaya had little doubt in his mind that the blond would take him to Shinra's and leave him there. A few apologies later, he'd be gone and Izaya would be alone again.

No, I want that, right? That's how it's always been.

He didn't want to leave. Not now when he was only a few moments away from pain. Not later either, but Izaya decidedly didn't think that far ahead. Let's just deal with this right now.

"So," Shizuo's voice broke the stillness and Izaya tensed, unsure what to expect. The miasma of tension around them stirred uncomfortably. There was a clunk as the man set something down on his stove. "What did that crazy doctor say to you?"

Fighting to keep his mood level, his breathing constant, Izaya muttered, "Nothing important." Nothing I want to talk about. But Shizuo didn't have to know, right? Izaya could just fake his way through, right? He wanted to run his hands through his hair in frustration but Izaya forced himself to remain apathetic.

Unexpectedly, Shizuo spoke up, irritation in his words. "Shinra sure said a whole lot of shit to me." Izaya felt a thrill of fear run through him. He knows, he knows I'm lying to him. He's going to kill me. "And he wasn't nice about it either."

Swallowing hard, Izaya barely succeeded in forcing out, "What did he say to you?" Why, why did you have to say anything Shinra? Why couldn't you have let us exist in ignorance? "Because y-you know Shinra," Izaya stammered, managing a tiny laugh that fell flat. God, could I be any more obvious? "He says a lot of things and they're often hit or miss in my experience." His preemptive excuses sounded pathetic to even his own ears.

The Alpha was still for a second and Izaya knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Shizuo had just caught the lie. No, please, just let me stay a little longer. "He told me that you'd be better off with him that with me." Shizuo's muttered words took Izaya by surprise. If Shirna had told him, wouldn't Shizuo have led with that? There were several clicks as Shizuo's stove struggled to light. "Said he wanted to take you to his clinic while you're in heat or some shit."

"What did you say to him?" Izaya asked breathlessly. Shinra never said anything about Shizuo kicking me out. Maybe that means he doesn't know. Please, Shinra, for once in your life, just have done the sensible thing. Shizuo turned to look at Izaya and the Raven dimly registered the concern, the deep emotions playing out across the man's face. The first thought that jumped to mind was instincts, but deep down, Izaya had a feeling he was missing the mark somehow.

Before he could figure out what was different, Shizuo turned back around. "I told him to get fucked," he said simply, the words dragging some of the fear out of Izaya's heart, allowing him to release the breath he'd been holding. "You're not leaving just because Shinra's nervous about some stupid shit." He sounded so certain, it slowed Izaya's heart back down to a comfortable rate. "He kept saying that something bad was going to happen but he's full of shit. I don't believe him."

He doesn't know, he honestly doesn't know. Unable to help himself, Izaya murmured, "Something bad might happen." If you find out. "But I..." Izaya looked away from the Alpha, instead focusing on a stain on the cupboard to his right. "I trust you," he mumbled.

Even though he couldn't see Shizuo's face, the Omega new the words had affected the man. He stood a little straighter and the air around him lightened. Who knew something so simple could mean so much?

"You should trust yourself as well Flea," Shizuo told him, poking at the cooking eggs with a fork. Izaya found the words ridiculous and he almost laughed, but the reasons behind them smothered the desire. Why should I? "Just because you made a mistake doesn't mean you don't know what you're doing."

When he says it, Izaya thought, staring at Shizuo's broad shoulders. It almost sounds true. "If only that were true," he murmured regretfully, eyes drifting away. Never though I'd see the day where trusting someone else would be easier than trusting myself. An image of Shizuo crouched over him flashed through Izaya's mind and he swallowed back his automatic spike of fear. As it is, I'm a liability in every sense of the word.

"Izaya." The sound of his name cut through Izaya's thoughts like a knife. "What did Shirna say to you?"

Fear rising, Izaya glanced at Shizuo to find the man staring at him intensely. All he could do was shake his head soundlessly. You don't want to know Shizu-chan, it's easier to just exist without knowing.

