Many thanks to Aublanc, my beta for this story.
Title: Alien Politics 101
Prompt: "Character Counts. Everything hinges on a character's desire."
Warnings: Post Thor: Dark World
"Man of Iron, a word, if you will."
"Sure, Point Break. Whatcha got for me?"
Thor grimaced and shifted uneasily.
"It is a matter of some delicacy."
The smaller man looked at him quizzically and absentmindedly waved Dummy away from the dismantled armor laid out in front of him.
"Okaay; JARVIS, no interruptions. Alright Thor, lay it on me."
By now Thor was familiar enough with the mortals' strange phrases to take the statement in stride.
"I thank you. You are aware of the recent happenings in Asgard?"
Tony's face softened, replacing wary curiosity with poorly concealed compassion and understanding.
"Yeah. We think we know most of what happened. Dr. Foster reported back to SHIELD, so we know about Malekith and the Aether." Tony paused and looked almost ashamed. "We, uh, we heard about your Mom, too. And what Lo—what your brother did. We've been trying to figure out how to bring it up, but none of us are very good with that sort of thing. Sorry. We didn't know how Asgardians deal with this and we just…"
Thor smiled softly, the ghost of deep sorrow lurking behind his eyes.
"Your concern is appreciated Sir Tony, but unnecessary. The dead have been avenged and await us in Valhalla. It is a great burden and I know not if this shadow of grief will ever truly leave my heart, but that is ever the way of things. No, I wished to inquire about your awareness of my own actions."
Tony leaned back, an expression of contemplation overtaking his features.
"I'm guessing you're talking about whatever happened after you went back to Asgard. Honestly? We've got nothing and it's driving Fury nuts."
Thor nodded, a slight frown pulling at his mouth.
"As I thought. The truth of the matter is that I have relinquished my claim to the throne. Perhaps you can understand the…unique position in which I find myself."
Tony's eyes widened and he bolted upright, hanging on the edge of his seat.
"You're kidding. Why?"
Thor shuffled uncomfortably.
"I find that I detest the very thought of ruling."
Tony raked a hand through his hair and Thor could imagine how his mind must race.
"Okay, I guess I can deal with that. I mean, I handed Stark Industries over to Pepper a while back—granted, I sort of thought I was dying, but—I get it." Tony paused again with a slight frown. "Um. Don't take this the wrong way, but… did you ever think about who's gonna take the throne now?"
Thor shrugged.
"I know not. Even in all of her history Asgard has not faced such a decision. I presume that rule will fall to one of the High Lords of Asgard, the members of the High Council. They have long coveted the throne. Now it may be theirs if the Norns smile upon them."
Tony groaned in exasperation.
"Oh my G-d. You—Thor, buddy, that was probably one of the worst—that is like the exact opposite of—." Tony scrubbed his face with his hands. "Okay, let me get this straight. You gave up the throne… and now you're going to let a glorified Board of Directors fight over the entire planet? I am so not the guy to deal with this. Scratch that, I actually probably am, but I am officially not getting involved with alien politics all by my lonesome. JARVIS, where's Romanov? And find Barton while you're at it."
"Agent Romanov will return from her assignment in approximately 2.3 minutes. Agent Barton is currently in his bedroom."
Tony puffed his cheeks and began to clear off a worktable.
"Tell Feathers to wrap it up and get down here, pronto. Notify Romanov as well, but tell them to leave SHIELD out of it for now."
"Certainly, Sir."
Thor furrowed his eyebrows, but began assisting Tony with the clearing of the table.
"I confess that I do not understand your concern, Sir Tony. I did not expect this news to burden you so. I must assure you, all will be well in Asgard. My father—"
Tony interrupted with a cutting gesture.
"Yeah, no offense Thor, but your dad's made some pretty effed up decisions lately. And I don't think you get the real problem here. See, your people are kind of…how should I put this. They're overconfident pr-cks with a serious superiority complex and a tendency to use a 'bigger hammer' approach for everything. And politicians are usually the worst. What happens if someone tries to pull a Loki and conquer another realm?"
