A/N: Now, everyone say thank you to maneki-neko for unsticking the gears in my brain. I've been watching way too many youtube videos and not doing enough writing, but here I am.
Ready for some fluffy humor that has a horrible storm cloud of angst hanging over it?
Enjoy!
Shizuo breathed out a sigh of something approaching relief the moment he locked his door behind him. It wasn't that he wanted to leave Izaya alone, but on the other hand…
He'd of course been nervous when Izaya had first woken up, only able to think of the outpouring of words he'd dumped on the sleeping man and whether or not Izaya had been quite as out as he'd appeared. Given the circumstances, Shizuo was fairly certain that Izaya had, in fact, been asleep, but he couldn't help but worry. If the Raven had overheard…
Shizuo didn't much want to dwell on that.
On top of that initial worry, he'd been undeniably awkward, unsure how he was supposed to function after his mind had shifted so fundamentally. Izaya had been acting like he always did, but Shizuo had felt ungainly, like he was second guessing his every word and deed. Am I acting with the right motives, or am I acting selfishly.
Getting out of his apartment was probably the best thing for him at the moment.
Shaking himself, Shizuo quickly left his apartment lobby, trying to inject a bit of purpose to his steps. He didn't want to leave the Omega alone for too long if he could help it. From what he knew, and to be perfectly candid Shizuo knew very little, the effects of his pheromones on Izaya would fade with relative speed. There was the possibility that being calm would stretch that period of time somewhat but Shizuo could only speculate.
Maybe I should have brought him… But no, the blond had a feeling that Izaya would have objected to that, just on principle. After all, you didn't live your entire life hiding something that major unless you really didn't want people to know. Besides, I'd probably get overprotective and just annoy him.
As he walked down the street, Shizuo forced the thoughts from his mind. He was obsessing and it was pointless to do so. Izaya was back at his apartment, content and safe, and Shizuo was going to get them both something to eat.
It was only then that Shizuo realized he'd never even bothered to ask Izaya what he wanted for dinner. Ah shit. Stopping in the middle of the street, much to the annoyance of several cars and a number of confused pedestrians, Shizuo ran a hand over his face and sighed. Times like this, Shizuo wondered why he even tried.
Looking about, the blond purposefully ignored the angered shouts around him as he pondered what to do about his dilemma. He could, potentially, just turn around, head back to his apartment, and ask Izaya what he wanted. His other option was to just wing it.
"Are you going to move or not?" yelled one particularly impatient driver from the window of his truck. Shooting the man a glare that hopefully gave him something to think twice about, Shizuo decided that, in the interests of not looking incredibly stupid, he'd just figure it out without Izaya's help. Walking the rest of the way across the street, Shizuo looked around and inhaled deeply, as if that would help him decide what to get to eat.
All he could smell was the lingering and powerful scent of Izaya.
Shit.
Well there wasn't much he could do about it now. At least no one knows it's Izaya's scent, considering he's always blocking it. Not perfect, but Shizuo wasn't really of the mind to care. Fuck what everyone else thought, he liked the idea of smelling like his Omega. If he couldn't even hope for Izaya to be his, then maybe he could satisfy himself with belonging to the Raven instead.
For now, he'd just have to keep telling himself that this was enough.
Turning right arbitrarily, Shizuo once again attempted to force his mind towards the task at hand. He couldn't just wander around forever after all, at some point he had to come to a decision. What is there to eat nearby that I know Izaya will like?
And just like that, the answer came to him in the form of a ghost from his past. Russian Sushi. They'd eaten there a lot together, forced into civility by Simon the mildly terrifying Russian who worked there. What with his broken Japanese, wide grin, and monstrous strength that could rival even Shizuo's the easy going Alpha was probably the only reason Izaya and Shizuo hadn't leveled Ikebukuro in their youth.
I still see Izaya there from time to time, Shizuo reasoned, choosing to ignore the fact that it had been less seeing him there and more chasing him out but that was the past and right now, he wanted food. It helped that he could still remember what Izaya had always ordered and therefore would probably have a better chance of getting something the Raven would like.
He could still remember it, sitting next to Izaya at the sturdy wooden bar, burning holes in his plate with his glare as he listened to Izaya happily chatting with Simon in decent Russian. They'd always be allowed to order whatever they wanted, Simon deeming it a fair exchange for a little less destruction and yet another chance at peace. Shizuo also couldn't help but recall the few times that instead of eating for free, Izaya had paid, presumably for the both of them.