It's easier for me…

There was a moment of shuffling as Shizuo went back to what he'd been doing. "He said something to you, I can tell." His voice was flat, non-accusatory. Izaya almost wanted to tell him, almost wanted to give in to that soothing presence that Shizuo had become. "I might not be the brightest, but I know you. You're scared," Turning around he put a plate full of fluffy yellow eggs in front of Izaya. "Why?

Please, just stop asking me. Forcing himself to be strong in front of the Alpha, Izaya said in a voice that he kept surprisingly even, "Can't we just eat Shizu-chan? I really don't want to talk about it." Come on, just respect my wishes and move on like you always do. Don't push this you brute, please. "It's not important anyway," he added, like that would convince anyone.

"It is to you." Dammit Shizu-chan, stop talking, I'm not perfect, I can't keep this up forever. Just drop it already. Shizuo sat across from him and watched him closely. The only emotion in the air was that of kindness. That and something else Izaya couldn't name. "Izaya," Shizuo said softly, and the man could feel his gaze move away at last. "I'm not going to throw you out, I'm not going to hurt you." You say that now but you're wrong, Izaya thought fervently, swallowing back all the things he wished he could just let spill. "Whatever Shinra said isn't going to change that."

You don't know that, hell, you don't even know what you're saying probably. It was a stupid cop-out, but Izaya was too terrified of the honesty Shizuo's words threatened to draw from him. "You're just acting on instincts Shizu-chan," he bit out, unable to maintain eye contact. "I know that. It's not as if-"

"Damnit Izaya!" Izaya wasn't expecting that sudden burst of anger from Shizuo, nor had he anticipated the thump of his fist hitting the table. At the sound, he couldn't help but jump. "I'm trying to say that I fucking care what happens to you! This isn't just instincts, okay? I'd feel this way regardless." That's a lie, you don't know what I know. "You're important, okay? Stop pretending you aren't."

Ah, you say that now… Mouth turning down bitterly, Izaya looked away from the sincerity in Shizuo's eyes. It was the only way to allow him to keep believing that it was nothing more than instincts and nature. It's not allowed to be anything else, Shizu-chan's supposed to hate me. That was what I built so much around.

But something made him open his mouth anyway, some traitorous part of him that kept whispering that maybe Shizuo meant what he said.

"Shinra said a lot of things." It came out under his breath, furtive like he wasn't sure where he was supposed to go from there. Maybe if I tell him enough to satisfy him, Shizuo will drop it. "He intimated that he wanted me to leave, might as well have said that he didn't trust either of us." Recalling Shinra's exact words, 'I don't want to have to be there when he breaks you' Izaya amended, "But me in particular. Said I was being stupid." I am, I'm proving him right at the very moment. And yet he had to say it, had to keep talking. "He's probably right." Izaya fiddled absently with the fork on the table, spinning it endlessly and watching as it caught the light. "He has a nasty habit of that."

Let it go, I told you something, let it go.

But he didn't because Shizuo just knew too much about Izaya to believe the lies. "That's not what you're scared of." Why does he have to sound so certain? It burned, the absolute nature of Shizuo's words, like there wasn't any room for doubt. "He asked me about my rut and your heat, but he never said why." Too close, too close. Don't make me say it Shizu-chan, just let me stay here in peace.

"What did he tell you?"

And just like that, Izaya felt himself being tipped over the edge. "He told me that being around you when you're in rut and I'm in heat prolongs both of our cycles because we're soulmates." It all came out in a rush, one that Izaya couldn't have held back if he wanted to. It didn't matter that he was scared, he couldn't shut himself up. "He said we could be stuck like this for upwards of three more days."

Go on, do it, throw me out, say you don't want me here for that long. I know you're going to, just get it over with you beast. Don't taunt me like this!

"So?"

It was such a simple word, but it almost angered Izaya. After everything I said, the best you can come up with is so?