Thor swelled in anger but he kept his voice level, even quieter than usual. That in itself should have given pause; the quiet storms were often the most dangerous.
"Despite what you think of my people Man of Iron, I can assure you that Asgard will not bear arms against the other realms unless great offense and harm is offered us. The King is sworn to guard the Nine Realms and to keep the peace. All selfish ambition must be cast aside for the good of the realm. So sworn, so kept."
Tony bristled and squared off against the angry god, neither noticing their small audience.
"I'll say it again: What happens when another Loki takes the throne? What happens when the new king decides that our offense is breathing? You can't deny that your people are beyond prejudiced because, let's face it, you were too. Still are to a point and that's not exactly fine, but we're working on it. But now that you're out of the picture, God of Thunder, who's gonna protect us from the fox you left in charge of the chicken coop?"
Thor hesitated, some of the anger leaking away as he considered the mortal's words, something more like sadness taking its place. While he thought, a slightly ruffled Natasha stepped forward, flanked by Clint and carefully assessing the situation.
"What's going on, Stark?"
Tony folded his arms and leaned against the half cleared table, anger still lighting his eyes.
"We've got a problem. Shakespeare just told me that the throne's in limbo and we got ourselves a snake pit wrangling for control. I, being a perfectly sane individual, refuse to get involved in another planet's politics alone, so I've decided that you two are going to help me explain why this was a bad idea to Goldilocks."
Natasha lifted a delicate eyebrow and seated herself on a nearby stool.
"Well. This could get interesting. Any particular reason why you aren't in line for the throne anymore Thor?"
Thor grumbled unhappily and, sensing that Natasha wouldn't accept his original reasoning, gave a reluctant reply.
"I found myself unworthy and withdrew my claim. In truth, I would not wish the throne even if I were worthy of it."
Clint let out a bark of laughter and seated himself on top of a nearby workbench.
"There's an old saying on our world: 'Those who seek power are not worthy of that power.' Believe it or not Thor, you're actually a pretty good candidate for a king."
Natasha hummed in agreement.
"He's right. You've got the background for it and the people's support, from what I hear. You know what it's like to be powerless, you're fair, you're willing to listen to advice, you care. We've even managed to beat some self-control into you."
Clint cut in with a grin.
"And you're a beast when you want to be. All in all, not a bad résumé."
Thor crossed his arms defensively.
"You make it sound simple, but I fear it is not. Even were I to desire the throne, a claim yielded is a claim lost."
Clint shook his head, absently toying with a screwdriver found nearby.
"Bull. You telling me that there's no chance at all for you to become King? You're still the Prince, right? That's got to count for something."
Thor shrugged, pacing uneasily around the workspace.
"I am a prince, yes, but in name only. Truly my position is more comparable to that of the Lower Council, a young Lord of minor consequence."
Natasha eyed him sharply.
"And do members of the Lower Council have the same opportunities as the higher ups?"
"In theory, yes. It would be laughable to think any Lower Council member would be crowned, however. Those of the High Council possess more influence, more experience…more than they."
Natasha shrugged, pinning Thor with too-knowing eyes.
"I can work with that. The real question is what are you planning to do? You don't want to be King. Fine. I can respect that, but let me lay down the facts for you. SHIELD needs Asgard to remain in friendly hands. So does the rest of the Nine Realms—including your own subjects—and in a situation like this, the most ruthless cutthroat is the one that wins the throne. Right now, the only way we can keep that from happening is to put you in charge. And to be frank, you're a good choice any day of the week. I have no doubt that if you do become the King of Asgard, you will keep your oaths above all else. You've never wavered in your responsibilities, not even when they set you against your own brother. So let me rephrase my question: Why don't you want the throne?"
Thor swallowed convulsively, hands clenched tight and throat dry as bone; he could not look away from the Black Widow's gaze.