It was all covered by the claim that Izaya liked to remind Shizuo just how poor he was, but the excuse hadn't made sense then and it definitely didn't make sense now. Almost like he was doing whatever he had to do just to keep me around. Funny that it wouldn't have mattered to Shizuo one way or another if he had to pay for the sushi, he would have still been after Izaya the next day without a word of complaint.
For someone who claimed to understand humans, Izaya sometimes seemed to understand very little.
Shaking himself from his memories, Shizuo plowed on ahead, keeping his mind blessedly blank all the way to the sushi joint. Getting stuck in the past only ever hurt, he didn't particularly want to stay there anymore than he had to.
As he pushed open the door to Russian Sushi, Shizuo was instantly greeted by the loud and happy, "Shizuo! You come to eat sushi! Is very wonderful!" From behind the counter, Simon waved expressively and grinned as if Shizuo's arrival was the best thing that had happened all day. Momentarily taken aback as he almost always was, Shizuo regained his composure and nodded.
"Hey Simon. 'S good to see you." Which was honestly about as much interaction he wanted, though he knew it was a whole lot less that what he would inevitably receive.
"Shizuo," a much easier voice called out. "What's up man? I haven't seen you all week." Turning, Shizuo found Kadota getting up from the booth he'd been sitting at and walking over. Smiling at the fellow Alpha, Shizuo felt a certain amount of stress sort of leak away.
"Yeah, sorry," he muttered, scratching the back of his neck and managing a half smile. "You know how it is. Shit's annoying but I can't really do anything about it." Shizuo genuinely liked being around Kadota. The man had an easy presence that didn't tend to rile him up and in general was a decent person. Two things that were notoriously hard to find in tandem.
"Ah," Kadota said, nodding knowingly. "I get you, sorry about that." The man was one of the few people who knew about how Shizuo handled his ruts and therefore was more sympathetic that most. It helped that Shizuo didn't try and press his own life choices on anyone else like some Alphas who liked to virtue signal about how good they were for not sleeping around. In Shizuo's mind, he didn't have enough time between putting people in the hospital to even pretend to be a good person.
He was about to say something else when a loud voice proclaimed, "It wasn't supposed to be armor though, that wasn't the point!" Shizuo sighed and turned to find Erika and Walker tumbling out of the booth Kadota had just vacated. "IT WAS FANSERVICE DAMNIT! LET ME HAVE MY FANSERVICE YUMACHI!"
Walker, who was attempting to fend off Erika's attacks, protested, "But it was entirely unrealistic! She's fighting, her vital areas should be covered at least. Karisawa-san, stop being so ridiculous."
"NONSENSE!" the rather crazed Beta yelled. "YOU WILL NEVER STOP M- Oh, hi Shizuo-kun!" Getting off of the unfortunate Walker, Erika dusted herself off and bopped over to the counter. "Whatcha up to?"
Whatever Shizuo had been about to answer with was interrupted by Simon. "You order now Shizuo, yes? Must eat, otherwise stomach shrink very bad." Deciding not to argue with the eerily smiling Russian, Shizuo scanned the menu.
"Ottoro," he said decisively, remembering Izaya's love for the fatty tuna. Glancing over the other options, Shizuo ordered something sweeter for himself and then turned back to Kadota and his gang. "Nothing much," he said, in answer to Erika's question. "Just getting lunch."
While Kadota just nodded, Walker frowned and looked over at Erika, who looked to be in furious contemplation. "Just getting lunch," she mused aloud, making Shizuo bristle at the overwhelming amount of suspicion in her tone. Well shit… "But you're getting two different types of sushi! WHO ARE YOU GETTING LUNCH FOR?!"
Looking over at the Beta worriedly, Kadota quickly turned back to Shizuo. "Ignore her, you know how she is." Shizuo, meanwhile, was glaring at Erika. If looks could kill… "She's convinced she can singlehandedly pair everyone up just by sheer will alone."
"It's called shipping damnit and I can!" Erika announced, stalking closer to Shizuo while Walker tried to hold her back. "So Shizu-Shizu, gonna tell us what's going on?"
"No," Shizuo told her, voice low. "Fuck off." His thoughts flew back to Izaya and he grit his teeth together. The Omega would want him to keep his mouth shut so he would, there was no other option in his mind. He didn't want to hurt the man and he certainly didn't want to talk about his personal life with Erika of all people.