"I'm saying you'll have to put up with me for longer than we'd originally anticipated!" Izaya spat, fear combating anger at being forced to talk about the subject at all. "You- You don't want me here for three more days, unable to move or do anything for myself." He was stammering but he didn't care, he only wanted to see that stupid look of sympathy on Shizuo's face to turn to disgust like it was supposed to. "I- I can barely stand, much less walk around. I'm useless and just being a burden. Plus, your rut isn't going to stop for another few days if I'm around." Say it, say the words. "If I leave-"

Shizuo cut in. "But you're not going to leave." How he could sound so calm when Izaya was trembling with fear was beyond the Raven.

"Don't you get it?" Izaya demanded, clenching his jaw to keep his teeth from knocking together. "I'm just making things difficult for you! If I'm at Shinra's or at my house then-"

"Do you want to leave?" It was such a simple question, it stopped Izaya's tirade dead in its tracks. Looking over at Shizuo in surprise, Izaya felt a chill run through him as Shizuo gently reached over and ran a warm finger down the Raven's cheek. Heart catching in his throat, the Omega could feel the tension leaving his body as Shizuo's fingers dragged softly over pale skin.

Without even letting himself think about it, Izaya leaned into the hand, wanting more of those gentle fingers even though he knew it was wrong.

"No." His answer was clear, and Izaya found that he meant it. "But then," he added, because something made him, "I'm not thinking clearly, ne?"

He couldn't possibly be, because it was far too easy to just let that calloused palm cup his cheek and hold it tenderly. Why isn't he upset? Why isn't he throwing me out like he's supposed to? This isn't how this is supposed to work.

Oh but he wanted it to work this way.

"Izaya," Shizuo started, drawing the Raven's eyes back up to his face. "You can stay here as long as you need to. When I asked you to stay here, I didn't put limitations on it. Until your heat is over is what I said, I'm not going to fucking throw you out just because Shinra said some shit." There was something wonderfully plain about the way Shizuo said it, Izaya didn't even have to wonder. He means it, he- he's not going to throw me out after all. "You said to trust me, trust me on this."

God, what is this, a romance novel? Feeling rather self-conscious now that he realized his outburst had been for nothing, Izaya pulled away from Shizuo's hand, no matter how much of him wanted to do otherwise. "You sound ridiculous," Izaya informed him, picking up his fork again and staring at his food that was now probably cold. "I never gave you permission to say things like that Shizu-chan."

Taking a bite of his egg, Izaya marveled at how good food tasted after he'd gone without it for so long. For a second it took his mind off of the situation. Until Shizuo brought him back to earth that was.

"Tough, it needed to be said." How utterly beastly of you Shizu-chan. Why are we even acting like this at all.

In this moment though, Izaya found he didn't care. Instead, he let a small smile crawl its way over his lips as he whispered, "Thank you." Part of him wasn't sure why he was thanking the man in the first place, the rest of him just allowed the gratitude to wash over him. "I-" thought you were going to throw me back to the wolves like any other Alpha would have. "Thank you Shizu-chan," he said again instead.

Because everything was fine for now. Somehow, the world made sense.

Izaya's stomach rumbled, destroying any deefp thoughts he might have had. Instead Izaya just started stuffing the eggs into his mouth as fast as he could chew them. I've been so obsessed with my problems, I forgot food was a thing.

Might as well add it to the growing list of things Izaya had forgotten existed. Like compassion. Kindness. Happiness. Other things he couldn't name but knew he needed now that he'd been granted a taste.

Shizuo chuckled, distracting Izaya from his food. "Hungry Flea?" he asked, an easy smile on his face. Unconsciously, Izaya found himself responding to it with an embarrassed smile.

"I haven't eaten in days," he admitted, looking down at his eggs. "During my heat, I usually don't bother. Too much trouble for me to handle on my own." If you had a mate, whispered that traitorous voice in the back of his head. You'd never have to worry about this again. This would be so much easier.

But easier wasn't always better, was it?

When Shizuo opened his mouth, Izaya expected him to chide him for not taking care of himself but instead, the blond muttered, "I can't believe you've done this for your entire life. Survived on your own." Izaya wished he understood the emotions in Shizuo's voice. "I wouldn't have been able to do it."