"You overreact, my friends. The All-Father is not so frail that the throne should pass to a new ruler in your lifetimes. There will be much time to consider an alternative."
Natasha's eyes narrowed and the pit in his stomach deepened.
"Really. Can you honestly say that another forgotten enemy won't show up? Would you be willing to swear on all those lives that the All-Father will survive until another suitable heir is found?"
The words caught in his throat and he tried not to think of the ever-present threat of war with the Jotnar and the growing darkness in the void, moving ever closer. Tried and failed.
The Lady pressed her lips together in a too-thin smile and Thor wondered if this was how the ratatoskr felt in its trap.
"I see. Then I'll ask one more time, Thor. What's holding you back?"
"Jane," he croaked, hot shame flushing cheeks and neck.
The Widow's hold lessened as her expression softened and he found he could not meet his companions' eyes. Tony was the one to break the dreadful silence.
"Why? I mean, why give up being King for her? Most girls would kill to marry a prince."
Thor worked his throat; his voice, when it came, was hoarse and broke in too many places—he almost did not recognize it as his own.
"Because Asgard would never accept her as their Queen and I—I cannot—Because I have lost everything else and I could not bear to lose her, too."
"Yeah, but did you ask her?"
Thor blinked at the archer, nonplussed. Barton shook his head and pulled his legs up to sit tailor style on the table.
"I'm gonna take that as a no. Rule one, buddy: Always ask the lady first. I don't care if you're planning to take her out for dinner, get down and dirty, or marry her. If it involves her future, you better ask her before you start making decisions—even if you are a prince."
Tony raised his eyebrows and jerked a thumb in Clint's direction.
"He's got a point. Even I know better than to just do stuff without telling Pepper…most of the time. Usually. Sometimes. Okay, so I've had my moments, but you should definitely learn from my mistakes, big guy."
Thor furrowed his eyebrows, shocked out of his melancholy.
"My friends, I did this to protect Jane. I would not wish her to be grieved by this knowledge and less would I wish her to deal with such intolerance. What purpose would speaking of—"
Natasha interrupted, standing up abruptly.
"I'm gonna stop you right there, Thor. The point is you should talk to Jane and find out what she thinks about all this. You might be surprised. Dr. Foster has already been dealing with that type of prejudice for years. The sciences have always been a boys' club and many of the leading scientists make it hard for women in the profession; that didn't stop her from doing what she loves and becoming one of the top physicists in the world. And you may be right; we might still have time to consider an alternative to putting you on the throne. But if Jane's the woman I think she is, I don't think we'll have to worry about anything but getting you back into Odin's good graces."
Thor nodded hesitantly, truly considering the possibility of such a future for the first time.
"This…this bears thinking on. My thanks for your counsel, my friends."
Tony grinned widely and clapped the god on his shoulder.
"Our pleasure, Point Break. Our pleasure. Let JARVIS know if you need anything else—a ride to see your lady love, some condoms, whatever you need. Now, I don't know about you guys, but I've definitely had enough politics for one day. So. I'm gonna get back to work here and I'll see you crazy kids later."
With that, Tony bundled the confused god and both agents out of his workshop, waving cheerily as the door clicked shut. Thor hovered outside the door for a moment before turning to the pair waiting by the elevator.
"Forgive me, but what are these 'condoms' the Man of Iron spoke of?"
The agents exchanged a look and played a game Thor recognized as knife, paper, stone. Clint lost two of the three games and the archer sighed as Natasha escaped into the elevator with a too-wide grin.
"So. Thor. When you Asgardians are looking for a roll in the hay without the babe what do you do?"
Thor brightened with understanding.
"Is this the purpose of these condoms? It is rare that our women are easily gotten with child, but lovers often wear spelled trinkets to ward against it."
Clint puffed his cheeks out and scratched at the back of his head.
"You use magic. Of course. Why did I expect anything different. Okay, JARVIS. I'm gonna need a banana, a condom, a copy of that STD brochure SHIELD has in their training files, and…"