Sniffing loudly, Erika's eyes widened and she suddenly started jumping up and down, much to Walker's embarrassment. "Oh My GOD!" Bouncing around Shizuo excitedly, hardly deterred by his growl of annoyance, she exclaimed, "You smell like an Omega! I can smell it all over you!"
"So," Kadota said, smiling a little despite himself. "You finally found a mate, eh?" Unable to keep himself from coloring because this was exactly the conversation he didn't want to have and fuck, he wished he'd found a mate instead of a soulmate that wanted nothing to do with him, Shizuo just scowled. Elbowing him lightly, Kadota chuckled. "It's cool Shizuo, I mean as long as you're happy, it's fine."
"It's not like that," Shizuo found himself protesting, though his mind was telling him to shut up and just ignore the whole problem. It was clear what they were assuming and it irked him because he hadn't expected this kind of reaction. "We're just-"
"You admit to it!" Erika crooned, interrupting him, her eyes lighting up with that terrifying gleam that promised ill to whoever saw it. "I knew it! You only end up smelling like that if you're sleeping with an Omega that's in heat."
"So what's her name?" Walker asked curiously, somehow managing to get looped into the insanity.
"Her?" Erika squawked indignantly. "No, Yumachi it would clearly be he. Shizuo would break a female Omega to pieces if he ever tried to-"
"Okay," Kadota said, finally growing tired, or more accurately embarrassed, of their comments. "That's enough." Glancing at Shizuo, he held his hands up. "Don't worry, you don't have to say anything if you don't want to. Though…" he trailed off and looked away somewhat awkwardly. "Is this just a one time thing or is it something more permanent?"
"I already told you," Shizuo growled, growing annoyed, his lingering rut not helping his temper in the slightest. "It's not like that! And it's all fucking complicated so even if it was anyone's business, I wouldn't even know what to tell you."
From where she'd taken cover behind Walker, Erika whispered, "Ooooh, scary Alpha Shizuo…" When he glared at her, she only cackled. Walker on the other hand looked properly worried. "Come on," she whined, pouting. "Tell us about it! Did you mark him? Did you knot him? Is this official or what?"
"Oi!" Shizuo barked, frustrated that this was even still an issue. "Stop fucking assuming shit, nothing's happened! It's just…" He waved his hands about, struggling to find something, anything to say that would sate her unfortunate curiosity. "Something, alright. A lot of shit has happened." The pure exhaustion in his voice must have showed because Kadota gave him a sympathetic look.
"Want to talk about any of it?" the easy-going Alpha asked, fixing Shizuo with a calm look. "You look like you want to hit something."
Though he didn't mean too, Shizuo found himself talking to Kadota anyway. "Some shit happened yesterday that was probably my fault. Now I'm trying to deal with the consequences and in sucks." Yup, huge understatement there. "So yeah, I kinda do want to hit something but I've got it under control. I'm fine."
While Kadota only hummed in response, Walker pulled a thoughtful face. "So it has to do with an Omega in heat, correct?" The expression Shizuo found on the Beta's face was nothing short of reasonable. "Because Karisawa-san has a point, it takes being around an Omega for an extended period of time for the odor to be that powerful."
"Alright fine," Shizuo grumbled, unable to pretend otherwise. "Yes, I've got an Omega back at my apartment but we're not fucking or anything, it's just because of some shit that happened yesterday." Then, against his better judgment, Shizuo added, "They got jumped by several Alphas, I wasn't just going to leave them there."
Kadota's eyebrows raised but he nodded regardless. "Why am I not surprised." Leaning back against the bar and crossing his arms, the Alpha continued, "I'm impressed you're holding out like this. That's got to be hell."
Shizuo glowered at the counter. "You have no fucking idea." That, somehow, produced a laugh from Kadota.
"So come on, tell us, is it a girl or a guy?" Erika bounced on the balls of her feet, her eyes wide and shining. "You have to tell us at least this, it's not going to hurt anything."
"It's more likely to be a girl," Walker pointed out. "I mean, the number of female Omegas versus the number of male Omegas is so vastly different, it would be unlikely for it to be-"
"The Omega's a guy," Shizuo bit out, cutting off the debate before he had to listen to it anymore. "Now stop asking me fucking questions."
Of course if he'd thought for even a second that this would silence Erika, he was sorely mistaken. "I KNEW IT!" she squealed, leaping about a foot in the air in her excitement. Dancing around Walker, the Beta crooned at the top of her lungs, "I was right and you were wrong. It's a shipper's instinct Yumachi, it's never wrong!"