"No one usually does," Izaya said, taking another bite of his food and chewing it thoughtfully. "I guess I just didn't give myself another option, you know?" As he thought over his life, Izaya's face fell into a bitter smile. "I was so scared of the alternative, ne?"

Shizuo shook his head in disbelief. "You make it sound so easy but-"

The sound of Izaya's phone cut them off. This time, the Raven was awake enough to distinguish the ringtone from his other ones. He'd set a different sound for a reason, it helped him decide when he wanted to ignore her. I should have see this coming… "I need to get that," he decided. After a moment spent wondering if he could manage to crawl there, he gave up and looked across the table, staring at Shizuo intently, waiting.

And like a charm, Shizuo leapt up. "Hang on." He vanished back into his room.

Izaya spent a moment marveling at this. From the outside, who would have been able to guess that Shizuo was the Alpha and Izaya was the Omega? When had Izaya ever even heard of Alphas treating their mates with such care? Probably never, definitely not often enough to leave any sort of meaningful impact but hear Shizuo was, treating him like royalty. Makes it seem not so bad, ne?

But as always, Shizuo appeared before Izaya could let his thoughts stray any further. Probably for the best, right? Wouldn't want to let my hormones get the better of me after all. Grabbing the phone from Shizuo's outstretched hand, Izaya answered it and held it gingerly beside his ear.

"Yes?" he asked, as if he didn't already know who it was.

"Where the hell are you?" Namie's voice was predictably irritated and it almost brought a smile to Izaya's face. His secretary had never been anything but brusk. "You're supposed to be working today, not vanishing off to god know's where! Why aren't you here?"

"Because I'm someplace else," Izaya answered in his patented assholish way. The grin that spread over his face was natural, a common reaction to needling Namie. "Really Namie-san there's no need to shout." Looking over at Shizuo, Izaya was glad to see the man getting himself something to eat, completely at ease with Izaya talking on the phone. No need to cause unnecessary stress after all, she isn't making me upset, therefore he's not upset. "Let's take things down a notch and speak with an indoor voice."

"Oh I have several places you can put that indoor voice of yours." Izaya sighed. His secretary had every right to be pissed at him, he had, after all, told her he'd be there at his apartment to work but then things had changed and now he was here instead. Probably should have texted her or something… "You told me to be here early, you specifically woke me up so I could help you with something. What the hell is this supposed to be, you not showing up?"

"Complications?" Izaya suggested reasonably, watching as Shizuo pulled a bottle of milk out of his fridge and drank half of it in one go. Someone took the strong bones argument way too far. Perhaps reality just bends for him. "Really Namie-san, does it matter if I'm there or not? You always claim I distract you after all."

"What kind of complications are you talking about?" Namie demanded, ignoring the rest of Izaya's statement as he had known she would. Her voice came through the speakers as suspicious. "Are you in a hospital somewhere again? Did you get shot? Or was it stabbed this time? Because honestly I wouldn't put it past you." Clearly there was no trust lost between the two.

"No no, I'm fine," Izaya reassured Namie, eyes still fixed lazily on Shizuo, who looked up at those words. Though neither of their faces moved, a silent conversation was had.

Are you really okay, or are you just saying that?

I'm here with you, I'll be fine.

"Fine, yeah right." Namie sounded unimpressed and Izaya could almost feel her eyes boring into him. "Don't play this game with me, how long have I known you?" A valid point, the woman often had them. How terribly inconvenient…

"Not that long," he said, tapping his fingers against the table. Shizuo watched him, an odd sort of smile on his face. Almost… affectionate.

Izaya looked away, not wanting to think about it. Just instincts. Just instincts.

He doesn't know what he's feeling.

"Doesn't matter," Namie said dismissively. "I've known you for years and I knew you for ages before that. So if you think, for even a second, that you can get anything past me then you're dead wrong."

"Oh, so scary," he mocked, staring at the clock above Shizuo's door. Is it… Ticking backwards? How long has that thing been up there? It was odd, he almost liked the atmosphere, the lived in and weathered feel of the tiny apartment. The smell of Shizuo drifting through the air certainly helped. "And what exactly do you think is wrong with me?"

Accidentally, Izaya caught Shizuo's eyes again and caught him muttering, "Everything?"

Namie apparently agreed with this statement, though not in the light, sarcastic way Shizuo had. "What isn't wrong with you?" Izaya sighed to signal his impatience, which worked in snapping Namie back on track. She, after all, was someone who had never been able to stand small talk. "If you're not at the hospital, I'm assuming your disappearance has something to do with the fact that you were in heat all last week."

Izaya started to protest this but she cut him off. "I might be a beta but you had better believe I can smell it everywhere. Don't bother with your usual bullshit." He didn't. Namie had known he was an Omega for a good while after all. It had been one of those slight concessions he'd been forced to make when deciding to take her in as his secretary. So far, it hadn't bit him too bad. "Where are you?" she repeated.

"Somewhere safe," was all Izaya felt willing to give her.

"Izaya, I swear- You're with an Alpha, aren't you?" Namie didn't even sound judgemental, she just sounded resigned, like she'd expected it. The feeling that welled up inside Izaya was resentment and he forced it down. Well of course she'd known it would happen eventually, he was an Omega, what else was he good for? "God, you know I thought you were different but I knew that celibacy would get to you eventually."

Izaya's face turned bright red at the insinuation and he spluttered, "Wha- Why the hell does everyone seem to assume that I've had-" He stopped, noticing the beast watching him curiously, a look that was filled with amusement and yet still had a note of bitterness behind it. Izaya's stomach twisted but he forced himself to focus on the sound of Namie's voice coming through the speakers.

"-And honestly, it's not like I really care about what you do with your free time. If you want to go and mate with someone, do it. I always thought you were stupid for trying to drug your body into submission." The words made Izaya's head spin. Really, how long had the woman been thinking these things? "So really, just go for it. I'd honestly rather you do that than overdose or something. And don't tell me you know what you're doing because that's what everyone who overdoses says. Just because I know how to cover up a death doesn't mean I want to use it to get rid of your body. Honestly, I don't care. As long as you're okay." Namie took a breath and fell silent.

"What?" Izaya asked, surprised as the words came to a sudden halt. "I- why do you…?"

"If you're being held somewhere against your will I can get you out of there, you know I can." Namie sounded impatient, spoke shortly, but the words hit Izaya hard. I never thought she'd care. Really, he'd never thought anyone would care. He wasn't even worth it… "Just say the word Izaya and I'll come and get you but you don't sound panicked. You sound okay."

"I am," Izaya murmured, as ever glancing up at Shizuo carefully. He man was eating instant ramen, looking into the distance as if forcing himself not to intrude on Izaya's conversation. Thank you, he thought. Thank you for this. "And honestly Namie-san, why would you even bother for me?"

"God, you're infuriating." Without answering the question, Namie said, "Well since you've so kindly left me with a mountain of work, I don't have time to chat. Call if there's an emergency, specifically if you're dying. Depending on my mood, I'll bring some help and do what I can."

The line went dead.

"Bye," he muttered, rolling his eyes at the clipped manner of his secretary. "It's not like there are social niceties that need to be observed or anything."

"Hey Izaya?" The Raven looked up at the sound of Shizuo's tentative voice and felt a trickle of fear enter him when he saw that the man had stopped eating in favor of watching him. It heralded another tough question he probably wouldn't want to answer. "Why don't you think you're worth anything?"

He froze at the words, so careful yet so damning. "Nonsense Shizu-chan." The words slipped off his tongue with ease like so many lies had before them. Even so, he pushed his half empty plate away, suddenly uninterested in eating. "I'm clearly very valuable."

"That's not what I was asking." Damn him for suddenly developing the skills of perception. "I'm not asking what other people see in you, I'm asking what you see of yourself and from what I can see, you don't think much of yourself."

Face twisting, Izaya weakly pushed himself away from the table an huddled up again. I'm like a bug, hiding myself from things I don't want to think about. "Because unlike most people," Izaya bit out at last, sounding bitter. "I don't have a veil over my eyes. I'm an Omega before I'm an informant or a person or anything. Everyone knows that's how the world works Shizu-chan. I was just disillusioned at an age younger than most."