"Huh," Kadota muttered, tilting his head for a moment before shrugging. "Well, I guess it doesn't make much of a difference, right?" Turning to look at Shizuo, he hummed as if he were thinking the situation over. Honestly, Shizuo didn't like this much scrutiny being placed on his and Izaya's set up but he couldn't exactly complain. They hadn't made him say anything. "So how long is he staying? Just till he's fit to leave or until his heat's over?"
"Until his heat is over," Shizuo grunted in response, relaxing somewhat despite what they were talking about. Putting it out in the open like this, even considering his feelings for Izaya that kept fucking getting in the way, Shizuo couldn't deny that he felt better. The whole thing seemed doable now instead of impossible like before. "After that, he'll be gone."
At the news, Erika whilted. "Aww… But you would be so cute with an Omega by your side." Izaya, cute? Well, maybe, but Shizuo didn't want to think about something that could never happen. Before he could get lost on this tangent however, Erika perked up again and said, "But I still want to know who it is! Come on Yumachi, how many male Omegas are there that it could be?"
"Eh? How am I supposed to know something like that?" Walker protested, crossing his arms. "If it were a manga then I could answer that question but I don't keep track of people's secondary genders like you do."
"YOU SHOULD!" Erika announced, once more staring up at Shizuo with that gleam in her eyes. "Who is he, tell us!" You could practically see the gears turning in her head. "I mean, I can't think of anyone it would be…"
It was at that exact moment that Simon returned. "Sushi is done now, yes!" he boomed, clapping Shizuo on the back as he handed him a bag. "Will be very good, keep you strong and happy. Eat it!" Nodding, Shizuo grabbed the bag off the table.
But not before Erika saw what was inside.
"Ottoro?"
Shizuo froze. He didn't mean to but something misfired in his brain. Shit. Because of course she'd fucking know that Izaya only ordered one type of sushi. The Alpha could see it in her face as it went from excited to purely insane.
"Erika," Kadota sighed, sounding a thousand different types of exhausted all at once. "Can you, for once-"
"OH MY GOD, THE OMEGA IS IZAYA!" Her shout rang throughout the restaurant as she squealed loudly, waving her hands up and down very quickly. "AHHHHH! MY SHIP HAS COME TRUE YUMASAKI-KUN MY LIFE IS PERFECT AND COMPLETE I CAN DIE HAPPY NOW AHHHHHH!"
For a moment, something akin to guilt flashed across Shizuo's face before it was quickly replaced with rage. "FUCK NO! How in the ever loving fuck did you come up with that? I would never let that shitty flea anywhere near me!"
"Besides," Walker was hurrying to say, trying to calm Erika down while simultaneously attempting to disentangle himself from the crushing and excited hug she was giving him. "Orihara-san isn't even an Omega, Karisawa-san."
"Actually," Kadota mused, tugging on the edge of his hat in thought. "Now that I think about it, what is Izaya's secondary gender. I don't remember him presenting back in high school, do you Shizuo?"
Fuck fuck fuck- Hiding his panic behind a deep scowl, Shizuo growled, "Why would I give a fuck what that bastard was?"
"I guess you have a point," Erika said, deflating somewhat. "What is Izaya-san's secondary gender? I mean, he acts like an Alpha but then I'm pretty sure he uses scent blockers. That or he's a Beta. But Shizu-Shizu's getting Ottoro and that's Izaya-san's favorite sushi and why would he be getting it if it weren't for Izaya?"
"Yes but we know that Shizuo's staying with an Omega and what are the chances that Orihara-san is actually an Omega?" Walker asked, still trying to reason with the fangirl. "Come on Karisawa-san, why don't you keep your shipping out of real life. Besides, Shizuo hates-"
"No don't you see?" Erika asked, shaking the poor Beta around violently. "It's all just repressed sexual tension! GASP! What if they're soulmates!?" Turning to Shizuo once more she asked, "Are you and Izaya soulmates? Come on, you have to be!"
"IT'S NOT FUCKING IZAYA!" Shizuo roared, his hands clenching into fists. "SO FUCKING LEAVE ME ALONE ABOUT IT ALREADY!" As he yelled, his pheromones swelled up around him, clogging up the air with his rage. It shouldn't still be this powerful but fuck everything was so screwed up right now he couldn't even think straight. "IT'S MY FUCKING BUSINESS WHO I LET IN MY HOUSE AND WHO I DON'T!"