He didn't see, or rather, didn't expect the arms that encircled his pathetic huddle and lifted him off of the chair. "You're so full of bullshit sometimes," Shizuo muttered gruffly. "How many decisions do you make without thinking about the fact that you're an Omega, huh?"

It was an odd question and it distracted Izaya from the feeling of Shizuo plunking him down on his old couch before the man himself sat at the other end. "I- Not everything in my life revolves around that Shizu-chan," Izaya at last scoffed, shaking his head at the ridiculousness of the question. "Don't be stupid."

"I'm not being stupid," Shizuo countered stubbornly. "Well, maybe I am but I'm allowed to be. You aren't Izaya, you've always been smarter than me. So why have I figured out that just because I'm an Alpha doesn't mean I have to act like it and you're still convinced that you're going to act like an Omega regardless of what you do?"

Momentarily blown away by Shizuo's ability to get to such a deep point while committing so many logical fallacies along the way, Izaya at last managed weakly, "I don't though. Why do you think I've been hiding what I am for my entire life?"

"When did you find out?" Shizuo asked, eyes penetrating Izaya's shields that hadn't been touched in… Ever. "Because I found out before high school and I went through most of those four years thinking that everything I did must be inherently monstrous because I was an Alpha and therefore had no hope of controlling myself." The way the Alpha looked at Izaya made him feel like, for the first time, someone might understand. "Do you have any idea how many fucking suppressants I tried because I was sure I was going to end up on top of some Omega, hurting them or- or…" He waved around vaguely but Izaya understood what he was trying to say.

"You're not like that," he murmured, sure of his own words. "I know you Shizu-chan, you're too nice for your own good."

"And you're nothing like other Omegas," Shizuo countered. "Why are you convinced that you're going to end up like every other Omega?"

"I never said-"

"I could tell." Shizuo reached for his cigarette carton and pulled one out, almost like he didn't even notice what he was doing.

"Shizu-chan," Izaya said softly, wondering how he could explain to someone who seemed to believe so strongly in his worth that he was wrong. "It's different for me. You're an Alpha, you'll always be blessed with standing, even if you never take advantage of it. I'm just breeding stock."

The words sounded so much worse when he said them out loud.

"You're a fool, that's what you are." Izaya's eyes widened as Shizuo reached across his small couch and tugged Izaya into him. Close enough that Izaya could see each individual fleck of gold in the man's eyes. "You're a fool for believing that shit. Even if I haven't liked you for my whole life, I've always respected you. Sure I didn't know you were an Omega, but that would have changed fuck all. You're a person same as me. All that shit about Alphas and Omegas and Betas, it doesn't matter. Not really."

In the pit of his stomach, Izaya could feel something warm begin to grow, slowly consuming bits and pieces of the cold he'd felt for so long. Part of him didn't believe Shizuo for a second because the blond couldn't change the world worked just with a few words, but there was something about him saying it that made it matter all the same. He thinks I'm worth something. To him, I mean something. I'm not just a hole to fuck or a body to give him children. I'm a human being. I'm Izaya Orihara.

And that meant something.

"You're still an idiot," Izaya muttered, unsure how the man had managed to soothe such a deep set fear so quickly. I'm going crazy, or maybe it's just instincts.

And maybe it was something else entirely.

"Yep, that I am," Shizuo agreed, lighting up and taking a long drag of his cigarette. "But hey, sometimes you don't need to be a genius to be right."

Allowing himself to lean completely into the Alpha's warmth, Izaya nodded absently. With his fears soothed and his stomach sated, he could feel the pull of sleep much more strongly than before. "Only you Shizu-chan," he murmured, knowing that he was talking about more than just being right and not really caring in his sedated state. "Only you."

And like that, comfortable and wanted, he fell asleep.

Maybe having an Alpha like Shizu-chan wouldn't be so bad.

What a shame it's just instincts, ne?

A/N: Ta-da! Expect major feels next chapter, if this didn't make you squee enough already.

Hello angst my old friend, I've come to talk to you again...