Finally, as if physically repelled by the stench, Erika's instincts overrode her insanity and she backed up, both her and Walker scrambling to put a safe distance between themselves and the angry Alpha. The fear in the air was tangible, not just theirs but everyone else's in the restaurant as well. Shizuo hated it and hated himself for losing control but he was pissed at Erika for being so goddamn nosy and above all, he was terrified because she'd hit the nail on the head and he couldn't let anyone know what Izaya was.
Out of everyone, Kadota was the only one who managed to stand his ground. His throat bobbed nervously, yes, and the strain was evident on his face but he didn't run. Instead, he looked up at Shizuo with a calming expression and hands that were stretched wide in a placating gesture. "Okay Shizuo, we get it." His voice was level and calm, bringing Shizuo back to earth slightly. "You don't have to get so defensive, alright?"
Shooting Erika another powerful glare, the Alpha finally stepped down, reeling in his out of control scent to the best of his ability. Kadota was still giving him a look, one that could have been taken as blank but was more thoughtful than anything, but Shizuo didn't care. He was too busy feeling like shit. Izaya would be so fucking pissed if he saw this, he'd hate me for it. Goddamnit, the one thing I couldn't let slip and now I've just made a fucking spectacle of myself…
"Shizuo!" For once, Simon's voice was a welcome sound. "Though company is much enjoyable, perhaps leave at present. Scent is scaring customers." His grin was wide but his words were final. "Come back and eat sushi later, yes? For now, take order and calm down."
Nodding curtly, Shizuo grabbed for the bag once more and walked towards the doors, leaving the stunned patrons and Katoda, Walker and Erika behind him.
Before he could get very far however, he heard someone call out. "Hey, Shizuo." Turning, Shizuo found that Kadota had followed him. He still had that same look on his face, thoughtful, confused maybe, but also a little concerned and above all, accepting, like he'd made peace with whatever he was about to say.
"Yeah?" Shizuo answered warily, tired of this bullshit but unwilling to just walk away from his friend a second time in as many minutes.
Kadota's eyes found the ground before he looked back up, his expression more sure. "Izaya, huh?" Holding up his hand, stopping Shizuo from protesting, he continued, "And before you say anything, yeah, it's pretty obvious. You froze up when Erika mentioned Izaya."
For a moment, Shizuo debated whether or not to deny it, but then he simply let out a heavy breath before saying, "Fine, you're right. It's Izaya."
"An Omega, really?" Kadota's expression was non-judgemental, like it was an dispassionate observation and nothing more. "Well, I would never have pegged him for one but I guess it makes some sense now, why he vanishes for a week or two every year." Looking Shizuo dead in the eyes, the Alpha continued, "And he's at your apartment right now."
"He is," Shizuo confirmed, unsure what else to do at this point. It was Kadota, it wasn't like the man was going to tell anyone. That being said… "Please don't spread this around. If you couldn't already tell, he doesn't want it getting around."
Nodding, Kadota observed, "Something's changed, hasn't it?" Again, he said it flatly, like he was just stating a fact. Shizuo didn't know exactly what to say other than the truth.
"We're soulmates," he admitted, his eyes dropping. "Of all the fucking people in the world, we had to end up as soulmates." A laugh emanated from Shizuo, and it sounded disgustingly bitter. "I mean, what were the chances of that?"
"You care about him, don't you?" Kadota asked, tilting his head slightly and crossing his arms loosely.
No, I fucking love him.
He didn't realize he'd said the words aloud until Kadota's eyes widened. "Oh."
Closing his mouth, Shizuo stared at Kadota, as if silently daring the other Alpha to mock him for it. He half expected some sort of comment, something about how they hated each other, how it was strange, how there was no way it could work out. But as the seconds ticked by, Kadota simply sighed and fixed him with a look that was full of steel.
"Don't hurt him."
Shizuo blinked, taken aback. "What?"
Kadota rubbed the back of his neck, staring up at the sky as he did so. "I can't say I'm the best of friends with him, he can be a bastard sometimes. But I don't want to see him dead." Before Shizuo could rile at that, the man held up a hand. "Ah, that came out wrong. I know you're not going to kill him."
"But I might do other things," Shizuo finished for him, stomach sinking a little to think that his friend would think so little of him. Kadota shifted uncomfortably.
"Honestly, yeah." Shrugging, he continued, voice still at that level pitch, "He's in heat, you're still rutting. You're stuck in the same apartment, probably because neither of you really want to think of another solution." The man's eyes were hard as they met Shizuo's. "No matter how in control you think you are, shit happens."
"I'm not going to-" Shizuo started to protest but Kadota cut him off again.
"I'm not saying you will!" Removing his old hat, Kadota ran a hand through his hair. "But you might, and considering Izaya's gone to such great lengths to hide this and probably, knowing him, ignore it, he won't react well if something snaps." Shizuo knew the words were true, but he still hated listening to them. "You've got a greater chance of hurting him Shizuo and I don't want to see that happen. Really, I don't."
"Do you think I want to see him hurt?" Shizuo asked at last, frustrated more with himself than with Kadota. "Do you think I want to see him in pain any more than I've already seen him? Fuck, Kadota I'm trying, this shit is so fucking confusing though and he's a mess. How am I supposed to be emotionally steady when I can't even make it a day without realizing I'm in love with him?"
Kadota looked as lost as Shizuo felt. "Honestly, I don't know. But I do know that you're going to have to figure it out because if you do something to Izaya now, he'll never recover from it." With those words, the man raised a hand in farewell. "I've said all I have to say. I'll let you get back to him now." Turning, he walked back into Russia sushi, still with that easy mood like he hadn't just made Shizuo feel equal parts shitty and terrified.
Well fuck.
He had a point, didn't he? If Shizuo fucked this up, Izaya would be broken. He was already so fragile after everything that Shizuo had managed to put him through, the Omega wouldn't be able to stand much more. Though the Alpha wanted to say that Izaya was strong and would be able to get through anything, he wasn't so sure anymore.
As if that wasn't enough, now he had to worry about his feelings for Izaya getting in the way. That was a whole new level of complications he really didn't fucking need. All he wanted was for Izaya to be safe and happy but in reality, Shizuo was leaving him open to whatever stupidity he might end up inflicting on him. He wanted Izaya to stay and Izaya seemed to want to stay as well but fuck, that didn't mean that he wouldn't screw everything up anyway.
If I slip, even a little bit, I'm going to ruin everything. No, he'd probably manage that anyway, this was just being stupid. And yet…
At his heart, Shizuo was selfish. Beyond selfish really. He didn't just want Izaya around, he needed to have that presence within reach like it was essential to his wellbeing. The blond knew full well that it was stupid because Izaya would never feel the same way and he'd be lucky if the man didn't get out of this ordeal hating him more than when he'd gone into it, but that didn't change anything. Shizuo wasn't about to let Izaya go.
And that's why he wasn't calling Shinra right at that very moment instead of just walking back to his apartment, sushi in one hand, the other clenched into a fist in his pocket. He'd prove Kadota wrong, he would make it through the next few days without doing something he regretted. Like forcing Izaya to mate… The thought sickened him, which was relieving. As long as he could cling to that, remember that there were lines between himself and the Raven, Shizuo would be fine.
The moment he forgot those barriers were there, shit would go downhill pretty damn fast.
But as his apartment complex came into view, Shizuo pushed it all out of his mind. For now, he could simply focus on caring for Izaya. It was probably the one thing that his instincts, his mind and his heart all could agree on. Before anything else, the Omega needed to be kept happy and healthy. If he couldn't do that right, then Shizuo was useless, not just as an Alpha but as a decent human being who didn't want to see people in pain, even if that person was someone he'd been sure he hated up until recently.
From the moment he opened the door to the lobby however, he knew something was wrong. The entire thing reeked of Izaya, the man's pheromones seeping out from under Shizuo's door. For a building that usually managed to smell mostly like him, Shizuo could hardly believe how quickly it had been covered up. More than that though, Shizuo could tell just from one sniff that Izaya was terrified.
Racing towards his door, Shizuo found that it was still locked, just like he'd left it. So no one broke in. Why is Izaya scared? Hardly taking the time to unlock the damn thing, Shizuo yanked the door open and half ran through the small apartment, all the while looking for Izaya. He could hear someone sobbing and he could only assume it was Izaya. Shizuo couldn't even begin to stifle the answering flair of pheromones that came off of him in waves. The fearful scent was emanating from under the blond's door and it was only now that the Alpha could smell the pain in the air.
Without a second though, Shizuo burst into his own room to find his bed empty. Eyes trailing over the floor, he took in the scene before him, horror and terror and guilt making his throat go tight. The bed was a haphazard mess. His shirt and sweatpants, the ones he'd lent to Izaya, were strewn out over the floor. As his eyes kept traveling, he found the source of it all.
Izaya, curled up against the wall, leaning against the side of his dresser. The Omega's face was red and swollen with tears, his eyes were glazed with pain and fear and so much emotion that it physically pained Shizuo to see him like this. More than that though, Shizuo realized that the man had on his own shirt and coat. Only his legs were bare and it was then that the blond understood why.
His jeans were on the dresser and Izaya, no doubt, had failed in trying to get them.
He was trying to leave.
Fuck.
Even as his heart tore in two, Shizuo lurched forward, his mouth forming around words he couldn't quite say. Dropping to his knees in front of the Raven, hating it when the man cringed away from him before whimpering in further pain, Shizuo abandoned the sushi bag so he could reach for Izaya.
"Izaya, what-" he couldn't even make his mouth work, nothing came out. He doesn't want to be here, he just couldn't say it out loud. "Fuck, Izaya, why didn't you just say something?"
Tears increasing as they poured down his face, Izaya choked out, "I'm sorry." It was so much worse than anything else he could have said. Those two words, said in such a defeated way, like Izaya was in the wrong, like him wanting to leave was somehow a bad thing, made Shizuo want to hurt something. No doubt that anger made its way onto his face because Izaya's eyes became even more frightened than before.
Shit shit shit, even after everything, all I can fucking do is hurt him. Reaching for him again, Shizuo held himself back, even as everything in him screamed for him to just fucking hold Izaya for a moment, just for long enough for it to stop hurting. "I shouldn't have left, I should have known-" Stopping again, Shizuo simply stared at Izaya, knowing what he had to do and finding himself unable to do it at the same time.
I need to call Shinra. Fuck, he didn't even want to stay a day. All Izaya did was cry harder, his sobs stabbing through Shizuo like hot blades. I'm making it worse.
"You-" Izaya hiccupped, his voice hoarse. How long has he been here like this? "You don't-" Shizuo wanted so bad to touch him but he didn't dare, not when he knew that he'd fucked it up for good, not when he knew that he was going to have to let Izaya go anyway. Yet even so pheromones kept spilling off of him, filling the air and blanketing the room. All he wanted was to make the pain go away, to calm Izaya down so he wasn't so scared. But how could he when it was his fault that the man was in this state to begin with?
"Shizu-chan," Izaya whispered, his voice so broken. "It hurts."
Those words broke whatever had been holding him back. Without even thinking, Shizuo reached forward and pulled the Omega into his arms, holding him as close as was physically possible, trying as he did so to soothe the pain, even though it made his heart break. "I'm sorry," Shizuo told the man, burying his face in Izaya's neck, even though he knew he shouldn't. "Fuck, I'm so sorry Izaya." He could feel the Omega shake violently in his arms. "I shouldn't have kept you here."
Izaya's breath hitched at those words as his tears continued to soak Shizuo's shoulder. "I should have just taken you to Shinra's, I shouldn't have kept you here like this." The words hurt but he had to say them. I love him, fuck, I just want to keep him safe. Why did this have to happen? Why? "I was being selfish, this is my fault."
Even as the tension in Izaya's body started to lessen as the naturally soothing nature of Shizuo's pheromones reacted with his chemistry, the Raven continued to shake. Was it fear? Was it from the tears? Shizuo didn't know. Let go of him, this is stupid, you can't do this.
"Fuck," he muttered again, the word muffled by Izaya's stupid coat. The man smelled so good, felt so right cradled in his arms and yet Shizuo knew that it was all wrong. He couldn't have this, it didn't belong to him. Izaya didn't feel safe here, didn't want to be here period. If what the man needed was to leave, then Shizuo would make it happen, if only so he'd be okay.
"I'll call Shinra," Shizuo managed, even though the words succeeded in finally tearing him cleanly in two. His voice was choked up at this point but he couldn't help it. As Izaya's tears lessened, his own pushed at his eyes. Does he even know what he's doing to me? Forcing his voice to steady, the remain strong, Shizuo pulled away from Izaya, making himself back up while he still could. Izaya's presence made his head muzzy, and yet he knew what he had to do. "He'll probably be around soon."
Except Izaya wasn't paying attention to him. His tears had dried on his face and his eyes, which had been so hazy before, were clearing slowly, like he was struggling to fight his way out of his own pain. The Omega seemed to be entirely transfixed on something behind Shizuo.
"You-" Izaya's voice sounded different now, confused. Still with those lingering traces of fear but even as Shizuo watched, it kept clearing from his eyes. As Shizuo kept trying to move backwards to get a better look at the man, Izaya's fingers clenched in the front of Shizuo's shirt, still weak, but enough to notice.
"What is it?" Shizuo prompted, confusing battling his inner strife.
"You got sushi."
What?
Momentarily lost, Shizuo finally managed to remember why he'd left in the first place. Oh yeah, the food. "Of course I did," he muttered, still puzzled as to why Izaya was bringing this up at all. "That's what I said I was going to do." Wanting to move back but unwilling to pull against Izaya's admittedly feeble grip, Shizuo continued, "Now really, I should call-"
"You got Ottoro." Izaya said it insistently, like this obvious statement meant something significant.
"Izaya-" Shizuo was about to say the conversation was getting them nowhere when he glanced at Izaya's face once more and the words died on his tongue. The fear in Izaya's eyes was quickly abating, replaced by a look of guilt, regret, and above all, wonder. "Yes," he finally answered, his voice soft. "I did get Ottoro."
"But that's my favorite kind." Why did the man said it like it should prove something?
"I know that," Shizuo told Izaya gruffly, wondering above all why Izaya hadn't pushed him away yet. Wasn't the man scared of him? Didn't he want to leave? Are our instincts getting in the way of making clear decisions again? "Izaya, I've known you for years, of course I know what your favorite kind of sushi is, you only ever get one kind."
Mouth forming around words he couldn't quite say, Izaya finally met Shizuo's eyes and said clearly, "But you're not supposed to care."
Shizuo's heart stopped. Oh… "Fuck, Izaya, of course I care!" the Alpha insisted, gripping Izaya's shoulders firmly, careful not to shake him. Why would he even think that? Do I scare him that much?
"It's just instincts," Izaya muttered, his eyes falling again. No, why is he thinking things like that? Hasn't this past day told him anything? "You can't possibly care Shizu-chan, you're not-"
"It's not just instincts!" Shizuo interrupted, his eyes burning as they stared into the Omega's clear gaze. "I fucking care about you Izaya, enough so that I'm going to call Shinra even though I don't want to let you leave." Stop running your mouth you idiot! Stomach clenching, Shizuo finished, "And don't try and tell me what I can't possibly do. Just because I'm an Alpha doesn't mean I have to do everything mindlessly, alright?"
"Don't call Shirna." The words came out as no more than a breath. Shizuo was sure he'd misheard them, knowing they were no more than wishful thinking. Izaya could have said anything, he reasoned. Anything but what he'd heard.
"What?"
"I said don't call Shinra." Shizuo couldn't pretend he hadn't heard correctly now, not when Izaya's words had weight behind them, certainty. "I want to eat my sushi."
Hopes falling once again, Shizuo bit out, "You can take it with you, I'm not going to-"
"I want to eat it here." Even though his mind kept trying to crush every hope that tried to rise up, Shizuo hadn't misheard that and he hadn't taken it the wrong way. He wants to stay? After everything, he wants to stay here?
"You don't want to leave?" Shizuo asked, confused and hopeful and above all needing to know that Izaya was okay. "You're serious right now, right?"
And even though his face was swollen and his throat was still thick with the tears he'd just shed, Izaya managed a short, exasperated sigh, one so familiar, it hurt. "Yes Shizu-chan, I'm serious. I don't want to leave." Face contorting, he muttered, "I'm sorry for panicking, you left and I- I…" he trailed off before drawing himself back together. "I got scared. It won't happen again."
"I won't leave you again," Shizuo found himself promising, his voice firm as his heart swelled with joy. He's not leaving, he's staying with me. "I'm sorry I left you like that, I should have known better. I'm not very good at this Izaya." Words turning to a warning, Shizuo told the Raven, "I might screw up."
"You said you care, right?" Izaya mumbled, his eyes falling to the floor. "I said I was going to stay here until my heat is over and I will, because I trust you not to hurt me." His tone, so fragile, so nervous. Yet at the same time, so sure.
And that, more than anything, made Shizuo want to cry.
A/N: Dear god that did not go as planned.
Twistedlove, Nina, I hope you're pleased. I'm sorry it took three fricken months to finish this shit. I'm an ass, and a fuck up, but it's finished.
AND IT'S ANGSTY AS SHIT, WHAT'S NOT TO LOVE?